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Is Mark Sanford America’s First Emo Republican Adulterer?

There was nothing in the world, That I ever wanted more, Than to never feel the breaking apart, All my pictures of youWe don’t know what this “emo” stuff is really about, either — it’s just boys who dress like The Strokes and wear Robert Smith eyeliner and whine-yell a bunch of misogynistic nonsense about their hurt feelings, right? How the hell this goes back to Ian MacKaye, we cannot even pretend to understand. And being a slave to your banal Emotions is about as far from the Path as you can get, but whatever, this is America. And, according to cultural anthropologist David Rees, disgraced blabbermouth Mark Sanford is an emo kid! Look for his new album on MySpace next week, Tears of Argentina (Maria), by his vanity project “the sparkin’ thing.” BREAKING UPDATE: Or is Mark Sanford actually Jude Law from a Kate Winslet movie we never saw? David Denby sure has a comment, about this comparison! [David Rees]


3:20 PM on Thu June 25 2009
By Ken Layne
2599 Views

  1. nbawriter says at 3:23 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Looks like Billy Joe fucked Brian Ferry.

  2. Mr Blifil says at 3:25 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Doesn’t it basically all go back to Ian McKaye one way or another? Though for the record, Guilty of Being White was intended unironically.

  3. wolfshirts says at 3:25 pm, June 25th, 2009

    He has to darken his eyes like that for the Batman mask. Geez!

  4. slappypaddy says at 3:26 pm, June 25th, 2009

    the new republican look. definitely an improvement.

  5. norbizness says at 3:27 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Nikki Sixx?! NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!

  6. Dave J. says at 3:28 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Mark Foley was the first Republican Gary Glitter cover act, so this is really an improvement.

  7. Lascauxcaveman says at 3:32 pm, June 25th, 2009

    OMG, Sanford totes looks exactly like the first employee I ever had to fire. Haha, those were some good times.

    (Note to potential employees: the emo look will be met with extreme prejudice in your job interview with me.)

  8. Extemporanus says at 3:33 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Man, coming out of the closet looks like it took more of a toll on Adam Lambert than I realized. Wait, does this mean Mark Sanford is the ghey?!

    Ohhh, if only there were a cure for the tragic disintegration of such a promising political career!

  9. takes12no1 says at 3:34 pm, June 25th, 2009
  10. wolfshirts says at 3:35 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: I don’t want to work for you anyway. *scrapes forearm with paperclip*

  11. You’ve just witnessed the second prong of Michaels Steele’s GOP modernization project. Hip-hop for the blacks, and Emo for the angst-ridden surburban white kids.

    Not sure his Argentinian mistress angle is gonna rope in the Latino votes, though. Unless he can get Maria Belen Shapur to co-host a Telemundo game show, in a bikini.

  12. Extemporanus says at 3:39 pm, June 25th, 2009

    nbawriter: <Country Life Serenade is an amazing album.

  13. Pilate says at 3:40 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Dashboard Confessional INDEED

  14. finallyhappy says at 3:40 pm, June 25th, 2009

    ok, now explain this to me. He somehow met his girlfriend 8 years ago in NYC when she asked him for advice about her crumbling marriage. She lives in BA and he lives in SC- how did she become his dear,dear friend and finally a year ago- they started having sex? Sounds like a big load of BS to me.

  15. CivicHoliday says at 3:40 pm, June 25th, 2009

    takes12no1: Meh. Nice legs. Average face. Lemme know when you’ve got a boob shot.

  16. Who? What?

  17. Pilate says at 3:41 pm, June 25th, 2009

    takes12no1: Two diamonds.

    But I guess she IS a Wise Latina.

  18. Come here a minute says at 3:43 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Sanford met in Atlanta after returning from South America
    By GINA SMITH - gnsmith@thestate.com

    ATLANTA | Gov. Mark Sanford arrived in the Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport on Wednesday morning, and found himself alone, alone, alone above a raging sea that stole the only girl he loved.

  19. Hooray For Anything says at 3:43 pm, June 25th, 2009

    From now on, he can call himself Fall Out Governor

  20. Mr Blifil says at 3:43 pm, June 25th, 2009

    takes12no1: Looks like Bung-hole Unlimited, more like.

