Wonkette
IT’S 9/11 + HALLOWEEN × INFINITY: Human oddity Michael Jackson is dead, according to a chain of increasingly reliable media outlets starting with TMZ and ending with Raw Story the New York Times. (Just kidding, it’s only TMZ and some blogs. The LA Times says he’s in a coma … and NOW he’s officially deceased.) Michael Jackson was 50 and just acted hella weird all the time. [Every News Outlet For The Next Week]
Chill Layne… I have it on good authority he’s hiking the Appalachian Trail. or banging twelve year olds in Argentina… I can’t get a straight scoop.
Michael Jackson?!?
Michael Jackson?!?
Aunt Bella?!? … scuse me, there’s a call on the other line. Michael Jackson?!?
further embalming will not be necessary
Someone please phone me when the screams and rending of garments of the anguished Michael Jackson fans die down. Oh, the next month is going to suck.
As sad as I am about this, and I am actually sadder than I thought I would be, I am hella stoked that Ken Layne broke the East Coast bias and gave the West Coast some love by saying “hella weird” instead “mad weird” or whatever you right coasters say.
Anything to avoid the creditorz. What happens to the Apple Library now?
Docs said it was food poisoning. I guess 12 year-old meat really is bad for you.
Probably just a publicity stunt for his next album: Thriller II, back from the dead!
wrytoast: OH SNAP!
I thought Michael Jackson was undead. Have I been led astray by “Thriller” yet again? Aw, dickcheese.
Is “Argentina” a euphemism for Neverland?
GOOD NIGHT, PEDOMAN
One..Farah
Two…Michael
and
Three…?
This is a publicity stunt so he can reborn as some symboled pop-star formerly known as Michael Jackson.
Or he is undergoing massive facial surgery so he can live his remaining days privately in Bahrain.
CollegeStudent: People in New England would say “wicked weird”.
With Michael Jackson dead, is Michael Steele going to do all those concerts in the UK instead?
Twits all a-Twitter about the Eerie Celeb-Death Trifecta:
“micheal jackson has died?? wtf is going on in the world..so sad. 1st ed, then farrah now michael..” 23 minutes ago from web
“Wow! Michael Jackson just died! Itls always in 3s, ED mcMann, Farah Fawcett. and now the gloved one.” 13 minutes ago from txt
“RIP Ed McHahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson…3 American Icons have passed away”
13 minutes ago from web
Al-Jazeera has the “best” headline for this…
I’d read he had his chimp Bubbles stuffed, I mean ‘taxidermied.’ Maybe the survivors will return the favor and they can be reunited again.
CollegeStudent: Some would say “wicked weird”.
LA Times says he’s dead.
mrsixinch: Hey, Michael WAS #3. Ed McMahon was #1.
stew: I was gonna say, they updated.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/06/pop-star-michael-jackson-was-rushed-to-a-hospital-this-afternoon-by-los-angeles-fire-department-paramedics–capt-steve-ruda.html
It’s alright. He’s just in the final stages of his transition into the Corey Feldman body suit.
Tybalt: It is as if they are reporting something which happened in Iran.
19kevin8: Boston lingo, ugh.
Michael was one of the greatest artists that ever lived. It’s true. All the weirdness/issues aside–how can you not be weird/have issues when you grow up in the spotlight and never have a normal, or any, childhood? He’s in a better place. The last few years he was just falling apart. He never had a chance. God bless him.
Let me know when Jello Biafra dies - then I’ll cry.
Mourners are expected to include Tinky Winky, Mark Foley, Pedobear…
Mr. Dick Sprinkles: Ed McMahon was number one in the latest “celebs die in threes” cluster? Oh, I guess. But if Regis Philbin gets hit by a bus tomorrow–recount.
I thought he died sometime around 1992.
The last I saw only the LA times called him dead, all the other news outlets are waiting for the rural precincts to report in.
proudgrampa: Hey-oh!
Or as Fox News put it, “Michael Jackson (D) Dead”.
Mr. Dick Sprinkles: wow … that is America, in 140 characters.
mrsixinch: ed mcmahon
He really was a brilliant songwriter and musician, at one point. Still, I think we can all agree he’ll be happier as a ghost.
I fear now for LaToya.
NoWireHangers: I agree. I grew up in the 80s & couldn’t help but always enjoy his music (even though I agree he was a weird little man).
But I guess now no one cares that Farrah has died or that Mark Sanford was diddling a brown woman.
