SMOKE BREAK AT THE SWING SET  1:38 pm June 25, 2009

Work-at-Home Obama Just Goofing Off With His Kids All Day

by Ken Layne

J'ai perdu femme et enfants.
While Republican dads dump their unwanted wives and unloved children at a vacation home somewhere and then fly to Argentina on the taxpayer’s dime to tearfully commit adultery for years, Democratic wonder-dad Barack Obama continues to outrage the family-hating wingnut blogosphere by keeping various “promises” made to his “happy” children, such as “I’ll get you a hypoallergenic dog carefully bred by Portuguese robot-monks” and “I’ll build you the fanciest backyard swing set ever, and it won’t look anything like those tacky day-glo molded plastic travesties most kids are stuck with, if they’re lucky enough to have a playset at all.” [White House Flickr]

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LittlePig June 25, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Pity the poor one-ball SwingNutz.

TGY June 25, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Two children on one swing! Socialism at its worst!

But then…awwwwwwwwwwwww…

slappypaddy June 25, 2009 at 1:43 pm

o god those things look like nooses run away barry run away grab the wife and the kiddies and the dog and run run run o god

takes12no1 June 25, 2009 at 1:43 pm

at least he isn’t on his way to Argentina…yeah I said it.

finallyhappy June 25, 2009 at 1:44 pm

And he took them out for a frozen dairy product(custard) on the weekend- made from the milk that could have fed innocent baby cows. He is now leading his daughters on the lifelong trail of sweet sugary things, obesity and then anorexia- and don’t forget depriving innocent baby cows of their mother’s milk. PETA, NOW, AMA- where are you?

wolfshirts June 25, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Is that a NASCAR tire swing? Nice!
But seriously, they need to turn that backyard air conditioner way the f down. I see snow, coats and it’s summer!

takes12no1 June 25, 2009 at 1:45 pm

[re=348155]takes12no1[/re]: damnit read the article not just look at the pictures before you comment…this isn’t Playboy for god’s sake.

Hopey dont play that game June 25, 2009 at 1:45 pm

Great dad? Check. Successful at his job? Check. Has washboard abs? Check? For the sake of my own ego, I really should have voted for McCain.

tunamelt June 25, 2009 at 1:46 pm

What? Is this Jezebel? Because I just felt my ovaries twinge.

Dr. Zoidberg June 25, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Oh, how dare he act all normal and loving! Truly a sign of a half-breed Muslin!

Lascauxcaveman June 25, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Guy wears the same woodworking clothes as me. Yet another uncanny resemblance.

x111e7thst June 25, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Excusable only (and then barely) because Ken wrote “fly to Argentina”:

Mr Blifil June 25, 2009 at 1:48 pm

That looks like it’ll be a lot of fun when all the neighborhood kids come over.

Bagglio Ordonez June 25, 2009 at 1:50 pm

Aaah yes; I recall lovingly the days when my father would return from work to push me on my swingset.

Our family, however, was not so privileged as to have our modest swingset outfitted with the ball-gag sex-swing option.

Monsieur Grumpe June 25, 2009 at 1:50 pm

He’s playing with kids on swingset in a suit and tie. Very Leave it to Beaverish.

octupletsmom June 25, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Eek. When he announced and ran, I felt sorry for his kids, cuz I thought growing up in the WH with a daddy for preznit would be crap for a childhood. But it really seems like they are doing pretty damn well. Cue happy faces and puppehz and wholesum.
Awwwww, indeed.

FormerDCite June 25, 2009 at 1:53 pm

Obama has no business shoving his family values in our faces by actually walking the walk. Only Real Americans like; Newt, Sarah Palin, Walnuts, Gov. Sanford, David Vitter, Larry Craig, and Mark Foley truly stand for family values.

Red Zeppelin June 25, 2009 at 1:54 pm

alt.text correction: J’ai perdu la femme et les enfants. Still doesn’t make any sense, but after yesterday’s Sanford post, I’ll forgive Ken anything.

Joshua Norton June 25, 2009 at 1:55 pm

I’m outraged! That is not the correct tie for playing on a swing set. Mr. Blackwell’s ghost weeps.

NoWireHangers June 25, 2009 at 1:56 pm

And last night Michelle and the girls went to see Beyonce in DC. Why won’t Barry and Michelle adopt me? Why do they hate America?

freakishlystrong June 25, 2009 at 1:56 pm

How the wingnutz can look at any of these pictures and be so hateful and vicious is a real talent and discipline. Like yoga. Or dicks.

nappyduggs June 25, 2009 at 1:56 pm

It really is damned adorable, but as a caveat to Our Man, pushing them like crazy in this swing may encouraging dizziness, falling down, and maybe even puking, all under the guise of “fun.”

