True Love Will Prevail If Mark Sanford Follows His Hard-On

  it's father's day and everybody's wounded

You can get it over the counter in Argentina!Republican star Mark Sanford pretty much came clean during his press conference! That is a rare thing with these people, and as a result, liberals everywhere are oohing and aahing, “Oh it’s true love he wasn’t even fucking street urchin boys as far as we know, he should just ditch his awful wife and children,” etc.

You know what, though? Even if you cry about how you are a terrible person, on the teevee, and even if there was “a sparkin’ thing” between you and your Argentine Firecracker that you just had to deal with, by flying back and forth to South America to fuck her, leaving your family and, er, entire state of South Carolina to fend for themselves, well you are still a piece of trash. Hope your dumped wife gets everything you’ve ever (and will ever) earn, Mr. soon-to-be lobbyist. Sanford-Santelli 2012!

Meanwhile, Wonkette pal Michael Roston writes with an important reminder: “Time to break out the Endless Cummer tag.” Done!

Thanks to Marko “A.K” for the screenshot.

Related

 
Related video

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

142 comments

  1. TJBeck

    How did he find a brazillian hooker on the Appalachian Trail? I think this stork is fabricated, to cover up a furry panda tryst!

  2. Lascauxcaveman

    A shiny new American dollar for the first person to link to a legit photo of “The Paramour of the Pampas.”

  3. SayItWithWookies

    He’s not involved with a woman — it’s a capybara. Because two of the world’s largest rodents were meant to be together.

  4. thejesusandmarycheney

    He had me all hopeful, playing the pronoun game at first. “A dear friend,” “this person,” and all that.

  5. jodyleek

    [re=347108]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Check Short’s blog…Nikki Haley…she has two kids, just like the good Gov. said. And, she removed some Sanford related crap on her website.

  6. Saragon

    [re=347111]jodyleek[/re]: Not in South Carolina. We hate foreigners around here, and she’s apparently secretly Argentinian.

  7. rmontcal

    In cases like this, you need to actually spell out for us that that is a real, actual non-photoshopped screen shot.

  8. Extemporanus

    Chuckie T on MSNBC just now: “These guys are dropping like flies. It’s like a bad episode of ‘Survivor’ or something.”

  9. ProfessorJukes

    Chuck Todd, just now: “These guys are dropping like flies. It’s like a bad episode of ‘Survivor’.

    He was crying, in Argentina, for a week. A week? “Damn, that is some fiiiiinne Argentinian ass I am fucking… for the LAST TIME!!! Boo hoo!! No more Argentinian ass… sniffle… well maybe one more day… “

  10. memzilla

    So he’s saying, what, there’s a little Eva Peron in us all? Or vice-versa?

    How come none of those wingtards are sayin’ ‘cuz that’s why we have our troops in Afghanipakiraqistan, defendin’ his right to adulteralize?

  11. paintitblack

    Jenny Sanford should get tips from that weird shrew, Kate, & start her new career called Jen&Mark+4… Jen’s already at the point where she can turf Mark out w/much fan-fare & media whore attention.

  12. Terry

    Ok, so that was the confession step.

    Now we’ll see the press conference or tv interview with his wife at his side and the SC State legislators will try to drive him out of office. He stepped down from leading the governors’ council to avoid leaving office, but both Dems and the GOP have their sights on him. Dude will be gone shortly.

  13. President Beeblebrox

    “Crying in Argentina” is GREAT NEWS!!! FOR SARAH PALIN!!!!

    Srsly, who’s left besides Mittens, Caribou Barbie, and Haley Barbour? Is US America ready to elect a Mississippi Preznit named Haley, a Mormon who wears sexy sexy magic underwear, or the human equivalent of a question mark?

  14. NopantsMcGee

    “He was crying, in Argentina, for a week. A week?”

    Don’t cry for him, Argentina. Am I the first to make that bad joke?

  15. takes12no1

    497 comments and counting on the live blog Ken. That has to be some kind of record.

  16. Mumbletypeg

    Missus S initially stated her husband “was writing something”… Was it an aborted farewell note? or, is “writing” these days interchangeable with email/typing, as with briefing his long-distance lover he would be there on the next flight scheduled?

    How could she be (or was she) oblivious to the tryst after so many years, and four children?

  17. Tommmcatt

    This reminds me that I have to write a check to the lawyer that my partner and I had to pay to make sure we inherit each other’s estate in case something happens to one of us, God forbid.

    Thanks Mark.

