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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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89 comments

  1. BostonJerry

    Creative as always. I have a question: What kind of wingnut republican has a “dear dear friend in argentina?”

  2. AnAdmirerOfThatOne

    [re=347210]NewSpence[/re]: The pathetic thing about it is that at least a few dozen of our fellow citizens fall for it every time. No wonder we were so overjoyed to elect Pres. Hopey.

  3. paintitblack

    [re=347209]orange[/re]: beat me to it. Faux will blame this (dis)ingenious “slip” on Joe the Plunger (and why not? he deserves it). But then again: because it’s sexy-lady-time, it’s no wonder Faux got befuddled. GOPers only “do” boys, don’t they? Wha??!

  4. Formerly Preferred

    Well, he did have an affair with a female, so in this case the evidence may be on Fox’s side.

  5. HIROHITO99

    I guess that’s it then! Now that Fox has pulled the old (R)/(D) switcheroo there’s really nothing more left to report on this. Darn. I was having a slow week at work and reading this story was pretty much all that I had to live for at the office right now.

  6. Extemporanus

    [re=347219]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: He gets it done at Ray-Ban Sasoon in downtown Charlotte.

  7. Yaybuls

    I’m more scared of this “Live Desk” thing. What the hell does that even mean? Are there animals and plants on the desk, shit like that? Or is the actual DESK alive itself? The whole concept is horrifying.

  8. Saragon

    [re=347219]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Those are sunglasses, worn in the stupidest possible manner. You see them on top of douchebag heads all the fucking time down here.

  9. OKLAHOMAjesus?

    Every time a Republican cheats on his wife, an Iranian freedom fighter loses their life.

  10. Uncle Al

    If you’re a Republican, that’s how you know you’re all washed up–when Fox calls you a Democrat.

  11. LeftyNoVa

    More importantly, why is Susan Boyle hiding behind that plant? Is she having another nervous breakdown?

  12. CivicHoliday

    [re=347229]Formerly Preferred[/re]: you beat me to the joke. we’d all assumed Furry suits and an underage tranny. we were wrong…so very very wrong.

  13. echoman2000

    The interns @ Fox are still reeling from Fag Face Perez Hilton getting bitch slapped yesterday by a Negro. They need time to heal. Be gentle.

  14. Serolf Divad

    LOL, Fox just ran a blurb: “Sanford took trip to Argentina: ‘to recharge.’”

    So is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  15. Carrie_Okie

    [re=347232]Extemporanus[/re]: Charlotte is in the old North State. They are in South Kak. 2 hrs away. Mmkay? Also we rescind the Appomattox thang. Y’all can keep the succession of 1861.

  16. echoman2000

    [re=347238]OKLAHOMAjesus?[/re]: pretty low…but really fabulous! i’m gonna steal it!

  17. villageatrois

    Gotta get my hearing checked. I thought he was “hiking the Appalachian Trail”. Turns out he was “liking Argentinian tail”.

  18. Terry

    They confused him with a Democrat because he’s a straight man having an affair with a woman. Now if he was a straight man having a secret affair with an underaged tranny with a meth habit, he’d definitely be Republican.

  19. paintitblack

    [re=347239]Uncle Al[/re]: ha ha, it’s kinda like when the schoolyard bully calls some other boy a “girl.” It’s the grossest of all insults. Sanford’s all like: Et tu, Brute?!?

  20. SkimLatteModerate

    Holy fuck. I can’t believe I missed that press conference.

    I’m still trying to comprehend a (R) fucking a full-grown woman on the side.

  21. Snarkalicious

    [re=347243]CivicHoliday[/re]: Ah, ah, ah…no jumping to conclusions. After all, nothing says “I can’t see you anymore, no hard feelings” like 14 year-old fake goat dong.

  22. bored with gravity

    I found this comment on RedState:

    “I would take my kids cabining or something to get away from the media.”

    What the hell is cabining? Is that something Repubs usually do on the Appalachian Trail?

  23. PrairiePossum

    Even FOX can’t believe a hot, Argentinian adult woman would want to fuck a GOP wingnut.

  24. Hooray For Anything

    [re=347239]Uncle Al[/re]: It’s actually kind of throwing salt on the wound. Not only are you a conservative “pro family” Jeebus lover who just admitted to a whole bunch of not very pro, but you’ve also been smeared as a socialist, gay loving, baby killing, atheist liberal.

  25. The Cold Sea

    They do this shit all the time and it’s fucking OLD. Jesus Christmas St. Louis!

  26. Vivling

    Well, he just admitted to an affair with an adult human… with lady parts! Of COURSE the republicans don’t want to claim him. The shame

  27. PrairiePossum

    [re=347271]bored with gravity[/re]:

    I think the GOP should start having instructional seminars for their family values, Christian conservative elected officials instructing them how to respond when they get caught with their dicks stuck in the wrong places. Topics could include how to tell the spouse, how to tell the media, how to apologize to Jeebus, where to bury the whore’s body, etc.

  28. Come here a minute

    He still didn’t answer the question on everyone’s mind: HOW WAS THE COASTLINE?

  29. Extemporanus

    [re=347250]Carrie_Okie[/re]: I know exactly where Charlotte is, and said it for a reason. Though this debacle took place in SC, I didn’t pick a city like Charleston because it wouldn’t have sounded plausible that enough residents of the lovely Palmetto State have mastered the whole opposable thumb thing to open a Ray-Ban Sassoon. A trip to an NC day spa, however…

    Also, was that English?

