TIME FOR A TALKY  2:00 pm June 24, 2009

Liveblogging Mark Sanford’s Confession Of Molesting Alien Rats In Some Fancy Mexico

by Jim Newell

Mark Sanford’s going to talk to the media, RIGHT NOW. We are watching MSNBC, which is most likely to cover it — it is hard to get a camera inside South Carolina — due to its liberal politics. Make your bets NOW about possible sex affairs/love children, closest-without-going-over gets a chocolate dildo…

SUMMARY: If you missed the hot live action, he admitted to having a hot sex affair with a hot babe in Argentina, for a year, and then he apologized to millions of people and Gods.

2:05 — That state Sen. Knotts guy was talking on MSNBC, and state Sen. Knotts does not miss many meals. Every feature on his body is spherical. Maybe he ate Mark Sanford and that’s where he was?
2:08 — Ou es tu, Sanford? We have to get back to aggregating Iranian Twitter feeds. His appearance might be delayed, they say! Suppose this is what we get for caring about local politics in some slave state.
2:10 — The babe editor of Hotline is telling us that John Ensign had an affair last week, and now Mark Sanford is uhh involved in some problem, so the Republicans could be in trouble!
2:14 — MSNBC has CUT AWAY FROM COVERAGE because Mark Sanford is just that late. Now there is a commercial break. We are watching a commercial with a lizard selling car insurance.
2:17 — Some greaseball is talking about the economy now. Doesn’t MSNBC know that Americans stopped caring about this as a news story a month or two ago?
2:20 — He still isn’t out. No one will tell us when this is happening. Perhaps he is in Bermuda with the terrorists.
*****2:24***** HERE HE IS HE IS TALKING and seems confused.
2:24 — He is talking about his history with the Appalachian Trail. He used to take people’s money, when he was younger, and then send them to the Appalachian Trail. These were called “Adventure Trips.”
2:25 — “Adventure Trips” help you escape the bubble. BUT THE WIFE MUST NOT KNOW!
2:25 — What he said this morning “was not the whole story.” Here we go!
2:26 — He’s apologizing to his wife and his four children “for letting them down.”
2:26 — “This is the first step in what will be a very long process on that front.” WHAT IS THE FRONT.
2:27 — Apologizing to his staff. He invented a “fictional” account of where he was going, and told his staff this. He apologizes to South Carolina. He apologizes to some hobo who was living in his basement during his first governor campaign. “We called it Jurassic Park.” Hey Mark, who did you fuck?
2:29 — Man, he is breaking down. Now he is giving his philosophical take on God’s Law, and his conception of sin. He is a person of Faith. Who did you have sex with, Mark?
2:31 — AHA: He developed a relationship WITH A WOMAN IN ARGENTINA over the last year.
2:31 — Ha ha ha, when he finally said what happened, a lady in the background gave a rather brutal “WTF?” head turn.
2:32 — Stop asking for forgiveness and babbling about your God. Liz Becton would not approve.
2:33 — He’s resigning as chair of the Republican Governors Association.
2:34 — QUESTIONS.
2:34 — Someone asks if he is separated from his wife. “She is there, I am here, so I guess.” Jesus.
2:35 — He and his wife have been “dealing with this” for the past five or so months. He is in some sort of AA for cheaters? Or just regular therapy.
2:36 — He’s discussing his relationship with his Argentinian sex lady, and how he and she had a very earnest conversation about how they should each stop cheating on their spouses.
2:37 — Pretty sure he just pulled out the old, “If it’s in different continents, then it doesn’t count.”
2:37 — They were friends for eight years. “Then a year ago things sparked into something else. I have seen her three times since the sparkin’ thing.”
2:38 — “I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”
2:39 — Why does he keep talking about what he did to some guy named Tom Davis, who slept in Jurassic Park in his basement? Tom doesn’t give a shit. Guy Code.
2:40 — Did he lie to his staff that he was going to the Appalachian Trail? No, he only told him he “might go to the Appalachian Trail” last Thursday, which was true, hypothetically.
2:41 — OVER. Well, nothin’ much, just secretly flying down to Argentina every now and then to sex up a sexy lady. Sounds like a good deal! Why stop?
2:43 — One more thing: John McCain used to do this in the 1950s.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 537 comments }

StoneAge June 24, 2009 at 2:03 pm

does anyone have a link to a live stream?

Saragon June 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm
american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm

my money’s on the mullato baby thing. that and he got gay married.

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Min June 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm

My money’s still on the alpaca.

orange June 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm
InsidiousTuna June 24, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Maybe he ate Mark Sanford and that’s where he was

That would make Mark Sanford a poop, whereas he was a poop before this. Next possible explanation.

TeddyS June 24, 2009 at 2:05 pm

The key will be whether his faithful wife will be standing beside him. If she does, he’s guilty of something.

shortsshortsshorts June 24, 2009 at 2:05 pm
RogueDC June 24, 2009 at 2:05 pm

“My friends, fellow citizens of South Carolina, I am a tranny-chasing american.” cue in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Oh, and someone over @ Kos says this is one rumor about the identity his special guest on his viaje a Argentina, and she’s a current candidate for S. Carolina governor, and just happened to have scrubbed all photos of him from her website today.

http://www.nikkihaley.com/

Morbo the Annihilator June 24, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Best bet: blowing stimulus money on studying Cristo Redentor to build a duplicate in front of every public building in the entire state. Just because.

Madeline June 24, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Two words: plastic surgery. Second guess: pool boy

SmutBoffin June 24, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Sexual partner: mid-20s male staffer
Place: Argentinian sauna
Fursuit: squirrel

suchsweetthunder June 24, 2009 at 2:07 pm

If Wonkette doesn’t win a Pulitzer for its coverage of this story then there is no God.

Manos: Hands of Fate June 24, 2009 at 2:07 pm

http://www.wistv.com/

If I leave here tomorrow,
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
‘Cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.
But if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn’t be the same.
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can’t change.

InsidiousTuna June 24, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=346602]StoneAge[/re]: Hey, in case no one’s told you, I think Talking Points Memo has it.

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Wheee! Starting!

Country Club Jihadi June 24, 2009 at 2:07 pm

There is still time to channel Jennifer Wilbanks and the abduction by a Hispanic in a blue van thingy.

HIROHITO99 June 24, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=346605]american mutt[/re]: My money is that he molested a mullato baby but ends up blaming the whole thing on his wide stance… and Obama.

Lascauxcaveman June 24, 2009 at 2:08 pm

I’m betting the whole thing is just an attention-getting stunt, all carefully planned, no hanky-panky involved.

Because he’s boring, whitebread guy who happens to be a whiny little hey-pay-attention-to-me drama queen.

freakishlystrong June 24, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=346613]TeddyS[/re]: OR the wife AND kids, then, it’s gegh buttsecks.

DangerousLiberal June 24, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Whee! Late. Dopes.

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:08 pm

this better not be a let down.

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Oooh, is the chocolate dildo for eating? Because anything else seems like a recipe for ants in weird places.

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Nazi sex scandal.

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=346613]TeddyS[/re]: oh how dare you

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Ugh, typical southerners, trying to figure out the technologies in the microphone machines.

ph7 June 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm

A Bud Dwyer moment?

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm

“che-uck, che-uck, che-uck, thas my voice in the mike…”

freakishlystrong June 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm

[re=346620]SmutBoffin[/re]: Chupacabra furrie also.

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Breaking–Governor missing. A-fucking-gain.

orange June 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm

afghanistan, argentina, zebra???

Serious June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I’m going to livecomment this liveblog.

2:11pm – Jim Newell comes out swinging, with jokes.

MattW June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

He must be digging a pretty deep hole.

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

“Afghanistan, Argentina, Zebra, test, test, test….”

Jesus, it was an alpaca!

rmontcal June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Who was that blonde on MSNBC?

genericuserid June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I call sex change!

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Ha, sound check guy said “test test, Afghanistan, Argentina, zebra, test test.”

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Afghanistan, Argentina, Zebra… test…

somebody’s got a sense of humour

Noodle Salad June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Please come out dressed in a sailor suit with a big lolly. Can we just have a good ol’ fashioned breakdown?

StoneAge June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

[re=346604]Saragon[/re]: [re=346606]Dave J.[/re]: you guys are the bestest!

I came in just in time to hear them say “argentina zebra” during the mic test. Heelarious!

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:10 pm

[re=346641]octupletsmom[/re]: This time he’s gonna stay hid.

Gopherit June 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Fifteen?

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm

[re=346628]HIROHITO99[/re]: That wouldn’t even be a problem if we all listened to Nixon.

jodyleek June 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm

What’s the over/under on Hotlips Sanford actually showing up to the presser?

Mahousu June 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm

His appearance might be delayed… = turns out he’s currently in Thailand.

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm

[re=346642]orange[/re]: “afghanistan, argentina, zebra???”

That’d be a hell of a story.

