J'ai perdu femme et enfants.
While Republican dads dump their unwanted wives and unloved children at a vacation home somewhere and then fly to Argentina on the taxpayer’s dime to tearfully commit adultery for years, Democratic wonder-dad Barack Obama continues to outrage the family-hating wingnut blogosphere by keeping various “promises” made to his “happy” children, such as “I’ll get you a hypoallergenic dog carefully bred by Portuguese robot-monks” and “I’ll build you the fanciest backyard swing set ever, and it won’t look anything like those tacky day-glo molded plastic travesties most kids are stuck with, if they’re lucky enough to have a playset at all.” [White House Flickr]

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  1. And he took them out for a frozen dairy product(custard) on the weekend- made from the milk that could have fed innocent baby cows. He is now leading his daughters on the lifelong trail of sweet sugary things, obesity and then anorexia- and don’t forget depriving innocent baby cows of their mother’s milk. PETA, NOW, AMA- where are you?

  2. Is that a NASCAR tire swing? Nice!
    But seriously, they need to turn that backyard air conditioner way the f down. I see snow, coats and it’s summer!

  3. [re=348155]takes12no1[/re]: damnit read the article not just look at the pictures before you comment…this isn’t Playboy for god’s sake.

  4. Great dad? Check. Successful at his job? Check. Has washboard abs? Check? For the sake of my own ego, I really should have voted for McCain.

  5. Aaah yes; I recall lovingly the days when my father would return from work to push me on my swingset.

    Our family, however, was not so privileged as to have our modest swingset outfitted with the ball-gag sex-swing option.

  6. Eek. When he announced and ran, I felt sorry for his kids, cuz I thought growing up in the WH with a daddy for preznit would be crap for a childhood. But it really seems like they are doing pretty damn well. Cue happy faces and puppehz and wholesum.
    Awwwww, indeed.

  7. Obama has no business shoving his family values in our faces by actually walking the walk. Only Real Americans like; Newt, Sarah Palin, Walnuts, Gov. Sanford, David Vitter, Larry Craig, and Mark Foley truly stand for family values.

  8. alt.text correction: J’ai perdu la femme et les enfants. Still doesn’t make any sense, but after yesterday’s Sanford post, I’ll forgive Ken anything.

  9. And last night Michelle and the girls went to see Beyonce in DC. Why won’t Barry and Michelle adopt me? Why do they hate America?

  10. How the wingnutz can look at any of these pictures and be so hateful and vicious is a real talent and discipline. Like yoga. Or dicks.

  11. It really is damned adorable, but as a caveat to Our Man, pushing them like crazy in this swing may encouraging dizziness, falling down, and maybe even puking, all under the guise of “fun.”

    Bush twins, also.

  12. [re=348177]nappyduggs[/re]: In early childhood, falling down and puking comes naturally. Only in young adulthood do we lose those happy skills and require chemical assistance.

  13. What the fuck?!? What kind of REAL US America politician gives a crap about doing something for his kids, when he could be IM’ing male pages for sexy time, trolling for cock at airports, flying to Argie to bang his lady friend, getting blow jobs on his desk while the wifey has cancer or dying in two crotchless wetsuits and two dildos up his ass while masturbating?

    Barry, you do know that family values is just a slogan?

  14. [re=348176]freakishlystrong[/re]: I think you should have said, “Like yoga. Or eating a bag of dicks.”

    Just trying to make Wonkette as teh awesum as possible.

  15. Goddammit! How the hell am I supposed to compete with this?

    WTF, is Barry too good to feed his kids some frozen waffles for dinner and then make them watch “Married with Children” reruns until they fall asleep?

  16. Just further proof that Obama is trying to do too much at once. How is he supposed to fix the economy, fight two wars, help the protesters in Iran if he’s also pushing his kids along in a tire swing?

  17. [re=348190]finallyhappy[/re]:

    The late Gary Aldrich and good good pal of the late Jerry Falwell.

    And no he’s not really GOP, but I threw that one in just for the hell of it.

  18. [re=348170]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Beaverish? Where were you in the fifties–don’t you even get TVLand? Mr. Rogers? Everyone knows good fathers always shed the suit jacket for a cardigan sweater when they’re playing with the kids.

    PS–I read the thing about Mika not knowing what string of pearls means. I don’t either. Does it refer to male emissions? I’m always so embarrassed to ask the kids these things.

