Sanford Went On Sexy Solo Vacation To Buenos Aires, Not Appalachia

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The fuck have you been up to, guy?What in holy Hell has Mark Sanford been up to? He did NOT go nude tree-humping with a bunch of federally funded nature queers on the Appalachian Trail this weekend; instead, he went to Buenos Aires. Anybody who has left the house thinking they’d like to go on a local nature hike and ended up spending the weekend in an exotic South American capital can agree that this is a perfectly normal switcheroo!

A single South Carolina newspaper cornered Sanford this morning at the Atlanta airport, which he flew into so that he could avoid being pestered by this bothersome press corps that demands to know where a state’s chief executive is every single second of the frigging day.

Sanford said he decided not to return via the Columbia airport to avoid the media. The State Media Company was the only media who greeted Sanford this morning.

Bravo, The State Media Company! Who do they know that hates Sanford enough to rat him out like that?

When asked why his staff said he was on the Appalachian Trail, Sanford replied, “I don’t know.”

Sanford later said “in fairness to his staff,” he had told them he might go hiking on the Appalachian Trail.


So here is the question: does anybody actually believe that he went off for a few days to “decompress” following a difficult legislative session when his wife issues ominous quotes about his needing to be alone to do some writing, and then asks the press to “leave us to our privacy”? Does that really sound like a family that is suffering, emotionally, due to politics?

Sponsored Intermission

Sanford met in Atlanta after returning from South America [The State]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    It sounds like a lying brain-dead twat who needs to fucking resign, and soon. The people in South Carolina need to protest or get on twitter or something to give him the ole heave ho.

  • TastyCakes

    Somewhere, in a crawl space in South Carolina, there is a dead hooker.

  • Mild Midwesterner

    Fill me up with your heat, with your noise
    With your dirt, overdo me
    Let me dance to your beat, make it loud
    Let it hurt, run it through me.
    Don’t hold back, you are certain to impress
    Tell the driver this is where I’m staying

    Hello, Buenos Aires
    Get this, just look at me dressed up, somewhere to go
    We’ll put on a show

  • InsidiousTuna

    Neda gave her life for this fuckery? For shame.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Did Rush loan out his butt boy down there?

  • Joehoya

    He wants to be a part of BA, Buenos Aires, big apple!

  • Dave J.

    There are two reasons that guys just suddenly on the spur of the moment decide to blow off work for a week to travel to some foreign city–drugs, or poon. That’s pretty much it. I can’t even begin to imagine how awkward those conversations inside the Sanford house are going to be. Yow.

  • zvikk

    One word: GAY

  • Origami

    I’d like to think he went to Argentina to go have sex with a handsome young olive-skinned man named “Juan,” but jetting off to lovely South American countries on a moment’s notice seems a little too “exotic swarthy billionaire” for this turd.

    Maybe he went to go solve the Air France mystery, landed in Buenos Aires and was just like “fuck it, let’s go pay some men for sex?”

  • MattW

    Fake out in Buenos Aires!

  • Oldskool

    I’m embarrassed that we get this kind of entertainment for free. We really should send his party a regular stipend. Hey, the jackass show on cable turns a profit, so should Repubs!

  • vespula maculata

    How fast we learn the boyfriend’s name will prove whether there are any real investigative journalists left or not.

  • BlueStateLibtard

    Oh boy, this guy’s got it coming. You know when CNN spends 15 minutes on this story, as they did this morning, they will send out as many unpaid “i-reporters” and “twitterers” as they can to get to the bottom of.

  • PerhapsSo

    A trip to Argentina for Father’s Day? Allow me to be the first to dub his illegitimate Argentine offspring the “Sanfordistas.”

  • paintitblack

    Tall & tan & young & lovely, the boy from Ipenema goes walking, and when he passes, each one he passes goes: aaaaahhhh…

  • WadISay

    Check his suitcase for a gaucho costume.

  • ph7

    Decompress = a “baile hot” from Andrea Rincon

  • freeatlast

    Bullshit. This guy is someone’s baby daddy and this trip was his attempt at silencing the baby momma on father’s day.

  • nbawriter

    Only serious hikers know about the high-speed underground train that takes you from the Appalachian Trail to Buenos Aires.

    Maybe you fat-fuck couch potatoes ought to use your Timberlands for what they were intended to do once in a while.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I hope he brought something back for the wife and kids that’s not in the form of an STD.