Serious June 24, 2009 at 2:12 pm

2:12pm – Jim Newell still claiming that Mark Sanford isn’t there. Yeesh, is he Liveblogging or Lagblogging? Only time will tell, literally.

Gopherit June 24, 2009 at 2:12 pm

[re=346633]tunamelt[/re]: um, those aren’t ants, Tuna……

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:12 pm

The problem is that this is going to fuck with my lunch hour unless he fucking speeds it up.

Morbo the Annihilator June 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm

[re=346643]Serious[/re]: Metablogging will kill us all.

2:14 Hasn’t yet.

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm

“Ou es tu, Sanford?” He’s adjusting his tin foil cap.

liberaltruthsayer June 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm

And so begins another Endless Cummer!

magic titty June 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm

2012 GOP primary season is going to be the greatest spectacle this nation ever did see.

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm

“That sounds like a personal problem…” Bwahahaha. Brother, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

WadISay June 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Gads, Fox is carrying this, too. Cutting away from ongoing coverage of John Edwards.

Tra June 24, 2009 at 2:14 pm

[re=346656]Mahousu[/re]: That’s just what he WANTS you to think! Current real location: International Space Station.

Noodle Salad June 24, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Heard some reporter say “He fell off a what?” This should be good.

grendel June 24, 2009 at 2:14 pm

$20 on gay affair with hot latino whom has been mysteriously “disappeared” off a cliff on the coast of Argentina.

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm

[re=346651]StoneAge[/re]: Mic test or code for mulatto baby?

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm

There’s a whole messa’ purdy moufs in that room.

Carrie_Okie June 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm

[re=346641]octupletsmom[/re]: probably negotiating whore diamond size for Mrs Sanford.

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm

[re=346659]Gopherit[/re]: Shit.

liberaltruthsayer June 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Has Sanford given us the slip again? OH!!!!

Pun intended.

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Between Ensign and Sanford, I think the plan is to FLOOD THE FUCKING ZONE with stories about horndog GOPers who just can’t stop themselves from boning every woman they see. Next into the breach, Jim Gibbons.

Voyou Charmant June 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm

ugh. Listening to the tool bags dick around at the podium one of them says “That sounds like a personal problem,” with regards to a missing body pack, microphone thing-a-ma-gigger. Seriously; “that sounds like a personal problem” is the single least funny, generic comment anyone can make.

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:15 pm

I bet you he “lost” the stimulus money.

x111e7thst June 24, 2009 at 2:16 pm

It’s a loooong long way to Argentina
It’s a looooong way to go
It’s a long long way to Argentina
to my tranny hooker and blow

CthuNHu June 24, 2009 at 2:16 pm

I’m kinda hoping some teary cheaply-dressed stiletto-heeled tart steps up to the mike and says, in a deep voice, “First, I want to apologize for any consternation my absence may have caused.”

bureaucrap June 24, 2009 at 2:16 pm

He’s still backstage, making sure that all the boys in Buenos Aires are agreed on the cover story… “It was an accident; he must have tied himself to the bed…”

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 2:16 pm

The % of ‘Murkins who identify themselfs as Republicans just went down 10% overnight.

nappyduggs June 24, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=346650]Noodle Salad[/re]: Please SKIP out methinks. He simply has to skip out to the podium in that get-up. Thank you, BTW.

4tehlulz June 24, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Meanwhile, in the Bizarro land known as Red State:

“First, we need to be clear on the facts — not the media speculation:

– Sanford did tell his staff and family where he was going.
– Because he was traveling without a security detail, it was in his best interests that no one knew he was gone.
– His political enemies — Republicans at that — ginned up the media story.
– When confronted by a pestering media, things went downhill.
– Again though, at all times there was no doubt that Sanford’s staff and family knew where he was.”

via TPM

Apparently, his wife’s assertion that she didn’t know where he was was a clever ruse to throw everyone off the trail. Mark was actually on a secret mission to kill Osama Bin Laden in Buenos Aires.

Beatrix June 24, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Waiting for Mark Sanford to appear while listening to Mussorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition (thanks WETA!) is hilariously surreal.

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Why is he so late? Did he flee the country again?

SmutBoffin June 24, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Does the insurance-selling lizard have any 2012 aspirations? How soon will it be revealed that he had an affair with a skanky skink?

paintitblack June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

GOP dumbfuckery: so much schaudenfreude, so little time to savor it all.

ph7 June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Meanwhile, in the Governor’s press office: “Xanax, test test, Zoloft…test test”

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

I’ve got it! He’s gay marrying Jon Gosselin. Rice queen FTW.

Oh hell to the no June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

You guys, he’s obviously busy unpacking his S&M gear. That shit takes forever to unpack and hang up properly.

StopItCutItOut June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

They are adjusting the tight-lippedness of the future ex Mrs. Sanford.

Moleman v2.5 June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

[re=346642]orange[/re]: Sanford at the press conference = Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy) from The Breakfast Club:

Q: Governor, don’t you think it might be problematic for a governor to vanish for days at a time?

Sanford: I don’t have to runaway and live in the street. I can runaway and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan, Appalachia, Argentina!

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

[re=346686]Beatrix[/re]: WETA is now carrying the Voice of Russia?

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

[re=346684]nappyduggs[/re]: With one of those comic oversized novelty lollipops.

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm

What the hell? I purposely show up late and I beat hiker?

Voyou Charmant June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

EXTREME CLOSE UPPPPP WHHHHHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!1111 WHHHOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!!!!1

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

JESUS, lady! Turn the damn gain down on your mic.

Joshua Norton June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

I call sex change!

Yes, but from what to what?

Fox n Fiends June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

this is what it sounds like when doves cry

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

My audio is cool.

heroinmule June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

something’s about to happen!

Tra June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Maybe he’s become invisible …?

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=346685]4tehlulz[/re]: “Bald and unconvincing”. Sorry.

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

where the hell am I?

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Seriously, some of us are on the left coast and would like this shit to be done before we need to eat. Step it up, Mr. Hope You’re Wearing a Diaper

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=346636]Dave J.[/re]: Wasn’t it South Carolina’s own Strom Thurmond who at some judiciary hearing or other some years back couldn’t hear the witnesses speaking through the microphones and kept yelling “Wouldja … wouldja PLEASE TALK into THA MACHINE! WOULDJA PLEASE SPEAK INTO THA MACHINE!!”

shortsshortsshorts June 24, 2009 at 2:20 pm

WHY WONT THIS FUCKING THING START. My chops are RED with anticipation.

Moleman v2.5 June 24, 2009 at 2:20 pm

Missing governor is missing. Staff says they know where he is … this time … really.

Noodle Salad June 24, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=346684]nappyduggs[/re]: Also, he has to resign his seat because of an irreconcilable difference with the Lollipop Guild. And, you’re welcome.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:20 pm

WTF, if Sanford now Axle Rose circa 1989 or something? Stop making us wait, beyotch!

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Wooo,hoo! IT’S ON!

TGY June 24, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Peronists

takes12no1 June 24, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=346616]Dave J.[/re]: that would be too perfect! get rid of two dipshit Repubs at once. I’ve never been so proud to be a South Carolinian….uh….well…

hoosiermama June 24, 2009 at 2:21 pm

he’s drunk!!!2

Tommmcatt June 24, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Oh, God, let there be pictures. Please. Whatever it is, let it be smeared all over every tawdry, cheap publication in the United States…I’m talking Juggs, Boy Scout Foot Fetish Monthly, Politico

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:21 pm

omg he’s totally going to resign, I can feel it.

eastcoastliberal June 24, 2009 at 2:21 pm

No wife!

Voyou Charmant June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

He seems really really really uncomfortable.

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Oooh. I keep hitting refresh but it looks like the eco-driving quiz ad is back. Or did it never leave?

WadISay June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Somebody tear the heads of turkeys in the background.

DoktorZoom June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

WHERE’S YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE, SANFORD?

Tra June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Uh, Governor? I don’t think this is really about the Appalachian Trail …

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

ok i got this y’all…

he is lying

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Appalachain trail again?

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

SIXTY BUCKS? What a whore.

Noodle Salad June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

I told her about my love of…the Appalachian trial? Booooo.

Johnny Zhivago June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

“You mean the Appalachian Trail ISN’T in Argentina??”

Bostoprov June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Sanford conference on the interwebs: http://www.wyff4.com/video/5552967/index.html

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm

OMG,he DID go on the Appalachian trail… with a GOAT!

LordPretzel June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

OH NO. Mark Sandford is part of the Super Adventure Club-secret Scientologist!

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Obfuscation!!

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

[re=346724]hoosiermama[/re]: Gotta get one last line of coke in before he confesses to a gay orgy and resigns to go to church therapy.

Moleman v2.5 June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

If a governor asks you to go on an “adventure trip” with him, YOU SAY NO.

