time for a talky

Liveblogging Mark Sanford’s Confession Of Molesting Alien Rats In Some Fancy Mexico

Mark Sanford’s going to talk to the media, RIGHT NOW. We are watching MSNBC, which is most likely to cover it — it is hard to get a camera inside South Carolina — due to its liberal politics. Make your bets NOW about possible sex affairs/love children, closest-without-going-over gets a chocolate dildo…

SUMMARY: If you missed the hot live action, he admitted to having a hot sex affair with a hot babe in Argentina, for a year, and then he apologized to millions of people and Gods.

2:05 — That state Sen. Knotts guy was talking on MSNBC, and state Sen. Knotts does not miss many meals. Every feature on his body is spherical. Maybe he ate Mark Sanford and that’s where he was?
2:08 — Ou es tu, Sanford? We have to get back to aggregating Iranian Twitter feeds. His appearance might be delayed, they say! Suppose this is what we get for caring about local politics in some slave state.
2:10 — The babe editor of Hotline is telling us that John Ensign had an affair last week, and now Mark Sanford is uhh involved in some problem, so the Republicans could be in trouble!
2:14 — MSNBC has CUT AWAY FROM COVERAGE because Mark Sanford is just that late. Now there is a commercial break. We are watching a commercial with a lizard selling car insurance.
2:17 — Some greaseball is talking about the economy now. Doesn’t MSNBC know that Americans stopped caring about this as a news story a month or two ago?
2:20 — He still isn’t out. No one will tell us when this is happening. Perhaps he is in Bermuda with the terrorists.
*****2:24***** HERE HE IS HE IS TALKING and seems confused.
2:24 — He is talking about his history with the Appalachian Trail. He used to take people’s money, when he was younger, and then send them to the Appalachian Trail. These were called “Adventure Trips.”
2:25 — “Adventure Trips” help you escape the bubble. BUT THE WIFE MUST NOT KNOW!
2:25 — What he said this morning “was not the whole story.” Here we go!
2:26 — He’s apologizing to his wife and his four children “for letting them down.”
2:26 — “This is the first step in what will be a very long process on that front.” WHAT IS THE FRONT.
2:27 — Apologizing to his staff. He invented a “fictional” account of where he was going, and told his staff this. He apologizes to South Carolina. He apologizes to some hobo who was living in his basement during his first governor campaign. “We called it Jurassic Park.” Hey Mark, who did you fuck?
2:29 — Man, he is breaking down. Now he is giving his philosophical take on God’s Law, and his conception of sin. He is a person of Faith. Who did you have sex with, Mark?
2:31 — AHA: He developed a relationship WITH A WOMAN IN ARGENTINA over the last year.
2:31 — Ha ha ha, when he finally said what happened, a lady in the background gave a rather brutal “WTF?” head turn.
2:32 — Stop asking for forgiveness and babbling about your God. Liz Becton would not approve.
2:33 — He’s resigning as chair of the Republican Governors Association.
2:34 — QUESTIONS.
2:34 — Someone asks if he is separated from his wife. “She is there, I am here, so I guess.” Jesus.
2:35 — He and his wife have been “dealing with this” for the past five or so months. He is in some sort of AA for cheaters? Or just regular therapy.
2:36 — He’s discussing his relationship with his Argentinian sex lady, and how he and she had a very earnest conversation about how they should each stop cheating on their spouses.
2:37 — Pretty sure he just pulled out the old, “If it’s in different continents, then it doesn’t count.”
2:37 — They were friends for eight years. “Then a year ago things sparked into something else. I have seen her three times since the sparkin’ thing.”
2:38 — “I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”
2:39 — Why does he keep talking about what he did to some guy named Tom Davis, who slept in Jurassic Park in his basement? Tom doesn’t give a shit. Guy Code.
2:40 — Did he lie to his staff that he was going to the Appalachian Trail? No, he only told him he “might go to the Appalachian Trail” last Thursday, which was true, hypothetically.
2:41 — OVER. Well, nothin’ much, just secretly flying down to Argentina every now and then to sex up a sexy lady. Sounds like a good deal! Why stop?
2:43 — One more thing: John McCain used to do this in the 1950s.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • StoneAge

    does anyone have a link to a live stream?

  • Saragon
  • american mutt

    my money’s on the mullato baby thing. that and he got gay married.

  • Dave J.
  • Min

    My money’s still on the alpaca.

  • orange
  • InsidiousTuna

    Maybe he ate Mark Sanford and that’s where he was

    That would make Mark Sanford a poop, whereas he was a poop before this. Next possible explanation.

  • TeddyS

    The key will be whether his faithful wife will be standing beside him. If she does, he’s guilty of something.

  • shortsshortsshorts
  • RogueDC

    “My friends, fellow citizens of South Carolina, I am a tranny-chasing american.” cue in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….

  • Dave J.

    Oh, and someone over @ Kos says this is one rumor about the identity his special guest on his viaje a Argentina, and she’s a current candidate for S. Carolina governor, and just happened to have scrubbed all photos of him from her website today.

    http://www.nikkihaley.com/

  • Morbo the Annihilator

    Best bet: blowing stimulus money on studying Cristo Redentor to build a duplicate in front of every public building in the entire state. Just because.

  • Madeline

    Two words: plastic surgery. Second guess: pool boy

  • SmutBoffin

    Sexual partner: mid-20s male staffer
    Place: Argentinian sauna
    Fursuit: squirrel

  • suchsweetthunder

    If Wonkette doesn’t win a Pulitzer for its coverage of this story then there is no God.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    http://www.wistv.com/

    If I leave here tomorrow,
    Would you still remember me?
    For I must be traveling on, now,
    ‘Cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.
    But if I stayed here with you, girl,
    Things just couldn’t be the same.
    ‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
    And this bird you can not change.
    And the bird you can not change.
    And this bird you can not change.
    Lord knows, I can’t change.

  • InsidiousTuna

    [re=346602]StoneAge[/re]: Hey, in case no one’s told you, I think Talking Points Memo has it.

  • Dave J.

    Wheee! Starting!

  • Country Club Jihadi

    There is still time to channel Jennifer Wilbanks and the abduction by a Hispanic in a blue van thingy.

  • HIROHITO99

    [re=346605]american mutt[/re]: My money is that he molested a mullato baby but ends up blaming the whole thing on his wide stance… and Obama.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I’m betting the whole thing is just an attention-getting stunt, all carefully planned, no hanky-panky involved.

    Because he’s boring, whitebread guy who happens to be a whiny little hey-pay-attention-to-me drama queen.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=346613]TeddyS[/re]: OR the wife AND kids, then, it’s gegh buttsecks.

  • DangerousLiberal

    Whee! Late. Dopes.

  • american mutt

    this better not be a let down.

  • tunamelt

    Oooh, is the chocolate dildo for eating? Because anything else seems like a recipe for ants in weird places.

  • tunamelt

    Nazi sex scandal.

  • Jenny Sanford

    [re=346613]TeddyS[/re]: oh how dare you

  • Dave J.

    Ugh, typical southerners, trying to figure out the technologies in the microphone machines.

  • ph7

    A Bud Dwyer moment?

  • LittlePig

    “che-uck, che-uck, che-uck, thas my voice in the mike…”

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=346620]SmutBoffin[/re]: Chupacabra furrie also.

  • octupletsmom

    Breaking–Governor missing. A-fucking-gain.

  • orange

    afghanistan, argentina, zebra???

  • Serious

    I’m going to livecomment this liveblog.

    2:11pm – Jim Newell comes out swinging, with jokes.

  • MattW

    He must be digging a pretty deep hole.

  • LittlePig

    “Afghanistan, Argentina, Zebra, test, test, test….”

    Jesus, it was an alpaca!

  • rmontcal

    Who was that blonde on MSNBC?

  • genericuserid

    I call sex change!

  • Dave J.

    Ha, sound check guy said “test test, Afghanistan, Argentina, zebra, test test.”

  • Jenny Sanford

    Afghanistan, Argentina, Zebra… test…

    somebody’s got a sense of humour

  • Noodle Salad

    Please come out dressed in a sailor suit with a big lolly. Can we just have a good ol’ fashioned breakdown?

  • StoneAge

    [re=346604]Saragon[/re]: [re=346606]Dave J.[/re]: you guys are the bestest!

    I came in just in time to hear them say “argentina zebra” during the mic test. Heelarious!

  • tunamelt

    [re=346641]octupletsmom[/re]: This time he’s gonna stay hid.

  • Gopherit

    Fifteen?

  • tunamelt

    [re=346628]HIROHITO99[/re]: That wouldn’t even be a problem if we all listened to Nixon.

  • jodyleek

    What’s the over/under on Hotlips Sanford actually showing up to the presser?

  • Mahousu

    His appearance might be delayed… = turns out he’s currently in Thailand.

