Wonkette
Really, come on, what the hell? South Carolina state senator and fellow Republican Jake Knotts has this to say about Mark Sanford’s secret sexytime: “I found out that he was taking frequent trips at odd times of the night in a South Carolina Law Enforcement Division car with no security. He would be driving. I got wind that he had taken another one of these types of capers last Thursday, and that nobody knew who he was with.” [CNN]
Looks like those two need a bit of fattenin’ up first, Marco.
Dead hooker or live boy.
Nothing is quite as satisfying in the morning as good alt.
I think there’s a future for “Taking a Caper” as a euphemism for GOP Argentinian Ladyboy Playtime. Where’s the governor? Oh, he’s taking a caper in the men’s room.
Ken, if you’ve read any James Dickey, then I do not need to tell you what I get up to with my hogs.
I had my heart set on tranny hookers and blow. This seems more and more likely to end up as a tedious tale hetero infidelity. Sadness.
Drugs! Drugs! Drugs!
So, he went to Argentina for two pigs and a poke?
IT IS TIME FOR A GOP TRANNY SCANDAL. I AM TIRED OF THESE LITTLE BOYS AND PROSTITUTES WITH DIAPERS. WE NEED— A TRANNY SCANDAL.
I hope I speak for all of us at Wonkette when I say— bring in the trannies.
Hmmm, conservative married politician makes an unplanned, unannounced short trip to South America, doesn’t tell anyone where he’s going, and “there’s some evidence he was not alone” on the trip?
cough cough girlfriend cough cough abortion cough cough
Um, “squeal like a pig”?
x111e7thst: UNLESS! He is in love with a NEGRESS! Strommie, can you hear me?
it’s just gotta be farm animal-related…
shortsshortsshorts: Bring in the CLOWN trannies, my friend. Clowns.
Got it all wrong, again - he flew down to personally investigate reports that Sotomayor is actually an Argentinian Sandinista, and there’s a birth certificate to prove it. The tranny pig fucking was NOT the primary purpose; he just tripped and his dick fell into the pig.
Damn, I never ever wanted to give Rick Santorum the satisfaction…
Are those pigs the two guests he took to Argentina?
This Argentina jaunt has completely destroyed my theory that Sanford had flown to the middle east to seize the presidency of Iran for himself. I’m so disappointed.
shortsshortsshorts: fuck that…..furries.
I just went to Google and started to type in Google, which always brings up terms related to what you are typing as a shortcut in case you wanted one of those. The first term to show up, after this new being out for a total of like 6 hours? “Argentina”.
I’ll cite this so that Ken doesn’t have to. Ben Smith, the person at politico who is only annoying some of the time, “reported” earlier today that Sanford’s story about driving along the Argetinian coast doesn’t hold up. Turns out, there’s only paved road for like four miles along the coast by Buenos Aires. How hard is it to make up a lie that can’t instantly be disproven and doesn’t involve naked hiking.
tunamelt: and they went there for tranny boobs? If it’s for a tranny clown, are they oversized and red like their shoes?
Live feed for all of you fellow Wonkette people:
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/news/2009/06/sc_gov_news_conference_1.php?ref=fpa
Let’s watch and learn, together.
—like a family that Sanford leaves in SC for a tranny-clown-child in Argentina.
SomeNYGuy: “Argentina jaunt,” is that a disease?
4tehlulz: I’m guessing they’re his change, after paying his Argentinian LUV “empanadas” for their “services”…
“…trips at odd times…” hmmm, where-in-the-world is Waldo does seem to be this gov’s m.o. The question remains: but why? and w/whom?
I’m guessing that there are a lot of exhausted South Carolinians who’d like nothing better than to fly off to someplace “exotic,” but feel rather screwed over by Mr. “Sorry, can’t help out, ‘cuz big gub’mint ya’ll.”
suchsweetthunder: Fairly difficult when you’re on a bender with your mistress in a foreign country.
Hey he coulda gone to a brazilian steakhouse stateside, but he must hate Uhmerrika.
So, sexytime with Argentine putas???? Good jeebus this guy is a dumb-ass, at least he’ll be another drag on the repugnicans until he fades (or is shoved) into ignominity.
While there are many more likely and much more scandalous ideas floating around out there, my favorite outcome would be if he was looking for a flight saying “Appalachia” and accidentally got on one saying “Argentina”. You know, cuz dem sutherns kint reed an’all? har har har!
x111e7thst: I’m leaning towards top secret South American alternative cancer treatments. That orange glow and all.
shortsshortsshorts: Also: http://www.counton2.com/cbd/news/local/article/governor_sanford_to_speak_today_at_2pm/36592/
I think its going to be Eliot Spitzer’s call girl. Once you’ve brought down one governor, you want to bring them all down.
I’m about to pee on myself in anticipation.
shortsshortsshorts: My prediction: he doesn’t take questions, just makes a statement alluding to “exhaustion” and “personal difficulties” and says he’s taking a one month leave of absence to recharge his batteries and reconnect with his family.
Or he admits he went on Donkey Punching Love Fuckfest Tour 2009 through the more exotic ClownTranny brothels of Buenos Aires.
One of those two.
CNN Story Says: Sanford’s wife Jenny told CNN Tuesday she had not talked to her husband since he left last Thursday and did not know where he went. “I am being a mom today. I have not heard from my husband. I am taking care of my children,” she said outside the couple’s beach home on Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina.
Translation: The only thing he’s gonna be president of is the Bastards Who Are Prohibited by Court Order From Ever Seeing Their Kids Again Club.
South Carolina, too small to be a nation and too large for an insane asylum
Moses Waddel
sleepy: He wouldn’t have to go to Argentina for pigs, people. They have plenty of pigs in South Carolina. Llamas, on the other hand…
maven: The Ashley Dupre Sex Tour of America?
Is it too much to ask that Argentine Nazis be involved, too?
Dave J.: Exactly what I was thinking.
Ok, if it’s just the wife out there with him: Standard Affair..
If it’s the wife AND kids: Cabana boy buttsecks…
Perhaps a hot dish of pasta puttanesca . . . with capers.
I am sure he just went down there for tango lessons and some nice Malbec. Right?
I hope someone at the press conference asks him what his kids gave him for Father’s Day.
For the sake of democracy I’d like to believe the Republican Party is a capable of producing a credible national candidate. Indeed, one would hope they would be able to produce more. What does it say when they only politician that they have who has the credibility to act as a national spokesman, would be instantly disowned if he were ever outed?
suchsweetthunder: No one actually needs the Republican Party, and democracy can certainly get by without it. In fact, for the sake of democracy, it might be better if it altogether ceased to exist, or were more on an equal footing with the Green Party or the Pirate Party or even Pat Paulsen or Harold Stassen, rest their merry souls.
Gopherit: Argentinian Nazi Bondage Tour 2009?
“…and her puppies were this big!”
Why, oh why is it so hard for so many guys to think with their brains instead of their weewees?
Mark Sanford thinks that “trouser worms” is the same thing as love. Yet another reason for women to run things, I’d say. So he thinks emails are private? That alone disqualifies him for being a state governor. Dumb. And what kind of a dick tells the world that he is madly in love, all the while having four boys and a wife at home?
shortsshortsshorts: Keep a close eye on Michelle Bachmann way out yonder in Minnesota- she ain’t right.
why is my reply to shortshots way down here?