DangerousLiberal June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Right off the bat: he has no idea what he wants to say. So he just riffs. He needs to break from the bubble. As governor of South Carolina?

heroinmule June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Get on with it man! Get to the sex!

doxastic June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Run Mark, run like the wind to the Appalachian Trail!

Wet Work June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Given the recent Britney concert episode, it’s definitely boy/boys.

The incredibly ridiculous list of locations/excuses and unbelievable poor judgement indicates there are drugs involved.

“Exotic” says that meth/rednecking is the usual and coca/gauchos is a special treat.

Either way, he’s finished.

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

He’s still stoned out of his gourd.

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

What on earth is he babbling on and on about?

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

[re=346727]eastcoastliberal[/re]: Damn, blew the opportunity for her in a blue power suit.

Formerly Preferred June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

He is hoping to put everyone to sleep.

ProfessorJukes June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

“I couldn’t take the pressure, I just wigged out. Sorry!”

WOW.

wrytoast June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

[re=346727]eastcoastliberal[/re]: That means he was having buttsex with another hot argentine man with a mullett.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:23 pm

NOT THE WHOLE STORY!!!!!!!!

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

He’s a “bottom line” kind of guy? So he was bottoming?

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

He’s a bottom!!!

orange June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

ooheoheohoho! he’s bottom line kinda guy and it’s gonna hurt!

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

“I’m a bottom…line kinda guy”

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

oh baby!!

totoro June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

And guess who just filed for divorce. Where was Kate Goselin last weekend?

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

He’s a bottom who lets the chips fall where they may.

freakishlystrong June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

So, this is all about a tantrum he’s throwing, over having his package stimulated. What a wad.

AxmxZ June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

I’ve been listening to him for like five minutes and he’s making no sense.

“Let me first of all apologize to my wife Jenny and my four boys…” – now we’re getting somewhere!

hoosiermama June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

yayay! He’s going to confess!!

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

YES, YES, YES!!!! SSSSSEEEEEEXXXXYYYYTTTTTIIIMMMMEEEE!!!!

HipHopOpotamus June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

He named his kid Bolton? Really?

grendel June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Where was Rush and his bag of viagra during this time period?

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

[re=346748]Guppy06[/re]: Methbabble bubble.

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Jeezus is he milking being the center of the media circus universe or WHAT! What a DOUCHE, just get on with it for cryssake.

shortsshortsshorts June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

YES! ITS A SEX SCANDAL! AWESOME

Carrie_Okie June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Apologies! Ruh-roh!

Bostoprov June 24, 2009 at 2:24 pm

He’s apologizing to his wife & kids! Oh, this is gonna hurt… Wheee!

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Ha, apology to his wife, he is so fucked.

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=346686]Beatrix[/re]: “Waiting for Mark Sanford”. Did Samuel Beckett write that one too?

Breakfast Bourbon June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

A southern governor takes an unsupervised trip followed by uncomfortable questions. Why does this seem familiar?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBk6MzXBdJU

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Is he crying?

ph7 June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Eggleston…Eggleston

LordPretzel June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Get to the buttsecks, dammit.

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Let me tell this to my wife, via press conference.

Voyou Charmant June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

For the love of God, Mark; get to the point!

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

“knows how closely she has stood by my side.”

except for right now, obvs.

Noodle Salad June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Forgets momentarily about how long he’s been “married” to “Jenny.” Good times.

Oh hell to the no June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

When he said “Jenny” I just kept thinking of Forrest Gump. And please resign. It would be the greatest thing to happen to me today since about 12pm CDT.

Youstonedorjuststupid? June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

wtf, he’s has Palins speech coach.

forgracie June 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm

Get to the buttsecks!

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

New code word: “adventure-trip”

Sarah T June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

He has a son named ‘Bolton’ !

wrytoast June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Jesus, he’s been talking for almost five minutes and has said absolutely nothing. WTF is he even apologizing for?

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

You didn’t let us down, you shit. We were hoping for this.

Bostoprov June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

He’s apologizing to everyone but the one who matters! Me!!

Johnny Zhivago June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

He blew the entire stimulus check on hookers in Argentina!

magic titty June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

[re=346685]4tehlulz[/re]: You’re a brave a deranged soul to have visited the Red State during a time like this.

[re=346681]CthuNHu[/re]: Yes please.

[re=346705]Fox n Fiends[/re]: “Maybe he’s just like his mother, she’s never satisfied…”

DangerousLiberal June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Oh shit, he’s emoting.

Moleman v2.5 June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Now he’s talking about a man and Dinosaur sheets!?

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

ok y’all.. dude is about to cry.. i’m quitting this game

nbawriter June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Is he talking about a dinosaur living in his basement?

Gob June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

What the hell did he do? This is the saddest presser about a vacation ever.

Formerly Preferred June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

He’s a bottom line kind of guy, if you know what I mean. AND I THINK YOU DO.

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

“And I want to apologize to Miguel, for sticking him with the hotel bill.”

Tra June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

He’s going to personally apologize to everyone in SC, by name, before he explains what the hell he was doing.

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Dinosaur tears in heaven.

OReillysVibrator June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Why do I get the sense this entire speech will be “I apologize to my wife, my kids, my staff, my friends, my dog, my mailman, my ice cream truck driver, I did nothing wrong, goodbye.”

PerhapsSo June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Argentine love child! Sanford & Hijo! Little baby Sanfordistas running about the coast near Buenos Aires where there are no roads!

This scandal is the best upper ever, and it’s not even clear that it’s a scandal yet.

ProfessorJukes June 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Wow… is he going to blow his brains out on TV?

He’s apologizing and apologizing, but nobody knows what for!

WadISay June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

My staff should have been looking for me up the bums of Argentine boy sex workers.

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=346779]bago[/re]: No wonder she’s not standing by his sideeeeeeeee.

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

YES YES YES you have let down every human being you ever knew in your whole life. GET ON WITH IT you incredible sociopath!!!!

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

He knows how to build the suspense. I have to say I like it.

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Father in Law talk. Exciting.

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Ok, ok, you let every fucking person you know in the world down, except for the whore(s?) you were banging in Argentina. Get to the point, man!

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

PLEASE GUBERNOR WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN ARGENTINA????

SmutBoffin June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

I HOPE HE TELLS MORE POINTLESS STORIES FOREVER IT IS QUITE ENJOYABLE

hoosiermama June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

stop stalling !!!1

orange June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

ohhoheoheoh! God’s laws!

hoosiermama June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

blood, blood, blood!

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:27 pm

We forgive you Mark, you’re only human, now go blow a goat and resign.

nbawriter June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Man, he did something reaaallllllly scuzzy.

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

“God’s Law” Rutt-roah!

lazyb June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

I always like to call press conferences to announce my wrongdoings to my spouse. Creates a little suspense, you know?

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Happy trail to you, gov.

OnTheLoose June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

What is going on behind him? The Today Show window is more controlled.

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

We’re only here to protect you from yourself!

heroinmule June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

It must be really bad. Spit it out!

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

God’s laws? He went to Buenos Aries on a mission from God!

nappyduggs June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Jucier. JUICIER…..

Formerly Preferred June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Pro tip to Mark Sanford: God has nothing to do with whether or not you cheat on your wife. That’s all about you, buddy.

Noodle Salad June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Oh, no, God’s laws! Yes…..

OReillysVibrator June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Ohh I’m not a person of faith, no apologies to me!

eastcoastliberal June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

God’s law…fer crisssakes.

LordPretzel June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

MSNBC headline: “Gov. Sandford has taken many adventurous trips.” I guess they will add “with little boys” later.

Serious June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

2:29pm – Jim Newell keeps freaking out in all caps

Monkeyhawk June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

“The biggest self of self is self.”

I think he’s got potential in the Repubic Party!

wrytoast June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

He’s talking about God’s law and self of self of self of self of self. I hope he starts crying

Voyou Charmant June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

He has not apologized to me yet. I’m waiting, Mark!

SayItWithWookies June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

God’s law? God’s law? Get to the queerness, the divorce and the resignation already.

Tra June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

He’s totally lost me. This would make a lot more sense if he’d confess to the affair first.

StoneAge June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

he is a POF (Person of Faith), people!

norbizness June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

I can’t wait for the “words not mentioned at press conference” story Politico is cooking up for this one. Let’s start with “taintblaster.”

orange June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

[re=346812]SmutBoffin[/re]: it’s kinda endearing.

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

anybody looking at the smiling lady behind him?

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

“..and this one time in 1987 I accidentally left a 13.5% tip for a waitress in Greensville, and I apologize for that.”

OReillysVibrator June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

You have no reason to apologize to people of faith they are gullible morons just tell them whatever end it with “God told me so” and you’re golden.

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:28 pm

come on!?

HipHopOpotamus June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

God’s laws protect people from themselves? SEX ADDICTION.

ph7 June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

He’s about to confess to MURDER!!!

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

I want to know who the gay guy was who broke up his heterosexual marriage?

pepe June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Did he just apologize to GOD!