  • american mutt

    [re=346642]orange[/re]: “afghanistan, argentina, zebra???”

    That’d be a hell of a story.

  • Serious

    2:12pm – Jim Newell still claiming that Mark Sanford isn’t there. Yeesh, is he Liveblogging or Lagblogging? Only time will tell, literally.

  • Gopherit

    [re=346633]tunamelt[/re]: um, those aren’t ants, Tuna……

  • tunamelt

    The problem is that this is going to fuck with my lunch hour unless he fucking speeds it up.

  • Morbo the Annihilator

    [re=346643]Serious[/re]: Metablogging will kill us all.

    2:14 Hasn’t yet.

  • S.Luggo

    “Ou es tu, Sanford?” He’s adjusting his tin foil cap.

  • liberaltruthsayer

    And so begins another Endless Cummer!

  • magic titty

    2012 GOP primary season is going to be the greatest spectacle this nation ever did see.

  • LittlePig

    “That sounds like a personal problem…” Bwahahaha. Brother, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

  • WadISay

    Gads, Fox is carrying this, too. Cutting away from ongoing coverage of John Edwards.

  • Tra

    [re=346656]Mahousu[/re]: That’s just what he WANTS you to think! Current real location: International Space Station.

  • Noodle Salad

    Heard some reporter say “He fell off a what?” This should be good.

  • grendel

    $20 on gay affair with hot latino whom has been mysteriously “disappeared” off a cliff on the coast of Argentina.

  • tunamelt

    [re=346651]StoneAge[/re]: Mic test or code for mulatto baby?

  • bitchincamaro

    There’s a whole messa’ purdy moufs in that room.

  • Carrie_Okie

    [re=346641]octupletsmom[/re]: probably negotiating whore diamond size for Mrs Sanford.

  • tunamelt

    [re=346659]Gopherit[/re]: Shit.

  • liberaltruthsayer

    Has Sanford given us the slip again? OH!!!!

    Pun intended.

  • Dave J.

    Between Ensign and Sanford, I think the plan is to FLOOD THE FUCKING ZONE with stories about horndog GOPers who just can’t stop themselves from boning every woman they see. Next into the breach, Jim Gibbons.

  • Voyou Charmant

    ugh. Listening to the tool bags dick around at the podium one of them says “That sounds like a personal problem,” with regards to a missing body pack, microphone thing-a-ma-gigger. Seriously; “that sounds like a personal problem” is the single least funny, generic comment anyone can make.

  • american mutt

    I bet you he “lost” the stimulus money.

  • x111e7thst

    It’s a loooong long way to Argentina
    It’s a looooong way to go
    It’s a long long way to Argentina
    to my tranny hooker and blow

  • CthuNHu

    I’m kinda hoping some teary cheaply-dressed stiletto-heeled tart steps up to the mike and says, in a deep voice, “First, I want to apologize for any consternation my absence may have caused.”

  • bureaucrap

    He’s still backstage, making sure that all the boys in Buenos Aires are agreed on the cover story… “It was an accident; he must have tied himself to the bed…”

  • octupletsmom

    The % of ‘Murkins who identify themselfs as Republicans just went down 10% overnight.

  • nappyduggs

    [re=346650]Noodle Salad[/re]: Please SKIP out methinks. He simply has to skip out to the podium in that get-up. Thank you, BTW.

  • 4tehlulz

    Meanwhile, in the Bizarro land known as Red State:

    “First, we need to be clear on the facts — not the media speculation:

    — Sanford did tell his staff and family where he was going.
    — Because he was traveling without a security detail, it was in his best interests that no one knew he was gone.
    — His political enemies — Republicans at that — ginned up the media story.
    — When confronted by a pestering media, things went downhill.
    — Again though, at all times there was no doubt that Sanford’s staff and family knew where he was.”

    via TPM

    Apparently, his wife’s assertion that she didn’t know where he was was a clever ruse to throw everyone off the trail. Mark was actually on a secret mission to kill Osama Bin Laden in Buenos Aires.

  • Beatrix

    Waiting for Mark Sanford to appear while listening to Mussorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition (thanks WETA!) is hilariously surreal.

  • Guppy06

    Why is he so late? Did he flee the country again?

  • SmutBoffin

    Does the insurance-selling lizard have any 2012 aspirations? How soon will it be revealed that he had an affair with a skanky skink?

  • paintitblack

    GOP dumbfuckery: so much schaudenfreude, so little time to savor it all.

  • ph7

    Meanwhile, in the Governor’s press office: “Xanax, test test, Zoloft…test test”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    I’ve got it! He’s gay marrying Jon Gosselin. Rice queen FTW.

  • Oh hell to the no

    You guys, he’s obviously busy unpacking his S&M gear. That shit takes forever to unpack and hang up properly.

  • StopItCutItOut

    They are adjusting the tight-lippedness of the future ex Mrs. Sanford.

  • Moleman v2.5

    [re=346642]orange[/re]: Sanford at the press conference = Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy) from The Breakfast Club:

    Q: Governor, don’t you think it might be problematic for a governor to vanish for days at a time?

    Sanford: I don’t have to runaway and live in the street. I can runaway and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan, Appalachia, Argentina!

  • Guppy06

    [re=346686]Beatrix[/re]: WETA is now carrying the Voice of Russia?

  • Dave J.

    [re=346684]nappyduggs[/re]: With one of those comic oversized novelty lollipops.

  • bago

    What the hell? I purposely show up late and I beat hiker?

  • Voyou Charmant

    EXTREME CLOSE UPPPPP WHHHHHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!1111 WHHHOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!!!!1

  • LittlePig

    JESUS, lady! Turn the damn gain down on your mic.

  • Joshua Norton

    I call sex change!

    Yes, but from what to what?

  • Fox n Fiends

    this is what it sounds like when doves cry

  • bago

    My audio is cool.

  • heroinmule

    something’s about to happen!

  • Tra

    Maybe he’s become invisible …?

  • octupletsmom

    [re=346685]4tehlulz[/re]: “Bald and unconvincing”. Sorry.

  • Jenny Sanford

    where the hell am I?

  • tunamelt

    Seriously, some of us are on the left coast and would like this shit to be done before we need to eat. Step it up, Mr. Hope You’re Wearing a Diaper

  • MzNicky

    [re=346636]Dave J.[/re]: Wasn’t it South Carolina’s own Strom Thurmond who at some judiciary hearing or other some years back couldn’t hear the witnesses speaking through the microphones and kept yelling “Wouldja … wouldja PLEASE TALK into THA MACHINE! WOULDJA PLEASE SPEAK INTO THA MACHINE!!”

  • shortsshortsshorts

    WHY WONT THIS FUCKING THING START. My chops are RED with anticipation.

  • Moleman v2.5

    Missing governor is missing. Staff says they know where he is … this time … really.

  • Noodle Salad

    [re=346684]nappyduggs[/re]: Also, he has to resign his seat because of an irreconcilable difference with the Lollipop Guild. And, you’re welcome.

  • Serolf Divad

    WTF, if Sanford now Axle Rose circa 1989 or something? Stop making us wait, beyotch!

  • Serolf Divad

    Wooo,hoo! IT’S ON!

  • TGY

    Peronists

  • takes12no1

    [re=346616]Dave J.[/re]: that would be too perfect! get rid of two dipshit Repubs at once. I’ve never been so proud to be a South Carolinian….uh….well…

  • hoosiermama

    he’s drunk!!!2

  • Tommmcatt

    Oh, God, let there be pictures. Please. Whatever it is, let it be smeared all over every tawdry, cheap publication in the United States…I’m talking Juggs, Boy Scout Foot Fetish Monthly, Politico

  • Dave J.

    omg he’s totally going to resign, I can feel it.

  • eastcoastliberal

    No wife!

  • Voyou Charmant

    He seems really really really uncomfortable.

  • tunamelt

    Oooh. I keep hitting refresh but it looks like the eco-driving quiz ad is back. Or did it never leave?

  • WadISay

    Somebody tear the heads of turkeys in the background.

  • DoktorZoom

    WHERE’S YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE, SANFORD?

  • Tra

    Uh, Governor? I don’t think this is really about the Appalachian Trail …

  • Jenny Sanford

    ok i got this y’all…

    he is lying

  • bago

    Appalachain trail again?

  • octupletsmom

    SIXTY BUCKS? What a whore.

  • Noodle Salad

    I told her about my love of…the Appalachian trial? Booooo.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    “You mean the Appalachian Trail ISN’T in Argentina??”

  • Bostoprov

    Sanford conference on the interwebs: http://www.wyff4.com/video/5552967/index.html

  • Serolf Divad

    OMG,he DID go on the Appalachian trail… with a GOAT!

  • LordPretzel

    OH NO. Mark Sandford is part of the Super Adventure Club-secret Scientologist!

