Wonkette
Mark Sanford’s going to talk to the media, RIGHT NOW. We are watching MSNBC, which is most likely to cover it — it is hard to get a camera inside South Carolina — due to its liberal politics. Make your bets NOW about possible sex affairs/love children, closest-without-going-over gets a chocolate dildo…
SUMMARY: If you missed the hot live action, he admitted to having a hot sex affair with a hot babe in Argentina, for a year, and then he apologized to millions of people and Gods.
2:05 — That state Sen. Knotts guy was talking on MSNBC, and state Sen. Knotts does not miss many meals. Every feature on his body is spherical. Maybe he ate Mark Sanford and that’s where he was?
2:08 — Ou es tu, Sanford? We have to get back to aggregating Iranian Twitter feeds. His appearance might be delayed, they say! Suppose this is what we get for caring about local politics in some slave state.
2:10 — The babe editor of Hotline is telling us that John Ensign had an affair last week, and now Mark Sanford is uhh involved in some problem, so the Republicans could be in trouble!
2:14 — MSNBC has CUT AWAY FROM COVERAGE because Mark Sanford is just that late. Now there is a commercial break. We are watching a commercial with a lizard selling car insurance.
2:17 — Some greaseball is talking about the economy now. Doesn’t MSNBC know that Americans stopped caring about this as a news story a month or two ago?
2:20 — He still isn’t out. No one will tell us when this is happening. Perhaps he is in Bermuda with the terrorists.
*****2:24***** HERE HE IS HE IS TALKING and seems confused.
2:24 — He is talking about his history with the Appalachian Trail. He used to take people’s money, when he was younger, and then send them to the Appalachian Trail. These were called “Adventure Trips.”
2:25 — “Adventure Trips” help you escape the bubble. BUT THE WIFE MUST NOT KNOW!
2:25 — What he said this morning “was not the whole story.” Here we go!
2:26 — He’s apologizing to his wife and his four children “for letting them down.”
2:26 — “This is the first step in what will be a very long process on that front.” WHAT IS THE FRONT.
2:27 — Apologizing to his staff. He invented a “fictional” account of where he was going, and told his staff this. He apologizes to South Carolina. He apologizes to some hobo who was living in his basement during his first governor campaign. “We called it Jurassic Park.” Hey Mark, who did you fuck?
2:29 — Man, he is breaking down. Now he is giving his philosophical take on God’s Law, and his conception of sin. He is a person of Faith. Who did you have sex with, Mark?
2:31 — AHA: He developed a relationship WITH A WOMAN IN ARGENTINA over the last year.
2:31 — Ha ha ha, when he finally said what happened, a lady in the background gave a rather brutal “WTF?” head turn.
2:32 — Stop asking for forgiveness and babbling about your God. Liz Becton would not approve.
2:33 — He’s resigning as chair of the Republican Governors Association.
2:34 — QUESTIONS.
2:34 — Someone asks if he is separated from his wife. “She is there, I am here, so I guess.” Jesus.
2:35 — He and his wife have been “dealing with this” for the past five or so months. He is in some sort of AA for cheaters? Or just regular therapy.
2:36 — He’s discussing his relationship with his Argentinian sex lady, and how he and she had a very earnest conversation about how they should each stop cheating on their spouses.
2:37 — Pretty sure he just pulled out the old, “If it’s in different continents, then it doesn’t count.”
2:37 — They were friends for eight years. “Then a year ago things sparked into something else. I have seen her three times since the sparkin’ thing.”
2:38 — “I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”
2:39 — Why does he keep talking about what he did to some guy named Tom Davis, who slept in Jurassic Park in his basement? Tom doesn’t give a shit. Guy Code.
2:40 — Did he lie to his staff that he was going to the Appalachian Trail? No, he only told him he “might go to the Appalachian Trail” last Thursday, which was true, hypothetically.
2:41 — OVER. Well, nothin’ much, just secretly flying down to Argentina every now and then to sex up a sexy lady. Sounds like a good deal! Why stop?
2:43 — One more thing: John McCain used to do this in the 1950s.
does anyone have a link to a live stream?
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/news/2009/06/sc_gov_news_conference_1.php?ref=fpa
my money’s on the mullato baby thing. that and he got gay married.
Livestream:
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/news/2009/06/sc_gov_news_conference_1.php?ref=fpa
My money’s still on the alpaca.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/
Maybe he ate Mark Sanford and that’s where he was
That would make Mark Sanford a poop, whereas he was a poop before this. Next possible explanation.
The key will be whether his faithful wife will be standing beside him. If she does, he’s guilty of something.
StoneAge: Yup
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/news/2009/06/sc_gov_news_conference_1.php?ref=fpa
“My friends, fellow citizens of South Carolina, I am a tranny-chasing american.” cue in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….
Oh, and someone over @ Kos says this is one rumor about the identity his special guest on his viaje a Argentina, and she’s a current candidate for S. Carolina governor, and just happened to have scrubbed all photos of him from her website today.
http://www.nikkihaley.com/
Best bet: blowing stimulus money on studying Cristo Redentor to build a duplicate in front of every public building in the entire state. Just because.
Two words: plastic surgery. Second guess: pool boy
Sexual partner: mid-20s male staffer
Place: Argentinian sauna
Fursuit: squirrel
If Wonkette doesn’t win a Pulitzer for its coverage of this story then there is no God.
http://www.wistv.com/
If I leave here tomorrow,
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
‘Cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.
But if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn’t be the same.
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can’t change.
StoneAge: Hey, in case no one’s told you, I think Talking Points Memo has it.
Wheee! Starting!
There is still time to channel Jennifer Wilbanks and the abduction by a Hispanic in a blue van thingy.
american mutt: My money is that he molested a mullato baby but ends up blaming the whole thing on his wide stance… and Obama.
I’m betting the whole thing is just an attention-getting stunt, all carefully planned, no hanky-panky involved.
Because he’s boring, whitebread guy who happens to be a whiny little hey-pay-attention-to-me drama queen.
TeddyS: OR the wife AND kids, then, it’s gegh buttsecks.
Whee! Late. Dopes.
this better not be a let down.
Oooh, is the chocolate dildo for eating? Because anything else seems like a recipe for ants in weird places.
Nazi sex scandal.
TeddyS: oh how dare you
Ugh, typical southerners, trying to figure out the technologies in the microphone machines.
A Bud Dwyer moment?
“che-uck, che-uck, che-uck, thas my voice in the mike…”
SmutBoffin: Chupacabra furrie also.
Breaking–Governor missing. A-fucking-gain.
afghanistan, argentina, zebra???
I’m going to livecomment this liveblog.
2:11pm - Jim Newell comes out swinging, with jokes.
He must be digging a pretty deep hole.
“Afghanistan, Argentina, Zebra, test, test, test….”
Jesus, it was an alpaca!
Who was that blonde on MSNBC?
I call sex change!
Ha, sound check guy said “test test, Afghanistan, Argentina, zebra, test test.”