520 pm edt — tmz reports death
600 pm edt — ok mag reports death
615 pm edt — la times FINALLY reports death
625 pm edt — AP, NBC News, CBS news report death
635 pm edt and ongoing — “CNN cannot confirm reports Jackson has died”
CNN has got to be the worst breaking news organization on the planet.
mrsixinch:
one Ed McMahon
two Farrah
three MJ
poor Ed. how quickly we forget…
I’ll be there
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6bARIaMhCM
facehead: Wicked Vs Hella? Wicked wins hands down. Why? Because wicked is wicked pissah, dude.
Perhaps he has died of embarrassment, or could it be: em-bareass-ment? maybe talented but beyond the, uh, pale…
Rush was right – Jackson too just said ‘to hell with it’.
pepe: “CNN has got to be the worst breaking news organization on the planet.”
CNN has got to be the worst news organization on the planet.
Fixed.
Mourners include Leggo, Playmobil, XBox, Sunny Delite…
LEEEAVE MICHAEL ALOOOONE!!!
mrsixinch: No number 3. It started with Ed McMahon. The King of Pop was 3 (it goes in ascending order, doncha know?)
Somewhere in Hollywood, some nut is jumping up and down on the roof of a car.
myheadsexploding: No kidding, 7 minutes into NBC Nightly & not a mention of poor Farrah….she picked a bad day to die!
Although I now have a valid reason to be drunk, it is not one that I am ready to accept. RIP Farrah and Michael. Ed, also.
Well, on the upside, Michael Jackson’s death just made one Argentinean Firecracker-loving southern Governor very, very happy.
Human oddity Michael Jackson is dead
How can you tell?
This is just to say: Thriller
CNN now the only network not “confirming” death. Not good, Wolf…
All of our celebrities are dying! Why does God hate America?!?
Michael is a master at publicity. This is a stunt to sell more albums and get out of bankrupcy.
Wet Work: I cried for weeks when Lux Interior died.
Do you think the news of Farrah’s death killed MJ? Now that would be spooky …
Jukesgrrl: Believe me, in Hollywood, there is ALWAYS some nut jumping on the hood of his car. A
Anyway, it appears I am now “Mr. Ed McWho?”
Didn’t he convert to the Muslin recently? Just sayin’ we need to treat him suspiciously.
rambone: Oi! I already said that in another thread. You owe me ROYALTEE MONEEZ.
He behaved better than that Republican Governor from SC - he didn’t cry on TV every time he had sex.
When did “raging pedophile” become “hella weird”?
“Your honor, yes I molested that little boy, but I’m quirky that way.”
One good thing: this will knock Mann Coulter off Larry King tonight.
He chose this very instant to slip the gilded coil so that one of his former victims could take his place at the gig and fulfill a lifelong dream of performing for the Louisiana legislature.
This was a very classy final act reminiscent of the Michael Jackson of old, who in many ways left us long, long ago. Take heart: A noble death can bring redemption that eludes one while still living.
“Who’s loving you now” MJ?
We are. And we are the world…
american mutt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOXG8wtxx_w
ABC
Glorified in the skateboarding community for being the song in Guy Mariano’s part in Video Days (best skate video ever). Later Revisited for Paul Rodriguez’s part in a Transworld vid.
EPIC song.
I’m sure Rush Limbaugh will find a way to blame this on Obama.
Mr. Dick Sprinkles: Wow, that makes me the last surviving member of the tontine. I can finally release the album the four of us made in 1979, “Rocket Disco Sex Trucker”!
how long ago did NPR prepare that 10 minute obit?
Extemporanus: You and the world speak for yourselves. He was a constant, creepy, self-indulgent, idiotic, pedophilic, narcissistic icky swine. And I never liked his dumbass music.
Bruno: Yeah, which is kinda pointless considering he had his 72 virgins before he went to (metaphorical) heaven.
Tybalt: “win”
I’m traumatized. He was like a father and a lover to me, all rolled into one freaky little package.
Diana Ross heard saying “Now whose the fairest of them all…”
Well, no more news about the riots in Iran in the Western Media for the next two weeks. I’m pretty sure the King of Pop was murdered by the Iranian government. They really know how to distract the Free World.
He had just hired Lou Ferrigno as his personal trainer?!? That’s our Jacko, batshit insane right to the end.
Aw. Poor chimp.
true confession: Back in the day, as a serious post-punker, I always secretly liked MJ. Shhhhhh. Well, another good thing about going to Buddhist Retreats is that MJ was always played at the disco.
Shine on, you crazy little man.
mrsixinch: One was Ed McMahon
TRIFECTA!! Also
-SP
First there is a Republican Sex Scandal supposedly involving a women, then Michael Jackson dies. Coincidence?