  • bitchincamaro

    Obfuscation!!

  • tunamelt

    [re=346724]hoosiermama[/re]: Gotta get one last line of coke in before he confesses to a gay orgy and resigns to go to church therapy.

  • Moleman v2.5

    If a governor asks you to go on an “adventure trip” with him, YOU SAY NO.

  • DangerousLiberal

    Right off the bat: he has no idea what he wants to say. So he just riffs. He needs to break from the bubble. As governor of South Carolina?

  • heroinmule

    Get on with it man! Get to the sex!

  • doxastic

    Run Mark, run like the wind to the Appalachian Trail!

  • Wet Work

    Given the recent Britney concert episode, it’s definitely boy/boys.

    The incredibly ridiculous list of locations/excuses and unbelievable poor judgement indicates there are drugs involved.

    “Exotic” says that meth/rednecking is the usual and coca/gauchos is a special treat.

    Either way, he’s finished.

  • Guppy06

    He’s still stoned out of his gourd.

  • MzNicky

    What on earth is he babbling on and on about?

  • tunamelt

    [re=346727]eastcoastliberal[/re]: Damn, blew the opportunity for her in a blue power suit.

  • Formerly Preferred

    He is hoping to put everyone to sleep.

  • ProfessorJukes

    “I couldn’t take the pressure, I just wigged out. Sorry!”

    WOW.

  • wrytoast

    [re=346727]eastcoastliberal[/re]: That means he was having buttsex with another hot argentine man with a mullett.

  • Serolf Divad

    NOT THE WHOLE STORY!!!!!!!!

  • Guppy06

    He’s a “bottom line” kind of guy? So he was bottoming?

  • bitchincamaro

    He’s a bottom!!!

  • orange

    ooheoheohoho! he’s bottom line kinda guy and it’s gonna hurt!

  • LittlePig

    “I’m a bottom…line kinda guy”

  • Jenny Sanford

    oh baby!!

  • totoro

    And guess who just filed for divorce. Where was Kate Goselin last weekend?

  • bago

    He’s a bottom who lets the chips fall where they may.

  • freakishlystrong

    So, this is all about a tantrum he’s throwing, over having his package stimulated. What a wad.

  • AxmxZ

    I’ve been listening to him for like five minutes and he’s making no sense.

    “Let me first of all apologize to my wife Jenny and my four boys…” – now we’re getting somewhere!

  • hoosiermama

    yayay! He’s going to confess!!

  • Serolf Divad

    YES, YES, YES!!!! SSSSSEEEEEEXXXXYYYYTTTTTIIIMMMMEEEE!!!!

  • HipHopOpotamus

    He named his kid Bolton? Really?

  • grendel

    Where was Rush and his bag of viagra during this time period?

  • octupletsmom

    [re=346748]Guppy06[/re]: Methbabble bubble.

  • MzNicky

    Jeezus is he milking being the center of the media circus universe or WHAT! What a DOUCHE, just get on with it for cryssake.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    YES! ITS A SEX SCANDAL! AWESOME

  • Carrie_Okie

    Apologies! Ruh-roh!

  • Bostoprov

    He’s apologizing to his wife & kids! Oh, this is gonna hurt… Wheee!

  • Dave J.

    Ha, apology to his wife, he is so fucked.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=346686]Beatrix[/re]: “Waiting for Mark Sanford”. Did Samuel Beckett write that one too?

  • Breakfast Bourbon

    A southern governor takes an unsupervised trip followed by uncomfortable questions. Why does this seem familiar?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBk6MzXBdJU

  • saggyboobedhag

    Is he crying?

  • ph7

    Eggleston…Eggleston

  • LordPretzel

    Get to the buttsecks, dammit.

  • bago

    Let me tell this to my wife, via press conference.

  • Voyou Charmant

    For the love of God, Mark; get to the point!

  • Dave J.

    “knows how closely she has stood by my side.”

    except for right now, obvs.

  • Noodle Salad

    Forgets momentarily about how long he’s been “married” to “Jenny.” Good times.

  • Oh hell to the no

    When he said “Jenny” I just kept thinking of Forrest Gump. And please resign. It would be the greatest thing to happen to me today since about 12pm CDT.

  • Youstonedorjuststupid?

    wtf, he’s has Palins speech coach.

  • forgracie

    Get to the buttsecks!

  • saggyboobedhag

    New code word: “adventure-trip”

  • Sarah T

    He has a son named ‘Bolton’ !

  • wrytoast

    Jesus, he’s been talking for almost five minutes and has said absolutely nothing. WTF is he even apologizing for?

  • bitchincamaro

    You didn’t let us down, you shit. We were hoping for this.

  • Bostoprov

    He’s apologizing to everyone but the one who matters! Me!!

  • Johnny Zhivago

    He blew the entire stimulus check on hookers in Argentina!

  • magic titty

    [re=346685]4tehlulz[/re]: You’re a brave a deranged soul to have visited the Red State during a time like this.

    [re=346681]CthuNHu[/re]: Yes please.

    [re=346705]Fox n Fiends[/re]: “Maybe he’s just like his mother, she’s never satisfied…”

  • DangerousLiberal

    Oh shit, he’s emoting.

  • Moleman v2.5

    Now he’s talking about a man and Dinosaur sheets!?

  • Jenny Sanford

    ok y’all.. dude is about to cry.. i’m quitting this game

  • nbawriter

    Is he talking about a dinosaur living in his basement?

  • Gob

    What the hell did he do? This is the saddest presser about a vacation ever.

  • Formerly Preferred

    He’s a bottom line kind of guy, if you know what I mean. AND I THINK YOU DO.

  • Guppy06

    “And I want to apologize to Miguel, for sticking him with the hotel bill.”

  • Tra

    He’s going to personally apologize to everyone in SC, by name, before he explains what the hell he was doing.

  • bitchincamaro

    Dinosaur tears in heaven.

  • OReillysVibrator

    Why do I get the sense this entire speech will be “I apologize to my wife, my kids, my staff, my friends, my dog, my mailman, my ice cream truck driver, I did nothing wrong, goodbye.”

  • PerhapsSo

    Argentine love child! Sanford & Hijo! Little baby Sanfordistas running about the coast near Buenos Aires where there are no roads!

    This scandal is the best upper ever, and it’s not even clear that it’s a scandal yet.

  • ProfessorJukes

    Wow… is he going to blow his brains out on TV?

    He’s apologizing and apologizing, but nobody knows what for!

  • WadISay

    My staff should have been looking for me up the bums of Argentine boy sex workers.

  • tunamelt

    [re=346779]bago[/re]: No wonder she’s not standing by his sideeeeeeeee.

  • MzNicky

    YES YES YES you have let down every human being you ever knew in your whole life. GET ON WITH IT you incredible sociopath!!!!

  • saggyboobedhag

    He knows how to build the suspense. I have to say I like it.

  • bago

    Father in Law talk. Exciting.

  • Dave J.

    Ok, ok, you let every fucking person you know in the world down, except for the whore(s?) you were banging in Argentina. Get to the point, man!

  • octupletsmom

    PLEASE GUBERNOR WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN ARGENTINA????

  • SmutBoffin

    I HOPE HE TELLS MORE POINTLESS STORIES FOREVER IT IS QUITE ENJOYABLE

  • hoosiermama

    stop stalling !!!1

  • orange

    ohhoheoheoh! God’s laws!

  • hoosiermama

    blood, blood, blood!

  • Serolf Divad

    We forgive you Mark, you’re only human, now go blow a goat and resign.

  • nbawriter

    Man, he did something reaaallllllly scuzzy.

  • LittlePig

    “God’s Law” Rutt-roah!

  • lazyb

    I always like to call press conferences to announce my wrongdoings to my spouse. Creates a little suspense, you know?

  • S.Luggo

    Happy trail to you, gov.

  • OnTheLoose

    What is going on behind him? The Today Show window is more controlled.

  • bago

    We’re only here to protect you from yourself!

  • heroinmule

    It must be really bad. Spit it out!

  • Guppy06

    God’s laws? He went to Buenos Aries on a mission from God!

  • nappyduggs

    Jucier. JUICIER…..

  • Formerly Preferred

    Pro tip to Mark Sanford: God has nothing to do with whether or not you cheat on your wife. That’s all about you, buddy.

  • Noodle Salad

    Oh, no, God’s laws! Yes…..

  • OReillysVibrator

    Ohh I’m not a person of faith, no apologies to me!

  • eastcoastliberal

    God’s law…fer crisssakes.

  • LordPretzel

    MSNBC headline: “Gov. Sandford has taken many adventurous trips.” I guess they will add “with little boys” later.

  • Serious

    2:29pm – Jim Newell keeps freaking out in all caps

  • Monkeyhawk

    “The biggest self of self is self.”

    I think he’s got potential in the Repubic Party!