Afghanistan, Argentina, Zebra… test…
somebody’s got a sense of humour
Please come out dressed in a sailor suit with a big lolly. Can we just have a good ol’ fashioned breakdown?
Saragon: Dave J.: you guys are the bestest!
I came in just in time to hear them say “argentina zebra” during the mic test. Heelarious!
octupletsmom: This time he’s gonna stay hid.
Fifteen?
HIROHITO99: That wouldn’t even be a problem if we all listened to Nixon.
What’s the over/under on Hotlips Sanford actually showing up to the presser?
His appearance might be delayed… = turns out he’s currently in Thailand.
orange: “afghanistan, argentina, zebra???”
That’d be a hell of a story.
2:12pm - Jim Newell still claiming that Mark Sanford isn’t there. Yeesh, is he Liveblogging or Lagblogging? Only time will tell, literally.
tunamelt: um, those aren’t ants, Tuna……
The problem is that this is going to fuck with my lunch hour unless he fucking speeds it up.
Serious: Metablogging will kill us all.
2:14 Hasn’t yet.
“Ou es tu, Sanford?” He’s adjusting his tin foil cap.
And so begins another Endless Cummer!
2012 GOP primary season is going to be the greatest spectacle this nation ever did see.
“That sounds like a personal problem…” Bwahahaha. Brother, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.
Gads, Fox is carrying this, too. Cutting away from ongoing coverage of John Edwards.
Mahousu: That’s just what he WANTS you to think! Current real location: International Space Station.
Heard some reporter say “He fell off a what?” This should be good.
$20 on gay affair with hot latino whom has been mysteriously “disappeared” off a cliff on the coast of Argentina.
StoneAge: Mic test or code for mulatto baby?
There’s a whole messa’ purdy moufs in that room.
octupletsmom: probably negotiating whore diamond size for Mrs Sanford.
Gopherit: Shit.
Has Sanford given us the slip again? OH!!!!
Pun intended.
Between Ensign and Sanford, I think the plan is to FLOOD THE FUCKING ZONE with stories about horndog GOPers who just can’t stop themselves from boning every woman they see. Next into the breach, Jim Gibbons.
ugh. Listening to the tool bags dick around at the podium one of them says “That sounds like a personal problem,” with regards to a missing body pack, microphone thing-a-ma-gigger. Seriously; “that sounds like a personal problem” is the single least funny, generic comment anyone can make.
I bet you he “lost” the stimulus money.
It’s a loooong long way to Argentina
It’s a looooong way to go
It’s a long long way to Argentina
to my tranny hooker and blow
I’m kinda hoping some teary cheaply-dressed stiletto-heeled tart steps up to the mike and says, in a deep voice, “First, I want to apologize for any consternation my absence may have caused.”
He’s still backstage, making sure that all the boys in Buenos Aires are agreed on the cover story… “It was an accident; he must have tied himself to the bed…”
The % of ‘Murkins who identify themselfs as Republicans just went down 10% overnight.
Noodle Salad: Please SKIP out methinks. He simply has to skip out to the podium in that get-up. Thank you, BTW.
Meanwhile, in the Bizarro land known as Red State:
“First, we need to be clear on the facts — not the media speculation:
– Sanford did tell his staff and family where he was going.
– Because he was traveling without a security detail, it was in his best interests that no one knew he was gone.
– His political enemies — Republicans at that — ginned up the media story.
– When confronted by a pestering media, things went downhill.
– Again though, at all times there was no doubt that Sanford’s staff and family knew where he was.”
via TPM
Apparently, his wife’s assertion that she didn’t know where he was was a clever ruse to throw everyone off the trail. Mark was actually on a secret mission to kill Osama Bin Laden in Buenos Aires.
Waiting for Mark Sanford to appear while listening to Mussorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition (thanks WETA!) is hilariously surreal.
Why is he so late? Did he flee the country again?
Does the insurance-selling lizard have any 2012 aspirations? How soon will it be revealed that he had an affair with a skanky skink?
GOP dumbfuckery: so much schaudenfreude, so little time to savor it all.
Meanwhile, in the Governor’s press office: “Xanax, test test, Zoloft…test test”
I’ve got it! He’s gay marrying Jon Gosselin. Rice queen FTW.
You guys, he’s obviously busy unpacking his S&M gear. That shit takes forever to unpack and hang up properly.
They are adjusting the tight-lippedness of the future ex Mrs. Sanford.
orange: Sanford at the press conference = Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy) from The Breakfast Club:
Q: Governor, don’t you think it might be problematic for a governor to vanish for days at a time?
Sanford: I don’t have to runaway and live in the street. I can runaway and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan, Appalachia, Argentina!
Beatrix: WETA is now carrying the Voice of Russia?
nappyduggs: With one of those comic oversized novelty lollipops.
What the hell? I purposely show up late and I beat hiker?
EXTREME CLOSE UPPPPP WHHHHHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!1111 WHHHOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!!!!1
JESUS, lady! Turn the damn gain down on your mic.
I call sex change!
Yes, but from what to what?
this is what it sounds like when doves cry
My audio is cool.
something’s about to happen!
Maybe he’s become invisible …?
4tehlulz: “Bald and unconvincing”. Sorry.
where the hell am I?
Seriously, some of us are on the left coast and would like this shit to be done before we need to eat. Step it up, Mr. Hope You’re Wearing a Diaper
Dave J.: Wasn’t it South Carolina’s own Strom Thurmond who at some judiciary hearing or other some years back couldn’t hear the witnesses speaking through the microphones and kept yelling “Wouldja … wouldja PLEASE TALK into THA MACHINE! WOULDJA PLEASE SPEAK INTO THA MACHINE!!”
WHY WONT THIS FUCKING THING START. My chops are RED with anticipation.
Missing governor is missing. Staff says they know where he is … this time … really.
nappyduggs: Also, he has to resign his seat because of an irreconcilable difference with the Lollipop Guild. And, you’re welcome.
WTF, if Sanford now Axle Rose circa 1989 or something? Stop making us wait, beyotch!
Wooo,hoo! IT’S ON!
Peronists
Dave J.: that would be too perfect! get rid of two dipshit Repubs at once. I’ve never been so proud to be a South Carolinian….uh….well…
he’s drunk!!!2
Oh, God, let there be pictures. Please. Whatever it is, let it be smeared all over every tawdry, cheap publication in the United States…I’m talking Juggs, Boy Scout Foot Fetish Monthly, Politico…
omg he’s totally going to resign, I can feel it.
No wife!
He seems really really really uncomfortable.
Oooh. I keep hitting refresh but it looks like the eco-driving quiz ad is back. Or did it never leave?
Somebody tear the heads of turkeys in the background.
WHERE’S YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE, SANFORD?
Uh, Governor? I don’t think this is really about the Appalachian Trail …
ok i got this y’all…
he is lying
Appalachain trail again?
SIXTY BUCKS? What a whore.
I told her about my love of…the Appalachian trial? Booooo.
“You mean the Appalachian Trail ISN’T in Argentina??”