  18. bozofish

    I love that he grasps legitimacy by stating that he met “this person” 8 years ago.
    Frankly, if he’s been diddling “this person” for 8 years, you’d think he’d be a bit smarter than just disappearing every now and then. What a dumbass.

  19. paintitblack

    [re=347144]President Beeblebrox[/re]: True, dat. Just my thoughts. Bible Spice must be dancin’ a lil ole jig up hot ‘laska way. no doubt, she watched the presser w/baited breath & shrieked “booyah!” whan Markie-boy outed hisself. Ha! Fun times ahead fer sure. Srsly: whadda they got?!

  20. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=347120]jodyleek[/re]: Well that would make sense, flying all the way to Argentina to bone the chick that is after his job, and happens to be a rep in his own state’s legislature. I really should have guessed that one on my own.

  21. bitchincamaro

    “I don’t know how this thing got blown out of proportion.” –Gov. M. Sanford

    Chiselled. In. Stone.

  22. Extemporanus

    Jonathan “I like my ties the way I like my men” Capehart on MSNBC:

    “This shows that maybe what the Republican party is going to have to do is skip a generation and wait for the Meghan McCains[?!] to come of age so that they can run for office and take over the mantle.”

    “A colleague of mine made a little joke just before I came on: At the rate the Republicans are going, the only marriages that will be worth anything are the gay folks in Vermont.”

    So, the only hope for the Republican party is for Megs to go lesbo?

  23. zippy123

    Obviously, it’s Obama’s fault. If He hadn’t done that stimulus thing that got the Guv all riled up, then Sanford wouldn’t have had to go mano a mano with the leg which of course led to the breakdown that led to the weeklong crying and humping jag to Argentina.

    Or, it’s a re-enactment of that classic Blazing Saddles scene with the Great Mel Brooks (“the leading asshole in the state”) complaining about work, work, work before being distracted by a comely set of ta-tas (“hello, boys”).

  24. Autochthon

    [re=347140]Terry[/re]: “…the reason they’re pullin’ his pants down. Gonna paddle a little behind.”
    “Ain’t gonna paddle it – gonna kick it, real hard.”
    “No, I believe they’re gonna paddle it.”
    “I don’t believe that’s a proper characterization.”
    “Well, that’s how I’d characterize it.”
    “I believe it’s more of a kickin’ sitcheyation.”

  25. eclecticbrotha

    Republicans don’t jump through these many hoops to hide affairs with members of the opposite sex. The Argentinian “woman” is some hirsute dude with firm buttcheeks. It’ll come out eventually.

  26. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=347159]nappyduggs[/re]: “The month of Poon” ’cause those one-syllable months can get confusing if you tart up their names.

  27. Gorillionaire

    No kidding – Fox Nooze had “Sanford -(D)” that’s D for Democrat on their caption for the show.

  28. DustBowlBlues

    Fuck–I decide to leave the news off and focus on my work for once and this shit happens. I have to clean the bugs and shit out of the back porch (summer in OK) and it’s a 100F fucking degrees and I have to do childcare for same old man for whom I’m cleaning up the back porch for his friends are going to visit.

    I was pissed as hell and all I can say now is (on my knees, hands clasped and head bent:

    THANK YOU, GOD!

    Now I’ll do all this shit with a happy heart.

  29. paintitblack

    Blame it on La Raza Sotomayor. If that messican hadn’t pushed herself forward, poor Markie wouldna wanted a blowjob from Camen Miranda…

  30. vaporware

    Mark Sanford being unfaithful is the least newsworthy item of his trip to Argentina.
    I would prefer Mark Sanford talk more about the new Aryan race he and the other
    Nazi War Criminals are creating in South America-getting them ready to be
    ‘proper GOP followers’ for his Presidential run in 2016.

  31. germansteel

    I can’t wait to see the standing ovation he’s gonna get from the Republican Senatorial caucus.

    Ensign, you piker!!

  32. WadISay

    This bitch started “sparking” a year ago, when gay marriage was rampant in California. Need Tom Friedman to work this out on a napkin?

  33. Terry

    [re=347170]Extemporanus[/re]:

    Meagan McCain?

    Did you see her on Bill Mahr’s show on Friday? A trainwreck. The best thing I can say is bless her heart.

  34. Violenza

    Weird, but way too simple. Long distance, hetero love? I think not. Someone needs to scrape his diggin’ machine for DNA.

  35. maven

    You all know that Ashley Dupre is kinda Argentinian looking.
    When the Jeremy Irons character in the film Obsession pulled this kind of stunt, it was just a train ride to Geneva, somewhat more discreet than flying from South Carolina to Buenos Aires (because there’s so much SC to BA traffic, who would notice?)