  30. Joshua Norton

    [re=347292]PrairiePossum[/re]: They really need that. Especially what to do with the body. Scarborough just left it there, hoping that people would just walk around it and not notice it was there.

    Dumb.

  31. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=347237]Saragon[/re]:
    Ha! You are correct sir.

    I bet he’s a black sox and sandals guy as well.

  32. Lascauxcaveman

    Big whoop.

    All this means is that the D’s will will “keep” the gov seat at the next SC election, rather than “win” the gov seat. (With an entirely different D, after the primary, of course).

  33. Joshua Norton

    Sanford has also been an opponent of same-sex marriage, saying in 2004, “As Jenny and I are the parents of four little boys, we’ve always taught our kids that marriage was something between a man and a woman .”* [The Post and Courier, 2/11/04]

    *Quote will updated to include “and his Argentinian mistress” for 2009.

  34. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Wait. “Democrat” is the new “Heterosexual”? WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?

  35. DangerousLiberal

    There they go again. The evil fucking bastards. Fox News = Fail. But in mere seconds, the sheeple will be going on about that librul moran in S.Carolina.

  36. azw88

    [re=347261]SkimLatteModerate[/re]: Are we really sure it was a woman??? I mean, have we seen photos and gotten a full DNA profile? S. America is a popular place for tranny surgery, so maybe he was being a good (R) after all, and thus Fox’s insult was for nothing.

  37. NoWireHangers

    Fox News>/b>

    Mark Sanford (R) saves kitten from tree.

    Mark Sanford (D) accidentally blows up the state, killing everyone.

  38. finallyhappy

    I was sick in bed(and the bathroom- but let’s not go there)- was he having sex on the Appalachian trail? Wasn’t that his story- he was “hiking” to get away from it all. Is hiking a new sex term that we old people don’t know?

  39. FormerDCite

    Folks, please remember we are still in the month of Poon. Therefore all politicians that are caught banging someone other than their wife will be caught with a woman.

  40. Nerdalicious

    I bet he wished he was swallowed by a sinkhole in the Dead Sea at this point. What kind of scumbag refuses stim money for the poor sheeples then flies to Argentina for viagra sexytime on Father’s Day??? Now I understand why his wife turned him in. She knew. I hope she kicks him out of the pool house in the Gov Mansion. Family Values strikes again!

  41. mrpuma2u

    Was Carrie Prejean typing the crawl/letter feed??? She still works for Faux news the last I heard.

  42. Hedley Lamar

    This is just like the wingnuts spinning that the holocaust museum shooter as a liberal. Who you gonna
    believe… me or your lyin’ eyes?

    Plus, I want to see photos of the mistress. I’ll bet she has a mustache.

  43. KilgoreTrout_XL

    Some gay married dude obviously de-sanctified the shit out of the sacred sanctities of Sanford’s marriage, so “fuck it”, he said, and then “Hey, Mike in Brazil seems to be enjoying himself,” and “I’ll just buy some meth, and go to Argentina and bang shit.”

  44. I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    Oh joy, It’s Cocktober in June! Or is it Summer of Cum Redux? Only time and two more months of hell in Dallas will tell.

  45. Bebe Loves You

    I can’t believe a Republican Governor is outsourcing booty-calls to Argentina.

  46. inedalo

    why wasn’t Sanford’s wife standing by his side looking glum and grim, as he gave his marvelous “confession.”
    how do these wingnuts do it with a straight face? (since as we know they are so twisted inside; this governor dude broke the law of jesus on the sacredness of marriage, etc.
    and would someone please supply a foto of the woman being that lured this fool for love all the way from SC to Argentina! just to get some nooky!!
    with a tip to Gov. Naval Ensign, doesn’t Sanford have a staffer closer at home who could satisfy his sinful lusts?

  47. riverside68

    Am I correct that the only evidence we have for the gender of the “dear dear Friend” is the word of Sanford? We need a full frontal before I will be convinced. (I am not saying that Sanford is necessarily lying, but maybe he didn’t know either, it could have been his first bj, he wasn’t going to ask any questions.)

  48. NoWireHangers

    When you cheat on your wife with another woman you’re a D.

    When you cheat on your secret boyfriend with a minor you’re an R.

  49. AxmxZ

    [re=347453]riverside68[/re]: Thing is, I don’t recall hearing a gender from Sanford either – just “dear friend” and “person.”

  50. Mahousu

    [re=347288]Mavky[/re]: Oh, those emails!
    I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details …

  51. Mahousu

    [re=347489]Mahousu[/re]: And of course, her name is Maria.

    He just kissed a girl named Maria.
    And suddenly he found
    How wonderful a sound [and boobies]
    Can be.

  52. goodluck/badluck

    [re=347249]Serolf Divad[/re]: more like ‘discharge’ (exits stage left, dancing sideways)

  53. Wonderman

    If this sad sack can bed a hot Argentinian (god, I hope she’s hot), there’s hope for all sad sacks everywhere.

  54. maven

    No doubt they are doing this intentionally, if Hitler could be repeatedly proclaimed a leftist by Fox news commentators, then Sanford can certainly be called a Democrat.

  55. Potater

    They did the same with Foley and Craig. Hell, they’d name Herbert Hoover a Democrat if they had a chance.

  56. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    He was having sex with a women of legal age that speaks Mexican. Damn well sounds like a Democrat to me.

Comments are closed.