  19. Republican reactions to this photo:

    “$900 in porkulus funds for a fancy tire swing? Wasn’t the helicopter and overhead projector enough? That’s not change we can Zzzzzzzzz.” –John McCain, via Twitter.

    “If the president closes Guantanamo, there will be Uighers living in Sasha and Malia’s treehouse.” –Mitch McConnel, Fox & Friends

    “The tire swing at my house has 20 kids on it.” –Michele Bachmann, Hannity

  20. When we voted to have a normal president we meant normal by our standards, not normal fucking normal. This is like some post-cocaine-binge apocalyptic view of what leisure time will look like after the Internet AI takes over our subconscious minds with late night pulsing codes piped in through our electric lines. Somebody tell our president he need only drink cocktails and smoke clove cigarettes to reverse the damage he has done to our fragile collective thought hive.

    [re=348157]wolfshirts[/re]: My post is bombing, so I might as well say, “My God! You’re right, wolfshirt. They’ve moved the President and his family to the very cold southern hemisphere. This is the true Manchurian message.”

  21. [re=348150]LittlePig[/re]: Judging by the two LiveStrong bracelets hanging above it, I’m guessing that it used to belong to Lance Armstrong.

  22. [re=348189]Ken Layne[/re]: I thought it was classy, whatever it was. Anything in french is classy. Especially with Patti Lupone singing your love song in the background.

    Happily for liberals, no matter the topic, we’ll always have Argentina.

  23. Thus es n outrage!!11 Barry Sotero is PRETENDING (where’s the birth cartefaket kenyeynmuzlin????)to be en eall ‘murkin! How dare NOBama axe like a gud guye whan we no he’s eh faker, the telprumptor mus be talling hym whut ta do in this puctire!!!111!!! Dunt beleev it SHEEPLES!!11

  24. He’s a Demoncrat so of course Satan (D-Infernal Regions) hasn’t possessed his ween, he voted for him. It’s the poor, God fearing Republicans who have to suffer, slaves to their demonically controlled man parts.
    Consider brother Mark, a righteous man, a Christian man, a ween bearer, laid low by the perfumed and shaven lady bits of a furrin’ Jezebel from the meat market that is the “Bone Us Areas” of the Argentine (Note: Yes, Jezebels lady parts are perfumed and shaven, read the bible.) Let us not wallow in schadenfreude, or any other German bullshit, let us instead concentrate on prayer and internet porn because here lies our salvation.

  25. I searched the interwebs for a happy-dad pic of Gubner Sanford and his children but, sadly, my internet skills are deficient I guess.

  26. 2druk2phluq: Shit! No, you’re right. I really thought it was a backyard air conditioner issue. Hell, they could be on their “back-up” planet right now! This goes deep.

  27. March 4? That was like 3 years ago. Who knows what he’s doing NOW? Why has the White House been sitting on this pic?!

    Also, is that tire swing made out of a racing slick? Because, if so, cool.

  28. [re=348232]NoWireHangers[/re]: Were this a Palin family photo, I might be inclined to agree. However, I don’t think “My Humps” or “Let’s Get Retarded” work quite as well for the Obamas.

  29. [re=348205]DustBowlBlues[/re]:
    You got the right idea.
    I think if you do the Google on Pearl Necklace you’ll eventually find some video demonstrations.

  30. [re=348170]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: That’s just how he rolls. Sharp navy blue suit, just the right amount of cuff showing (barrel cuffs, no French cuffs at the office) highly shined plain toe lace-ups (White House does HIGH res) and his jacket still buttoned.

    Too ultra-perfecto?

  31. Thank God Bush passed the law saying presidents who don’t wear suits and ties are Communists. Without it, Hopey would have been comfortable in his backyard.

  32. Way to stay current, Ken. Ain’t no way I’m believing there’s snow on the ground in DC in June. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.

  33. Just tell me that thing with the chains, the bar, and two loops isn’t some medieval torture device. Is this ‘playset’ the CIA experimenting on replacements for waterboarding on Sasha and Malia? Sick, that’s what that is. America, get ready to learn a whole new meaning for ‘tireswinging’.

  34. The tire swing, the slide and the tree-house are for the kids, but that ball thing, with the yellow handles? That’s for Michelle.

  35. [re=348189]Ken Layne[/re]: There wasn’t much “pouring across the border” or partisanship in Frenchie-land during the Great War, so I checked and The Omniscient Wiki confirms that it was instead from “Great War II: Electric Boogaloo.”

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