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

yesh!

the deliverator June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

the schadenfraude of this is overwhelming! i am laughing to hard to function at work, dammit.

DangerousLiberal June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Ok, waiting for the big wind up for either his resignation or his staying…I think he’s gonna stay. After the self-criticism, cue the “I’m gonna stay and fight in three, two, one….”

What would a GOPer know about moral absolutes?

Woah–infidelity….all bets are off.

CthuNHu June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

[re=346727]eastcoastliberal[/re]: No wife = divorce! Which, ironically, will make this turn out better for him politically than otherwise, as folks will say, “Eh, she wouldn’t even stand by him, who can blame him for straying?”

Still, he’s toast.

And his wife looks like she was extremely hot, when Jimmy Carter was President.

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

My heart, struggling, god’s laws, believers, grandparents, children, life, moral absolutes, Protest you from yourself, consequences, bottom law

RIELLE!!!!!

hoosiermama June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

WHOOOOOHOOOO!!!! FTW Sanford!!!!11

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Another straight affair?

Joshua Norton June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Appalachia – Argentina. Easy mistake to make.

Can you hear me now?

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

yesssssssss! he banged a deer from Argentina!

nbawriter June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

This is a code yellow on the R. Budd Dwyer alert … he did say he was going to need years to get forgiveness.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Oh, shit!!! He’s fucking a Mexican from Argentina!!!

forgracie June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Male or female friend?

orange June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

he’s fucking someone in one of the mexicoez that he met on the interwebs!

Extemporanus June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

What channel is this damn thing on?!

All I can find is some press conference of John Boehner doing a Foghorn Leghorn impression.

Dr. Zoidberg June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

So long, possible presidential run!

Jacobsbladder June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

I love the beaming chicks behind him

Tra June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Sigh. And there it is.

Jackass.

StoneAge June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

An affair. So… male of female ?

Failed 2 Menace June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

All bets on “UNFAITHFUL TO MY WIFE” can now collect. This result is official.

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

boy or girl?

AxmxZ June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Adultery, yes – SEX OF THE ‘DEAR DEAR FRIEND’, MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT IS IT?!

liberaltruthsayer June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

No shit, God’s Laws????

Weeping????

Fucking beautiful. I think I am close to the Big O…

SayItWithWookies June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

The reporters behind him are breaking out into huge grins. Nice.

Youstonedorjuststupid? June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

shit, a woman.

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

“Her”. Wow, didn’t see that coming.

heroinmule June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

This press conference was a terrible idea. This is the sound of a career dying.

freakishlystrong June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

This guy is an elected official, of anything? Really? What the fuck is he talking about? Self?

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

Who’s the black gal grinning over his right shoulder?! Creepy.

A dear dear DEAR friend in Argentina.

I hurt everybody I hurt a lot of folks I just plain fucking hurt.

OK NOW GO AWAY.

Manos: Hands of Fate June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

This better be good.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

BTW, I totally give Sanford a pass: Argentine women are HAWT!!!!!! No one can resist their HAWTNESS.

forgracie June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

John Ensign is breathing a sigh of relief.

Voyou Charmant June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

But…. How old was this “dear dear friend?”

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

Is it female, of age, and unmarried?

B O R I N G

. . . But I still like “Adventure-trip.”

Dr. Zoidberg June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

Oh, I’ve been dying for a good Repub scandal since, oh, last week.

Tommmcatt June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

This is like bad foreplay. GET TO THE POINT I’M ALL CHAFED!!!!!!

onehotdisaster June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

damnit. just a lady.

StopItCutItOut June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

Fin.

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

he’s not running for president.

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

I hurt my boys on the bike the other day.

Dr. Zoidberg June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

For the love of Jeebus, Mark, who did you screw?!?!

PrairiePossum June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

So, what did your kids give you for Father’s Day, Asshole?

nbawriter June 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm

I’d like to apologize to John Ensign … WHO JUST GOT CAUGHT WITH HIS NUTS IN SOME LADY’S MOUTH! HOW COULD I PICK THIS WEEK FOR ARGENTINA WHORE TRIP …. Booooo Hooooo.

grendel June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Who is the black girl in the background smiling like this is the best thing in the world? I’d like to buy her a drink… yes, I’m a pedobear, don’t judge me!

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

I would ask for y’alls zone of privacy. He’s so gay for Tom Davis.

wrytoast June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

We are all Tom Davis now!

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Is Jenny gonna write an Elizabeth-book?

Godot June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

An adult human female? SHOCKING!

Seriously I was not expecting that at all.

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

[re=346863]Jacobsbladder[/re]: “You tell ‘em, Daddy!”

Noodle Salad June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Still no clarity on the gender of the Argentinian…

JamesMichaelCurley June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

I think Nate Silver wrote this speech.

ProfessorJukes June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

That’s it? He just fucked some chick?
Maybe it was an Argentinian tranny. At least a hooker/pornstar. C’mon. Make this worth the trouble!

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

I give him kudos for going for an Argentinian chick.

Min June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

**fingers crossed** Please, please, please…make it the alpaca!

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

He’s resigning!….of the GOP Governor’s association. Dick tease.

Tommmcatt June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Was she the corpse of Evita Peron? Get it over with, Sanford!

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Colbert for Gov!

Formerly Preferred June 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Why does he keep apologizing to the Tom Davis’s of the world?

DangerousLiberal June 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Ok, you apologized, and want privacy. That makes it all better. Now, where’s the love child?

And in NC, we don’t use “y’alls” as the plural of “y’all”.

He’s resigning as chair of the RGA. BFD. But it’s to make more time for his family, and for SC, also. Damn.

Failed 2 Menace June 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Girl with sunglasses smiling and laughing behind him is so ultra-money.

RESIGNING!

Oh, as chairman of some gubbanors thing. Dang.

Carrie_Okie June 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Resigning at RGA. Big deal. Whore diamonds motherf%cker! Do you have one? Is it softball sized?

kingballs June 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Excuse me, but that’s “*whom* did you fuck?”

tunamelt June 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Man. Just an affair? Boring.

GDuvall June 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

“I’m going to resign…”

Yes…?!?!

“…as head of the Republican Governor’s Association.”

Meh.

WadISay June 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm

The relationship started innocently…

Lonely, sailor?

OReillysVibrator June 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm

Hahaha MSNBC chyron says “I will tender my resignation as governor.” Uhh didn’t he say he’ll just resign as chair of the Rep Governors?

gjdodger June 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm

I feel bad for him. Surely there’s something we can do….I GOT it! Let’s send him some STIMULUS MONEY!

pepe June 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm

MSNBC just ran a false headline for almost a minute saying he will resign as gov. CAN THESE LIBRULS NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm

CRY! CRY!

andy369 June 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm

Evil goddamn Reglicunts! I hate these motherfuckers!

I have noting else to say except “family Values” = Fucking
some cunt while your state rots.

Will somebody please arrest and try all these goddamn criminals??

Barky too! Another goddamn fake.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm

[re=346900]american mutt[/re]:

+1

4tehlulz June 24, 2009 at 2:33 pm

Dear Friend = Tranny I met on the Internet.

Manos: Hands of Fate June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Argentina? That’s an expensive affair.

AxmxZ June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Oh man, he’s crying… I feel bad for him now. He may be a drama queen, but he doesn’t come across as a douchebag.

*pets bb Sanford*

Extemporanus June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Wow! That sure took a lot of yalls.

grendel June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

The wife knew and he just cold said “Hey, I’m going to bang my gf for a week.. see ya”

LordPretzel June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Since the governor has been giving this press conference, the Dow has been steadily dropping. I guess Big Business doesn’t care for sex with Argentines?

ph7 June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

She kept her promise….

freakishlystrong June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

So all that mother fuckin’ grandstanding about the stim, he fucked over his State, to play to the “base” so he could run in 2012, and it’s all over now. HAHA!

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Wow. I never realized what a total and complete brain-dead exhibitionist narcissistic asshole this guy is. This is nauseating.

OReillysVibrator June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

So far, I’m hearing him repeatedly say “this person” instead of “her.”

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

“Were you alone in Argentina?”

“Obviously not”.

OH SNAP! (Can’t blame him on that one. DUH, lady)

seriesoftubescleaner June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

“I met this person…”

ManchuCandidate June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

So what’s this guy going to do if he’s Preznit of the US America? What if NK launches it’s entire force of zero ICBMs at Hawaii, destroying the world’s macadamia supply then is he going to run away leaving US America because he can’t take the heat?

Dude, better to say you did a Argy ladyboy up the ass then ramble on about not being able to handle stress.

DangerousLiberal June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Wow, 2:35 I feel sorta sorry for the fella. I’ll get over it very soon. “I met this person innocently, and then I innocently fucked her.”

magic titty June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

[re=346799]Guppy06[/re]: HAHAHA.

DoktorZoom June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Presidential TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Reporter: Did you break off the relationship?

