wagg the bog

Michele Bachmann Deflects a Bi-Curious Meteor, and Robert Gibbs Has Piercings!

Personality Parade!Our dear friend ERIC KLEEFELD from Talking Points Memo recently wrote a provocative comic-book review, complete with professional-grade scans! Well guess what Eric? SOMEONE ELSE received a complimentary copy of False Witness: The Michele Bachmann Story, and you’re not the only one who got a fancy Epson scanner for Yom Kippur from JOSH MARSHALL ….

Interesting...needs more boobs.

Close your eyes and imagine the endless pleasures of a MICHELE BACHMANN comic book. What sort of spandex costume would she wear to accentuate her womanly figure? And how would she travel about the great state of Minnesota? In a nuclear submarine? In a cart pulled by convicted homosexuals? And would Michele detonate an IED at the Lake Wobegon abortion clinic in the first or second issue? ….

Now open your eyes and think about the worst possible Michele Bachmann comic, ever. Yes, it is some sort of liberal indictment, full of “facts” and “a page of citations,” like a graphic adaption of Daily Kos. And that is exactly what FALSE WITNESS: THE MICHELE BACHMANN STORY is. When we want the cold, hard facts, we turn on the radio and listen to the Alex Jones Show. Or we read a dictionary, or the back of a cereal box, but never a comic book! And besides, everyone knows Michele Bachmann is a bible-thumping cockgobbler, you don’t need to cite BARBARA TUCHMAN or whatever ….

The redeeming qualities of this comic are the subtle but effective allusions to FURRIES as well as TEA BAGGERS and GOP SLAVE INTERNS. In conclusion: this comic needs more boobs ….

Check out those Mega Pixels, Eric!
The scanner works great, Josh!

GROWING ON OTHER GOSSIP GRAPEVINES: Obama’s Minister of Propaganda ROBERT GIBBS has a tough job, because who can ever replace Bush sex act DANA PERINO? But jumpin’ Jehosaphat! According to the crackerjack news anchors at MSNBC, Gibbs was quite a fuzzy man peach back in high school. He even wore a hippie liberal EARRING — and still has a republican PRINCE ALBERT? Scandal! No wonder young Robert was forbidden to socialize with the débutantes at cotillion.

Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman
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47 comments

  1. Serolf Divad

    BREAKING, OBAMA INFIDELITY SCANDAL: In kindergarten Barack Obama once told a girl who let him borrow the green crayon she was his “best friend” only moments after he told another girl who let him borrow the orange crayon that she was his “best friend.”

  2. WIDTAP

    Your efforts to Photoshop the top hat’s jaunty lean to the left into a jaunty lean to the right has only frustrated those of us who would never buy a comic book, but are more than willing to hover and read over your shoulder.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    The Michelle Bachman comic book should be done as it if were living in the world of her mind and none of this earnest shit.

    I picture Mish dressed up as pure chaste congress woman who spins herself into a Wonder Woman type “hero” complete with biblical armor, a homo killing sword and an outfit similar to Barbarella’s – Bachella?

    Her quest is to kill as many gays, libruls, tinted people and Dems so that she can win the love of the Tejan named Dubya who she once shared a passionate tongue kiss with, but secretly yearns for the love of Barry, the Devil Muslin Fascist leader (she hates herself for it.)

  4. Edywin

    Wow in Michele Bachman’s world everyone is dyslexic and masturbates with Abraham Lincoln top hats on. I want to parachute myself there!

  5. Don Juanquete

    [re=347270]Serolf Divad[/re]: Color me unimpressed. You know Little Barry was just out to get the “flesh” crayon.

  6. Mahousu

    Looks like Riley snagged the last copy of the Japanese original from Mandarake. Damn. Now I’ll have to wait months for some crappy English version.

  7. facehead

    That photo of you reading the comic book would be great, if you weren’t reading a comic book and had a backwards ‘B’ carved into your face.

  8. DirtyHarriett

    Being that Michelle Bachman is already ‘comical’ you can use real life photos for that book. In comic book form, of course.

  9. iolanthe

    Riley, I know you’re just a kid, but could you learn to spell “provocative”? The way it’s spelled, it makes you look like a Republican.

    (Yeah. I’m a grammarian douchebag. But I just hate to see my beloved Wonkette devolve into Idiocracy.)

  10. doloras

    Easy there, fuzzy little man peach. Ever drink Bailey’s out of a shoe? Ever go to a club where people wee on each other? I’m gonna hurt you. I like you.

    [/oldgregg]

  11. sezme

    Wait, details missing. The important question is whether the earring was in the gay ear or the other ear.