  21. Extemporanus says at 3:43 pm, June 25th, 2009

    takes12no1: Me golpeó!

  22. Joshua Norton says at 3:44 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Is that like political mumblecore? Scary dude.

  23. Mark Sanford says at 3:45 pm, June 25th, 2009

    That’s it. I’m changing my commenter profile. I hope you’re all happy.

  24. Fox n Fiends says at 3:46 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Emo is for eunichs.

  25. 4tehlulz says at 3:49 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Obligatory Bill Clinton did it/was worst post.

  26. takes12no1 says at 3:51 pm, June 25th, 2009
  27. Extemporanus says at 3:52 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Come here a minute: I know boys don’t cry, but that just brought a mascara-streaked tear to my eye. Sooo much angst-ridden potential…

  28. cockfightbarmitzvah says at 3:53 pm, June 25th, 2009

    I don’t think any real Emo kid would turn down a buncha money thrown at them by their daddy (Sanford tried to refuse Obama’s stimulus money). All that eyeliner and hairspray ain’t cheap, ya know. Then again SC wound up overruling him+accepting it anyway, so he basically just threw a huge drama queen hissy, knowing full well he’d ultimately get the cash. OK I’m convinced. He’s Emo.

  29. The Other Sarah T says at 3:54 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Does this mean he should marry Jessica Simpson ?

  30. Mr Blifil says at 3:55 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Jude Law? Is that supposed to be snark?

  31. totoro says at 3:55 pm, June 25th, 2009

    this says nothing to me about my life.

  32. Nerdalicious says at 3:57 pm, June 25th, 2009

    ¿usted tiene gusto de la curva de mis caderas en el muchacho del emo del claro de luna? XXXOOO!~Maria
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpdB6CN7jww

  33. SayItWithWookies says at 3:59 pm, June 25th, 2009

    That’s actually rather disturbing because I’ll bet that right now there are Republican strategists trying to paint Sanford as a RINO or tie him to some sort of otherwise-leftist movement. This is their new hobby.

  34. pdiddycornchips says at 3:59 pm, June 25th, 2009

    One small quibble. One cannot mention “EMO” in print without also mentioning hoodies. Hoodies and EMO go together like wingnuts and furries.

  35. Come here a minute says at 4:01 pm, June 25th, 2009

    totoro: Honey pie, you’re not safe here.

  36. Extemporanus says at 4:01 pm, June 25th, 2009

    takes12no1: Yo la golpeó!

    Goooooooaaaaaaalllllllll?????!!!!!!!

  37. wolfshirts says at 4:01 pm, June 25th, 2009

    takes12no1: There is something abnormal about that black leather pouch in front of her nether regions.

  38. the bf says at 4:02 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Geez - is that really what Robert Smith looks like these days? He’s lost weight!

  39. bitchincamaro says at 4:03 pm, June 25th, 2009

    This is the only emo I know.

    http://www.emophilips.com/home

  40. Lord Growing says at 4:04 pm, June 25th, 2009

    David Denby commenting on a movie he hasn’t seen? That doesn’t sound like him.

  41. 4tehlulz says at 4:04 pm, June 25th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: RedState already beat you to it.

  42. pdiddycornchips says at 4:06 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Middle aged South American woman chasing drama with unavailable men. Isn’t this the general plot of every Pedro Almadovar movie?

  43. Gallowglass says at 4:12 pm, June 25th, 2009

    South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is sad because he can’t find his shadow and noone understands him.

    Lascauxcaveman: Sounds like a fun story. Any sordid details?

  44. Blender says at 4:13 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Nixon was emo before emos were emo.

  45. SayItWithWookies says at 4:18 pm, June 25th, 2009

    4tehlulz: Oh, it’ll get much worse than that. Erickson’s just fighting false piety with false piety (”I’m off in a bit to hang out with friends from my Bible study” — really? I’ve never known an actual man to say a sentence like that, but whatever).