  • Saragon

    For all we know, he took a flight to Buenos Aires and came back to the states from there. Conspiracy!

    Seriously, my hookers-and-blow bet in the pool looks safer and safer.

  • monkeyrotica

    Funny. I would have pegged him as the sorta guy you’d finding hanging naked from a belt in a Thai brothel closet. Color me embarrassed.

  • bitchincamaro

    It’s winter there, so can we rule out the “working on my tan” theory?

  • caieva

    10 hour flight on a whim.

  • Hawaiiexpat

    Buenos Aires is a gay-friendly city.

    He’s a Republican politician.

    No duh…

  • x111e7thst

    [re=346108]Dave J.[/re]: Paco (residue from cocaine production,smokeable, cheap, very addictive) and prettyboys.

  • Dave J.

    Up next on Bravo, “Sanford y hijo

  • Failed 2 Menace

    If his colon could be asked where it’s been, it would reply, “I don’t know – this condom full of blow has been blocking my view the last two days.”

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    To add to the intrigue, someone at TPM said it’s winter there–the high was 51 yesterday. Sounds like a good reason for some ‘indoor activities’.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Damn libtard media. Every time a republican seems next in line to be their party’s 2012 frontrunner he/she gets smeared like a fat flying bug on a car windshield. Palin, Piyush, Ensign & now Sanford. If this isn’t enough evidence of a vast, left-wing media conspiracy then nothing is or ever will be.

  • nappyduggs

    “in fairness to his staff,” he had told them he might go hiking on the Appalachian Trail.

    In his head it sounded like this:
    “Maybe I’ll go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Maybe I’ll go to Tibet and seek spiritual enlightenment. Or maybe I’ll just fly down to Argentina and get me some tits put on my chest. Yeah. Mark Sanford wants him some tits to wear. How do ya like them apples?”

  • bitchincamaro

    Oh, and did you all catch the really, really, really* awkward interview with his Lt. Gov. on Rachel last night?

    *to be read in Rachel’s sometimes annoying style

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Could the Gov be doing some fooling around with an adult female person? That would explain the secrecy…

  • magic titty

    Sanford/Pool Boy 2012!


    [re=346114]vespula maculata[/re]: That would be Larry Sinclair.

  • president of the united states of love

    “Don’t cry for me, I was in Argentina!
    The truth is, I never meant for you to find out I’d left you
    S’posed to be done with my wild days,
    No more mad existence
    I didn’t keep my promise,
    But kept my distance,
    Didn’t keep my promise!”

    from the new musical, “Evade-A (state government)”

  • Dave J.

    [re=346136]bitchincamaro[/re]: His Lt. Gov was on Rachel Ray? That makes no sense at all. NOTHING ABOUT THIS STORY MAKES SENSE!11!1!

  • thejesusandmarycheney

    “Trying to make such a drive could frustrate a weekend visitor to Argentina. In Buenos Aires, the Avenida Costanera is the only coastal road, and it’s less than two miles long. Reaching coastal resorts to the south requires a drive of nearly four hours on an inland highway with views of endless cattle ranches. To the north is a river delta of islands reached only by boat.”

    haha now MSNBC is just trolling.

  • ManchuCandidate

    It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange
    When I try to explain how I feel
    That I still need your vote after all that I’ve done

    You won’t believe me
    All you will see is a gov that once ruled
    Although he’s dressed up to the nines
    All eye tucks and chin lifts for you

    I had to let it happen, I had to change
    Couldn’t stand budgets with oppression
    Dealing with that fake Muslin, forcing me to take cash

    So I chose freedom
    Running around, trying everything new
    But nothing impressed me at all
    I never expected it to

    Don’t cry for me South Carolina
    The truth is I never left you
    All through my hikes
    My mad existence
    I kept my promise
    Don’t make me spend the money

  • Mr Blifil

    I guess for Father’s Day he was busy being a Daddy.

  • Woodwards Friend

    I blame Obama.

  • Unlearned Hand

    I agree with the “dead hooker” theorists upthread. I think he only came back when the local lawyers told him we have an extradition treaty with Argentina.

    Next time, he should try Cambodia. Boy-whores and no extradition.

  • nbawriter

    Everyone knows that the white supremacists run off to Argentina when they don’t get their way — duh.