El Bombastico: Allegedly was a raging pedophile. At least until his death is confirmed. After that, go wild.
Barrett808: That was a dark day … then again, every day was a dark day with that crew. I didn’t know he and Ivy were married until I read his obit. Love them still.
american mutt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8d3abOsHr4
Lest we forget, the Furriez are waving lighters and playing “Ben.” For all the wrong reasons.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: The best part is that Sanford just admitted one of his BA trips was on the public dime. He saw his window and he took it!
NoWireHangers: I salute your classiness.
Now, who’s going to be the bigger mess at the funeral, Liz Taylor or Tito?
If I’d just seen the photos without reading the headlines, I would have assumed that Courtney Cox had died.
Reunited with Ryan White. No wait, that was Elton John.
Billie Jean is the perfect pop song. The man was a genius.
19kevin8: Trig? Oh, sorry, wrong “retahded.”
In all seriousness, while not my favorite singer, I have to give him credit for making some pretty good dance music. Plus, this just makes me feel old. And it seems a little unfair that Tito still lives.
wrytoast: Please, as a fellow pedophile drug abuser, Rush will be in too much grief to point out that the true cause of Michael’s death was Obama’s taxes on the wealthy.
SayItWithWookies: “And I never liked his dumbass music.” Seconded.
mrsixinch:#3 was Ed McMahon
Sorry Iranian protesters- now that Michael Jackson’s died, you were SO last week.
El Bombastico: Yep, as the King of Pop lays mouldering in the grave, I suspect we will have Haley Barbour admitting that he likes to fondle boys to Michael Jackson tunes, and Mitt Romney admitting to have five wives, because cable news will be too busy for the next few days.
How are they going to conduct the funeral? California won’t let you burn or bury plastic.
what’s black and white and dead all over?
El Bombastico: You know Sanford must be seriously considering booking another trip for tomorrow. Now’s the time, Mark! The wife kicked you out and the news is going to be 24/7 Michael Jackson for at least four more days. You can get some quality post-teary-press-conference-quasi-breakup-then-reconciliation poon out of this one. Do it!
Hmm, the way my phone, email, and facebook have been lighting up, you would think that someone relevant had died. Since when are all of my friends such diehard Michael Jackson fans?
NoWireHangers: (Or rather)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8d3abOsHr4#t=00m50s
hobospacejunkie: I heard that Kraftwerk essentially gave up trying to make the perfect futuristic electro-pop record after “Billie Jean”, in the sense that the weirdo pedophile had beaten them to it.
Sarah Palin (vp@whitehouse.gov): Jeff Goldblum - starting a new 3 way.
doloras: quincyjones: Win-Win.
Sleeves: That’s great. I’ve been watching this and getting misty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zpTQCQEFhg
SayItWithWookies: When one’s comment leads off with a reference to the fact that he was a child molester—as mine did—one might assume that any maudlin words that follow might be less than sincere.
That said, it’s kinda hard to hate on the 12-year-old kid who did this.
But that Michael died over 30 years ago. The one you described? Fuck him.
Joshua Norton: Jeff Goldblum thing is a hoax.
doloras: He will be recycled into next season’s “American Idol” winner.
“Mama’s Pearl” still my favorite. Listened to it on CKLW-AM “The Big 8″ on my transistor radio. Simpler times. But I still can forget everything else about Him when I hear it.
Great song writer, f-d up person. Too bad his death will overshadow the ongoing protests in Iran and Farrah’s death.
stew: Well, I can’t think of anyone who can talk about androgyny better, or the horrors of surgery that makes you look more like a women. And I wanted to hear her talk about how all these Republicans are having sex, Hell, Megs McCain is having sex, and yet no one will touch her.
doloras: At times like this, it is good to always have someone think about practicalities.
quincyjones: The real Paul McCartney?
doloras: Let’s not dilute Kraftwerk’s genius with a pop tag. They transcend. Mainly because their beat was the foundation for “Dick Almighty” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfDsLf-wPUo
doloras: That song came out when I was 17. Made me realize I couldn’t dismiss his music because despite loving The Who, The Clash, Led Zeppelin and similar, I couldn’t deny the allure of Billie Jean. And I remember very clearly sitting in the back seat of a friend’s car on the way to lunch midday in high school when I heard Beat It for the first time. I assume it was Eddie Van Halen doing the opening & not just the solo (but I don’t know really,) but anyway it really blew me away and I was even more blown away when I realized it was MJ, not something ‘cool.’
Farah Fawcett will do for anal cancer what Rock Hudson did for AIDS.