  12. sezme

    Oh, and please never make me look up “Prince Albert piercing” in Wikipedia ever again.

  13. sezme

    [re=347456]iolanthe[/re]: Riley, funny though he is, also suffers from “subtle but affective” disorder.

    [/grammar douche mode]

  14. Bruno

    “bible-thumping cockgobbler”

    You need to get a trademark on this ASAP before I steal it

  15. PeteJayhawk v2.0

    I’m almost totally straight and cynical, not necessarily in that order, but lil’ Riles is adorable.

  16. BillPrendergast

    Hi Riley–

    Thanks for the review. I wish you had spent more time reading what’s in the comic, rather than looking at the pictures, though.

    Let me explain: there’s a lot about Michele Bachmann that has never been documented in print. It’s true that when when want cold hard facts “we read a dictionary, or the back of a cereal box, but never a comic book!” But you won’t find the cold hard facts about Michele Bachmann in a dictionary or on the back of a cereal box.” You won’t even find the cold hard facts about Michele Bachmann and how she got into the US government in the newspapers or on the blogs. That’s why I decided to start publishing the comic book, and talking about her ties to the national religious right, her loony conspiracy theories that date back as far as her beginnings in politics.

    The idea was to get the facts on Bachmann into print, in an accurate and entertaining way. That’s the “Barbara Tuchman” stuff you complain of; we cite kooky quotes from Bachmann herself, that’s the point: this is the stuff she “really said,” images of the paranoid delusions she really believes in and sells voters. This is a book for people who want to know how a kooky extremist got a seat in Congress.

    It’s not a fantasy about Bachmann, it’s about something that really happened. In fact, the page you tried to scan above–is from the part of the book that explains that this book is not the kind of book that is supposed to appeal to people looking for “furries” or “big boobs.” (I want to point out that Riley’s scans don’t represent the quality of the artwork in the book–the book is crisp, clear, legible, and there is no mirror “reverse” printing, as in Riley’s first photo up top.)

    The goal was to create a comic that would be indispensable for anyone who wants to know how she came to power, and wanted a reliable record of her demagoguery that hasn’t been collected in one place before–in print, with citations. You know; a political comic book that involved research and “looking stuff up,” something more than another “I hate Bachmann” screed that you can read on the web for free every day. I’ve been a Bachmann opponent for nearly ten years now, and I chose a comic book format to present the information I’ve collected because Bachmann’s paranoid visions and claims to be in communication with Jesus Christ etc. lend themselves well to visual representation.

    But thank you for your kind words and thoughts. Perhaps someday someone else will come along and print the kind of Bachmann comic book you describe one day–the spandex, the big boobs, etc. I might do a page like that myself, but I wouldn’t devote a comic book series to it.

  17. BillPrendergast

    Manchu Candidate wrote:

    “The Michelle Bachman comic book should be done as it if were living in the world of her mind and none of this earnest shit.”

    You have received an incorrect impression of the book: it *is* done as if it were living in the world of her mind. Her paranoid visions are the visuals for the book, from the cover to the very last page.

    Unfortunately, there is also “earnest shit”; it’s unavoidable because if we didn’t put in citations for stuff that’s she’s actually said, people would doubt or deny that she’s actually said it.

  18. nbawriter

    [re=347730]BillPrendergast[/re]: Stop taking yourself so seriously. You sound like you come from the same strain of asswipe as she does — with a whole lot of fucking time on your hands to write that completely straight-faced screed.

  19. FlipOffResearch

    Riley, thanks for the tip. I ordered mine. Bachman reminds me of Palin in the sense that being vaguely fuckable makes a certain class of wingnuts blind to their flaws. Now that I type that I wonder: maybe that was Bushes secret?

  20. BillPrendergast

    nbawriter:

    Nah, you’re wrong there. I’m a completely different kind of asswipe from Michele. I do take myself seriously, though–a lot of people put a lot of research over the years that ended up in this comic, and I published it. I don’t have a lot of time on my hands, most of it was spent writing against Bachmann in the Dump Bachmann blog, over the past few years–looking up stuff, writing it up, printing it, getting the hate mail from conservatives. So, yeah, I guess you’re right about me taking myself too seriously.

  21. DustBowlBlues

    Young Riley is cute as a little button, as we would say down here in the Dust Bowl.

    I think he’s wise to wax his brows.

  22. Don Juanquete

    [re=347726]BillPrendergast[/re]: How many Minnesotans does it take to change a light bulb?
    Minnesotan:That’s not funny! I wish you had spent more time reading the light bulb, rather than looking at the pictures!

    Trust me, we liked the comic. It’s our Wonkette humor. Hang around and you’ll get used to it.