Sanford conference on the interwebs: http://www.wyff4.com/video/5552967/index.html
OMG,he DID go on the Appalachian trail… with a GOAT!
OH NO. Mark Sandford is part of the Super Adventure Club-secret Scientologist!
Obfuscation!!
hoosiermama: Gotta get one last line of coke in before he confesses to a gay orgy and resigns to go to church therapy.
If a governor asks you to go on an “adventure trip” with him, YOU SAY NO.
Right off the bat: he has no idea what he wants to say. So he just riffs. He needs to break from the bubble. As governor of South Carolina?
Get on with it man! Get to the sex!
Run Mark, run like the wind to the Appalachian Trail!
Given the recent Britney concert episode, it’s definitely boy/boys.
The incredibly ridiculous list of locations/excuses and unbelievable poor judgement indicates there are drugs involved.
“Exotic” says that meth/rednecking is the usual and coca/gauchos is a special treat.
Either way, he’s finished.
He’s still stoned out of his gourd.
What on earth is he babbling on and on about?
eastcoastliberal: Damn, blew the opportunity for her in a blue power suit.
He is hoping to put everyone to sleep.
“I couldn’t take the pressure, I just wigged out. Sorry!”
WOW.
eastcoastliberal: That means he was having buttsex with another hot argentine man with a mullett.
NOT THE WHOLE STORY!!!!!!!!
He’s a “bottom line” kind of guy? So he was bottoming?
He’s a bottom!!!
ooheoheohoho! he’s bottom line kinda guy and it’s gonna hurt!
“I’m a bottom…line kinda guy”
oh baby!!
And guess who just filed for divorce. Where was Kate Goselin last weekend?
He’s a bottom who lets the chips fall where they may.
So, this is all about a tantrum he’s throwing, over having his package stimulated. What a wad.
I’ve been listening to him for like five minutes and he’s making no sense.
“Let me first of all apologize to my wife Jenny and my four boys…” - now we’re getting somewhere!
yayay! He’s going to confess!!
YES, YES, YES!!!! SSSSSEEEEEEXXXXYYYYTTTTTIIIMMMMEEEE!!!!
He named his kid Bolton? Really?
Where was Rush and his bag of viagra during this time period?
Guppy06: Methbabble bubble.
Jeezus is he milking being the center of the media circus universe or WHAT! What a DOUCHE, just get on with it for cryssake.
YES! ITS A SEX SCANDAL! AWESOME
Apologies! Ruh-roh!
He’s apologizing to his wife & kids! Oh, this is gonna hurt… Wheee!
Ha, apology to his wife, he is so fucked.
Beatrix: “Waiting for Mark Sanford”. Did Samuel Beckett write that one too?
A southern governor takes an unsupervised trip followed by uncomfortable questions. Why does this seem familiar?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBk6MzXBdJU
Is he crying?
Eggleston…Eggleston
Get to the buttsecks, dammit.
Let me tell this to my wife, via press conference.
For the love of God, Mark; get to the point!
“knows how closely she has stood by my side.”
except for right now, obvs.
Forgets momentarily about how long he’s been “married” to “Jenny.” Good times.
When he said “Jenny” I just kept thinking of Forrest Gump. And please resign. It would be the greatest thing to happen to me today since about 12pm CDT.
wtf, he’s has Palins speech coach.
Get to the buttsecks!
New code word: “adventure-trip”
He has a son named ‘Bolton’ !
Jesus, he’s been talking for almost five minutes and has said absolutely nothing. WTF is he even apologizing for?
You didn’t let us down, you shit. We were hoping for this.
He’s apologizing to everyone but the one who matters! Me!!
He blew the entire stimulus check on hookers in Argentina!
4tehlulz: You’re a brave a deranged soul to have visited the Red State during a time like this.
CthuNHu: Yes please.
Fox n Fiends: “Maybe he’s just like his mother, she’s never satisfied…”
Oh shit, he’s emoting.
Now he’s talking about a man and Dinosaur sheets!?
ok y’all.. dude is about to cry.. i’m quitting this game
Is he talking about a dinosaur living in his basement?
What the hell did he do? This is the saddest presser about a vacation ever.
He’s a bottom line kind of guy, if you know what I mean. AND I THINK YOU DO.
“And I want to apologize to Miguel, for sticking him with the hotel bill.”
He’s going to personally apologize to everyone in SC, by name, before he explains what the hell he was doing.
Dinosaur tears in heaven.
Why do I get the sense this entire speech will be “I apologize to my wife, my kids, my staff, my friends, my dog, my mailman, my ice cream truck driver, I did nothing wrong, goodbye.”
Argentine love child! Sanford & Hijo! Little baby Sanfordistas running about the coast near Buenos Aires where there are no roads!
This scandal is the best upper ever, and it’s not even clear that it’s a scandal yet.
Wow… is he going to blow his brains out on TV?
He’s apologizing and apologizing, but nobody knows what for!
My staff should have been looking for me up the bums of Argentine boy sex workers.
bago: No wonder she’s not standing by his sideeeeeeeee.
YES YES YES you have let down every human being you ever knew in your whole life. GET ON WITH IT you incredible sociopath!!!!
He knows how to build the suspense. I have to say I like it.
Father in Law talk. Exciting.
Ok, ok, you let every fucking person you know in the world down, except for the whore(s?) you were banging in Argentina. Get to the point, man!
PLEASE GUBERNOR WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN ARGENTINA????
I HOPE HE TELLS MORE POINTLESS STORIES FOREVER IT IS QUITE ENJOYABLE
stop stalling !!!1
ohhoheoheoh! God’s laws!
blood, blood, blood!
We forgive you Mark, you’re only human, now go blow a goat and resign.
Man, he did something reaaallllllly scuzzy.
“God’s Law” Rutt-roah!
I always like to call press conferences to announce my wrongdoings to my spouse. Creates a little suspense, you know?
Happy trail to you, gov.
What is going on behind him? The Today Show window is more controlled.
We’re only here to protect you from yourself!
It must be really bad. Spit it out!
God’s laws? He went to Buenos Aries on a mission from God!
Jucier. JUICIER…..
Pro tip to Mark Sanford: God has nothing to do with whether or not you cheat on your wife. That’s all about you, buddy.
Oh, no, God’s laws! Yes…..
Ohh I’m not a person of faith, no apologies to me!
God’s law…fer crisssakes.
MSNBC headline: “Gov. Sandford has taken many adventurous trips.” I guess they will add “with little boys” later.
2:29pm - Jim Newell keeps freaking out in all caps
“The biggest self of self is self.”
I think he’s got potential in the Repubic Party!
He’s talking about God’s law and self of self of self of self of self. I hope he starts crying
He has not apologized to me yet. I’m waiting, Mark!
God’s law? God’s law? Get to the queerness, the divorce and the resignation already.
He’s totally lost me. This would make a lot more sense if he’d confess to the affair first.
he is a POF (Person of Faith), people!
I can’t wait for the “words not mentioned at press conference” story Politico is cooking up for this one. Let’s start with “taintblaster.”