  36. lobo2009

    I’m imagining him sitting in his office weeping with Patti Lupone playing in the background and him screaming, ” I wish I knew how to quit you!” Ole’ Brokeback Argentina has got him good!

  37. ph7

    You know, his story still doesn’t explain the “frequent late night car trips without security detail” the State security chief leaked out. Unless he’s driving overnight through the Panama isthmus, sounds like there’s another goomah closer to home…

  38. CthuNHu

    IF indeed it is Nikki Haley, here’s a good picture of the stunningly gorgeous Ms. Haley, her charming kids, and her — uh — nice personality husband:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/32938591@N04/3438692548/

    And hey, here’s her stand on “Strong Values”:

    “Strong families are built on strong values, and strong communities are built on strong families. I’ve always believed that promoting the values that keep a family strong is a vital step in ensuring the health, safety and prosperity of our communities. That’s why I support faith-based initiatives that encourage character education and the development of a strong moral code in our young people. We have economic and educational promises to keep to our future generations, but in fulfilling those obligations we should never forget the central role the family plays in teaching our children right from wrong.”

  39. Saragon

    As a resident of South Carolina (I hate saying that) I want to know who paid for his plane tickets to BA.

  40. DustBowlBlues

    [re=347151]Mumbletypeg[/re]: Speaking of aborted, is it too much to hope that someone had a camera phone handy and snapped a pick of her going into an abortion clinic?

  41. TGY

    It’s like the spirit of Bill Clinton is maliciously possessing these fuckers, and Bill Clinton ain’t even dead yet.

  42. Autochthon

    [re=347190]vaporware[/re]: Surely the Fourth Reich can cum up with better genetic material than Mark friggin’ Sanford…

  43. mercure

    Has anybody else who’s looked at a photo of the lady in question noticed a suspicious-looking shadow on “her” upper lip. I’m just sayin’…

  44. liquiddaddy

    Chicks dig leathery countenanced corpse-like executives with horrible comb-overs? I guess.

  45. pdiddycornchips

    First Ensign, now Sanford? I can’t wait to hear Limbaugh and Hannity blame this on libruls. Please tell me, is his paramour now or has she ever been an illegal alien? This story just keeps getting better. I can’t wait see what happens next. I suspect midgets and furries are involved somehow.

  46. Come here a minute

    [re=347216]CthuNHu[/re]: Full name: Nimrata Nikki Randhawa Hammina Hammina Hammina Haley

  47. pumaspaco

    Governor of an anti-immigrant (anti-latino) state has an affair with a…LATINA? Is she wise?

  48. S.Luggo

    [re=347190]vaporware[/re]: While he was in Congress, he took the first step. According to his PBS profile: “In June 1998, he voted against a bill ensuring the preservation of sites important to the Underground Railroad.”

  49. vaporware

    [re=347230]Autochthon[/re]: Well with this global economic meltdown in progress, the bumper sticker ‘Heil if you Himmler’ didn’t take off very well-so Mark Sanford was the next affordable option.

  50. pdiddycornchips

    I didn’t see the video but did he say something like I kept my promise, you keep your distance?

  51. Gopherit

    Here’s my biggest problem with his whole story. If I ever had an affair and had to break it off to save my family, I’d be fucking smart enough to know not to do it 1. over Father’s Day Weekend and 2. to take DAYS to make the break. This whole thing is a total line of bullshit, and I can’t wait for the press to peel back the next layer of this stinky onion of a story.

  52. Mapmonger

    Shouldn’t the republican party be filing chapter 11 for moral bankruptcy, or something?

  53. S.Luggo

    [re=347220]Saragon[/re]: I’d like to know who paid for the all the fluffy, fluffy towels used to mop up six days of his cascading tears in B.A. and when they’ll be available on EBay.

  54. Autochthon

    [re=347287]S.Luggo[/re]: You reckon they’ll be sold as prayer cloths, with HEALING POWERS?!

  55. P Drizzle

    [re=347220]Saragon[/re]: And as a Carolina son who’s been very unfaithful, I say with sad certainty that this…is the best we got.

  56. jodyleek

    [re=347216]CthuNHu[/re]: Dorky looking husband + moral pomposity = Bumpin’ uglies for Jeebus with Governor Gonzo.

  57. Sarah T

    A Days Inn in Manhattan was good enough for Gov. Patterson, so Mark Sanford is a lying fornicator AND an elitist, right ?

  58. norbizness

    Lisa: Dad, do you know what schadenfreude is?