    I’m thinking more along the lines of them finding a tax cut he was against and then all of a sudden Sanford is the most liberal governor in SC history. Or he’s a liberal because he had an affair, which we all know is just fine when you hate family values. QED.

  46. Gorillionaire says at 4:19 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Oh, that pic is just a photoshop? Phew! Thank goodness! I was afraid there was another Chris Gaines album coming out.

  47. Hooray For Anything says at 4:23 pm, June 25th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: That’s nothing. Limbaugh is saying Sanford was so crushed from fighting the good fight with Obama and so dispirited from the way the country was going, that there was nothing else he could do but fly to Argentina and sex up a Latin American hottie.

    http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/06/limbaugh-on-the-sanford-affair-its-obamas-fault.php

  48. Joshua Norton says at 4:29 pm, June 25th, 2009

    there are Republican strategists trying to paint Sanford as a RINO or tie him to some sort of otherwise-leftist movement.

    Done and done. Fox Noise already made their usual “mistake” and declared him to be (D). Right in the middle of his true confessions.

  49. takes12no1 says at 4:31 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Extemporanus: ahhh….Score!!!

  50. Extemporanus says at 4:37 pm, June 25th, 2009

    takes12no1: I should’ve pushed “2″ the first time…

  51. dijetlo says at 4:37 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Bush was a liberal so it just stands to reason that Sanford is a Marxist Democratic Wiccan high Priest intent on breeding a master race of illegal aliens to overthrow Jesus as our rightful President.

    Ronald Reagan
    Still Dead!
    A Nation mourns.

  52. osama bin drinkin says at 4:41 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Technically the first emo group was Rites of Spring, who included other future Fugazi members but not Ian. I have always been extremely baffled how the most annoying subset of hardcore/sxe music managed to become this all-encompassing trend in pop music. I mean, why not power violence instead?

  53. Dave J. says at 4:44 pm, June 25th, 2009

    pdiddycornchips: At least in those movies Penelope Cruz is usually around to take her clothes off.

  54. SayItWithWookies says at 4:48 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Hooray For Anything: Now that’s impressive. And Rush would definitely know about leaving the country out of frustration to go get some extramarital tail. I wonder if that State reporter noticed if Sanford had a big-gulp-sized bottle of Viagra with him?

  55. doloras says at 5:11 pm, June 25th, 2009

    I hate emo because it killed goth.

  56. SayItWithWookies says at 5:20 pm, June 25th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Oh but there’s one tiny flaw in Rush’s theory: Sanford had orginally booked a ten-day trip to Argentina two weeks before, when his wife asked him to move out. Icon of journalistic integrity that he is, Rush will only keep repeating his story for about two weeks before letting it quietly die.
    http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/06/report_sanford_booked_10-day_argentina_trip.php?ref=fpa

  57. Hooray For Anything says at 5:23 pm, June 25th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: That could explain the rash of Republican sex scandals– they love their country so much that diddling underage boys and anonymous bathroom sex is the only way they could deal with all the problems in the country. Which, if true, would make Newt and Rush the biggest Patriots of them all.

  58. proudgrampa says at 5:29 pm, June 25th, 2009

    This is why I love Wonkette. I learn so much.

    Never even heard of emo before today, and now I just clicked here:

    http://www.emo-corner.com/

    Wha-??

  59. MortSinclair says at 8:48 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Well, if that sort of emo doesn’t seem quite right, there’s always this Emo:

    http://www.emophilips.com/pictures/101

    And if Sanford has any money left after the divorce lawyers are done with him, maybe he can buy an “l” and be this Emo:

    http://www.weeklyreader.com/readandwriting/content/binary/elmo.jpg

  60. jasper f. krone says at 7:54 am, June 26th, 2009

    Mark Sanford is Elmo? My 2-year-old is going to love this!

  61. pink triangles says at 9:35 am, June 26th, 2009

    So please, please, please, let me, let me, let me get what I want, this time….

    and that is for Wonkette to always, forever and ever, use that pic whenever there’s a Sanford story.

    Emo is the emo of emo…

  62. liquiddaddy says at 10:57 am, June 26th, 2009

    Poser

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