  • TGY

    You don’t have to go that far for a hot South American speedo boy. My guess is, he was meeting with nazis or Peronists. “Don’t cry for me, Argentina” my ass.

  • Godot

    But didn’t his staff say yesterday, when they revealed he was on the Appalachian Trail, that they had spoken to him, which was how they knew he’d be back today? Did they just forget to ask him where he was when they spoke to him or what?

  • Manos: Hands of Fate


  • Cape Clod

    Why would anybody want to hide the fact that they went to Argentina? Belgium, OK, but Argentina?

  • charlesdegoal

    The State Media Company sounds like something left over from the communist era, before the fall of the Mason-Dixon Wall.
    Also, remember that it takes two to tango.

  • InsidiousTuna

    Maybe he just wanted to get really, really high and catch up on Entourage before the new season starts. Why does everything on this site have to involve slammin’ ass?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I think the answer is more simple. He needed an abortion, and you can’t get those in South Carolina.

  • thejesusandmarycheney

    [re=346151]Godot[/re]: It was a bit hard to make out what Sanford was saying over the hot tango beats.

  • Autochthon

    He was OBVIOUSLY there to place a down-payment on a compound to flee to when the taxpayers of South Carolina realize what a feckless, grandstanding ass-clown they’ve got in their governor’s mansion…

  • nappyduggs

    [re=346152]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: What a way to WIN.

  • Terry

    I’m surprised that it took this long for folks to notice his SUV in the parking lot of the Columbia Airport. The airport is teeny and the parking lot is smaller than that at most Target stores.

    Let’s predict the future, shall we?

    State legislators, both sides of the aisle, are going to do his best to drive him out of office

    Sanford will come out with a teary admission of some kind of emotional low point or breakdown.

    There will be a press conference with his tight lipped wife standing near him.

    He’ll leave office, either by choice or be run out

    After a socially acceptable amount of time, his wife will divorce him.

  • Godot

    So, snorting blow off a 12-year-old tranny hooker’s ass is the consensus, right?

  • S.Luggo

    Be kind. He had to get his bolos polished.

    [re=346135]nappyduggs[/re]: The Appalachian Trail is what the hookers in Buenos Aires call their thatch.

  • magic titty

    Hm. He says it was a tough legislative session, and his wife said he wanted to get away from the kids for a while. I wonder which one is lying the most?

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    [re=346121]freeatlast[/re]: Sanford and son?

  • Come here a minute

    Bullshit. This guy is the head of a South Carolina drug ring and this trip was his attempt at silencing an Argentinian drug lord before the shit hit the fan.

  • tunamelt

    Was he wearing a diaper when he returned to this country?

  • CrunchyKnee

    “My father went to Argentina for anonymous gay buttsecks and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt.”

  • Frampton Comes Alive

    Today, we are all Appalachian Trail hikers….

  • Kingbee

    Can hardly wait for the memoirs —
    Tranny Hooker in Buenos Aires: The Secret Double Life of a Governor

  • ph7

    [re=346152]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Jenny…I’mmmmmm homeeeee!!!

  • Mumbletypeg

    The blingee-fication of this itinerant, Teabag 2.0-flubbing, Paw-paw Patch-slinking charlatan should be something special. I hope someone is taking time to render this, please. Sanford has earned it.

  • Autochthon

    [re=346149]TGY[/re]: “You don’t have to go that far for a hot South American speedo boy.” True. There’s *tons* in my neighborhood…thank God!

  • charlesdegoal

    [re=346143]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: It’s also winter down there.

  • thejesusandmarycheney

    [re=346178]Autochthon[/re]: TCIUWP (this comment is useless without pics)

  • Mr Blifil

    51 degrees! Let’s go to the beach!

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=346142]Dave J.[/re]: @ 06:24 (after the ad, of course)

  • speedo

    Maybe he went there to have his chest waxed, or pec implants, or a butt lift. The last is unnecessary since his butt is already high enough, placed so firmly on top of his neck.

  • Autochthon

    [re=346180]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: Let me work on that – they swarm down here like horny, well-oiled mole-crickets…

  • DirtyHarriett

    [re=346142]Dave J.[/re]: And he was too through with Gov. Sanford.

  • ummm

    [re=346117]paintitblack[/re]: Ipanema is in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, not Buenos Aires!