Sanford (paraphrasing): No. I intend to keep fucking her ’till my balls shrivel up and fall off.

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

He got his ho and he still has four sons, why is he crying?

And “cubby, thank you for being there as a friend” “He’s been with me all through this.”

Can we hope for a three-way.

And,no, Mark, you’ll never give us more detail than we want. How can you be in politics and think that?

eastcoastliberal June 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

“interesting how this thing has gone down” Indeed

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

“Working through this for five months”. Then I went to Argentina to spend the weekend with my mistress.
It’s working just dandy, this “working through this”.

Dr. Zoidberg June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Ahhhh…was that as good for everyone else as it was for me? *smokes cigarette*

AxmxZ June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

He said “woman”? He keeps saying “person.”

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

“We had a very serious conversation… and then I tapped that ass.”

sezme June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Best ‘I confess’ conference evah!

4tehlulz June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

From TPM:

“In response to a question, Sanford says that his family knew of his affair prior to the trip imbroglio and that he and his wife have been working through their issues for some five months.”

Apparently, they need to work a little harder.

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

what happened to America First?

Failed 2 Menace June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

There is a certain irony to this!

Oh, you poor weepy loser.

Moleman v2.5 June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

I bet the Argentinian woman is a Russian spy. He was being groomed to be a mole President some day.

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Let’s “swap some emails” baby!

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

So, she’s married, too. That’s good.

We exchanged some emails. She wanted to get back to her husband becuase of her children.

“So I fucked her.”

Serious June 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm

OH FUCK

heroinmule June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Who in the fuck is in charge of this abortion of a press conference? That person should be fired. This press conference will end his career, not Argentinian pussy.

nappyduggs June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Pat Puke-anan will read him the riot act for adulterating in espanol! Viva Sotomayor!

paintitblack June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

BINGO! The money shot! BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA. Don’t cry for me, Argentina!!!! Gimme back my stim munies, ya crybaby loser-boy.

stew June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

A republican guy fucked a chick? I don’t understand the world anymore…

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

COLBERT! COLBERT! COLBERT!

HIROHITO99 June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

You know what? I didn’t want a chocolate covered dildo anyway.

StoneAge June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

This whole Ensign/Sanford having affairs with women thing… is this what Steele means by reforming the GOP?

sezme June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

“He’s resigning as chair of the Republican Governors Association.”
Yeah, sex with a woman … ewwww.

Rumproast June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

[re=346914]gjdodger[/re]: FTW.

kero June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Does ‘casual basis’ mean NSA?

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

“Sparking thing?” Is that the new GOP code phrase?

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Good grief the incessant WHINING about no privacy for being in politics. Hey pal, there’s a real good solution for that — GET OUT

President Beeblebrox June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

In the words of P.J. O’Rourke, “What the fuck, man? I mean, what the fucking fuck?” This is one of the weirdest pressers I’ve seen, ever, since Budd Dwyer an heroed on live TV.

Jurassic Park references? Resigning as chairman of the Republican Governors’ Association?

Why doesn’t he just say that he had hot buttsecks or that he’s leaving his wife for someone else instead of totally collapsing on live TV?

O NOES HE JUST SAID HE “MET THIS PERSON SEVEN OR EIGHT YEARS AGO”!!!1 WHO IS S/HE? AMURIKA DEMANDS AN ANSWER.

Godot June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

SAVED! This mystery Argentine woman was MARRIED and the mother of TWO CHILDREN!

Not as exciting as preteen ladyboys but it’s enough to sink his career for sure.

Extemporanus June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

[re=346891]grendel[/re]: Malia?

TeddyS June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

You meanies leave the kids out of it, and I apologize for the governor apologizing to them.

Carrie_Okie June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm
LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Jeez, what adult male calls himself “cubby”?

HAH. “crying in Argentina”

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Honey, stop giving EMAIL a bad rap!! he is saying the word for the millionth time

WadISay June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

More information than you may possibly want…

I.Don’t.Think.So.

SmutBoffin June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

And with that, the media switches focus from John Ensign to this piece of lice-infested twat-upholstery.

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

5 and a half days Alan! Crying for 5 and a half days!

Noodle Salad June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

I’m sure the cubby colbertsons and tom davis’ would prefer that you stopped referring to them in your Earnest Crying Argentinian Sex Apology.

ProfessorJukes June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Wussy!! Wussy!! Crybaby!! Dick Cheney will take you to his lair and make a man out of you!!! You will never cry again!!!

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

“I spent the last few days CRYING IN ARGENTINA!”

Crank up the “Evita” rewrites.

heroinmule June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

STOP TALKING!

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Jesus, God, God’s Law, Jesus, Jesus, biggest titties you ever saw, Jesus, Christ, God’s Law, Jesus, Jesus,God, Jesus

Scooter June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

It’s pretty bad when you can’t find someone in your own hemisphere to fuck!

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Get you heart right after you get your NUT RIGHT??

shortsshortsshorts June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

He was totally cybering with the Argentinian and then went to make it the real deal.

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Wow, props to a guy who “works through issues” with his wife about an affair he’s having for five months, and then leaves ON FATHER’S DAY WEEKEND TO FUCK HER IN ARGENTINA.

Map props, Gov.

DoktorZoom June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

An hero, now!

Oh, sorry, wrong place.

Knob Gobbler June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

He’s hetero? Huh…I’m sort of shocked.

Extemporanus June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

“I spent the last five days crying in Argentina.”

Her name IS Evita!

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

“That sparking thing.”

“Serious overdrive.”

“You absolutely want resolution.”

It was a place based on the fiduciary relationship I have with the people of South Carolina.”

“Yo, I’m completely right with my heart . . . ”

More code phrases we can use forever. Thank you, Mark Sanford.

Oh hell to the no June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Is he still Facebook friends with this woman in Argentina and has his relationship status been changed to “It’s Complicated”?

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Last question?!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

“I spent the last five days crying in Argentina.”

Jeez, WTF with these titty-baby Republicans? I’m with you, Min. It’s not only an alpaca, but it’s a male alpaca.

Woodwards Friend June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

He’s having an affair with a Mexican (or whatever you call people from Argentia)? Lou Dobbs will not care for this at all. WHAT YOU SCREW SCREWS AMERICA!

4tehlulz June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

[re=346931]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Mark Sanford exists to make John McCain look stable.

americanscandoanything June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

please god

let “argentinian = sarah palin

and who is this rom davis he keeps apologizing to?

and more crying also

nappyduggs June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

He just said “yo.” Noteworthy because it’s vaguely negroidian, thus like an Obamination.

Tra June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

“This was selfishness on my part.” What, from the guy who’d rather be a Republican candidate for president than give poor people food stamps? No!

Sarah T June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

And is her name Vaca ?

sezme June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Does anyone here realize how difficult it can be not to go to to Argentina as soon as you step outside the house? Just last night, I went out to buy a loaf of bread and I was in Paraguay before I stopped myself. I blame this on the babby Jeebus.

WadISay June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

[re=346929]LittlePig[/re]: Better answer: “What do you think?”

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Need pix, STAT.

Godot June 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

WHOA, he “jeopardized her LIFE”??!?

What kind of high-octane action-adventures was boring ol’ Mark Sanford getting up to in his secret double life?

heroinmule June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Thank God it’s over. That was painful to watch.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Now I know why he turned down the stimulus money: he was getting all the stimulation he needed in Argetina!

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

He just ran away?

kero June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

“Yo”, there’s your soundbite.

DangerousLiberal June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Well, that was nice, so good of him to drop by.

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Did he just break off in mid-sentence and turn on his heel and leave?

Unbelievable. Wow.

4tehlulz June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Just shutup and resign, Jesus fucking Christ.

He has made me do the one thing I never thought I would do – feel sorry for South Carolina.

Scottie June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Thank heavens!

I feared it was a trip to South America for underage prostitutes.

Whew! A consenting adult female!

Nothing to see here folks. Move along. Move along.

Extemporanus June 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

[re=346861]Extemporanus[/re]: “I say, I say, I say…”

Boehner’s impression is getting better as this thing goes on.

Guppy06 June 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm

[re=346977]Serolf Divad[/re]: Oh God, oh God, oh Jesus fucking Christ, oh God, OHGODOHGODOHHhHHHHhhhhh….

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Aw, they cut the audio feed just when the reporters were getting interesting. “Did you get the woman’s name?” “Didn’t say. I asked him but he didn’t say”. “She’s married, or was married…”

GDTRFB June 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Chances the Argentine girlfriend is really a Gaucho Tranny???? 50/50.

Democratica June 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Haaaaaaaa!!!! In the words of the great Candy Crowley, “OK, I don’t even know where to begin…”

Mark Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm

[re=347005]4tehlulz[/re]: If you lived here you would be doing that everyday.

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm

[re=346940]AxmxZ[/re]: Look. He could have said, “life form”. And at least it’s in the singular.