  • wrytoast

    He’s talking about God’s law and self of self of self of self of self. I hope he starts crying

  • Voyou Charmant

    He has not apologized to me yet. I’m waiting, Mark!

  • SayItWithWookies

    God’s law? God’s law? Get to the queerness, the divorce and the resignation already.

  • Tra

    He’s totally lost me. This would make a lot more sense if he’d confess to the affair first.

  • StoneAge

    he is a POF (Person of Faith), people!

  • norbizness

    I can’t wait for the “words not mentioned at press conference” story Politico is cooking up for this one. Let’s start with “taintblaster.”

  • orange

    [re=346812]SmutBoffin[/re]: it’s kinda endearing.

  • Jenny Sanford

    anybody looking at the smiling lady behind him?

  • Dave J.

    “..and this one time in 1987 I accidentally left a 13.5% tip for a waitress in Greensville, and I apologize for that.”

  • OReillysVibrator

    You have no reason to apologize to people of faith they are gullible morons just tell them whatever end it with “God told me so” and you’re golden.

  • american mutt

    come on!?

  • HipHopOpotamus

    God’s laws protect people from themselves? SEX ADDICTION.

  • ph7

    He’s about to confess to MURDER!!!

  • Serolf Divad

    I want to know who the gay guy was who broke up his heterosexual marriage?

  • pepe

    Did he just apologize to GOD!

  • bitchincamaro

    yesh!

  • the deliverator

    the schadenfraude of this is overwhelming! i am laughing to hard to function at work, dammit.

  • DangerousLiberal

    Ok, waiting for the big wind up for either his resignation or his staying…I think he’s gonna stay. After the self-criticism, cue the “I’m gonna stay and fight in three, two, one….”

    What would a GOPer know about moral absolutes?

    Woah–infidelity….all bets are off.

  • CthuNHu

    [re=346727]eastcoastliberal[/re]: No wife = divorce! Which, ironically, will make this turn out better for him politically than otherwise, as folks will say, “Eh, she wouldn’t even stand by him, who can blame him for straying?”

    Still, he’s toast.

    And his wife looks like she was extremely hot, when Jimmy Carter was President.

  • saggyboobedhag

    My heart, struggling, god’s laws, believers, grandparents, children, life, moral absolutes, Protest you from yourself, consequences, bottom law

    RIELLE!!!!!

  • hoosiermama

    WHOOOOOHOOOO!!!! FTW Sanford!!!!11

  • bago

    Another straight affair?

  • Joshua Norton

    Appalachia – Argentina. Easy mistake to make.

    Can you hear me now?

  • Dave J.

    yesssssssss! he banged a deer from Argentina!

  • nbawriter

    This is a code yellow on the R. Budd Dwyer alert … he did say he was going to need years to get forgiveness.

  • Serolf Divad

    Oh, shit!!! He’s fucking a Mexican from Argentina!!!

  • forgracie

    Male or female friend?

  • orange

    he’s fucking someone in one of the mexicoez that he met on the interwebs!

  • Extemporanus

    What channel is this damn thing on?!

    All I can find is some press conference of John Boehner doing a Foghorn Leghorn impression.

  • Dr. Zoidberg

    So long, possible presidential run!

  • Jacobsbladder

    I love the beaming chicks behind him

  • Tra

    Sigh. And there it is.

    Jackass.

  • StoneAge

    An affair. So… male of female ?

  • Failed 2 Menace

    All bets on “UNFAITHFUL TO MY WIFE” can now collect. This result is official.

  • bitchincamaro

    boy or girl?

  • AxmxZ

    Adultery, yes – SEX OF THE ‘DEAR DEAR FRIEND’, MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT IS IT?!

  • liberaltruthsayer

    No shit, God’s Laws????

    Weeping????

    Fucking beautiful. I think I am close to the Big O…

  • SayItWithWookies

    The reporters behind him are breaking out into huge grins. Nice.

  • Youstonedorjuststupid?

    shit, a woman.

  • LittlePig

    “Her”. Wow, didn’t see that coming.

  • heroinmule

    This press conference was a terrible idea. This is the sound of a career dying.

  • freakishlystrong

    This guy is an elected official, of anything? Really? What the fuck is he talking about? Self?

  • MzNicky

    Who’s the black gal grinning over his right shoulder?! Creepy.

    A dear dear DEAR friend in Argentina.

    I hurt everybody I hurt a lot of folks I just plain fucking hurt.

    OK NOW GO AWAY.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    This better be good.

  • Serolf Divad

    BTW, I totally give Sanford a pass: Argentine women are HAWT!!!!!! No one can resist their HAWTNESS.

  • forgracie

    John Ensign is breathing a sigh of relief.

  • Voyou Charmant

    But…. How old was this “dear dear friend?”

  • saggyboobedhag

    Is it female, of age, and unmarried?

    B O R I N G

    . . . But I still like “Adventure-trip.”

  • Dr. Zoidberg

    Oh, I’ve been dying for a good Repub scandal since, oh, last week.

  • Tommmcatt

    This is like bad foreplay. GET TO THE POINT I’M ALL CHAFED!!!!!!

  • onehotdisaster

    damnit. just a lady.

  • StopItCutItOut

    Fin.

  • american mutt

    he’s not running for president.

  • bitchincamaro

    I hurt my boys on the bike the other day.

  • Dr. Zoidberg

    For the love of Jeebus, Mark, who did you screw?!?!

  • PrairiePossum

    So, what did your kids give you for Father’s Day, Asshole?

  • nbawriter

    I’d like to apologize to John Ensign … WHO JUST GOT CAUGHT WITH HIS NUTS IN SOME LADY’S MOUTH! HOW COULD I PICK THIS WEEK FOR ARGENTINA WHORE TRIP …. Booooo Hooooo.

  • grendel

    Who is the black girl in the background smiling like this is the best thing in the world? I’d like to buy her a drink… yes, I’m a pedobear, don’t judge me!

  • bago

    I would ask for y’alls zone of privacy. He’s so gay for Tom Davis.

  • wrytoast

    We are all Tom Davis now!

  • saggyboobedhag

    Is Jenny gonna write an Elizabeth-book?

  • Godot

    An adult human female? SHOCKING!

    Seriously I was not expecting that at all.

  • LittlePig

    [re=346863]Jacobsbladder[/re]: “You tell ‘em, Daddy!”

  • Noodle Salad

    Still no clarity on the gender of the Argentinian…

  • JamesMichaelCurley

    I think Nate Silver wrote this speech.

  • ProfessorJukes

    That’s it? He just fucked some chick?
    Maybe it was an Argentinian tranny. At least a hooker/pornstar. C’mon. Make this worth the trouble!

  • american mutt

    I give him kudos for going for an Argentinian chick.

  • Min

    **fingers crossed** Please, please, please…make it the alpaca!

  • Dave J.

    He’s resigning!….of the GOP Governor’s association. Dick tease.

  • Tommmcatt

    Was she the corpse of Evita Peron? Get it over with, Sanford!

  • bitchincamaro

    Colbert for Gov!

  • Formerly Preferred

    Why does he keep apologizing to the Tom Davis’s of the world?

  • DangerousLiberal

    Ok, you apologized, and want privacy. That makes it all better. Now, where’s the love child?

    And in NC, we don’t use “y’alls” as the plural of “y’all”.

    He’s resigning as chair of the RGA. BFD. But it’s to make more time for his family, and for SC, also. Damn.

  • Failed 2 Menace

    Girl with sunglasses smiling and laughing behind him is so ultra-money.

    RESIGNING!

    Oh, as chairman of some gubbanors thing. Dang.

  • Carrie_Okie

    Resigning at RGA. Big deal. Whore diamonds motherf%cker! Do you have one? Is it softball sized?

  • kingballs

    Excuse me, but that’s “*whom* did you fuck?”

  • tunamelt

    Man. Just an affair? Boring.

  • GDuvall

    “I’m going to resign…”

    Yes…?!?!

    “…as head of the Republican Governor’s Association.”

    Meh.

  • WadISay

    The relationship started innocently…

    Lonely, sailor?

  • OReillysVibrator

    Hahaha MSNBC chyron says “I will tender my resignation as governor.” Uhh didn’t he say he’ll just resign as chair of the Rep Governors?

  • gjdodger

    I feel bad for him. Surely there’s something we can do….I GOT it! Let’s send him some STIMULUS MONEY!

  • pepe

    MSNBC just ran a false headline for almost a minute saying he will resign as gov. CAN THESE LIBRULS NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH

  • bago

    CRY! CRY!

  • andy369

    Evil goddamn Reglicunts! I hate these motherfuckers!

    I have noting else to say except “family Values” = Fucking
    some cunt while your state rots.

    Will somebody please arrest and try all these goddamn criminals??

    Barky too! Another goddamn fake.