Today’s big loser - Farrah Fawcwett. Like Mother Teresa, and Ricky Henderson when Nolan Ryan threw his 6th no-hitter the same night as Ricky broke the stolen base record.
Today’s big winner, and maybe the year’s biggest winner - Governor Peron - I mean Sanford. This will completely suck the oxygen out of what for me was the most joyous story of the year.
And young boys everywhere. Also.
NoWireHangers: HATE BUS
Possible New York Post headlines:
The Thriller’s Gone
Don’t Cry For Me, Gary, Indiana
Dick Cheney Still Alive
Well, at least he’ll never run out of Jeebus Juice again.
Extemporanus: A beautiful performance.
Can I just be the VERY FIRST to say that Ed McMahon was Number 1. Hah, beat all of you! Except Mr. Dick Sprinkles, and proudgrampa, and mrsixinch, and american mutt, and myheadsexploding, and jukesgrrl, and…oh, I quit.
Man, nobody got this bent outta shape when GG Allin died.
hobospacejunkie: Like what Michael Jackson did for anal, in general?
(Also, I believe you meant anal poisoning.)
loquaciousmusic: And I was off on his age. He was only 10-years-old.
Taken on their own, some of his songs and many of his performances of those songs were absolutely magnificent. However his ‘hella weird’ behavior, his ‘white-out’ skin, his detachable body parts, his effin sicko obsession with young boys, all these added up to made him about the most squeamy, skeezy, sickening person on the planet.
Had he died about 20 years ago he would have remained a legend for the ages, but recent history has probably tarnished his public image forever.
bitchincamaro: “Obama to Michael Jackson: Drop Dead”
Vanity Smurf: “Tito, give me a tissue.”
Corey Feldman must feel terrible. Or more terrible than he normally feels.
It was a feces-covered, bottle-fucking, self-mutilating mob scene in Milwaukee that day.
Though if he’d actually committed suicide as promised, I doubt everyone would’ve been acting so normal.
hobospacejunkie: I was about that age and in the same boat– major classic rock listener– but never got that into MJ. Some of it was because even then he was starting to be too weird and part of it was all the people who showed up in High School wearing either Thriller jackets or single gloves when he was in his prime. Not a good look on white people.
The body is on eBay!!!
Paul is currently high bidder! You can’t make this stuff up.
Governor Sanford, happiest man in America today.
You should see the crowds starting to form here.
U’da thunk Moses, Mohammad, and Freddie Mercury all re-appeared and made the San Gabriel run upstream.
Extemporanus: I thought it wasn’t meant sincerely, but I misread the last bit (I thought you said “we AND the world”) and just took off on that.
Wow, that purple felt hat. He was doomed even then.
wolfshirts:
Kraftwerk = Genius?
Dude, they were German. German.
OCD, yes. Musical genius, no.
And no Farrah tribute, Wonkette? Where’s the stipple for the nipple?
NoWireHangers: “He’s in a better place.”
The morgue?
Actually, he had a pretty long life for a king of pop. Most of them don’t make it out of their forties. Also, if he’d been sent to prison as he should have 5 (?) years ago, he might have received better medical care and/or less access to prescription drugs and/or elective surgery.
After multiple plastic surgeries, they have enough spare parts of his left over that they’re going to construct another one.
He would be a credit to his race, if anyone knew what exactly race that was.
Last time he was at Yankee Stadium he got knocked up by A-Rod.
MGBYG: What?! … What?!
OCD is the Jekyll to the Genius Genome’s Hyde. Plus it’s common knowledge in the scientific community that Kraftwerk was cultured in a laboratory by Einstein himself. They were later brought to life by Sir Bernard Katz. I can’t believe I’m even having to tell you this.
Did you even listen to “Dick Almighty”? You have to dance or it doesn’t count.
MGBYG: Hey, free a/c.
SayItWithWookies: The tragic events of today—I speak of course of Farrah’s passing, and the deportation of Sanfordnista south of the breaking news border—have made me a bit emotional as well.
I share your sentiments regarding the purple hat, and would add that the many purple bruises little MJ wore—just as jauntily, and also courtesy of Papa Jackson—were equally portentous.
It is sort of a shame that my only reaction was, “Oh. That’s sad. He was really weird.” It’s regrettable that he had such a lousy upbringing that he turned into a loon at a young age (all of them did, really), but… well, he was WEIRD!
DEAR GOD. What will become of Blanket?
Today we are all babies who have been dangled over a hotel balcony.
I still lerve you Michael. You ambiguous-looking statistic, you.
In terms of iconic status and decade of premature death:
1960s: Judy Garland
1970s: Elvis Presley
1980s: ?