SmutBoffin: it’s kinda endearing.
anybody looking at the smiling lady behind him?
“..and this one time in 1987 I accidentally left a 13.5% tip for a waitress in Greensville, and I apologize for that.”
You have no reason to apologize to people of faith they are gullible morons just tell them whatever end it with “God told me so” and you’re golden.
come on!?
God’s laws protect people from themselves? SEX ADDICTION.
He’s about to confess to MURDER!!!
I want to know who the gay guy was who broke up his heterosexual marriage?
Did he just apologize to GOD!
yesh!
the schadenfraude of this is overwhelming! i am laughing to hard to function at work, dammit.
Ok, waiting for the big wind up for either his resignation or his staying…I think he’s gonna stay. After the self-criticism, cue the “I’m gonna stay and fight in three, two, one….”
What would a GOPer know about moral absolutes?
Woah–infidelity….all bets are off.
eastcoastliberal: No wife = divorce! Which, ironically, will make this turn out better for him politically than otherwise, as folks will say, “Eh, she wouldn’t even stand by him, who can blame him for straying?”
Still, he’s toast.
And his wife looks like she was extremely hot, when Jimmy Carter was President.
My heart, struggling, god’s laws, believers, grandparents, children, life, moral absolutes, Protest you from yourself, consequences, bottom law
RIELLE!!!!!
WHOOOOOHOOOO!!!! FTW Sanford!!!!11
Another straight affair?
Appalachia - Argentina. Easy mistake to make.
Can you hear me now?
yesssssssss! he banged a deer from Argentina!
This is a code yellow on the R. Budd Dwyer alert … he did say he was going to need years to get forgiveness.
Oh, shit!!! He’s fucking a Mexican from Argentina!!!
Male or female friend?
he’s fucking someone in one of the mexicoez that he met on the interwebs!
What channel is this damn thing on?!
All I can find is some press conference of John Boehner doing a Foghorn Leghorn impression.
So long, possible presidential run!
I love the beaming chicks behind him
Sigh. And there it is.
Jackass.
An affair. So… male of female ?
All bets on “UNFAITHFUL TO MY WIFE” can now collect. This result is official.
boy or girl?
Adultery, yes - SEX OF THE ‘DEAR DEAR FRIEND’, MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT IS IT?!
No shit, God’s Laws????
Weeping????
Fucking beautiful. I think I am close to the Big O…
The reporters behind him are breaking out into huge grins. Nice.
shit, a woman.
“Her”. Wow, didn’t see that coming.
This press conference was a terrible idea. This is the sound of a career dying.
This guy is an elected official, of anything? Really? What the fuck is he talking about? Self?
Who’s the black gal grinning over his right shoulder?! Creepy.
A dear dear DEAR friend in Argentina.
I hurt everybody I hurt a lot of folks I just plain fucking hurt.
OK NOW GO AWAY.
This better be good.
BTW, I totally give Sanford a pass: Argentine women are HAWT!!!!!! No one can resist their HAWTNESS.
John Ensign is breathing a sigh of relief.
But…. How old was this “dear dear friend?”
Is it female, of age, and unmarried?
B O R I N G
. . . But I still like “Adventure-trip.”
Oh, I’ve been dying for a good Repub scandal since, oh, last week.
This is like bad foreplay. GET TO THE POINT I’M ALL CHAFED!!!!!!
damnit. just a lady.
Fin.
he’s not running for president.
I hurt my boys on the bike the other day.
For the love of Jeebus, Mark, who did you screw?!?!
So, what did your kids give you for Father’s Day, Asshole?
I’d like to apologize to John Ensign … WHO JUST GOT CAUGHT WITH HIS NUTS IN SOME LADY’S MOUTH! HOW COULD I PICK THIS WEEK FOR ARGENTINA WHORE TRIP …. Booooo Hooooo.
Who is the black girl in the background smiling like this is the best thing in the world? I’d like to buy her a drink… yes, I’m a pedobear, don’t judge me!
I would ask for y’alls zone of privacy. He’s so gay for Tom Davis.
We are all Tom Davis now!
Is Jenny gonna write an Elizabeth-book?
An adult human female? SHOCKING!
Seriously I was not expecting that at all.
Jacobsbladder: “You tell ‘em, Daddy!”
Still no clarity on the gender of the Argentinian…
I think Nate Silver wrote this speech.
That’s it? He just fucked some chick?
Maybe it was an Argentinian tranny. At least a hooker/pornstar. C’mon. Make this worth the trouble!
I give him kudos for going for an Argentinian chick.
**fingers crossed** Please, please, please…make it the alpaca!
He’s resigning!….of the GOP Governor’s association. Dick tease.
Was she the corpse of Evita Peron? Get it over with, Sanford!
Colbert for Gov!
Why does he keep apologizing to the Tom Davis’s of the world?
Ok, you apologized, and want privacy. That makes it all better. Now, where’s the love child?
And in NC, we don’t use “y’alls” as the plural of “y’all”.
He’s resigning as chair of the RGA. BFD. But it’s to make more time for his family, and for SC, also. Damn.
Girl with sunglasses smiling and laughing behind him is so ultra-money.
RESIGNING!
Oh, as chairman of some gubbanors thing. Dang.
Resigning at RGA. Big deal. Whore diamonds motherf%cker! Do you have one? Is it softball sized?
Excuse me, but that’s “*whom* did you fuck?”
Man. Just an affair? Boring.
“I’m going to resign…”
Yes…?!?!
“…as head of the Republican Governor’s Association.”
Meh.
The relationship started innocently…
Lonely, sailor?
Hahaha MSNBC chyron says “I will tender my resignation as governor.” Uhh didn’t he say he’ll just resign as chair of the Rep Governors?
I feel bad for him. Surely there’s something we can do….I GOT it! Let’s send him some STIMULUS MONEY!
MSNBC just ran a false headline for almost a minute saying he will resign as gov. CAN THESE LIBRULS NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH
CRY! CRY!
Evil goddamn Reglicunts! I hate these motherfuckers!
I have noting else to say except “family Values” = Fucking
some cunt while your state rots.
Will somebody please arrest and try all these goddamn criminals??
Barky too! Another goddamn fake.
american mutt:
+1
Dear Friend = Tranny I met on the Internet.
Argentina? That’s an expensive affair.
Oh man, he’s crying… I feel bad for him now. He may be a drama queen, but he doesn’t come across as a douchebag.
*pets bb Sanford*
Wow! That sure took a lot of yalls.
The wife knew and he just cold said “Hey, I’m going to bang my gf for a week.. see ya”
Since the governor has been giving this press conference, the Dow has been steadily dropping. I guess Big Business doesn’t care for sex with Argentines?
She kept her promise….
So all that mother fuckin’ grandstanding about the stim, he fucked over his State, to play to the “base” so he could run in 2012, and it’s all over now. HAHA!
Wow. I never realized what a total and complete brain-dead exhibitionist narcissistic asshole this guy is. This is nauseating.
So far, I’m hearing him repeatedly say “this person” instead of “her.”
“Were you alone in Argentina?”