Failed 2 Menace June 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm

[re=346973]Noodle Salad[/re]:
Earnest Crying Argentinian Sex Apology

Very nice indeed.

Jacobsbladder June 24, 2009 at 2:42 pm

When a governor of one our great states has to go all the way to Argentina to get laid, America has been made weak in the eyes of the world. Thanks, Nobama!

ProfessorJukes June 24, 2009 at 2:42 pm

So, I went to Argentina for a week to cry… and to get THE LAST BLOWJOB I’LL EVER GET.

saggyboobedhag June 24, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Tom DAvis must have been basing his future on Sanford presidency, dontcha think?

THAT’s who he’s been fucking. Poor Tom. Resigned from the House to “back” ol’ Mark and got reemed in a three-way he didn’t even know about.

Dr. Zoidberg June 24, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Uh, Mark? ‘Tom davis’ isn’t technically a woman’s name. Or Argentinian.

InsidiousTuna June 24, 2009 at 2:42 pm

But what about Naked Hiking Day?

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 2:43 pm

[re=346705]Fox n Fiends[/re]: Win.

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:43 pm

On the continuum of GOP sex confession press conferences, I think this comes in #2 behind Larry Craig. Better than Vitter, though.

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Men in power shouldn’t be married. Problem solved.

paintitblack June 24, 2009 at 2:43 pm

It’s all the fault of La Raza Sotomayor! La Raza MUST be stopped from entering el-Supremes! I mean: wouldja look whut happens when La Raza is merely “under” consideration!!! La Raza is a threat to our ‘murkin family values. poor white boy tricked by Conchita Banana….

One Yield Regular June 24, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Process process process process process.

He sure seems to be dancing around using a feminine pronoun to refer to “this person.”

IceCreamEmpress June 24, 2009 at 2:43 pm

“In response to a question, Sanford says that his family knew of his affair prior to the trip imbroglio and that he and his wife have been working through their issues for some five months.”

She may have been working through the issues, but he’s just been an international horndog.

grendel June 24, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=346982]DoktorZoom[/re]: Dok FTW!

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:44 pm

20 bucks says Hannity blames this on the libs or he doesn’t bring it up at all.

Rosie Scenario June 24, 2009 at 2:44 pm

Perfect photo — jaunty Sanford with jacket over his shoulder. Does anyone do that except for the “Sinatra album cover” look? Just Mark setting off on a caper.

Failed 2 Menace June 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm

And somewhere, Spitzer looks up from his snapper for hire and says, “what a pussy.”

Whether he speaks of the unfolding drama on his television or the sweet foam upon his lips, we shall never know.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm

The Republican congressman that MSNBC is interviewing on the phone says he forgives Sanford, so Sanford’s .000000000001% of the way there already.

Lolo June 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm

At least his wife didn’t pull a Silda Spitzer.

bureaucrap June 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm

[re=347026]One Yield Regular[/re]: I noticed that, too. This woman is named Alberto.

freakishlystrong June 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm

There isn’t a big enough crow for Doucheborough to have to eat tomorrow on Morning Mika, he’s been defending this bibletool all week…suck it Joe.

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 2:45 pm

And another Republican star grows dim.

TeddyS June 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

I think he was boffing Tom Davis, too. And he apologizes to his fellow Klansmen for failing them on the character issue.

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

[re=347026]One Yield Regular[/re]: Know how I know you’re gay? You keep saying “this person” instead of “this woman.”

GayInMaine June 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

This is simply the most excitingly stupid thing a potential Republican presidential candidate has done!

This week, I mean.

jagorev June 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

HOLY FARKING SHIAT. BREAK OUT THE DRUDGE SIRENZ

totoro June 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

This is because of gay marriage. Gay marriage destroys the institution of marriage, and forces guys to travel 9 thousand miles to screw nasty tramps. Who are married.

SayItWithWookies June 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

[re=347023]american mutt[/re]: It worked out well for the Catholic church.

President Beeblebrox June 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

Mark, if y’alls ain’t smart enuf to carry out an affair discreetly, how can we expect you to become Preznit? Idiot could have done this so easily – just tell his Lt. Gov. and staff that he was taking a breather after the legislative session and that he’d be back in a week. No one would have been teh wiser. Instead he goes all weirdly incognito, gives inconsistent stories, and pisses everyone off in the process.

At least Bill Clinton had the sense to get his cigar smoked in the Oval Office without attracting attention…

Carrie_Okie June 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

So when you reconcile with your wife and children; you do that by of course visiting that chick you’ve been boning in another country. The Lord Jebus frowns on your bullshit.

Jenny Sanford June 24, 2009 at 2:47 pm

if democrats can’t turn this into the biggest thing since.. heck EVER.. they have lost my vote forever. Party of America First just went Argentina First!

anyways, i have had my 15 mins.. who wants my name?

LittlePig June 24, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Damn. I DO need a cigarette.

booboo210 June 24, 2009 at 2:47 pm

He added the “SHE” late in the confession. It’s bullshit – better than 50% it’s a MAN, baby!

nappyduggs June 24, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Recall how the wives of both Governor McGreevey and Governor Spitzer showed up at the pressers and though they looked subdued, you just knew that they had wailed on those tools with their Blahniks in the limo on the way there. What’s with these Carolina shrinking violets? Meet us upper east coast broads somewheres around VA and we’ll learn ya how to handle these things.

S.Agnew June 24, 2009 at 2:47 pm

As “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” becomes one more euphemism for fornicating.

Saragon June 24, 2009 at 2:48 pm

WEPR here in Greenville, SC cut from Sanford’s weepy little confession to a piece of classical music that sounds like the finale to a tragedy, complete with weepy violins. Hilarious.

Monsieur Grumpe June 24, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Wow. Long thread. Did I miss anything?

One Yield Regular June 24, 2009 at 2:48 pm

[re=347025]paintitblack[/re]: I sure wish National Lampoon was still around. I can just picture THEIR “Wise Latina” cover this week.

Tavish June 24, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Fun fact about Sanford: He voted yes on three of the four articles of impeachment against Clinton back when he was in the House. But no need for him to resign, totally different circumstances, right? That was a much simpler time in his life, when he wasn’t getting Argentine hummers.

paintitblack June 24, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Can’t help it: this one’s makin’ me cadkle w/glee! Hooray for make-sexy-time in, of all places, Argentina! FTW??!! Can the GeeOooPee get any stupider? I am in awe of this tool’s jerkwadness. Now whur’s muh cocklat dildo???

Blender June 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Did the taxpayers of South Carolina PAY FOR THIS?

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm

[re=347001]bago[/re]: Like a little girl.

[re=346994]Sarah T[/re]: Oveja.

stew June 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Drudge is burrying it–Malkin is ignoring it.

JGB June 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm

That was a full-on five whore diamond presser. Way to go, Gov!

booboo210 June 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm

From another site: “I don’t think it’s a woman either. He spent the first half of the press conference talking about a “person” and a “friend,” and didn’t say “she” or “her” until toward the end. I think he decided that admitting it was a man would be too much for him to deal with right now, so that will come out later.”

Itsjustme June 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Dear Republicans: Please keep your dick in your pants and a brain in your head at all times. That includes you Governor Palin!

4tehlulz June 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm

[re=347038]Dave J.[/re]: Maybe he’s confused; after all, I’m sure this dear friend has a dick, but an awesome set of tits too.

superfecta June 24, 2009 at 2:50 pm

This would have been much better had he given the conference on the balcony of the Casa Rosada in a white dress.

magic titty June 24, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=346978]Scooter[/re]: Wow that was great.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=347047]booboo210[/re]:

The truth is a little more complex than that: Sanford had known this Argentine woman for 8 years, but it wasn’t ’till she lifted up her skirt and showed him her cock and balls that he fell hard for “her.”

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Every American man and woman should be allowed one South American sexpot.

Godless Liberal June 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm

For the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my state.

bago June 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm

[re=347036]octupletsmom[/re]: Republican stars don’t grow dim, they’re born that way.

Hooray For Anything June 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm

You actually have to kind of give him credit for not reading some watered-down statement written by his political flunkies but for going full train-wreck on it. Takes a weird kind of courage to do that.

widestanceromancer June 24, 2009 at 2:52 pm

He dug up Eva Perone and dressed her up as Libby Dole?

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Strom Thurmond is not pleased with your piety, sir.

Serolf Divad June 24, 2009 at 2:54 pm

BTW: if it turns out to be Sonia Braga I’ll kill myself.

Dave J. June 24, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Quote of the day on this from Free Republic:

Another notch in her belt! It will play well on one of those South American personality shows I sometimes tune through on cable.

ph7 June 24, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Five days crying in Argentina?

Jesus Christ. No wonder Hemingway blew his brains out. America can’t even produce manly ex-pats any more.

Traveler June 24, 2009 at 2:54 pm

[re=347044]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Exatamundo! And I want pictures of the “she”!