1990s: ?
2000s: Michael Jackson
Who fits the pattern for the 80s and 90s?
quincyjones: FTW!
Disgusting little perverted whitened woman-man. No skill, no talent, monsters in his head.
J-Man: 90s: Kurt Cobain
J-Man: 80s: Karen Carpenter, Jim Croce
NoWireHangers: Marvelous. (Had not seen this.)
I think the crowd (many professional) is wondering when he will make a suspiration error. He pumps the bellows at 2:47 without loss….of applause.
Thank you.
J-Man: Can you imagine how Lisa Marie feels?
J-Man:
1980s: John Belushi
1990s: Kurt Cobain
J-Man: 70s - add Jim Morrison
80s - John Lennon
90s - add TuPac
J-Man: 90s Diana. Don’t you remember the several weeks where the only news story was, “the people’s princess is still dead”?
meh. not feeling particularly snarky about this. he was a nutcase, but I still think he was pretty damn talented.
Can we sum up the week then: Don’t Cryogenic Farrah Me Argentina?
Mumbletypeg: Yes we can. And—if you don’t mind—I’ll sum it up further:
“Don’t Cryo Farrah me Argentina, the Trig Ed #IranElection…”
Dreadful Gate: wolfshirts: JMP: I’ll go with John Lennon, but none of the others was famous for as long a period as the three I mentioned (at least 20 years–and John Lennon actually misses that criterion as well), and Diana wasn’t in the entertainment industry.
MGBYG: MGBYG: When will this country get over the OCD/Kraftwerk debate that has been paralyzing it for so long?
Mumbletypeg: Perhaps this will be the week where we learn that Republicans having straight sex is so shocking that it took out the King of Pop and the King of Sidekicks.
Maybe now they’ll finally stop showing “The Making of Captain EO” three times a day on the Disney Channel!
***Please Note: Inadequate Blackmail has not watched the Disney Channel since 1987 in protest of the programming decision to show “The Making of Captain EO” three times a day.
The album before Thriller was the better one. That is all.
Mr Blifil: Off the Wall
Morning Joe right now has “continuing coverage” of the death of MJ. Willie just said so. What insight do you suppose Joe and Willie will contribute? Perhaps Pat Buchanan will have something to add.
jasper f. krone: they’re going to eventually turn it into a discussion on the dangers of prescription drugs and drug abuse in general. Rush will not come up in the conversation. Heath Ledger might. And somehow they will conclude that a public health care plan will enable addicts, so we should stick with the system we’ve got.
*sigh* I knew this was the right place to go to read commentary from other non-feeling, soulless cynics. I like to think Wonkette has put together it’s own little Apollo Theater right here.
“It’s better to burn out than fade away”
Scott-san: Ah, yes. The thing is, once you make fun of Ed McMahon’s death, nothing is sacred. It’s true that Michael Jackson wrote some fantastic songs and popularized dance (especially moon walking and, um, crotch grabbing). It’s also true he was HELLA weird, which is more appropriate in this case than ‘wicked weird’.
So, in conclusion: Michael Jackson, a nation grabs its lonely crotch to you.
Or whatever.
More importantly, is there any aspect of MJ’s death that Sarah Palin can take offense over?
TGY: I’m old enough to have remembered McMahon outside of Publisher’s Clearing House. When he died, I thought, “Hmmmm. That sucks.” When I heard about Farrah yesterday, it wasn’t really a surprise . . . guess I thought it was pretty quick. And ass cancer. (Ouch.) But everyone’s really touched on the MJ thing. He died 20 years ago and was reincarnated as Liza Minelli. I’m amazed at how UNaffected I am by it. Or not.
Mr Blifil: Well, clearly Michael Jackson was selfish enough to die without ever molesting her iconic special needs (grand)child. Why did he hate white women so?
ABC is working on a new show in the Fall called *Celebrity Death Fixation*.
No more worries about the airwave only being flooded for a day or two with old dredged up footage of the now deceased stars file archives!
Highlights include:
• Old footage of Barbara Walters interviews
• Recaps of hard times & controversies in their lives (no rest for celebrities).
• Up to the minute autopsy reports
• CD’s & DVD’s can be purchased for a 20% discount for obsessed fans
• Vague comments by Network Medical consultants
• Brief references of criminal behavior, overshadowed by Sequined garb & glitz
• Tearjerking glimpses of stupid things Celebs did in the past
• Unrelenting on the street mourning scenes, where dedicated fans show their love, by selling t shirts & stuff.
• Commentary by the veritable Reverend Al Sharpton