“Obviously not”.
OH SNAP! (Can’t blame him on that one. DUH, lady)
“I met this person…”
So what’s this guy going to do if he’s Preznit of the US America? What if NK launches it’s entire force of zero ICBMs at Hawaii, destroying the world’s macadamia supply then is he going to run away leaving US America because he can’t take the heat?
Dude, better to say you did a Argy ladyboy up the ass then ramble on about not being able to handle stress.
Wow, 2:35 I feel sorta sorry for the fella. I’ll get over it very soon. “I met this person innocently, and then I innocently fucked her.”
Guppy06: HAHAHA.
Presidential TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Reporter: Did you break off the relationship?
Sanford (paraphrasing): No. I intend to keep fucking her ’till my balls shrivel up and fall off.
He got his ho and he still has four sons, why is he crying?
And “cubby, thank you for being there as a friend” “He’s been with me all through this.”
Can we hope for a three-way.
And,no, Mark, you’ll never give us more detail than we want. How can you be in politics and think that?
“interesting how this thing has gone down” Indeed
“Working through this for five months”. Then I went to Argentina to spend the weekend with my mistress.
It’s working just dandy, this “working through this”.
Ahhhh…was that as good for everyone else as it was for me? *smokes cigarette*
He said “woman”? He keeps saying “person.”
“We had a very serious conversation… and then I tapped that ass.”
Best ‘I confess’ conference evah!
From TPM:
“In response to a question, Sanford says that his family knew of his affair prior to the trip imbroglio and that he and his wife have been working through their issues for some five months.”
Apparently, they need to work a little harder.
what happened to America First?
There is a certain irony to this!
Oh, you poor weepy loser.
I bet the Argentinian woman is a Russian spy. He was being groomed to be a mole President some day.
Let’s “swap some emails” baby!
So, she’s married, too. That’s good.
We exchanged some emails. She wanted to get back to her husband becuase of her children.
“So I fucked her.”
OH FUCK
Who in the fuck is in charge of this abortion of a press conference? That person should be fired. This press conference will end his career, not Argentinian pussy.
Pat Puke-anan will read him the riot act for adulterating in espanol! Viva Sotomayor!
BINGO! The money shot! BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA. Don’t cry for me, Argentina!!!! Gimme back my stim munies, ya crybaby loser-boy.
A republican guy fucked a chick? I don’t understand the world anymore…
COLBERT! COLBERT! COLBERT!
You know what? I didn’t want a chocolate covered dildo anyway.
This whole Ensign/Sanford having affairs with women thing… is this what Steele means by reforming the GOP?
“He’s resigning as chair of the Republican Governors Association.”
Yeah, sex with a woman … ewwww.
gjdodger: FTW.
Does ‘casual basis’ mean NSA?
“Sparking thing?” Is that the new GOP code phrase?
Good grief the incessant WHINING about no privacy for being in politics. Hey pal, there’s a real good solution for that — GET OUT
In the words of P.J. O’Rourke, “What the fuck, man? I mean, what the fucking fuck?” This is one of the weirdest pressers I’ve seen, ever, since Budd Dwyer an heroed on live TV.
Jurassic Park references? Resigning as chairman of the Republican Governors’ Association?
Why doesn’t he just say that he had hot buttsecks or that he’s leaving his wife for someone else instead of totally collapsing on live TV?
O NOES HE JUST SAID HE “MET THIS PERSON SEVEN OR EIGHT YEARS AGO”!!!1 WHO IS S/HE? AMURIKA DEMANDS AN ANSWER.
SAVED! This mystery Argentine woman was MARRIED and the mother of TWO CHILDREN!
Not as exciting as preteen ladyboys but it’s enough to sink his career for sure.
grendel: Malia?
You meanies leave the kids out of it, and I apologize for the governor apologizing to them.
Bananas and Blow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjvPudHZ6Ow
Jeez, what adult male calls himself “cubby”?
HAH. “crying in Argentina”
Honey, stop giving EMAIL a bad rap!! he is saying the word for the millionth time
More information than you may possibly want…
I.Don’t.Think.So.
And with that, the media switches focus from John Ensign to this piece of lice-infested twat-upholstery.
5 and a half days Alan! Crying for 5 and a half days!
I’m sure the cubby colbertsons and tom davis’ would prefer that you stopped referring to them in your Earnest Crying Argentinian Sex Apology.
Wussy!! Wussy!! Crybaby!! Dick Cheney will take you to his lair and make a man out of you!!! You will never cry again!!!
“I spent the last few days CRYING IN ARGENTINA!”
Crank up the “Evita” rewrites.
STOP TALKING!
Jesus, God, God’s Law, Jesus, Jesus, biggest titties you ever saw, Jesus, Christ, God’s Law, Jesus, Jesus,God, Jesus
It’s pretty bad when you can’t find someone in your own hemisphere to fuck!
Get you heart right after you get your NUT RIGHT??
He was totally cybering with the Argentinian and then went to make it the real deal.
Wow, props to a guy who “works through issues” with his wife about an affair he’s having for five months, and then leaves ON FATHER’S DAY WEEKEND TO FUCK HER IN ARGENTINA.
Map props, Gov.
An hero, now!
Oh, sorry, wrong place.
He’s hetero? Huh…I’m sort of shocked.
“I spent the last five days crying in Argentina.”
Her name IS Evita!
“That sparking thing.”
“Serious overdrive.”
“You absolutely want resolution.”
It was a place based on the fiduciary relationship I have with the people of South Carolina.”
“Yo, I’m completely right with my heart . . . ”
More code phrases we can use forever. Thank you, Mark Sanford.
Is he still Facebook friends with this woman in Argentina and has his relationship status been changed to “It’s Complicated”?
Last question?!
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“I spent the last five days crying in Argentina.”
Jeez, WTF with these titty-baby Republicans? I’m with you, Min. It’s not only an alpaca, but it’s a male alpaca.
He’s having an affair with a Mexican (or whatever you call people from Argentia)? Lou Dobbs will not care for this at all. WHAT YOU SCREW SCREWS AMERICA!
ManchuCandidate: Mark Sanford exists to make John McCain look stable.
please god
let “argentinian = sarah palin
and who is this rom davis he keeps apologizing to?
and more crying also
He just said “yo.” Noteworthy because it’s vaguely negroidian, thus like an Obamination.
“This was selfishness on my part.” What, from the guy who’d rather be a Republican candidate for president than give poor people food stamps? No!
And is her name Vaca ?
Does anyone here realize how difficult it can be not to go to to Argentina as soon as you step outside the house? Just last night, I went out to buy a loaf of bread and I was in Paraguay before I stopped myself. I blame this on the babby Jeebus.
LittlePig: Better answer: “What do you think?”
Need pix, STAT.
WHOA, he “jeopardized her LIFE”??!?
What kind of high-octane action-adventures was boring ol’ Mark Sanford getting up to in his secret double life?
Thank God it’s over. That was painful to watch.
Now I know why he turned down the stimulus money: he was getting all the stimulation he needed in Argetina!