Itsjustme June 24, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Is “spark” the new erection?

jodyleek June 24, 2009 at 2:55 pm

My guess…the Argentinian woman called off the affair. That’s why he made the mad dash and that’s why he was crying for five days. What a little pussy whipped bitch!

The Cold Sea June 24, 2009 at 2:56 pm

R.I.N.O. I’m disappointed, Gov. Nobama, very disappointed.

ZonkerHarris June 24, 2009 at 2:56 pm

I’ve been scrutinizing Wonkette’s hotter, better-dancing cousin publication, Wonkettá, yet can’t find pictures of this chica anywhere…

Shot at Wolf June 24, 2009 at 2:56 pm

Even we, here in Columbia, SC, know how to celebrate “hump day”.

liberaltruthsayer June 24, 2009 at 2:56 pm

Fuck. Can’t get the Sanford and Son theme out of my head. Thanks a lot, Governor.

Autochthon June 24, 2009 at 2:57 pm

wow. just…wow.

pmr June 24, 2009 at 2:57 pm

First Ensign, now Sanford… Sarah Palin’s diabolical plan to populate the Earth with Republican Seductrix robots has begun. They’ll pick off her competition one by one. Up next, Rosie from the Jetsons will seduce Haley Barbour with a grilled ham and cheese and a bottle of borbon.

Kingbee June 24, 2009 at 2:57 pm

America First, Mark! Buy local! Why buy Argentinian milk when South Carolina is full of — well, whatever.

4tehlulz June 24, 2009 at 2:57 pm

[re=347072]Dave J.[/re]: whut?

Zorg June 24, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Really stable empires, such as China, Byzantium and Ottoman Turkey, required that men seeking high government positions be eunuchs. Now, at last, I see the wisdom of this practice.

AxmxZ June 24, 2009 at 2:59 pm

[re=347023]american mutt[/re]: I think Obama would wear celibacy very well.

shortsshortsshorts June 24, 2009 at 2:59 pm

NIKKI HALEY IS HER NAME. BANGING SANFORD IS HER GAME.
VOTE FOR NIKKI

http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=4074

GOT HER. HAHA.

Joshua Norton June 24, 2009 at 3:00 pm

“Hiking the Appalachian Trail” suddenly has taken on a whole new meaning.

Failed 2 Menace June 24, 2009 at 3:00 pm

US just scored a goal in Confed Cup semi, so this day is coming together nicely around the theme of US America stuffing its thing into Spanish-speaking countries.

facehead June 24, 2009 at 3:00 pm

IF NOBAMA WOULD SUPPORT THE BABY SEAL DEMOCRATS IN IRAN NONE OF THIS HAPPEN!!!!

OMG I’M OUT OF TWIZZLERS!!!!

SHAVE EVERYTHING!!!

Moleman v2.5 June 24, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Don’t try furry Argentinians!
The truth is I’m only hiking
or in Atlanta
I kept up my Twitters
Don’t keep my passport

nappyduggs June 24, 2009 at 3:01 pm

I sincerely hope that her name is Carmelita Tropicana and she that she wears skirts made of tropical fruitz. Oh my.

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 3:01 pm

And he didn’t have the decency to wait until his wife was in a hospital bed to have this fling. Bastardo.

Scooter June 24, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Idaho’s Senator. South Carolina’s Governor. I guess the redder the state the bluer the balls.

american mutt June 24, 2009 at 3:01 pm

[re=347086]AxmxZ[/re]: Michelle keeps him in check. I like that. No “Yes sir” from that chica. Grrowl.

x111e7thst June 24, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Wait,Nimrata (Nikki) Randhawa Haley is Argentinian now? Does little Piush know this?

AxmxZ June 24, 2009 at 3:02 pm

OMG guys on MSNBC some nut is screaming his head off behind the reporter. HILARIOUS!

Lord Growing June 24, 2009 at 3:02 pm

“Now, darling, are you sure you can’t come up to South Carolina? It’s beautiful in the summertime.”
“I’m not coming to fucking South Carolina.”
“You see, I’m kinda of governor, so I’ve kind of got this whole security detail and media scrutiny to deal with. It might look bad if I disappear to Argentina with no explanation.”
“I’m not coming to fucking South Carolina.”
“Ah, fuck it. I wasn’t gonna beat the mulatto anyway. I’ll be on the next plane.”

President Beeblebrox June 24, 2009 at 3:02 pm

[re=347084]4tehlulz[/re]: Must be referring to the “Xou da Xuxa“. That sounds like a show Freepers can get into – kissing of prepubescent kids and all that.

Paco June 24, 2009 at 3:02 pm

ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING AFFAIRS AND THE TELEVISED CONFESSIONS AND BREAK-UPS! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! CURSE YOU, SANDRA TSING LOH!

bitchincamaro June 24, 2009 at 3:03 pm

[re=347087]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Sanford-Haley/ 2012

eclecticbrotha June 24, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Damn, I know I’m late to the party but can ?I still suggest he was in Buenos Aires fucking the corpse of Josef Mengele?

I’m really not buying the affair with a woman. This has pool boy written all over it. The GOP immediately starts playing the victim and demanding everyone respect Sanford’s privacy.

Some goof was just doing a live report from South Carolina and there was a protester having what sounded like gay sex off camera. Or maybe he was being buttfucked with a night stick by a couple of hunky Capitol police.

Gorillionaire June 24, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=346620]SmutBoffin[/re]: Almost 500 comments and still the funniest.

WadISay June 24, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Fox News is pronouncing him dead.

sezme June 24, 2009 at 3:05 pm

This brings back the important issue of where exactly are high-profile married politicians supposed to go to get fucked discreetly? JFK was treated to a mega orgy courtesy of Santos Traficante in Havana shortly before he became president, but what’s a fellah supposed to do these days?

3 whore-diamond-whores? Out. The plump office intern? Out. Videographers? Out. Anonymous airport men’s room strangers? Out. Teenagers in motel rooms dressed as pandas? Strangely, also out. Sexy married ladies/laddies in other continents? now out as well. What’s left? Rubbers and tuggers at the local Asian massage parlour? Doubtful. Quick wank in the shower? Still your best bet.

Servo June 24, 2009 at 3:06 pm

He really disappointed the GOP for not spending that down-low time having buttsechs with a longshoreman from the Falklands.

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 3:06 pm

It isn’t the crime, it’s the cover-up. Okay, nevermind. It’s the crime.

Godless Liberal June 24, 2009 at 3:06 pm

I kind of want to commemorate this day by fucking a foreigner in Finlay Park, where maybe he can see from the governor’s mansion.

Autochthon June 24, 2009 at 3:07 pm

[re=347068]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I concur. He’s set a standard for full-tilt, public, GOP dumbfuckery that will be hard to beat…

americanscandoanything June 24, 2009 at 3:07 pm

I don’t see what the big deal is here

he simply let “the market decide”

hot argentinian chick vs. played-out wife

that’s a no brainer

mjwilstein June 24, 2009 at 3:07 pm

Here’s the full video of the press conference in case you missed it:
http://www.gotchamediablog.com/2009/06/mark-sanford-admits-to-affair-with.html

ph7 June 24, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=347087]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Haley was born in SC, went to school in SC (Clemson) and lives in SC. Her parents are Punjabi Sikhs.

Nothng Argetinian about her.

Wet Work June 24, 2009 at 3:08 pm

Definitely ghey. The guy has lied forty times already about this story. If it was a hetero affair it wouldn’t have the week-long-drug-bender-disappearance component to it. A woman on the other end would’ve demanded more discretion.

Ghey all the way.

Youstonedorjuststupid? June 24, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=347113]sezme[/re]: Plushies, no witness no crime.

Moleman v2.5 June 24, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Sanford’s “I wanted to do something exotic” comment sure sounds a bit saucier now, doesn’t it?

President Beeblebrox June 24, 2009 at 3:09 pm

The Huffington Post’s subheadline for the story is “Met Person in Argentina…” Not “woman,” “person.”

WHAT DOES ARIANNA KNOW THAT WE DON’T?

WadISay June 24, 2009 at 3:09 pm

It would be ironic if he used Stimulus Package funds to finance this trip.

Wet Work June 24, 2009 at 3:10 pm

Oh yeah, and the Britney concert too.

bwill June 24, 2009 at 3:10 pm

Dammit, I had book on him being caught in a love nest with Lindsey Graham!

Guy is toast. Especially if he flew to BA on the taxpayers’ dime for some Argentine poon.

Another note: I’m the same age as Sanford, and I did all my reckless shit with my penis back in my 20s. I’m more discreet now.

shortsshortsshorts June 24, 2009 at 3:11 pm

[re=347128]ph7[/re]: Check it:
http://www.fitsnews.com/2009/06/24/source-evidence-exists-of-sanford-affair/ -

He’s probably lying about the Argentine thing. I mean he lied about other shit. AND there were a lot of accounts that he wasn’t alone when he left.

eclecticbrotha June 24, 2009 at 3:12 pm

[re=347123]americanscandoanything[/re]: Epic.