  • Serolf Divad

    [re=346900]american mutt[/re]:

    +1

  • 4tehlulz

    Dear Friend = Tranny I met on the Internet.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    Argentina? That’s an expensive affair.

  • AxmxZ

    Oh man, he’s crying… I feel bad for him now. He may be a drama queen, but he doesn’t come across as a douchebag.

    *pets bb Sanford*

  • Extemporanus

    Wow! That sure took a lot of yalls.

  • grendel

    The wife knew and he just cold said “Hey, I’m going to bang my gf for a week.. see ya”

  • LordPretzel

    Since the governor has been giving this press conference, the Dow has been steadily dropping. I guess Big Business doesn’t care for sex with Argentines?

  • ph7

    She kept her promise….

  • freakishlystrong

    So all that mother fuckin’ grandstanding about the stim, he fucked over his State, to play to the “base” so he could run in 2012, and it’s all over now. HAHA!

  • MzNicky

    Wow. I never realized what a total and complete brain-dead exhibitionist narcissistic asshole this guy is. This is nauseating.

  • OReillysVibrator

    So far, I’m hearing him repeatedly say “this person” instead of “her.”

  • LittlePig

    “Were you alone in Argentina?”

    “Obviously not”.

    OH SNAP! (Can’t blame him on that one. DUH, lady)

  • seriesoftubescleaner

    “I met this person…”

  • ManchuCandidate

    So what’s this guy going to do if he’s Preznit of the US America? What if NK launches it’s entire force of zero ICBMs at Hawaii, destroying the world’s macadamia supply then is he going to run away leaving US America because he can’t take the heat?

    Dude, better to say you did a Argy ladyboy up the ass then ramble on about not being able to handle stress.

  • DangerousLiberal

    Wow, 2:35 I feel sorta sorry for the fella. I’ll get over it very soon. “I met this person innocently, and then I innocently fucked her.”

  • magic titty

    [re=346799]Guppy06[/re]: HAHAHA.

  • DoktorZoom

    Presidential TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

  • Serolf Divad

    Reporter: Did you break off the relationship?

    Sanford (paraphrasing): No. I intend to keep fucking her ’till my balls shrivel up and fall off.

  • saggyboobedhag

    He got his ho and he still has four sons, why is he crying?

    And “cubby, thank you for being there as a friend” “He’s been with me all through this.”

    Can we hope for a three-way.

    And,no, Mark, you’ll never give us more detail than we want. How can you be in politics and think that?

  • eastcoastliberal

    “interesting how this thing has gone down” Indeed

  • octupletsmom

    “Working through this for five months”. Then I went to Argentina to spend the weekend with my mistress.
    It’s working just dandy, this “working through this”.

  • Dr. Zoidberg

    Ahhhh…was that as good for everyone else as it was for me? *smokes cigarette*

  • AxmxZ

    He said “woman”? He keeps saying “person.”

  • Guppy06

    “We had a very serious conversation… and then I tapped that ass.”

  • sezme

    Best ‘I confess’ conference evah!

  • 4tehlulz

    From TPM:

    “In response to a question, Sanford says that his family knew of his affair prior to the trip imbroglio and that he and his wife have been working through their issues for some five months.”

    Apparently, they need to work a little harder.

  • Jenny Sanford

    what happened to America First?

  • Failed 2 Menace

    There is a certain irony to this!

    Oh, you poor weepy loser.

  • Moleman v2.5

    I bet the Argentinian woman is a Russian spy. He was being groomed to be a mole President some day.

  • bago

    Let’s “swap some emails” baby!

  • saggyboobedhag

    So, she’s married, too. That’s good.

    We exchanged some emails. She wanted to get back to her husband becuase of her children.

    “So I fucked her.”

  • Serious

    OH FUCK

  • heroinmule

    Who in the fuck is in charge of this abortion of a press conference? That person should be fired. This press conference will end his career, not Argentinian pussy.

  • nappyduggs

    Pat Puke-anan will read him the riot act for adulterating in espanol! Viva Sotomayor!

  • paintitblack

    BINGO! The money shot! BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA. Don’t cry for me, Argentina!!!! Gimme back my stim munies, ya crybaby loser-boy.

  • stew

    A republican guy fucked a chick? I don’t understand the world anymore…

  • Serolf Divad

    COLBERT! COLBERT! COLBERT!

  • HIROHITO99

    You know what? I didn’t want a chocolate covered dildo anyway.

  • StoneAge

    This whole Ensign/Sanford having affairs with women thing… is this what Steele means by reforming the GOP?

  • sezme

    “He’s resigning as chair of the Republican Governors Association.”
    Yeah, sex with a woman … ewwww.

  • Rumproast

    [re=346914]gjdodger[/re]: FTW.

  • kero

    Does ‘casual basis’ mean NSA?

  • Guppy06

    “Sparking thing?” Is that the new GOP code phrase?

  • MzNicky

    Good grief the incessant WHINING about no privacy for being in politics. Hey pal, there’s a real good solution for that — GET OUT

  • President Beeblebrox

    In the words of P.J. O’Rourke, “What the fuck, man? I mean, what the fucking fuck?” This is one of the weirdest pressers I’ve seen, ever, since Budd Dwyer an heroed on live TV.

    Jurassic Park references? Resigning as chairman of the Republican Governors’ Association?

    Why doesn’t he just say that he had hot buttsecks or that he’s leaving his wife for someone else instead of totally collapsing on live TV?

    O NOES HE JUST SAID HE “MET THIS PERSON SEVEN OR EIGHT YEARS AGO”!!!1 WHO IS S/HE? AMURIKA DEMANDS AN ANSWER.

  • Godot

    SAVED! This mystery Argentine woman was MARRIED and the mother of TWO CHILDREN!

    Not as exciting as preteen ladyboys but it’s enough to sink his career for sure.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=346891]grendel[/re]: Malia?

  • TeddyS

    You meanies leave the kids out of it, and I apologize for the governor apologizing to them.

  • Carrie_Okie
  • LittlePig

    Jeez, what adult male calls himself “cubby”?

    HAH. “crying in Argentina”

  • Jenny Sanford

    Honey, stop giving EMAIL a bad rap!! he is saying the word for the millionth time

  • WadISay

    More information than you may possibly want…

    I.Don’t.Think.So.

  • SmutBoffin

    And with that, the media switches focus from John Ensign to this piece of lice-infested twat-upholstery.

  • bago

    5 and a half days Alan! Crying for 5 and a half days!

  • Noodle Salad

    I’m sure the cubby colbertsons and tom davis’ would prefer that you stopped referring to them in your Earnest Crying Argentinian Sex Apology.

  • ProfessorJukes

    Wussy!! Wussy!! Crybaby!! Dick Cheney will take you to his lair and make a man out of you!!! You will never cry again!!!

  • MzNicky

    “I spent the last few days CRYING IN ARGENTINA!”

    Crank up the “Evita” rewrites.

  • heroinmule

    STOP TALKING!

  • Serolf Divad

    Jesus, God, God’s Law, Jesus, Jesus, biggest titties you ever saw, Jesus, Christ, God’s Law, Jesus, Jesus,God, Jesus

  • Scooter

    It’s pretty bad when you can’t find someone in your own hemisphere to fuck!

  • bitchincamaro

    Get you heart right after you get your NUT RIGHT??

  • shortsshortsshorts

    He was totally cybering with the Argentinian and then went to make it the real deal.

  • Dave J.

    Wow, props to a guy who “works through issues” with his wife about an affair he’s having for five months, and then leaves ON FATHER’S DAY WEEKEND TO FUCK HER IN ARGENTINA.

    Map props, Gov.

  • DoktorZoom

    An hero, now!

    Oh, sorry, wrong place.

  • Knob Gobbler

    He’s hetero? Huh…I’m sort of shocked.

  • Extemporanus

    “I spent the last five days crying in Argentina.”

    Her name IS Evita!

  • saggyboobedhag

    “That sparking thing.”

    “Serious overdrive.”

    “You absolutely want resolution.”

    It was a place based on the fiduciary relationship I have with the people of South Carolina.”

    “Yo, I’m completely right with my heart . . . ”

    More code phrases we can use forever. Thank you, Mark Sanford.

  • Oh hell to the no

    Is he still Facebook friends with this woman in Argentina and has his relationship status been changed to “It’s Complicated”?

  • Serolf Divad

    Last question?!

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    “I spent the last five days crying in Argentina.”

    Jeez, WTF with these titty-baby Republicans? I’m with you, Min. It’s not only an alpaca, but it’s a male alpaca.

  • Woodwards Friend

    He’s having an affair with a Mexican (or whatever you call people from Argentia)? Lou Dobbs will not care for this at all. WHAT YOU SCREW SCREWS AMERICA!

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=346931]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Mark Sanford exists to make John McCain look stable.