He just ran away?
“Yo”, there’s your soundbite.
Well, that was nice, so good of him to drop by.
Did he just break off in mid-sentence and turn on his heel and leave?
Unbelievable. Wow.
Just shutup and resign, Jesus fucking Christ.
He has made me do the one thing I never thought I would do - feel sorry for South Carolina.
Thank heavens!
I feared it was a trip to South America for underage prostitutes.
Whew! A consenting adult female!
Nothing to see here folks. Move along. Move along.
Extemporanus: “I say, I say, I say…”
Boehner’s impression is getting better as this thing goes on.
Serolf Divad: Oh God, oh God, oh Jesus fucking Christ, oh God, OHGODOHGODOHHhHHHHhhhhh….
Aw, they cut the audio feed just when the reporters were getting interesting. “Did you get the woman’s name?” “Didn’t say. I asked him but he didn’t say”. “She’s married, or was married…”
Chances the Argentine girlfriend is really a Gaucho Tranny???? 50/50.
Haaaaaaaa!!!! In the words of the great Candy Crowley, “OK, I don’t even know where to begin…”
4tehlulz: If you lived here you would be doing that everyday.
AxmxZ: Look. He could have said, “life form”. And at least it’s in the singular.
Noodle Salad:
Earnest Crying Argentinian Sex Apology
Very nice indeed.
When a governor of one our great states has to go all the way to Argentina to get laid, America has been made weak in the eyes of the world. Thanks, Nobama!
So, I went to Argentina for a week to cry… and to get THE LAST BLOWJOB I’LL EVER GET.
Tom DAvis must have been basing his future on Sanford presidency, dontcha think?
THAT’s who he’s been fucking. Poor Tom. Resigned from the House to “back” ol’ Mark and got reemed in a three-way he didn’t even know about.
Uh, Mark? ‘Tom davis’ isn’t technically a woman’s name. Or Argentinian.
But what about Naked Hiking Day?
Fox n Fiends: Win.
On the continuum of GOP sex confession press conferences, I think this comes in #2 behind Larry Craig. Better than Vitter, though.
Men in power shouldn’t be married. Problem solved.
It’s all the fault of La Raza Sotomayor! La Raza MUST be stopped from entering el-Supremes! I mean: wouldja look whut happens when La Raza is merely “under” consideration!!! La Raza is a threat to our ‘murkin family values. poor white boy tricked by Conchita Banana….
Process process process process process.
He sure seems to be dancing around using a feminine pronoun to refer to “this person.”
“In response to a question, Sanford says that his family knew of his affair prior to the trip imbroglio and that he and his wife have been working through their issues for some five months.”
She may have been working through the issues, but he’s just been an international horndog.
DoktorZoom: Dok FTW!
20 bucks says Hannity blames this on the libs or he doesn’t bring it up at all.
Perfect photo — jaunty Sanford with jacket over his shoulder. Does anyone do that except for the “Sinatra album cover” look? Just Mark setting off on a caper.
And somewhere, Spitzer looks up from his snapper for hire and says, “what a pussy.”
Whether he speaks of the unfolding drama on his television or the sweet foam upon his lips, we shall never know.
The Republican congressman that MSNBC is interviewing on the phone says he forgives Sanford, so Sanford’s .000000000001% of the way there already.
At least his wife didn’t pull a Silda Spitzer.
One Yield Regular: I noticed that, too. This woman is named Alberto.
There isn’t a big enough crow for Doucheborough to have to eat tomorrow on Morning Mika, he’s been defending this bibletool all week…suck it Joe.
And another Republican star grows dim.
I think he was boffing Tom Davis, too. And he apologizes to his fellow Klansmen for failing them on the character issue.
One Yield Regular: Know how I know you’re gay? You keep saying “this person” instead of “this woman.”
This is simply the most excitingly stupid thing a potential Republican presidential candidate has done!
This week, I mean.
HOLY FARKING SHIAT. BREAK OUT THE DRUDGE SIRENZ
This is because of gay marriage. Gay marriage destroys the institution of marriage, and forces guys to travel 9 thousand miles to screw nasty tramps. Who are married.
american mutt: It worked out well for the Catholic church.
Mark, if y’alls ain’t smart enuf to carry out an affair discreetly, how can we expect you to become Preznit? Idiot could have done this so easily - just tell his Lt. Gov. and staff that he was taking a breather after the legislative session and that he’d be back in a week. No one would have been teh wiser. Instead he goes all weirdly incognito, gives inconsistent stories, and pisses everyone off in the process.
At least Bill Clinton had the sense to get his cigar smoked in the Oval Office without attracting attention…
So when you reconcile with your wife and children; you do that by of course visiting that chick you’ve been boning in another country. The Lord Jebus frowns on your bullshit.
if democrats can’t turn this into the biggest thing since.. heck EVER.. they have lost my vote forever. Party of America First just went Argentina First!
anyways, i have had my 15 mins.. who wants my name?
Damn. I DO need a cigarette.
He added the “SHE” late in the confession. It’s bullshit - better than 50% it’s a MAN, baby!
Recall how the wives of both Governor McGreevey and Governor Spitzer showed up at the pressers and though they looked subdued, you just knew that they had wailed on those tools with their Blahniks in the limo on the way there. What’s with these Carolina shrinking violets? Meet us upper east coast broads somewheres around VA and we’ll learn ya how to handle these things.
As “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” becomes one more euphemism for fornicating.
WEPR here in Greenville, SC cut from Sanford’s weepy little confession to a piece of classical music that sounds like the finale to a tragedy, complete with weepy violins. Hilarious.
Wow. Long thread. Did I miss anything?
paintitblack: I sure wish National Lampoon was still around. I can just picture THEIR “Wise Latina” cover this week.
Fun fact about Sanford: He voted yes on three of the four articles of impeachment against Clinton back when he was in the House. But no need for him to resign, totally different circumstances, right? That was a much simpler time in his life, when he wasn’t getting Argentine hummers.
Can’t help it: this one’s makin’ me cadkle w/glee! Hooray for make-sexy-time in, of all places, Argentina! FTW??!! Can the GeeOooPee get any stupider? I am in awe of this tool’s jerkwadness. Now whur’s muh cocklat dildo???
Did the taxpayers of South Carolina PAY FOR THIS?
bago: Like a little girl.
Sarah T: Oveja.
Drudge is burrying it–Malkin is ignoring it.
That was a full-on five whore diamond presser. Way to go, Gov!
From another site: “I don’t think it’s a woman either. He spent the first half of the press conference talking about a “person” and a “friend,” and didn’t say “she” or “her” until toward the end. I think he decided that admitting it was a man would be too much for him to deal with right now, so that will come out later.”
Dear Republicans: Please keep your dick in your pants and a brain in your head at all times. That includes you Governor Palin!
Dave J.: Maybe he’s confused; after all, I’m sure this dear friend has a dick, but an awesome set of tits too.
This would have been much better had he given the conference on the balcony of the Casa Rosada in a white dress.