Its fascinating listening to the media lecture the Democrats to avoid exploiting this for political gain.

Carrie_Okie June 24, 2009 at 3:12 pm

[re=347087]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: ftw? I’d hit it. Also.

Moleman v2.5 June 24, 2009 at 3:14 pm

[re=347139]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Maybe there was more than one affair?

nappyduggs June 24, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Alas, this non-penis wearing jezebel Nikki Haley is not a negress, but she is brown. Miscegenation FTW. Foppish hypocritical adultreez- FAIL.

Crazybroad June 24, 2009 at 3:17 pm

[re=347082]pmr[/re]: I don’t think you’re far off target on that — this was all just part of Sarah Palin’s plan to take over the GOP Governor’s Association. Mark Sanford was FRAMED! Unfairly SEDUCED!! The next victim will be Steele.

But now at least we know what she’s doing with those SarahPAC funds.

stratonike June 24, 2009 at 3:18 pm

Apparently he’s changed hiis mind about heterosexual marriage. How quaint.

MFitz June 24, 2009 at 3:20 pm

This just in: Willow Palin moved to Argentina last week; Letterman off the hook.

MzNicky June 24, 2009 at 3:20 pm

I haven’t had this much fun at a live-blogging since Sarah Palin at the 2008 Repug Convention.

Boozeweek June 24, 2009 at 3:22 pm

[re=347080]liberaltruthsayer[/re]: You say that as if it’s a bad thing!

horned_viper June 24, 2009 at 3:25 pm

I am surprised by the outright confession. He could have just been shifty and given vague responses, but he came out guns blazing. It is refreshing in a twisted way. I hope future GOP presidential campaign will adopt this format of destroying their political careers.

up_yer_snufflegus June 24, 2009 at 3:26 pm

Apparently what happens in Argentina doesn’t stay in Argentina.

Terry June 24, 2009 at 3:27 pm

“I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”

I bet the Argentinian woman was happy to see him leave because really you want your lover moping around your house for five days crying. That’s so sexy.

MOG June 24, 2009 at 3:27 pm

He didn’t leave, his aides swept him away from the mic before he could start talking about his “confused childhood”, “lonely teens” and “personal relationship with Jesus”. I, for one, am grateful.

S.Luggo June 24, 2009 at 3:30 pm

[re=347191]up_yer_snufflegus[/re]: Correcto.

From Argentina’s La Nacion: “American Governor Uses Buenos Aires as Filthy Sex Spa” http://www.lanacion.com.ar/nota.asp?nota_id=1142967&high=sanford

Mike Steele June 24, 2009 at 3:41 pm

[re=347031]Failed 2 Menace[/re]: Best post ever.

agentstinky June 24, 2009 at 3:42 pm

“I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”

Eva Peron would be SO PISSED.

DogBoy June 24, 2009 at 3:58 pm

I have many questions, among them:

as he made the announcement of being “unfaithful” to his wife, why is everybody in the background giggling?

how many more elected-official sex scandals are we going to have this summer? isn’t it traditional to wait until August to make this sort of thing public?

well, that’s enough for the moment. i think i need to go take a shower.

Failed 2 Menace June 24, 2009 at 3:59 pm

When Sanford’s Buenos Aires slampiece comes forward, she will express her anger at having been deceived.

“First time we met, he told me, ‘I’ve got to go back to my home in Columbia. I’m the Governor there. I thought he was in with the Norte del Valle Cartel.”

“What the hell is a South Carolina?”

Hooray For Anything June 24, 2009 at 4:01 pm

[re=347087]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yep, it has to be her. From her web site:

“Strong families are built on strong values, and strong communities are built on strong families. I’ve always believed that promoting the values that keep a family strong is a vital step in ensuring the health, safety and prosperity of our communities. That’s why I support faith-based initiatives that encourage character education and the development of a strong moral code in our young people. We have economic and educational promises to keep to our future generations, but in fulfilling those obligations we should never forget the central role the family plays in teaching our children right from wrong.”

Anita Cocktail June 24, 2009 at 4:04 pm

[re=346623]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]:
Don’t cry for me Argentina
I just spent five long days weeping
I’m not a librul
I am just hor-nee
etc

Mahousu June 24, 2009 at 4:10 pm

“What would you like the kids and me to get you for Fathers’ Day, honey?”

“Oh, you don’t have to get me anything. I’ve got it covered.”

Adolf Bachmann June 24, 2009 at 4:33 pm

He made a pilgrimage to Argentina to hunt down Maradona’s legendary “Fist of God.”

Brooklyn June 24, 2009 at 4:33 pm

I can’t decide what my favorite part of this speech is, when he says “that sparkin’ thing,” or when he basically says that if you are in politics, you have to me a total phony…..

Brooklyn June 24, 2009 at 4:33 pm

oops, “be” a phony…

finallyhappy June 24, 2009 at 4:45 pm

Will we be having a new Republican elected official confessing every week? I’m already bored- the last two have been affairs with adult women. What happened to boys and male prostitutes who also provide meth? I am hoping for Lindsey Graham and John McCain to confess.

hobospacejunkie June 24, 2009 at 4:56 pm

Godammit! Why did I have to pick this life to be crazy in? I take an afternoon for my monthly visit with my psychiatrist, returning with reams of new anti-crazy prescriptions, stop in the Walgreens parking lot to check in with my only friend (Wonkette, I don’t have any “human” friends) and discover I’ve missed the greatest US America community experience since the moon landing! Well over 500 comments and still going strong. When will I have time for my nap? Oh such a glorious day. Such a glorious day!

Mr Blifil June 24, 2009 at 5:26 pm

I hate having to work in the afternoon. I missed all this fucking primo shit.

sezme June 24, 2009 at 5:30 pm

[re=347427]hobospacejunkie[/re]: “Such a glorious day!”

That would probably be an indication that your meds are working. But yes, it was pretty great.

oldguy June 24, 2009 at 6:12 pm

“I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.” Is his wife going to kill him later this evening?

Just Say No.

And thank you all for the best news coverage on the planet.

octupletsmom June 24, 2009 at 6:27 pm

[re=346995]sezme[/re]: Oh snort. You done good, props!

wheelie June 24, 2009 at 6:42 pm

I just got to read all the 500+ comments now, and they were worth the read. This is the best site ever for coverage of sexy US political shenanigans. I love you all.

Bill_TX June 24, 2009 at 6:58 pm

“Argentinean lady” = Underage mulatto tranny crack-whore

NYNYNY June 24, 2009 at 9:28 pm

[re=347099]Lord Growing[/re]: Yo, I thought you said you wuz the Governor of Norte Carolina, I jus look you up online, eet says you the Governor of Southe Carolina. Southe Carolina eez nastee, I no go there. You want me go to such a nastee smellee playz? No way babee.

statejob June 24, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Is this cubby?
http://www.cubbyculbertson.com/gallery/The-Cubby-Experience

If you look at the self portrait stack you will see that jake posted: “Is that my Hooters calendar grampa?” Nice.

Failed 2 Menace June 24, 2009 at 9:54 pm

How long following its retirement must this thread wait before it becomes eligible for admission into the Schadenfreude Hall of Fame?

The only way it could be sweeter is if were printed on paper derived from recycled Appalachian Trail guides, with ink that has been sprinkled with an eyedropper’s dose of Sanford’s tears.

Dreadful Gate June 24, 2009 at 10:30 pm

FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS, ALAN!

Smoke Filled Roommate June 25, 2009 at 12:42 am

He’s a regular Ginasmith..

hobospacejunkie June 25, 2009 at 1:57 am

Yawn. Not even the biggest story of the day. That would be Spain’s upset at the hands of the US America soccer team. The team I hate because I sat amongst them (wearing my Italy shirt) at the World Cup in 2006 for the US America v. Italy match. My fellow Americans abused me no end. Which was fine, they should have. But they also exposed their complete & utter ignorance of the game and of Italian soccer in general and from that day forth, through no fault of the team’s, I hate the American team. Italy was always my team anyway, but I was also a US American fan. No longer. Godammit Spain. I was looking forward to Brazil v. Spain this weekend.

And godammit Sanford. I was looking forward to a confession which included trannies, ideally underage and Dominican. You disappoint in so many ways.

DecaturHeel June 25, 2009 at 10:43 am

I thought it was VIRGINIA that was for lovers, not South Carolina! In any event, it’s easy to confuse Appalachia with Argentina…they both have vast expanses of unexplored wilderness, like Sanford’s soul. Here, this is a good lesson: http://www.zazzle.com/south_carolina_gov_mark_sanford_shirt-235949377168700857

Pithaughn June 25, 2009 at 12:39 pm

[re=346678]Voyou Charmant[/re]: Oh not. Not and “that’s what she said” are way further up the list. Which is topped out with “WAY!”

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