Bush twins, also.

Min June 25, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Dude, put on a pair of jeans when you’re playing on the swing set.

magic titty June 25, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Careful, Malia! That’s the same way he broke Hillary’s arm.

WadISay June 25, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Is that the same playhouse Jenna and Babs used? I’m glad they cleaned up the broken bottles, drug paraphenalia and vomit.

Adolf Bachmann June 25, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Don’t believe the hype! Sasha & Malia are members of an exclusive “No Boys Allowed” club! Elitists!!!!!!

TGY June 25, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=348177]nappyduggs[/re]: In early childhood, falling down and puking comes naturally. Only in young adulthood do we lose those happy skills and require chemical assistance.

ManchuCandidate June 25, 2009 at 2:00 pm

What the fuck?!? What kind of REAL US America politician gives a crap about doing something for his kids, when he could be IM’ing male pages for sexy time, trolling for cock at airports, flying to Argie to bang his lady friend, getting blow jobs on his desk while the wifey has cancer or dying in two crotchless wetsuits and two dildos up his ass while masturbating?

Barry, you do know that family values is just a slogan?

ManchuCandidate June 25, 2009 at 2:01 pm

The Bush twins didn’t need a swingset to do all those things.

Ken Layne June 25, 2009 at 2:01 pm

[re=348173]Red Zeppelin[/re]: It is a line from “The Partisan,” an old folk song about the Great War.

finallyhappy June 25, 2009 at 2:02 pm

[re=348186]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Who is the last one you are speaking about?

rmontcal June 25, 2009 at 2:02 pm

[re=348176]freakishlystrong[/re]: I think you should have said, “Like yoga. Or eating a bag of dicks.”

Just trying to make Wonkette as teh awesum as possible.

rambone June 25, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Goddammit! How the hell am I supposed to compete with this?

WTF, is Barry too good to feed his kids some frozen waffles for dinner and then make them watch “Married with Children” reruns until they fall asleep?

blader June 25, 2009 at 2:05 pm

There goes the neighborhood

Extemporanus June 25, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Ahhh, look at those little Advil smugglers! Ain’t they adorable?

Hooray For Anything June 25, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Just further proof that Obama is trying to do too much at once. How is he supposed to fix the economy, fight two wars, help the protesters in Iran if he’s also pushing his kids along in a tire swing?

ManchuCandidate June 25, 2009 at 2:07 pm


The late Gary Aldrich and good good pal of the late Jerry Falwell.

And no he’s not really GOP, but I threw that one in just for the hell of it.

DustBowlBlues June 25, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=348170]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Beaverish? Where were you in the fifties–don’t you even get TVLand? Mr. Rogers? Everyone knows good fathers always shed the suit jacket for a cardigan sweater when they’re playing with the kids.

PS–I read the thing about Mika not knowing what string of pearls means. I don’t either. Does it refer to male emissions? I’m always so embarrassed to ask the kids these things.

takes12no1 June 25, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=348189]Ken Layne[/re]: God you’re a nerd.

SmutBoffin June 25, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Republican reactions to this photo:

“$900 in porkulus funds for a fancy tire swing? Wasn’t the helicopter and overhead projector enough? That’s not change we can Zzzzzzzzz.” –John McCain, via Twitter.

“If the president closes Guantanamo, there will be Uighers living in Sasha and Malia’s treehouse.” –Mitch McConnel, Fox & Friends

“The tire swing at my house has 20 kids on it.” –Michele Bachmann, Hannity

finallyhappy June 25, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=348193]rambone[/re]: Were you watching me when my kids were little? And I toasted the waffles !

2druk2phluq June 25, 2009 at 2:09 pm

When we voted to have a normal president we meant normal by our standards, not normal fucking normal. This is like some post-cocaine-binge apocalyptic view of what leisure time will look like after the Internet AI takes over our subconscious minds with late night pulsing codes piped in through our electric lines. Somebody tell our president he need only drink cocktails and smoke clove cigarettes to reverse the damage he has done to our fragile collective thought hive.

[re=348157]wolfshirts[/re]: My post is bombing, so I might as well say, “My God! You’re right, wolfshirt. They’ve moved the President and his family to the very cold southern hemisphere. This is the true Manchurian message.”

Terry June 25, 2009 at 2:09 pm


Then you both could have starred in Green Acres.

That is a sweet photo. What a nice family.

Extemporanus June 25, 2009 at 2:10 pm

[re=348150]LittlePig[/re]: Judging by the two LiveStrong bracelets hanging above it, I’m guessing that it used to belong to Lance Armstrong.