  • dsdrane

    This has made Mother’s day.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Like Grandpa on The Simpsons exclaims when told he gets to break Bart’s teeth in retaliation for Bart breaking Grandpa’s dentures: “Oh, this is gonna be sweet.”The media frenzy to retrace every last step of Sanford’s 6-day cruise to an uncharted desert isle will carry the next 10 news cycles & keep the fake US America v. Iran squabble on the backburner, thereby helping the Iranian protesters. So obviously Sanford was sent on this mission by the president himself! Brilliant move, Hopey!

  • pumaspaco

    Appalachia, Argentina, the staff probably doesn’t know the difference.

  • thejesusandmarycheney

    [re=346187]ummm[/re]: yeah, Sanford screwed us out of a lot of song-based jokes by not going to Rio.

  • germansteel

    Chris Matthews is usually such a douche, but he actually said something intelligent and pithy this morning on “Morning Joe” during their discussion of Sanford’s Rio revelation. He summed up the state of the current Republican Party and its so-called “presidential hopefuls” by lumping Sanford in with Sarah Palin, Ensign and Jindal, and then, for good measure said, “Oh yeah, and Rick Perry.” He said it not in a good way.

  • norbizness

    He heard that some stimulus money was being diverted into funding underground Argentinian cocaine n’ massage parlors, and went undercover as Santos L. Halper to investigate.

  • norbizness

    [re=346189]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Sorry for the additional Simpsons reference I made. I think Sanford is doing the electoral equivalent of busting up mustard packets with a hammer on the nice new carpet.

  • NoWireHangers

    You, cosmetic procedures are generally safe and affordable in Buenos Aires. Maybe Sanford was just having the sand removed from his vagina. I believe it’s called “vaginal rejuvenation”.

  • S.Luggo

    Ai-yai-yai-yai-yai! Lucy, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do!

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=346198]norbizness[/re]: No apology (ever) necessary. Anything in service of the funny!

  • rachelv

    wonder if he’ll come back with a new nose… or would we already have heard the story about him falling down the stairs at the airport… or crashing into a tree on the Appalachian trail… or tripping in the sand on the Argentine coast…

  • Keram2

    Psssh. I bet Sanford is a fucking River fan. Fuckin’ millonarios.

  • bricks

    I guess this dickhole thinks he’s too good to fuck strange dudes in truck stops along I-26 like the rest of the closeted republicans, Oh no- he has to fly to South America to hit that anonymous manass.

    Damned elitist.

  • spalding

    10 hrs down to spend a week in BA… there are banks in Argentina, and sins other than coke fueled tranny but-seks ( but not as funny)

  • McDuff

    Hey, give the guy a break, he was just checking out the guest quarters at W’s “ranch” in Paraguay.

  • Min

    [re=346190]pumaspaco[/re]: To be fair, they do both start with “A”.

    Although I’m very disappointed. Whatever happened to “America First” when politicians are patronizing plastic surgeons or prostitutes? Or the many other Republican leisure activities that start with “P”.

  • DanielG

    It’ll turn out he’s got a girlfriend with a name like, maybe Tangetta or something. In an obscure Argentine town (is there another kind?) named Gazpacho.

  • assistant/atlas

    Right now, in newsrooms across America:

    Reporter: Sanford was in Buenos Aires! I’ve got to go and investigate!
    Editor: Buenos Aires, are you fucking kidding me? We just laid off three-fourths of the staff and sold the fax machine–we can’t afford to send you to Argentina.
    Reporter: But it’s journalismism!
    Editor: Journalism is dead.
    Reporter: But he might’ve been fucking a dead girl or a live boy!
    Editor: …well, that is an important story….alright, fine.

    And that, friends, is why all media is awful.

  • StripesAndPlaids

    Honest mistake. He told his staff, “I’m going after some Argentinan Tail” they heard “Appalachian trail.”

  • CthuNHu

    He just wanted to catch the Argentinian premiere ofI Know What You Did Last Week.

  • Autochthon

    [re=346241]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Oh, well played, sir!

  • Autochthon

    [re=346241]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Or mam!

  • S.Luggo

    This gets better and better.
    “South Carolina legislators considering impeachment for Sanford”

    BTW: Governor Moon Beam is giving a press conference at 2 p.m. Live blogging?

  • Min

    [re=346241]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Or he said “I’m going after some alpaca tail”, which actually does sound a little like Appalachian Trail.