  • americanscandoanything

    please god

    let “argentinian = sarah palin

    and who is this rom davis he keeps apologizing to?

    and more crying also

  • nappyduggs

    He just said “yo.” Noteworthy because it’s vaguely negroidian, thus like an Obamination.

  • Tra

    “This was selfishness on my part.” What, from the guy who’d rather be a Republican candidate for president than give poor people food stamps? No!

  • Sarah T

    And is her name Vaca ?

  • sezme

    Does anyone here realize how difficult it can be not to go to to Argentina as soon as you step outside the house? Just last night, I went out to buy a loaf of bread and I was in Paraguay before I stopped myself. I blame this on the babby Jeebus.

  • WadISay

    [re=346929]LittlePig[/re]: Better answer: “What do you think?”

  • bitchincamaro

    Need pix, STAT.

  • Godot

    WHOA, he “jeopardized her LIFE”??!?

    What kind of high-octane action-adventures was boring ol’ Mark Sanford getting up to in his secret double life?

  • heroinmule

    Thank God it’s over. That was painful to watch.

  • Serolf Divad

    Now I know why he turned down the stimulus money: he was getting all the stimulation he needed in Argetina!

  • bago

    He just ran away?

  • kero

    “Yo”, there’s your soundbite.

  • DangerousLiberal

    Well, that was nice, so good of him to drop by.

  • MzNicky

    Did he just break off in mid-sentence and turn on his heel and leave?

    Unbelievable. Wow.

  • 4tehlulz

    Just shutup and resign, Jesus fucking Christ.

    He has made me do the one thing I never thought I would do – feel sorry for South Carolina.

  • Scottie

    Thank heavens!

    I feared it was a trip to South America for underage prostitutes.

    Whew! A consenting adult female!

    Nothing to see here folks. Move along. Move along.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=346861]Extemporanus[/re]: “I say, I say, I say…”

    Boehner’s impression is getting better as this thing goes on.

  • Guppy06

    [re=346977]Serolf Divad[/re]: Oh God, oh God, oh Jesus fucking Christ, oh God, OHGODOHGODOHHhHHHHhhhhh….

  • LittlePig

    Aw, they cut the audio feed just when the reporters were getting interesting. “Did you get the woman’s name?” “Didn’t say. I asked him but he didn’t say”. “She’s married, or was married…”

  • GDTRFB

    Chances the Argentine girlfriend is really a Gaucho Tranny???? 50/50.

  • Democratica

    Haaaaaaaa!!!! In the words of the great Candy Crowley, “OK, I don’t even know where to begin…”

  • Mark Sanford

    [re=347005]4tehlulz[/re]: If you lived here you would be doing that everyday.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=346940]AxmxZ[/re]: Look. He could have said, “life form”. And at least it’s in the singular.

  • Failed 2 Menace

    [re=346973]Noodle Salad[/re]:
    Earnest Crying Argentinian Sex Apology

    Very nice indeed.

  • Jacobsbladder

    When a governor of one our great states has to go all the way to Argentina to get laid, America has been made weak in the eyes of the world. Thanks, Nobama!

  • ProfessorJukes

    So, I went to Argentina for a week to cry… and to get THE LAST BLOWJOB I’LL EVER GET.

  • saggyboobedhag

    Tom DAvis must have been basing his future on Sanford presidency, dontcha think?

    THAT’s who he’s been fucking. Poor Tom. Resigned from the House to “back” ol’ Mark and got reemed in a three-way he didn’t even know about.

  • Dr. Zoidberg

    Uh, Mark? ‘Tom davis’ isn’t technically a woman’s name. Or Argentinian.

  • InsidiousTuna

    But what about Naked Hiking Day?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=346705]Fox n Fiends[/re]: Win.

  • Dave J.

    On the continuum of GOP sex confession press conferences, I think this comes in #2 behind Larry Craig. Better than Vitter, though.

  • american mutt

    Men in power shouldn’t be married. Problem solved.

  • paintitblack

    It’s all the fault of La Raza Sotomayor! La Raza MUST be stopped from entering el-Supremes! I mean: wouldja look whut happens when La Raza is merely “under” consideration!!! La Raza is a threat to our ‘murkin family values. poor white boy tricked by Conchita Banana….

  • One Yield Regular

    Process process process process process.

    He sure seems to be dancing around using a feminine pronoun to refer to “this person.”

  • IceCreamEmpress

    “In response to a question, Sanford says that his family knew of his affair prior to the trip imbroglio and that he and his wife have been working through their issues for some five months.”

    She may have been working through the issues, but he’s just been an international horndog.

  • grendel

    [re=346982]DoktorZoom[/re]: Dok FTW!

  • american mutt

    20 bucks says Hannity blames this on the libs or he doesn’t bring it up at all.

  • Rosie Scenario

    Perfect photo — jaunty Sanford with jacket over his shoulder. Does anyone do that except for the “Sinatra album cover” look? Just Mark setting off on a caper.

  • Failed 2 Menace

    And somewhere, Spitzer looks up from his snapper for hire and says, “what a pussy.”

    Whether he speaks of the unfolding drama on his television or the sweet foam upon his lips, we shall never know.

  • Serolf Divad

    The Republican congressman that MSNBC is interviewing on the phone says he forgives Sanford, so Sanford’s .000000000001% of the way there already.

  • Lolo

    At least his wife didn’t pull a Silda Spitzer.

  • bureaucrap

    [re=347026]One Yield Regular[/re]: I noticed that, too. This woman is named Alberto.

  • freakishlystrong

    There isn’t a big enough crow for Doucheborough to have to eat tomorrow on Morning Mika, he’s been defending this bibletool all week…suck it Joe.

  • octupletsmom

    And another Republican star grows dim.

  • TeddyS

    I think he was boffing Tom Davis, too. And he apologizes to his fellow Klansmen for failing them on the character issue.

  • Dave J.

    [re=347026]One Yield Regular[/re]: Know how I know you’re gay? You keep saying “this person” instead of “this woman.”

  • GayInMaine

    This is simply the most excitingly stupid thing a potential Republican presidential candidate has done!

    This week, I mean.

  • jagorev

    HOLY FARKING SHIAT. BREAK OUT THE DRUDGE SIRENZ

  • totoro

    This is because of gay marriage. Gay marriage destroys the institution of marriage, and forces guys to travel 9 thousand miles to screw nasty tramps. Who are married.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=347023]american mutt[/re]: It worked out well for the Catholic church.

  • President Beeblebrox

    Mark, if y’alls ain’t smart enuf to carry out an affair discreetly, how can we expect you to become Preznit? Idiot could have done this so easily – just tell his Lt. Gov. and staff that he was taking a breather after the legislative session and that he’d be back in a week. No one would have been teh wiser. Instead he goes all weirdly incognito, gives inconsistent stories, and pisses everyone off in the process.

    At least Bill Clinton had the sense to get his cigar smoked in the Oval Office without attracting attention…

  • Carrie_Okie

    So when you reconcile with your wife and children; you do that by of course visiting that chick you’ve been boning in another country. The Lord Jebus frowns on your bullshit.

  • Jenny Sanford

    if democrats can’t turn this into the biggest thing since.. heck EVER.. they have lost my vote forever. Party of America First just went Argentina First!

    anyways, i have had my 15 mins.. who wants my name?

  • LittlePig

    Damn. I DO need a cigarette.

  • booboo210

    He added the “SHE” late in the confession. It’s bullshit – better than 50% it’s a MAN, baby!

  • nappyduggs

    Recall how the wives of both Governor McGreevey and Governor Spitzer showed up at the pressers and though they looked subdued, you just knew that they had wailed on those tools with their Blahniks in the limo on the way there. What’s with these Carolina shrinking violets? Meet us upper east coast broads somewheres around VA and we’ll learn ya how to handle these things.

  • S.Agnew

    As “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” becomes one more euphemism for fornicating.

  • Saragon

    WEPR here in Greenville, SC cut from Sanford’s weepy little confession to a piece of classical music that sounds like the finale to a tragedy, complete with weepy violins. Hilarious.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Wow. Long thread. Did I miss anything?

  • One Yield Regular

    [re=347025]paintitblack[/re]: I sure wish National Lampoon was still around. I can just picture THEIR “Wise Latina” cover this week.

  • Tavish

    Fun fact about Sanford: He voted yes on three of the four articles of impeachment against Clinton back when he was in the House. But no need for him to resign, totally different circumstances, right? That was a much simpler time in his life, when he wasn’t getting Argentine hummers.

  • paintitblack

    Can’t help it: this one’s makin’ me cadkle w/glee! Hooray for make-sexy-time in, of all places, Argentina! FTW??!! Can the GeeOooPee get any stupider? I am in awe of this tool’s jerkwadness. Now whur’s muh cocklat dildo???