DustBowlBlues June 25, 2009 at 2:12 pm

[re=348189]Ken Layne[/re]: I thought it was classy, whatever it was. Anything in french is classy. Especially with Patti Lupone singing your love song in the background.

Happily for liberals, no matter the topic, we’ll always have Argentina.

paintitblack June 25, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Thus es n outrage!!11 Barry Sotero is PRETENDING (where’s the birth cartefaket kenyeynmuzlin????)to be en eall ‘murkin! How dare NOBama axe like a gud guye whan we no he’s eh faker, the telprumptor mus be talling hym whut ta do in this puctire!!!111!!! Dunt beleev it SHEEPLES!!11

Terry June 25, 2009 at 2:16 pm

These little girls are Daddy’s princesses, as they should be:

I hated her husband’s politics and her wackiness, but Nancy looks great:

dijetlo June 25, 2009 at 2:17 pm

He’s a Demoncrat so of course Satan (D-Infernal Regions) hasn’t possessed his ween, he voted for him. It’s the poor, God fearing Republicans who have to suffer, slaves to their demonically controlled man parts.
Consider brother Mark, a righteous man, a Christian man, a ween bearer, laid low by the perfumed and shaven lady bits of a furrin’ Jezebel from the meat market that is the “Bone Us Areas” of the Argentine (Note: Yes, Jezebels lady parts are perfumed and shaven, read the bible.) Let us not wallow in schadenfreude, or any other German bullshit, let us instead concentrate on prayer and internet porn because here lies our salvation.

NoWireHangers June 25, 2009 at 2:17 pm

[re=348189]Ken Layne[/re]: Musical elitist. Why don’t you just quote the Black Eyed Peas like a real American.

octupletsmom June 25, 2009 at 2:18 pm

I searched the interwebs for a happy-dad pic of Gubner Sanford and his children but, sadly, my internet skills are deficient I guess.

wolfshirts June 25, 2009 at 2:19 pm

2druk2phluq: Shit! No, you’re right. I really thought it was a backyard air conditioner issue. Hell, they could be on their “back-up” planet right now! This goes deep.

19kevin8 June 25, 2009 at 2:24 pm

[re=348231]dijetlo[/re]: win. so very, very much win.

Formerly Preferred June 25, 2009 at 2:35 pm

March 4? That was like 3 years ago. Who knows what he’s doing NOW? Why has the White House been sitting on this pic?!

Also, is that tire swing made out of a racing slick? Because, if so, cool.

Extemporanus June 25, 2009 at 2:36 pm

[re=348232]NoWireHangers[/re]: Were this a Palin family photo, I might be inclined to agree. However, I don’t think “My Humps” or “Let’s Get Retarded” work quite as well for the Obamas.

Monsieur Grumpe June 25, 2009 at 2:47 pm

You got the right idea.
I think if you do the Google on Pearl Necklace you’ll eventually find some video demonstrations.

donner_froh June 25, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=348170]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: That’s just how he rolls. Sharp navy blue suit, just the right amount of cuff showing (barrel cuffs, no French cuffs at the office) highly shined plain toe lace-ups (White House does HIGH res) and his jacket still buttoned.

Too ultra-perfecto?

dijetlo June 25, 2009 at 2:59 pm

[re=348248]19kevin8[/re]: I had the holy spirit all up in me

Jukesgrrl June 25, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Thank God Bush passed the law saying presidents who don’t wear suits and ties are Communists. Without it, Hopey would have been comfortable in his backyard.

BadKitty June 25, 2009 at 3:27 pm

Way to stay current, Ken. Ain’t no way I’m believing there’s snow on the ground in DC in June. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.

Blender June 25, 2009 at 3:55 pm

That’s not snow. It’s leftover cocaine from yesterday’s post-Sanford cryfest party.

sezme June 25, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Just tell me that thing with the chains, the bar, and two loops isn’t some medieval torture device. Is this ‘playset’ the CIA experimenting on replacements for waterboarding on Sasha and Malia? Sick, that’s what that is. America, get ready to learn a whole new meaning for ‘tireswinging’.

Terry June 25, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Good grief, I was so over come by cuteness that I forgot the link ban. I’m sorry folks.

Guppy06 June 25, 2009 at 9:58 pm

The tire swing, the slide and the tree-house are for the kids, but that ball thing, with the yellow handles? That’s for Michelle.

Guppy06 June 25, 2009 at 10:09 pm

[re=348189]Ken Layne[/re]: There wasn’t much “pouring across the border” or partisanship in Frenchie-land during the Great War, so I checked and The Omniscient Wiki confirms that it was instead from “Great War II: Electric Boogaloo.”

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