  • writer_mike

    “nude tree-humping with a bunch of federally funded nature queers”????

    Could you be any more offensive than that?

  • norbizness

    Or he said “Can’t talk now… coming down.”

  • oldguy

    Oh where are the Google Street View shots or accidental cell-phone photos? Or just simple straightforward extortion candids????


  • AKAM80TheWolf

    Argentina was just the first stop on his “Family Values Tour”. Next destination? The Dominican Republic!

  • Vanity Smurf

    This is turning into a Scooby Doo episode…. and he’d have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids.

    He probably saw the movie Testosterone which is like a two hour gay tourism commercial for Argentina. Somebody needs to check his secret NetFlix account’s history.

    We’ll should have a few hot boys claiming to have spent Daddy’s Day with this guy by no later than this weekend. Didn’t take Larry Craig’s tricklist long to call the media.

  • dogfather

    [re=346125]monkeyrotica[/re]: Sorry, monkey, but I think someone else pegged him first.

  • GinnyRED57

    And so: consensus is gaycation, si o no?

  • Autochthon

    [re=346249]S.Luggo[/re]: “How to Destroy a Political Career in Six Days Without Really Trying”

  • BadKitty

    [re=346190]pumaspaco[/re]: That’s my theory. They’re both “A” words. Easy to mix up if you’re an ignorant putz.

  • oldguy

    Phone records and bank transfers. Also.

  • Woodwards Friend

    [re=346259]writer_mike[/re]: If the federally funded nature queers were Muslims that would be more offensive.

  • Extemporanus

    The answer is SO obvious.


    He went to ARGENTINA to write his own personal “MOTORCYCLE DIARIES” and plan the coming REVOLUTION, just like ERNESTO “CHE” GUEVARA!


  • Vanity Smurf

    In way you do have to give him a little credit. Most gay Republican office holders are not smart enough to do their butt fucking 5000 miles away from home. This one’s much more careful about sneaking around… no airport toilet sex for him.

  • germansteel

    [re=346195]germansteel[/re]: Rio – BA, I’ve never been to either. (But, I think they said it was Rio on MJ this morning)

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=346270]GinnyRED57[/re]: Si, es un maricon.

  • Formerly Preferred

    Does anyone know where Kate Gosselin was this weekend? Because I am betting the answer is Buenos Aires.

  • mikeyboypdx

    He’s at the Loca, Locacabana.

  • CthuNHu

    WTF with html comment autoblocking? I’m trying to post some important journalistical research here on how Gov. Sanford is totally innocent of any wrongdoing and just wanted to catch the Argentinian premiere of I Know What You Did Last Weekend.

    Fine. I’ll just post the links like this:

  • mikeyboypdx

    [re=346121]freeatlast[/re]: That would imply he’s not just another fake-and-bake closeted Republican (Ensign? Boehner? Crist?).

  • Autochthon

    Say, speaking of our “Family Values” friends…

  • CivicHoliday

    Did you know that 20 Argentine Pesos can buy you three horny sheep farmers and 20 minutes in a giant bathtub filled with mollejas? Mark Sanford does. Now.

  • Country Club Jihadi

    Sometimes a man just craves roasted guinea pig with his tossed salad.

  • octupletsmom

    I don’t think it’s another Endless Cummer for the GOP. I think it’s Looney Joon…

  • Grendel’sMom

    If you think his wife didn’t know where he was, you are living in a dream world. She knew where he was, and she knows he’s a bastard for whatever he did that was bad enough that she’d have to explain to the kids why he wasn’t home on Father’s Day. Someone needs to take Mrs. Governor out for a few martinis.

  • President Beeblebrox

    Heh, my first thought when I saw the headline was that it had to involve ladyboys, hookers, and blow – or at least two of the three.

    The hilarious thing about this story is that Sanford is even getting slammed by Republicans now, and yet his response is basically “Y SO SRS? I just went incognito to take a drive along a 2-mile long coastal highway!”

    Oh, and one of the commenters on that story from The State alleges that he was into “petofilia.” I hear they’re into horses down there.

  • Gopherit

    With all the vaqueros down there, I am now placing my vote on Brokeback Mountain II: Latin Heat.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=346292]Autochthon[/re]: Someone needs to tell the Iron Sheik about what Brian Blair did. Sheik would give him buttsecks to make him humble, as Sheik likes to tell everyone now when he’s on his cocaine binges – but only after putting him in a Camel Clutch.