    Homer: No, I do not know what shaden-frawde is. Please tell me, because I’m dying to know.

    Lisa: It’s a German term for “shameful joy,” taking pleasure in the suffering of others.

    Homer: Oh, come on, Lisa. I’m just glad to see him fall flat on his butt. He’s usually all happy and comfortable, and surrounded by loved ones, and it makes me feel. … What’s the opposite of that shameful joy thing of yours?

    Lisa: Sour grapes.

    Homer: Boy, those Germans have a word for everything.

  59. TeddyS

    Now, I may be wrong, but to be unfaithful to his wifeypoo, the governor would have had to fuck his Argentinier girliegirl at some point. Either he went for a visit previously or she came to hop in the sack with him in South Carolina. And it started with innocent emails. The guy is a cyberperv. This ain’t over. Christian South Caroliners must support this weird fuckmonkey during his time of trial. He is now apologizing to his neighbor’s chickens and those pigs he brought into the legislature.

  60. DustBowlBlues

    MSNBC just played the announcement, the first I’ve seen of it. Now I’m more confused than ever. Is Tom Davis his gay lover? And he met this sexy Latin lady eight years ago as an email penpal?

    Can’t Republicans just go hire hookers? They make Democrats look soooo boring.

  61. S.Luggo

    [re=347306]Sarah T[/re]: But he enjoys international travel. I wonder if Mark took any good pictures. Of the scenery.

  62. ph7

    [re=347278]Gopherit[/re]: I smell a rat, too. Who the fuck travels 4,000 miles to cheat on their wife? Lots of very attractive and eager interns and campaign aides (e.g. Ensigns’ aide) at arms reach, availabe for a nooner at the local Marriott. His story sounds like what I told my father when he asked me who gave me the pot he found in my room: “uh, some guy I never met before from out of town”

  63. Vanity Smurf

    [re=347168]The Cold Sea[/re]: “Poon is bustin’ out all over”

    It’s time we get off the Evita song reference and move on to a better show like Carousel.

  64. Sussemilch

    And when we said “hiking the appalachian trail” we meant to say “chasing some argentinian tail.” Sorry if there was any confusion, folks.

  65. octupletsmom

    Props to the wife for refusing to show up with Douchenozzle for that pathetic performance. (I hope she was closeted with the meanest lawyer east of the Mizzippi.)

    Ken, Jim, you oughta shake out the pic at the gubernor’s website, the one with the stairstep four boys and wife in her dress-up clothes, and HAT. So FAMBLY!

  66. McDuff

    It seems the entire Republican party needs to meet my father-in-law; he works for power company in coastal Texas. Told me that if I ever hurt his little girl, I’d end up buried under a power pole in some remote corner of the King Ranch. Needless to say, my pants stay up and zipped at all times when I’m around non-spouse females persons, whether they are North or or South Americans.

  67. Joe Schmoe

    Somebody better check out this Argentinian chick just to make sure she isn’t a tranny!

  68. octupletsmom

    [re=347320]ph7[/re]: He met this person on Ted Stevens Intertubes, didn’t he say? I have a friend who married a Peruvian woman that he Internet-met.

  69. McDuff

    Wasn’t the reason the Family Values crowd went after Clinton was that he supposedly spend tax dollars on his affair? So, Mr. Gov., who paid for the gas in the State car that you drove to the airport? I say, sure, let’s spend $20 million investigating a $47.50 fill-up — it’d be worth every penny.

  70. ph7

    [re=347349]octupletsmom[/re]: I heard him say that, too. I also heard my ex-wife tell me that she met her paramour at an acting camp in the Catskills (800 miles away), when it turned out it was a local actor at the Key Bridge Marriott (1 mile away). I may be projecting, but that’s how this shit goes down.

  71. Gopherit

    [re=347349]octupletsmom[/re]: I dunno. His story has more of a “My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada” vibe to it. There’s more here.

  72. rocktonsammy

    Cross off South Carolina for available poon. If SaNford had to fly to Argentina to get his pole smoked, I’ll try Atlanta.

  73. Oldskool

    Fox put a (D) in front of another flame out, I think it was Mark Foley. As much as they claim to likey the marriage, they’re all divorced from reality.

  74. DustBowlBlues

    This Sanford is such an easy mark, he’s drawn lurkers over the corners on the wonketteuniverse and turned everyone into Henny Youngman.

    This should knock Oklahoma off the asshat radar for a couple of days, at least.