  • Blender

    Did the taxpayers of South Carolina PAY FOR THIS?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=347001]bago[/re]: Like a little girl.

    [re=346994]Sarah T[/re]: Oveja.

  • stew

    Drudge is burrying it–Malkin is ignoring it.

  • JGB

    That was a full-on five whore diamond presser. Way to go, Gov!

  • booboo210

    From another site: “I don’t think it’s a woman either. He spent the first half of the press conference talking about a “person” and a “friend,” and didn’t say “she” or “her” until toward the end. I think he decided that admitting it was a man would be too much for him to deal with right now, so that will come out later.”

  • Itsjustme

    Dear Republicans: Please keep your dick in your pants and a brain in your head at all times. That includes you Governor Palin!

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=347038]Dave J.[/re]: Maybe he’s confused; after all, I’m sure this dear friend has a dick, but an awesome set of tits too.

  • superfecta

    This would have been much better had he given the conference on the balcony of the Casa Rosada in a white dress.

  • magic titty

    [re=346978]Scooter[/re]: Wow that was great.

  • Serolf Divad

    [re=347047]booboo210[/re]:

    The truth is a little more complex than that: Sanford had known this Argentine woman for 8 years, but it wasn’t ’till she lifted up her skirt and showed him her cock and balls that he fell hard for “her.”

  • american mutt

    Every American man and woman should be allowed one South American sexpot.

  • Godless Liberal

    For the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my state.

  • bago

    [re=347036]octupletsmom[/re]: Republican stars don’t grow dim, they’re born that way.

  • Hooray For Anything

    You actually have to kind of give him credit for not reading some watered-down statement written by his political flunkies but for going full train-wreck on it. Takes a weird kind of courage to do that.

  • widestanceromancer

    He dug up Eva Perone and dressed her up as Libby Dole?

  • bitchincamaro

    Strom Thurmond is not pleased with your piety, sir.

  • Serolf Divad

    BTW: if it turns out to be Sonia Braga I’ll kill myself.

  • Dave J.

    Quote of the day on this from Free Republic:

    Another notch in her belt! It will play well on one of those South American personality shows I sometimes tune through on cable.

  • ph7

    Five days crying in Argentina?

    Jesus Christ. No wonder Hemingway blew his brains out. America can’t even produce manly ex-pats any more.

  • Traveler

    [re=347044]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Exatamundo! And I want pictures of the “she”!

  • Itsjustme

    Is “spark” the new erection?

  • jodyleek

    My guess…the Argentinian woman called off the affair. That’s why he made the mad dash and that’s why he was crying for five days. What a little pussy whipped bitch!

  • The Cold Sea

    R.I.N.O. I’m disappointed, Gov. Nobama, very disappointed.

  • ZonkerHarris

    I’ve been scrutinizing Wonkette’s hotter, better-dancing cousin publication, Wonkettá, yet can’t find pictures of this chica anywhere…

  • Shot at Wolf

    Even we, here in Columbia, SC, know how to celebrate “hump day”.

  • liberaltruthsayer

    Fuck. Can’t get the Sanford and Son theme out of my head. Thanks a lot, Governor.

  • Autochthon

    wow. just…wow.

  • pmr

    First Ensign, now Sanford… Sarah Palin’s diabolical plan to populate the Earth with Republican Seductrix robots has begun. They’ll pick off her competition one by one. Up next, Rosie from the Jetsons will seduce Haley Barbour with a grilled ham and cheese and a bottle of borbon.

  • Kingbee

    America First, Mark! Buy local! Why buy Argentinian milk when South Carolina is full of — well, whatever.

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=347072]Dave J.[/re]: whut?

  • Zorg

    Really stable empires, such as China, Byzantium and Ottoman Turkey, required that men seeking high government positions be eunuchs. Now, at last, I see the wisdom of this practice.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=347023]american mutt[/re]: I think Obama would wear celibacy very well.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    NIKKI HALEY IS HER NAME. BANGING SANFORD IS HER GAME.
    VOTE FOR NIKKI

    http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=4074

    GOT HER. HAHA.

  • Joshua Norton

    “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” suddenly has taken on a whole new meaning.

  • Failed 2 Menace

    US just scored a goal in Confed Cup semi, so this day is coming together nicely around the theme of US America stuffing its thing into Spanish-speaking countries.

  • facehead

    IF NOBAMA WOULD SUPPORT THE BABY SEAL DEMOCRATS IN IRAN NONE OF THIS HAPPEN!!!!

    OMG I’M OUT OF TWIZZLERS!!!!

    SHAVE EVERYTHING!!!

  • Moleman v2.5

    Don’t try furry Argentinians!
    The truth is I’m only hiking
    or in Atlanta
    I kept up my Twitters
    Don’t keep my passport

  • nappyduggs

    I sincerely hope that her name is Carmelita Tropicana and she that she wears skirts made of tropical fruitz. Oh my.

  • S.Luggo

    And he didn’t have the decency to wait until his wife was in a hospital bed to have this fling. Bastardo.

  • Scooter

    Idaho’s Senator. South Carolina’s Governor. I guess the redder the state the bluer the balls.

  • american mutt

    [re=347086]AxmxZ[/re]: Michelle keeps him in check. I like that. No “Yes sir” from that chica. Grrowl.

  • x111e7thst

    Wait,Nimrata (Nikki) Randhawa Haley is Argentinian now? Does little Piush know this?

  • AxmxZ

    OMG guys on MSNBC some nut is screaming his head off behind the reporter. HILARIOUS!

  • Lord Growing

    “Now, darling, are you sure you can’t come up to South Carolina? It’s beautiful in the summertime.”
    “I’m not coming to fucking South Carolina.”
    “You see, I’m kinda of governor, so I’ve kind of got this whole security detail and media scrutiny to deal with. It might look bad if I disappear to Argentina with no explanation.”
    “I’m not coming to fucking South Carolina.”
    “Ah, fuck it. I wasn’t gonna beat the mulatto anyway. I’ll be on the next plane.”

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=347084]4tehlulz[/re]: Must be referring to the “Xou da Xuxa“. That sounds like a show Freepers can get into – kissing of prepubescent kids and all that.

  • Paco

    ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING AFFAIRS AND THE TELEVISED CONFESSIONS AND BREAK-UPS! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! CURSE YOU, SANDRA TSING LOH!

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=347087]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Sanford-Haley/ 2012

  • eclecticbrotha

    Damn, I know I’m late to the party but can ?I still suggest he was in Buenos Aires fucking the corpse of Josef Mengele?

    I’m really not buying the affair with a woman. This has pool boy written all over it. The GOP immediately starts playing the victim and demanding everyone respect Sanford’s privacy.

    Some goof was just doing a live report from South Carolina and there was a protester having what sounded like gay sex off camera. Or maybe he was being buttfucked with a night stick by a couple of hunky Capitol police.

  • Gorillionaire

    [re=346620]SmutBoffin[/re]: Almost 500 comments and still the funniest.

  • WadISay

    Fox News is pronouncing him dead.

  • sezme

    This brings back the important issue of where exactly are high-profile married politicians supposed to go to get fucked discreetly? JFK was treated to a mega orgy courtesy of Santos Traficante in Havana shortly before he became president, but what’s a fellah supposed to do these days?

    3 whore-diamond-whores? Out. The plump office intern? Out. Videographers? Out. Anonymous airport men’s room strangers? Out. Teenagers in motel rooms dressed as pandas? Strangely, also out. Sexy married ladies/laddies in other continents? now out as well. What’s left? Rubbers and tuggers at the local Asian massage parlour? Doubtful. Quick wank in the shower? Still your best bet.

  • Servo

    He really disappointed the GOP for not spending that down-low time having buttsechs with a longshoreman from the Falklands.

  • S.Luggo

    It isn’t the crime, it’s the cover-up. Okay, nevermind. It’s the crime.

  • Godless Liberal

    I kind of want to commemorate this day by fucking a foreigner in Finlay Park, where maybe he can see from the governor’s mansion.

  • Autochthon

    [re=347068]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I concur. He’s set a standard for full-tilt, public, GOP dumbfuckery that will be hard to beat…

  • americanscandoanything

    I don’t see what the big deal is here

    he simply let “the market decide”

    hot argentinian chick vs. played-out wife

    that’s a no brainer

  • mjwilstein

    Here’s the full video of the press conference in case you missed it:
    http://www.gotchamediablog.com/2009/06/mark-sanford-admits-to-affair-with.html

  • ph7

    [re=347087]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Haley was born in SC, went to school in SC (Clemson) and lives in SC. Her parents are Punjabi Sikhs.

    Nothng Argetinian about her.

  • Wet Work

    Definitely ghey. The guy has lied forty times already about this story. If it was a hetero affair it wouldn’t have the week-long-drug-bender-disappearance component to it. A woman on the other end would’ve demanded more discretion.