  • superfecta

    I would like to state, for the record, that I am thrilled this idiot has inspired so many musical theatre references.

  • hockeymom

    [re=346142]Dave J.[/re]: He has a FABULOUS 30 minute empanadas recipe.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=346292]Autochthon[/re]: That would not have happended had Killer Bee gone to Argentina. Ya see, Sandford not that stupid.

  • CthuNHu

    You people should be ashamed of yourselves. Gov. Sanford is totally innocent of any wrongdoing and just wanted to cruise his favorite highway. Is that so wrong?

  • dogfather

    Is it just my impression, or is that crook-ed nose growing longer?

  • norbizness

    Grendel: Here she is in her resplendent Geraldine Chaplin-meets-Marilyn Quayle-with-fashion tips from Michelle Bachmann glory.

  • nappyduggs

    [re=346125]monkeyrotica[/re]: Today we are all in a Thai brothel closet.

  • ph7

    [re=346306]superfecta[/re]: I’m equaly thrilled by your English Settlement avatar. I think Sanford’s senses were working overtime in B.A.

  • CthuNHu
  • CivicHoliday

    [re=346315]CthuNHu[/re]: and by “cruise his favorite highway”, you mean lick the taint of a 14 year old tranny named Alejandro?

  • President Beeblebrox

    Ooh, ooh, Sanford is having a press conference at 2pm. It can pleez be liveblogging tiem nao, Wonkettes?

  • Lilybart

    Idiot. All he had to do was turn the gov over to the Lt. Governor and go on a trip. NO ONE would care. But you can’t just go missing when you are in the public eye and you want to be President.

    Just take care of the state, then go on a walkabout.

  • stew

    Latest twist: the US Embassy had no idea he was in Argentina. Also, it’s winter in Argentina. Did he go to one of those places with the ping pong balls?

  • crapistani

    [re=346259]writer_mike[/re]: You must be new here.

  • McDuff

    Smart S.C. Democrat introducing bill to require Governor to inform Lt. Governor of where abouts if leaving the State in 3…2…1.

    Oh, ok, so maybe “smart and “Democrat” don’t work in the same sentence.

  • 19kevin8

    Sanford/Evita 2012

  • Words

    I’m w/Grendel’s Mom.. I think we should chip in to give Mrs. Sanford a bender…. and any woman who’s got 4 stair-step-age boys and is alone w/them on Father’s Day weekend has my sympathy.

  • imissopus

    The State Media Company WINS THE MORNING!

  • 19kevin8

    [re=346259]writer_mike[/re]: The part they left out of “federally funded nature queers” is the fact that they’re crippled, underaged, and mongoloid.

  • dogfather

    “Governor — there’s an email from Sen. Ensign: he says ‘Thanks.'”

  • Autochthon

    [re=346339]imissopus[/re]: All Hail Glorious Triumph of State Media Company! (ok, so my Russian accent sucks)

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=346349]Autochthon[/re]: In America, you find media. In Soviet Russia, State Media Company FIND YOU.

  • Wet Work

    This is what meth will do to your impulse control.

  • AKAM80TheWolf


    I just won the morning with the help of some Metamucil.

  • A Better American Than YOU

    Too quickly we forget to wonder why Ensign’s lady friend’s son was collecting the big bucks as a consultant.

    I think the Buenos Aires story is a cover: either Sanford needed to “cover” his celebration of Nude Hiking Day or there was something REALLY sinister going on.

    Also, I saw the photo of The Sanford Wife and the little Sanford Sons. Look like home-schooling homers to moi.

  • Unlearned Hand

    There’s got to be some way of corroborating this nonsense. Did DHS stamp his passport when he got back to Atlanta? Did anyone in Argentina see him? The Argentine government said they won’t confirmed he passed border control because of privacy laws, but there must be something. Don’t hotels usually register foreign guests with the police? Did he use his credit card? Or a state credit card? Withdraw money from an ATM?

    He had to do one of these things on a mid-winter buttfucking safari, right?

  • June Cleaver 2.0

    The Republican Party is turning into a situation comedy or a soap opera. If my grandmother were still alive, she’d turn on my computer every morning for the latest installment of one of her “stories,” — “The Days of the Repubs Lives, Such as They Are.”