    PS: Although it said so in the beginning, “Fargo” was also not a true story.

  23. FlipOffResearch

    [re=347768]BillPrendergast[/re]: Hey Bill, if you’re watching this thing. I’d like to compliment the cover, and the first crazy faced close-up from the “you will pay” story. I’m looking forward to reading it.

  24. BillPrendergast

    Thank you for explaining, Don Juanquete. Actually, I’m not a native Minnesotan. I’m from New York, and I grew up in Jersey. So what I would actually write here (if I let myself “go”) is very different than what I wrote above.

    You see–when I asked if Wonkette was interested in receiving a copy to review, and they said “yes, you can send it here, etc.” I thought they were going to hand it to a “serious person” to review, since this was comic about a serious subject. I know we are trying something different with this book, but I doubt the Wonkette reviewer would apply the “big boobs/lycra spandex” standard of comic book reviewing to “Maus” or “Persepolis.”

    Nonetheless–I am using a blurb from this review, thusly, when the bound edition of the first six issues is released as a graphic novel:

    “…the worst possible Michele Bachmann comic, ever.” — Wonkette

    And Minnesotans, by the way, tend to have excellent senses of humor–except for the conservatives.

  25. DustBowlBlues

    [re=347730]BillPrendergast[/re]: You’re joking. Surely you can’t give any credence to what any of the potty-losers who makeup the wonkeratti say. (And I proudly count myself among them).

    Besides, the oldsters around here have taken a real shine to young Riley, so don’t mess with the lad.

  26. BillPrendergast

    FlipOffResearch:

    Thank you for your interest in the book. The “You Will Pay” story is the true story of how Bachmann supporters made threatening phone calls to a fellow Republican who opposed Bachmann’s nomination to Congress, and of how Bachmann repeated the threats at a GOP event. We did it in a kind of EC comics kind of style, with little beads of sweat coming out of her forehead, the face getting bigger and bigger as she repeated the threat…

  27. BillPrendergast

    [re=347780]DustBowlBlues[/re]:

    I wouldn’t dream of messing with Riley. It’s just that when I sent Wonkette a review copy, I didn’t know that they were going to assign it to “potty-losers” (as you call them) to do the review. If I understand that that was where the Wonkette people were going to send the review copy to be reviewed…I wouldn’t have sent it at all.

    You must understand–this thing we made is kind of like a political cartoon over twenty four pages–but it’s also an attempt at a serious political biography.

    I’m very sorry they sent it to this Wonkette “department” for analysis. But I do respect the fact that Riley is entitled to his opinion, and that Riley’s opinion is now the “official” opinion of the Wonkette blog re: this book.

  28. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    I have a gay-crush on Riley. Next to SKS he brings the funny everytime. More pl0x.

  29. Wellstones Ghost

    See Bill?

    YOU thought some of us were snarky on DMB!!! It has been my distinct pleasure to be deleted by YOU in the past for crossing your line.

    Great JOB on the Comic Book. Don’t, Stop, Don’t Stop >:~)>

    Bonus:

    How can you tell when Michele Bachmann has an orgasm….?

    She drops her copy of “So Help Me God” by Disgraced Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore.

  30. zhubajie

    [re=347286]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Does being anti-homo mean lots of kinky straight sex? Eg, Michelle doing it mish-style with E. Sanford? Or buttsecks with Larry Craig to convert him to women?

    Zhu Bajie

  31. BruceLee5000

    [re=347790]BillPrendergast[/re]: you are mind-numbing.

    STFU all ready and say “Thank You” for the FREE PUBLICITY and LINK leading back to somewhere where Wonkette’s 1000′s [hundreds?... 7's?] of daily readers can go to actually PURCHASE and ORDER your book. the FREE “outside link” which increases your website relevance on the Googlez and helps to promote your overall message.

    Does Wonkette earnestly review ANYTHING?! Why would YOU be any different? Get over yourself and be happy that more people now know your serious, earnest, and important hard work EVEN EXISTS; which wouldn’t be the case without this “review” that you’re so thoughtlessly shitting all over!

    Aiiiiiiigh! Some people’s kids!

  32. Edywin

    [re=347768]BillPrendergast[/re]:”So, yeah, I guess you’re right about me taking myself too seriously.”- Seriously, you published a comic book. Academics and political scientists years from now will point to your work and say, here is an example of a 21st century polemicist who braved illiterate conservatives and cities full of 12 year old intellectuals to point out obvious truths with biting satire and pencils. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer Robert Crumb’s work cause THAT MAN COULD DRAW SOME TITTYS!

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