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Who Lost The Goddamn Wars?

Let’s hope our President finds the wars soon, and that the wars are safe. [NYT]


9:47 PM on Wed June 24 2009
By Jim Newell
1384 Views

  1. WadISay says at 9:50 pm, June 24th, 2009

    I utterly fail to see the relevency of this post to boning Argentine poon.

  2. WickedWitch says at 9:53 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Does this mean we’ll have pix of Iraq and Afghanistan on our milk cartons?

  3. Mahousu says at 9:55 pm, June 24th, 2009

    I don’t think Obama should spend any time looking for those wars; they weren’t very good to start with. Just go out and buy a couple of new ones.

  4. hockeymom says at 9:59 pm, June 24th, 2009

    I think they’re somewhere along the Appalachian trail.

  5. gjdodger says at 10:02 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Why didn’t Bush think of that? All he was trying to find were Weapons of Mass Destruction.

  6. Johnny Zhivago says at 10:02 pm, June 24th, 2009

    A lot better to misplace a war than lose it!

  7. x111e7thst says at 10:02 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Are our wars in Argentina? Just cold driving down the coast?

  8. facehead says at 10:10 pm, June 24th, 2009

    The U.N. really needs to start a lost and found. Remember when Liechtenstein went missing for a whole week back in 86? Turned out it too was sleeping with some big boobed hoochey from Argentina, but still, we were worried sick!

  9. Hide ‘n go seek? I once was lost, but now I’m found? The dog ate my war?

  10. Come here a minute says at 10:14 pm, June 24th, 2009

    I don’t know where the wars went, and neither do their spouses or security details, but their government vehicles were spotted at the local airport.

  11. Bearbloke says at 10:14 pm, June 24th, 2009
  12. hockeymom says at 10:29 pm, June 24th, 2009

    They could also be with my car keys.

  13. DC Spring says at 10:37 pm, June 24th, 2009

    To lose one would be unfortunate, two is merely careless.

  14. magic titty says at 10:39 pm, June 24th, 2009

    I’ve found these wars to have sucked terribly.

    Regards,
    Magic Titty

  15. dijetlo says at 10:41 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Mahousu: Shit, it took us ten years to build Saddam Hussein up into a credible adversary and how often do third world Islamic extremist governments simply step up and volunteer to get smoked?
    These are two gold plated, USDA/Trilateral Commission grade ‘A’ perma-wars which represent two decades of effort for the Neo-Con fringe.
    The guiding principle today however isn’t ideological, it’s pragmatic. These wars are stimulative for the economy while simultaneously reminding everyone that all Republicans are violent retards who fuck up everything they touch.

  16. Joshua Norton says at 10:41 pm, June 24th, 2009

    “Signing a war-finding bill”

    Is that by any chance be a metaphor for something else? Like “Hiking in the Appalachians” is?

  17. Jenny Sanford says at 10:45 pm, June 24th, 2009

    finders keepers

  18. Joshua Norton says at 10:49 pm, June 24th, 2009

    DC Spring: Whoop whoop whoop! Obscure Oscar Wilde reference!!!

  19. It’s OK. Republicans will find us some more.

  20. John Thune says at 10:53 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Finders keepers, I say. Maybe we’ll get lucky and North Korea will find Afganistan or something.

  21. Is that a war in your pocket, or you just happy to invade me.

  22. John Thune says at 10:54 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Jenny Sanford: damn it.

  23. octupletsmom says at 10:58 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Don’t we have a family plan for these contingencies? Like when my younger son was, um, misplaced at the Renaissance Faire?

  24. Smoke Filled Roommate says at 11:03 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Why don’t they just wage war on Pottery Barn and then the whole thing could come full circle..

  25. DC Spring says at 11:07 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Joshua Norton: Ah, an OOW. I would apologize, but not in a four-letter month.

  26. artbot2000 says at 11:36 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Loosely quoting Dan Quayle:

    “What a TERRIBLE thing it is to lose one’s war, or never to have had a war to begin with, how true those words are, even today…”

  27. 19kevin8 says at 11:57 pm, June 24th, 2009

    I don’t have a clue where they were, but they’ll undoubtedly be in the last place they look. Now if they could just remember where they had them last…

  28. S.Luggo says at 11:59 pm, June 24th, 2009

    Words: Who lost Canada? Was it you or was it me? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpNoniDH6IY

  29. DustBowlBlues says at 12:00 am, June 25th, 2009

    hockeymom: “along the Appalachian trail”

    I would have posted that first, if only I could have spelled Appalachia.

  30. DustBowlBlues says at 12:03 am, June 25th, 2009

    Joshua Norton: Kudos for getting the Oscar Wilde tribute. Not that I would have.

  31. S.Luggo says at 12:15 am, June 25th, 2009

    Johnny Zhivago: Those were Reagan’s last words before Alzheimer’s set in. For that reason Oakland was bombed rather than Vladivostok. T’ant pis.

  32. Don Juanquete says at 12:45 am, June 25th, 2009

    WadISay: War on the Mooslins! You know, they bein’ war-mongerin’ polygamists and all, who hate our dumbocracy and libertines.

  33. Smoke Filled Roommate says at 1:08 am, June 25th, 2009

    artbot2000: …It can be seen in the potatoe, which wants to move forward to tomorrow, all the while moving past to the back.

  34. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 1:16 am, June 25th, 2009

    Surely this was something slipped into the bill by John McCain and Lindsey Graham. Does the bill also say “Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran”?

  35. MrsNateSilver says at 1:44 am, June 25th, 2009

    Oh the devil with the print screen function. Can’t but edit nothin’ nowadays. Obv what this is is a case of budget cuts leading to copywriting responsibilities going to the interns, and chilruns these daze rely solely on there Spell Checker for correct usage. (Yes, I did that on purpose if u caught it.) I saw this epidemic hit the local papers last year and now, sadly, it has spread to the Grey Lady. It’s the end of Proper Usuage 4-eva. RIP.

  36. Shouldn’t cost much. Wars are noisy and hence pretty easy to find.

  37. KilgoreTrout_XL says at 8:21 am, June 25th, 2009

    Just cut Michael Goldfarb open like they did in Jaws.

    After you sift through the license plates, dead hookers, and undigested spam, i bet you find at least one or two little skirmishes in there.

  38. Humpback says at 9:04 am, June 25th, 2009

    It’s a typo. Should be “Obama Sings about Bill O’Reilly going to War.”

  39. This is why we can’t have nice things.

  40. Dreckster says at 12:28 pm, June 25th, 2009

    What’s all the hoopla about? We’ll learn in the next few days that the wars just wanted to go off alone, clear their heads, and such. Maybe even get laid. Leave’em be, I say.

  41. wolfshirts says at 2:55 pm, June 25th, 2009

    Joshua Norton: Concur! Pass the cucumber sandwiches!

  42. wolfshirts says at 2:58 pm, June 25th, 2009

    I remember when I was a kid. Me and the neighborhood war would steal a couple of apples from the kitchen counter and be gone for hours.

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