Scooter: Wow that was great.
booboo210:
The truth is a little more complex than that: Sanford had known this Argentine woman for 8 years, but it wasn’t ’till she lifted up her skirt and showed him her cock and balls that he fell hard for “her.”
Every American man and woman should be allowed one South American sexpot.
For the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my state.
octupletsmom: Republican stars don’t grow dim, they’re born that way.
You actually have to kind of give him credit for not reading some watered-down statement written by his political flunkies but for going full train-wreck on it. Takes a weird kind of courage to do that.
He dug up Eva Perone and dressed her up as Libby Dole?
Strom Thurmond is not pleased with your piety, sir.
BTW: if it turns out to be Sonia Braga I’ll kill myself.
Quote of the day on this from Free Republic:
Another notch in her belt! It will play well on one of those South American personality shows I sometimes tune through on cable.
Five days crying in Argentina?
Jesus Christ. No wonder Hemingway blew his brains out. America can’t even produce manly ex-pats any more.
Carrie_Okie: Exatamundo! And I want pictures of the “she”!
Is “spark” the new erection?
My guess…the Argentinian woman called off the affair. That’s why he made the mad dash and that’s why he was crying for five days. What a little pussy whipped bitch!
R.I.N.O. I’m disappointed, Gov. Nobama, very disappointed.
I’ve been scrutinizing Wonkette’s hotter, better-dancing cousin publication, Wonkettá, yet can’t find pictures of this chica anywhere…
Even we, here in Columbia, SC, know how to celebrate “hump day”.
Fuck. Can’t get the Sanford and Son theme out of my head. Thanks a lot, Governor.
wow. just…wow.
First Ensign, now Sanford… Sarah Palin’s diabolical plan to populate the Earth with Republican Seductrix robots has begun. They’ll pick off her competition one by one. Up next, Rosie from the Jetsons will seduce Haley Barbour with a grilled ham and cheese and a bottle of borbon.
America First, Mark! Buy local! Why buy Argentinian milk when South Carolina is full of — well, whatever.
Dave J.: whut?
Really stable empires, such as China, Byzantium and Ottoman Turkey, required that men seeking high government positions be eunuchs. Now, at last, I see the wisdom of this practice.
american mutt: I think Obama would wear celibacy very well.
NIKKI HALEY IS HER NAME. BANGING SANFORD IS HER GAME.
VOTE FOR NIKKI
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=4074
GOT HER. HAHA.
“Hiking the Appalachian Trail” suddenly has taken on a whole new meaning.
US just scored a goal in Confed Cup semi, so this day is coming together nicely around the theme of US America stuffing its thing into Spanish-speaking countries.
IF NOBAMA WOULD SUPPORT THE BABY SEAL DEMOCRATS IN IRAN NONE OF THIS HAPPEN!!!!
OMG I’M OUT OF TWIZZLERS!!!!
SHAVE EVERYTHING!!!
Don’t try furry Argentinians!
The truth is I’m only hiking
or in Atlanta
I kept up my Twitters
Don’t keep my passport
I sincerely hope that her name is Carmelita Tropicana and she that she wears skirts made of tropical fruitz. Oh my.
And he didn’t have the decency to wait until his wife was in a hospital bed to have this fling. Bastardo.
Idaho’s Senator. South Carolina’s Governor. I guess the redder the state the bluer the balls.
AxmxZ: Michelle keeps him in check. I like that. No “Yes sir” from that chica. Grrowl.
Wait,Nimrata (Nikki) Randhawa Haley is Argentinian now? Does little Piush know this?
OMG guys on MSNBC some nut is screaming his head off behind the reporter. HILARIOUS!
“Now, darling, are you sure you can’t come up to South Carolina? It’s beautiful in the summertime.”
“I’m not coming to fucking South Carolina.”
“You see, I’m kinda of governor, so I’ve kind of got this whole security detail and media scrutiny to deal with. It might look bad if I disappear to Argentina with no explanation.”
“I’m not coming to fucking South Carolina.”
“Ah, fuck it. I wasn’t gonna beat the mulatto anyway. I’ll be on the next plane.”
4tehlulz: Must be referring to the “Xou da Xuxa“. That sounds like a show Freepers can get into - kissing of prepubescent kids and all that.
ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING AFFAIRS AND THE TELEVISED CONFESSIONS AND BREAK-UPS! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! CURSE YOU, SANDRA TSING LOH!
shortsshortsshorts: Sanford-Haley/ 2012
Damn, I know I’m late to the party but can ?I still suggest he was in Buenos Aires fucking the corpse of Josef Mengele?
I’m really not buying the affair with a woman. This has pool boy written all over it. The GOP immediately starts playing the victim and demanding everyone respect Sanford’s privacy.
Some goof was just doing a live report from South Carolina and there was a protester having what sounded like gay sex off camera. Or maybe he was being buttfucked with a night stick by a couple of hunky Capitol police.
SmutBoffin: Almost 500 comments and still the funniest.
Fox News is pronouncing him dead.
This brings back the important issue of where exactly are high-profile married politicians supposed to go to get fucked discreetly? JFK was treated to a mega orgy courtesy of Santos Traficante in Havana shortly before he became president, but what’s a fellah supposed to do these days?
3 whore-diamond-whores? Out. The plump office intern? Out. Videographers? Out. Anonymous airport men’s room strangers? Out. Teenagers in motel rooms dressed as pandas? Strangely, also out. Sexy married ladies/laddies in other continents? now out as well. What’s left? Rubbers and tuggers at the local Asian massage parlour? Doubtful. Quick wank in the shower? Still your best bet.
He really disappointed the GOP for not spending that down-low time having buttsechs with a longshoreman from the Falklands.
It isn’t the crime, it’s the cover-up. Okay, nevermind. It’s the crime.
I kind of want to commemorate this day by fucking a foreigner in Finlay Park, where maybe he can see from the governor’s mansion.
Hooray For Anything: I concur. He’s set a standard for full-tilt, public, GOP dumbfuckery that will be hard to beat…
I don’t see what the big deal is here
he simply let “the market decide”
hot argentinian chick vs. played-out wife
that’s a no brainer
Here’s the full video of the press conference in case you missed it:
http://www.gotchamediablog.com/2009/06/mark-sanford-admits-to-affair-with.html
shortsshortsshorts: Haley was born in SC, went to school in SC (Clemson) and lives in SC. Her parents are Punjabi Sikhs.
Nothng Argetinian about her.
Definitely ghey. The guy has lied forty times already about this story. If it was a hetero affair it wouldn’t have the week-long-drug-bender-disappearance component to it. A woman on the other end would’ve demanded more discretion.
Ghey all the way.
sezme: Plushies, no witness no crime.
Sanford’s “I wanted to do something exotic” comment sure sounds a bit saucier now, doesn’t it?
The Huffington Post’s subheadline for the story is “Met Person in Argentina…” Not “woman,” “person.”
WHAT DOES ARIANNA KNOW THAT WE DON’T?
It would be ironic if he used Stimulus Package funds to finance this trip.
Oh yeah, and the Britney concert too.