    Ghey all the way.

  • Youstonedorjuststupid?

    [re=347113]sezme[/re]: Plushies, no witness no crime.

  • Moleman v2.5

    Sanford’s “I wanted to do something exotic” comment sure sounds a bit saucier now, doesn’t it?

  • President Beeblebrox

    The Huffington Post’s subheadline for the story is “Met Person in Argentina…” Not “woman,” “person.”

    WHAT DOES ARIANNA KNOW THAT WE DON’T?

  • WadISay

    It would be ironic if he used Stimulus Package funds to finance this trip.

  • Wet Work

    Oh yeah, and the Britney concert too.

  • bwill

    Dammit, I had book on him being caught in a love nest with Lindsey Graham!

    Guy is toast. Especially if he flew to BA on the taxpayers’ dime for some Argentine poon.

    Another note: I’m the same age as Sanford, and I did all my reckless shit with my penis back in my 20s. I’m more discreet now.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=347128]ph7[/re]: Check it:
    http://www.fitsnews.com/2009/06/24/source-evidence-exists-of-sanford-affair/

    He’s probably lying about the Argentine thing. I mean he lied about other shit. AND there were a lot of accounts that he wasn’t alone when he left.

  • eclecticbrotha

    [re=347123]americanscandoanything[/re]: Epic.

    Its fascinating listening to the media lecture the Democrats to avoid exploiting this for political gain.

  • Carrie_Okie

    [re=347087]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: ftw? I’d hit it. Also.

  • Moleman v2.5

    [re=347139]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Maybe there was more than one affair?

  • nappyduggs

    Alas, this non-penis wearing jezebel Nikki Haley is not a negress, but she is brown. Miscegenation FTW. Foppish hypocritical adultreez- FAIL.

  • Crazybroad

    [re=347082]pmr[/re]: I don’t think you’re far off target on that — this was all just part of Sarah Palin’s plan to take over the GOP Governor’s Association. Mark Sanford was FRAMED! Unfairly SEDUCED!! The next victim will be Steele.

    But now at least we know what she’s doing with those SarahPAC funds.

  • stratonike

    Apparently he’s changed hiis mind about heterosexual marriage. How quaint.

  • MFitz

    This just in: Willow Palin moved to Argentina last week; Letterman off the hook.

  • MzNicky

    I haven’t had this much fun at a live-blogging since Sarah Palin at the 2008 Repug Convention.

  • Boozeweek

    [re=347080]liberaltruthsayer[/re]: You say that as if it’s a bad thing!

  • horned_viper

    I am surprised by the outright confession. He could have just been shifty and given vague responses, but he came out guns blazing. It is refreshing in a twisted way. I hope future GOP presidential campaign will adopt this format of destroying their political careers.

  • up_yer_snufflegus

    Apparently what happens in Argentina doesn’t stay in Argentina.

  • Terry

    “I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”

    I bet the Argentinian woman was happy to see him leave because really you want your lover moping around your house for five days crying. That’s so sexy.

  • MOG

    He didn’t leave, his aides swept him away from the mic before he could start talking about his “confused childhood”, “lonely teens” and “personal relationship with Jesus”. I, for one, am grateful.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=347191]up_yer_snufflegus[/re]: Correcto.

    From Argentina’s La Nacion: “American Governor Uses Buenos Aires as Filthy Sex Spa” http://www.lanacion.com.ar/nota.asp?nota_id=1142967&high=sanford

  • Mike Steele

    [re=347031]Failed 2 Menace[/re]: Best post ever.

  • agentstinky

    “I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.”

    Eva Peron would be SO PISSED.

  • DogBoy

    I have many questions, among them:

    as he made the announcement of being “unfaithful” to his wife, why is everybody in the background giggling?

    how many more elected-official sex scandals are we going to have this summer? isn’t it traditional to wait until August to make this sort of thing public?

    well, that’s enough for the moment. i think i need to go take a shower.

  • Failed 2 Menace

    When Sanford’s Buenos Aires slampiece comes forward, she will express her anger at having been deceived.

    “First time we met, he told me, ‘I’ve got to go back to my home in Columbia. I’m the Governor there. I thought he was in with the Norte del Valle Cartel.”

    “What the hell is a South Carolina?”

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=347087]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yep, it has to be her. From her web site:

    “Strong families are built on strong values, and strong communities are built on strong families. I’ve always believed that promoting the values that keep a family strong is a vital step in ensuring the health, safety and prosperity of our communities. That’s why I support faith-based initiatives that encourage character education and the development of a strong moral code in our young people. We have economic and educational promises to keep to our future generations, but in fulfilling those obligations we should never forget the central role the family plays in teaching our children right from wrong.”

  • Anita Cocktail

    [re=346623]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]:
    Don’t cry for me Argentina
    I just spent five long days weeping
    I’m not a librul
    I am just hor-nee
    etc

  • Mahousu

    “What would you like the kids and me to get you for Fathers’ Day, honey?”

    “Oh, you don’t have to get me anything. I’ve got it covered.”

  • Adolf Bachmann

    He made a pilgrimage to Argentina to hunt down Maradona’s legendary “Fist of God.”

  • Brooklyn

    I can’t decide what my favorite part of this speech is, when he says “that sparkin’ thing,” or when he basically says that if you are in politics, you have to me a total phony…..

  • Brooklyn

    oops, “be” a phony…

  • finallyhappy

    Will we be having a new Republican elected official confessing every week? I’m already bored- the last two have been affairs with adult women. What happened to boys and male prostitutes who also provide meth? I am hoping for Lindsey Graham and John McCain to confess.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Godammit! Why did I have to pick this life to be crazy in? I take an afternoon for my monthly visit with my psychiatrist, returning with reams of new anti-crazy prescriptions, stop in the Walgreens parking lot to check in with my only friend (Wonkette, I don’t have any “human” friends) and discover I’ve missed the greatest US America community experience since the moon landing! Well over 500 comments and still going strong. When will I have time for my nap? Oh such a glorious day. Such a glorious day!

  • Mr Blifil

    I hate having to work in the afternoon. I missed all this fucking primo shit.

  • sezme

    [re=347427]hobospacejunkie[/re]: “Such a glorious day!”

    That would probably be an indication that your meds are working. But yes, it was pretty great.

  • oldguy

    “I spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina.” Is his wife going to kill him later this evening?

    Just Say No.

    And thank you all for the best news coverage on the planet.

  • octupletsmom

    [re=346995]sezme[/re]: Oh snort. You done good, props!

  • wheelie

    I just got to read all the 500+ comments now, and they were worth the read. This is the best site ever for coverage of sexy US political shenanigans. I love you all.

  • Bill_TX

    “Argentinean lady” = Underage mulatto tranny crack-whore

  • NYNYNY

    [re=347099]Lord Growing[/re]: Yo, I thought you said you wuz the Governor of Norte Carolina, I jus look you up online, eet says you the Governor of Southe Carolina. Southe Carolina eez nastee, I no go there. You want me go to such a nastee smellee playz? No way babee.

  • statejob

    Is this cubby?
    http://www.cubbyculbertson.com/gallery/The-Cubby-Experience

    If you look at the self portrait stack you will see that jake posted: “Is that my Hooters calendar grampa?” Nice.

  • Failed 2 Menace

    How long following its retirement must this thread wait before it becomes eligible for admission into the Schadenfreude Hall of Fame?

    The only way it could be sweeter is if were printed on paper derived from recycled Appalachian Trail guides, with ink that has been sprinkled with an eyedropper’s dose of Sanford’s tears.

  • Dreadful Gate

    FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS, ALAN!

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    He’s a regular Ginasmith..

  • hobospacejunkie

    Yawn. Not even the biggest story of the day. That would be Spain’s upset at the hands of the US America soccer team. The team I hate because I sat amongst them (wearing my Italy shirt) at the World Cup in 2006 for the US America v. Italy match. My fellow Americans abused me no end. Which was fine, they should have. But they also exposed their complete & utter ignorance of the game and of Italian soccer in general and from that day forth, through no fault of the team’s, I hate the American team. Italy was always my team anyway, but I was also a US American fan. No longer. Godammit Spain. I was looking forward to Brazil v. Spain this weekend.

    And godammit Sanford. I was looking forward to a confession which included trannies, ideally underage and Dominican. You disappoint in so many ways.

  • DecaturHeel

    I thought it was VIRGINIA that was for lovers, not South Carolina! In any event, it’s easy to confuse Appalachia with Argentina…they both have vast expanses of unexplored wilderness, like Sanford’s soul. Here, this is a good lesson: http://www.zazzle.com/south_carolina_gov_mark_sanford_shirt-235949377168700857

  • Pithaughn

    [re=346678]Voyou Charmant[/re]: Oh not. Not and “that’s what she said” are way further up the list. Which is topped out with “WAY!”