  75. Oh hell to the no

    There’s no fucking way this man does not have a love child. I agree that it’s weird he’d fly down Father’s Day weekend and that he’d fly down period. Why not just end it over the phone. I feel like there was someone he *had* to see – like a kid. John Edwards whistles and walks away.

  76. finallyhappy

    [re=347207]ph7[/re]: So true-I’m still hoping for a teenage boy or a male prostitute

  77. Oh hell to the no

    [re=347372]Gopherit[/re]: I really think there’s a kid. He apologized to his wife by name but didn’t he just apologize to “my kids”. Someone should’ve asked him about a love child. I have a feeling it would have tripped him up big time. Dude’s just not as smooth as John Edwards to the north.

  78. iolanthe

    [re=347169]bitchincamaro[/re]: “blown out of proportion” … heh … despite the delicious inadvertent pun, I keep wondering why no one ever pointed out that Ken Starr et al were … um … blowing the Monica thing out of proportion.

    Oh. Yeah. ‘Cause the rules are different when it’s a Repub who’s been caught.

  79. clovernode

    All I can say is karma bites, repugs. Bill Clinton must be laughing his a$$ off (I’m sure someone said that already)!

  80. OzoneTom

    [re=347377]rocktonsammy[/re]: Yeah, according to the HIV/AIDS Atlas Atlanta is best for that sort of thing…

  81. maven

    No doubt they are doing this intentionally, if Hitler could be repeatedly proclaimed a leftist, then Sanford can certainly be called a Democrat.

  82. shockratees

    yeah, the repugs love marriage so much that they have to keep trashing it in public just to prove that . . . .

    uh . . .

    the repugs support family values because . . .

    uh . . .

    . . . REPUGS! vote for us because we suck! and tax cuts for the wealthy! RAH!

  83. Baseproduct

    [re=347252]liquiddaddy[/re]: The only important word in that sentence is “executives”.

  84. Bruno

    I’ve had sex in Argentina. It’s pretty good so I can see how his heart is broken. But my all time favorites are Japanese and Lebanese sex. Oh yeah

  85. S.Luggo

    [re=347431]Mahousu[/re]: Yeah, right. Then why did she say several days ago that he was writing something and wanted space to get away from the kids.

  86. oldguy

    [re=347171]zippy123[/re]: Well, right about Obama. They’ve known each other for years, but a year ago, it sparked. It was stimulated, and it needed change.

    That and the lax moral atmosphere in the White House since W departed. They don’t wear ties and jackets in the Ovum Orifice any more.

  87. TinFoilTilly

    Sanford:)

    It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange
    When I try to explain where I was
    that I still need your votes after all that I’ve done

    You won’t believe me
    All you will see is a republican you once voted for
    Although he’s dressed down and flayed
    All sucked and fucked and blue

    I had to let it happen, I had to change
    Couldn’t stay all my life down at heel
    Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun

    So I chose freedom
    Running around, screwing all that new,
    But nothing impressed me at all
    I never expected any woman to

    Chorus:

    Don’t cry for me South Carolina
    The truth is I never (really) left you (for more than a week)
    All through my wild days (at taxpayer expense)
    My mad existence
    I kept my promise (to pretend to not take the stimulus)
    Don’t keep your distance from my name at the voting booth.

    And as for fortune, and as for fame
    I always invited them in
    Though it seemed to the world (rightly) they were all I desired

    They are not illusions
    They are the solutions they promised to be
    The answer was here (confession and fake humility) all the time
    I love you (wink wink)and hope you love me

    Don’t cry for me South Carolina

    (chorus)

    Have I shared too much?
    There’s always more I can think of to say to you.
    But all you have to do is look at me to know
    That every word is untrue.

  88. vaporware

    I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details …

    Happy Mother’s Day

    [i][b]Paid for by the Elect Mark Sanford for President Campaign [/i][/b]

  89. WithMySFValues

    Even for someone like myself who takes an unhealthy interest in political sexcapades, this presser was a doozy. Almost feel sorry for this prick. Despite the lack of resignation today, cannot but feel that’s what’s next for this gov’nor. Next up, Sanford as Argentine beef industry lobbyist?

  90. WithMySFValues

    Why the fuck did he even mention emails during the press conference? Those will be up for bidding soon…

  91. Komando

    I never would have thought he was cool enough to have an Argentine mistress and a Buenos Aires fuckpad. I mean seriously. That’s awesome. I figured him for a meth shack in the woods with a male escort.

  92. oldguy

    Plane tickets? Passport info? Presents for the kids? There are no motels in Atlanta? It can’t be that hard to find out what’s really been going on.

Comments are closed.