Dammit, I had book on him being caught in a love nest with Lindsey Graham!
Guy is toast. Especially if he flew to BA on the taxpayers’ dime for some Argentine poon.
Another note: I’m the same age as Sanford, and I did all my reckless shit with my penis back in my 20s. I’m more discreet now.
ph7: Check it:
http://www.fitsnews.com/2009/06/24/source-evidence-exists-of-sanford-affair/ -
He’s probably lying about the Argentine thing. I mean he lied about other shit. AND there were a lot of accounts that he wasn’t alone when he left.
americanscandoanything: Epic.
Its fascinating listening to the media lecture the Democrats to avoid exploiting this for political gain.
shortsshortsshorts: ftw? I’d hit it. Also.
shortsshortsshorts: Maybe there was more than one affair?
Alas, this non-penis wearing jezebel Nikki Haley is not a negress, but she is brown. Miscegenation FTW. Foppish hypocritical adultreez- FAIL.
pmr: I don’t think you’re far off target on that — this was all just part of Sarah Palin’s plan to take over the GOP Governor’s Association. Mark Sanford was FRAMED! Unfairly SEDUCED!! The next victim will be Steele.
But now at least we know what she’s doing with those SarahPAC funds.
Apparently he’s changed hiis mind about heterosexual marriage. How quaint.
This just in: Willow Palin moved to Argentina last week; Letterman off the hook.
I haven’t had this much fun at a live-blogging since Sarah Palin at the 2008 Repug Convention.
liberaltruthsayer: You say that as if it’s a bad thing!
I am surprised by the outright confession. He could have just been shifty and given vague responses, but he came out guns blazing. It is refreshing in a twisted way. I hope future GOP presidential campaign will adopt this format of destroying their political careers.
Apparently what happens in Argentina doesn’t stay in Argentina.
“I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”
I bet the Argentinian woman was happy to see him leave because really you want your lover moping around your house for five days crying. That’s so sexy.
He didn’t leave, his aides swept him away from the mic before he could start talking about his “confused childhood”, “lonely teens” and “personal relationship with Jesus”. I, for one, am grateful.
up_yer_snufflegus: Correcto.
From Argentina’s La Nacion: “American Governor Uses Buenos Aires as Filthy Sex Spa” http://www.lanacion.com.ar/nota.asp?nota_id=1142967&high=sanford
Failed 2 Menace: Best post ever.
“I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”
Eva Peron would be SO PISSED.
I have many questions, among them:
as he made the announcement of being “unfaithful” to his wife, why is everybody in the background giggling?
how many more elected-official sex scandals are we going to have this summer? isn’t it traditional to wait until August to make this sort of thing public?
well, that’s enough for the moment. i think i need to go take a shower.
When Sanford’s Buenos Aires slampiece comes forward, she will express her anger at having been deceived.
“First time we met, he told me, ‘I’ve got to go back to my home in Columbia. I’m the Governor there. I thought he was in with the Norte del Valle Cartel.”
“What the hell is a South Carolina?”
shortsshortsshorts: Yep, it has to be her. From her web site:
“Strong families are built on strong values, and strong communities are built on strong families. I’ve always believed that promoting the values that keep a family strong is a vital step in ensuring the health, safety and prosperity of our communities. That’s why I support faith-based initiatives that encourage character education and the development of a strong moral code in our young people. We have economic and educational promises to keep to our future generations, but in fulfilling those obligations we should never forget the central role the family plays in teaching our children right from wrong.”
Manos: Hands of Fate:
Don’t cry for me Argentina
I just spent five long days weeping
I’m not a librul
I am just hor-nee
etc
“What would you like the kids and me to get you for Fathers’ Day, honey?”
“Oh, you don’t have to get me anything. I’ve got it covered.”
He made a pilgrimage to Argentina to hunt down Maradona’s legendary “Fist of God.”
I can’t decide what my favorite part of this speech is, when he says “that sparkin’ thing,” or when he basically says that if you are in politics, you have to me a total phony…..
oops, “be” a phony…
Will we be having a new Republican elected official confessing every week? I’m already bored- the last two have been affairs with adult women. What happened to boys and male prostitutes who also provide meth? I am hoping for Lindsey Graham and John McCain to confess.
Godammit! Why did I have to pick this life to be crazy in? I take an afternoon for my monthly visit with my psychiatrist, returning with reams of new anti-crazy prescriptions, stop in the Walgreens parking lot to check in with my only friend (Wonkette, I don’t have any “human” friends) and discover I’ve missed the greatest US America community experience since the moon landing! Well over 500 comments and still going strong. When will I have time for my nap? Oh such a glorious day. Such a glorious day!
I hate having to work in the afternoon. I missed all this fucking primo shit.
hobospacejunkie: “Such a glorious day!”
That would probably be an indication that your meds are working. But yes, it was pretty great.
“I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.” Is his wife going to kill him later this evening?
Just Say No.
And thank you all for the best news coverage on the planet.
sezme: Oh snort. You done good, props!
I just got to read all the 500+ comments now, and they were worth the read. This is the best site ever for coverage of sexy US political shenanigans. I love you all.
“Argentinean lady” = Underage mulatto tranny crack-whore
Lord Growing: Yo, I thought you said you wuz the Governor of Norte Carolina, I jus look you up online, eet says you the Governor of Southe Carolina. Southe Carolina eez nastee, I no go there. You want me go to such a nastee smellee playz? No way babee.
Is this cubby?
http://www.cubbyculbertson.com/gallery/The-Cubby-Experience
If you look at the self portrait stack you will see that jake posted: “Is that my Hooters calendar grampa?” Nice.
How long following its retirement must this thread wait before it becomes eligible for admission into the Schadenfreude Hall of Fame?
The only way it could be sweeter is if were printed on paper derived from recycled Appalachian Trail guides, with ink that has been sprinkled with an eyedropper’s dose of Sanford’s tears.
FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS, ALAN!
He’s a regular Ginasmith..
Yawn. Not even the biggest story of the day. That would be Spain’s upset at the hands of the US America soccer team. The team I hate because I sat amongst them (wearing my Italy shirt) at the World Cup in 2006 for the US America v. Italy match. My fellow Americans abused me no end. Which was fine, they should have. But they also exposed their complete & utter ignorance of the game and of Italian soccer in general and from that day forth, through no fault of the team’s, I hate the American team. Italy was always my team anyway, but I was also a US American fan. No longer. Godammit Spain. I was looking forward to Brazil v. Spain this weekend.
And godammit Sanford. I was looking forward to a confession which included trannies, ideally underage and Dominican. You disappoint in so many ways.
I thought it was VIRGINIA that was for lovers, not South Carolina! In any event, it’s easy to confuse Appalachia with Argentina…they both have vast expanses of unexplored wilderness, like Sanford’s soul. Here, this is a good lesson: http://www.zazzle.com/south_carolina_gov_mark_sanford_shirt-235949377168700857
Voyou Charmant: Oh not. Not and “that’s what she said” are way further up the list. Which is topped out with “WAY!”