  • Nerdalicious

    There is definately something “awry” (word Prez didn’t use at the presser). I hear tell he is so cheap he made his family live in the pool house in the governors mansion. He probably is obsessive compulsive & his big personality disorder is now on display for everyone to see. Argentina is just the beginning. Stay tuned for other disclosed stops in his weekend whirlwind world tour.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=346318]norbizness[/re]: Wow! She’s kinda hot, in a dessicated-skin-stretched-tight-over-hollowed-out-skull kinda way.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=346359]Unlearned Hand[/re]: He used his World Federation of Planets passport.

  • jennx

    [re=346121]freeatlast[/re]: This is the best theory so far. Though I want him to be another hypocritical repug gay, the Father’s Day doesn’t make sense unless there are other kids to attend to.

  • zenferret

    [re=346259]writer_mike[/re]: You got any suggestions? More offensive is more better and all.

    [re=346315]CthuNHu[/re]: Chocolate?

  • Hooray For Anything

    Where can I get one of those jobs where I can just up and leave without telling anybody and go to Argentina for a long weekend?

  • populucious

    In all fairness, who hasn’t occasionally confused the Appalachian Trail with Buenos Ares?

  • TowerOfBabble

    The prostitute who slept with Ted Haggard is claiming Sanford was with him the whole time:

    And yes, that’s a male prostitute.

  • the cold war makes me hot

    Who knew the governor of such an ass-backward state could afford to fly overseas, much less have the reading and comprehension skills to fill out the passport applications. He must have funded it with some of that librul socialist blood money he so desperately did not want.

  • the cold war makes me hot

    [re=346405]Hooray For Anything[/re]: A week ago, my underling took advantage of my absence to take a day off and didn’t tell anyone. I beat him mercilessly when I found out. Hope that’s what Mrs. Governor No Thanks does to Marky Mark.

  • TowerOfBabble

    Oh shit, the Kos story is a satire. However, I’d like to think the fact that I believed it for a minute there says more about the GOP than it does about me.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    I suspect his constituents will not take kindly to him having a passport, traveling to a “furrigner” country like Argentina, or even knowing that such a country might exist.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    Senor Sanford esta muy loco.

  • momus

    How many pages got off the plane with him? What’s the age of consent in Argentina? These are important questions that need answers.

  • CivicHoliday

    [re=346426]TowerOfBabble[/re]: “Governor Sanford would never engage in the incredibly immoral acts Mr. Jacobs has alleged took place,” the spokeswoman said. “Governor Sanford believes homosexual acts are a sin and violate the Bible and the sacred institution of traditional marriage, which is why he fully supports South Carolina’s Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as being between only a man and a woman.”


    Oh…sniff…*wipes tear*…this is gonna be soooooo good

  • torera

    “The coast of Buenos Aires” ?? Give me a break. The repubics really do count on the staggering level of ignorance attained by America’s general pubic. He’d be better off admitting to nude domestic hiking.

  • Zorg

    There is a clue about the Sanford disappearance in this cryptic limerick we just intercepted up here at Fort Meade. All Wonkette operatives are requested to aid in the decryption process:

    There once was a gaucho named Bruno
    Who said, “Now screwing is one thing I do know.
    A woman is fine
    And a sheep is divine,
    But the llama is Numero Uno.”

  • CivicHoliday

    (I don’t care if it is satire, the irony will be just as sweet)

  • nappyduggs

    [re=346426]TowerOfBabble[/re]: “which is why he fully supports South Carolina’s Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as being between only a man and a woman.”

    Marriage is one thing- unloading in random poopers evidently needs no defense. Just fictionz.

    “And we’ll be praying for his soul at this clearly troubling time in his life.”
    McGreevey style comeuppance in 3….2….1….

  • Words

    At least she’s not a trophy wife…. that’s refreshing w/regard to politicians nowadays…

  • dogfather

    [re=346503]Zorg[/re]: “The Llama has landed. Repeat: The Llama has landed.”

  • sezme

    Y la reputísima que te reparió mil veces!

  • Combover

    Today we are all South Carolinians.


  • Einstein&#39

    The State Media Company? Isn’t that Pravda?

  • geek

    He went from a tree hugging hike to a bush humping romp.

    What through off his staff was his statement that he was taking repellent and a rubber slicker, they only assumed he was going hiking.