The fuck have you been up to, guy?What in holy Hell has Mark Sanford been up to? He did NOT go nude tree-humping with a bunch of federally funded nature queers on the Appalachian Trail this weekend; instead, he went to Buenos Aires. Anybody who has left the house thinking they’d like to go on a local nature hike and ended up spending the weekend in an exotic South American capital can agree that this is a perfectly normal switcheroo!

A single South Carolina newspaper cornered Sanford this morning at the Atlanta airport, which he flew into so that he could avoid being pestered by this bothersome press corps that demands to know where a state’s chief executive is every single second of the frigging day.

Sanford said he decided not to return via the Columbia airport to avoid the media. The State Media Company was the only media who greeted Sanford this morning.

Bravo, The State Media Company! Who do they know that hates Sanford enough to rat him out like that?

When asked why his staff said he was on the Appalachian Trail, Sanford replied, “I don’t know.”

Sanford later said “in fairness to his staff,” he had told them he might go hiking on the Appalachian Trail.


So here is the question: does anybody actually believe that he went off for a few days to “decompress” following a difficult legislative session when his wife issues ominous quotes about his needing to be alone to do some writing, and then asks the press to “leave us to our privacy”? Does that really sound like a family that is suffering, emotionally, due to politics?

Sanford met in Atlanta after returning from South America [The State]

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  1. Fill me up with your heat, with your noise
    With your dirt, overdo me
    Let me dance to your beat, make it loud
    Let it hurt, run it through me.
    Don’t hold back, you are certain to impress
    Tell the driver this is where I’m staying

    Hello, Buenos Aires
    Get this, just look at me dressed up, somewhere to go
    We’ll put on a show

  2. There are two reasons that guys just suddenly on the spur of the moment decide to blow off work for a week to travel to some foreign city–drugs, or poon. That’s pretty much it. I can’t even begin to imagine how awkward those conversations inside the Sanford house are going to be. Yow.

  3. I’d like to think he went to Argentina to go have sex with a handsome young olive-skinned man named “Juan,” but jetting off to lovely South American countries on a moment’s notice seems a little too “exotic swarthy billionaire” for this turd.

    Maybe he went to go solve the Air France mystery, landed in Buenos Aires and was just like “fuck it, let’s go pay some men for sex?”

  4. I’m embarrassed that we get this kind of entertainment for free. We really should send his party a regular stipend. Hey, the jackass show on cable turns a profit, so should Repubs!

  5. Oh boy, this guy’s got it coming. You know when CNN spends 15 minutes on this story, as they did this morning, they will send out as many unpaid “i-reporters” and “twitterers” as they can to get to the bottom of.

  6. Only serious hikers know about the high-speed underground train that takes you from the Appalachian Trail to Buenos Aires.

    Maybe you fat-fuck couch potatoes ought to use your Timberlands for what they were intended to do once in a while.

  7. For all we know, he took a flight to Buenos Aires and came back to the states from there. Conspiracy!

    Seriously, my hookers-and-blow bet in the pool looks safer and safer.

  8. Funny. I would have pegged him as the sorta guy you’d finding hanging naked from a belt in a Thai brothel closet. Color me embarrassed.

  9. If his colon could be asked where it’s been, it would reply, “I don’t know – this condom full of blow has been blocking my view the last two days.”

  10. To add to the intrigue, someone at TPM said it’s winter there–the high was 51 yesterday. Sounds like a good reason for some ‘indoor activities’.

  11. Damn libtard media. Every time a republican seems next in line to be their party’s 2012 frontrunner he/she gets smeared like a fat flying bug on a car windshield. Palin, Piyush, Ensign & now Sanford. If this isn’t enough evidence of a vast, left-wing media conspiracy then nothing is or ever will be.

  12. “in fairness to his staff,” he had told them he might go hiking on the Appalachian Trail.

    In his head it sounded like this:
    “Maybe I’ll go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Maybe I’ll go to Tibet and seek spiritual enlightenment. Or maybe I’ll just fly down to Argentina and get me some tits put on my chest. Yeah. Mark Sanford wants him some tits to wear. How do ya like them apples?”

  13. Oh, and did you all catch the really, really, really* awkward interview with his Lt. Gov. on Rachel last night?

    *to be read in Rachel’s sometimes annoying style

  14. “Don’t cry for me, I was in Argentina!
    The truth is, I never meant for you to find out I’d left you
    S’posed to be done with my wild days,
    No more mad existence
    I didn’t keep my promise,
    But kept my distance,
    Didn’t keep my promise!”

    from the new musical, “Evade-A (state government)”

  15. “Trying to make such a drive could frustrate a weekend visitor to Argentina. In Buenos Aires, the Avenida Costanera is the only coastal road, and it’s less than two miles long. Reaching coastal resorts to the south requires a drive of nearly four hours on an inland highway with views of endless cattle ranches. To the north is a river delta of islands reached only by boat.”

    haha now MSNBC is just trolling.

  16. It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange
    When I try to explain how I feel
    That I still need your vote after all that I’ve done

    You won’t believe me
    All you will see is a gov that once ruled
    Although he’s dressed up to the nines
    All eye tucks and chin lifts for you

    I had to let it happen, I had to change
    Couldn’t stand budgets with oppression
    Dealing with that fake Muslin, forcing me to take cash

    So I chose freedom
    Running around, trying everything new
    But nothing impressed me at all
    I never expected it to

    Don’t cry for me South Carolina
    The truth is I never left you
    All through my hikes
    My mad existence
    I kept my promise
    Don’t make me spend the money

  17. You don’t have to go that far for a hot South American speedo boy. My guess is, he was meeting with nazis or Peronists. “Don’t cry for me, Argentina” my ass.

  18. But didn’t his staff say yesterday, when they revealed he was on the Appalachian Trail, that they had spoken to him, which was how they knew he’d be back today? Did they just forget to ask him where he was when they spoke to him or what?


  20. The State Media Company sounds like something left over from the communist era, before the fall of the Mason-Dixon Wall.
    Also, remember that it takes two to tango.

  21. Maybe he just wanted to get really, really high and catch up on Entourage before the new season starts. Why does everything on this site have to involve slammin’ ass?

  22. He was OBVIOUSLY there to place a down-payment on a compound to flee to when the taxpayers of South Carolina realize what a feckless, grandstanding ass-clown they’ve got in their governor’s mansion…

  23. I’m surprised that it took this long for folks to notice his SUV in the parking lot of the Columbia Airport. The airport is teeny and the parking lot is smaller than that at most Target stores.

    Let’s predict the future, shall we?

    State legislators, both sides of the aisle, are going to do his best to drive him out of office

    Sanford will come out with a teary admission of some kind of emotional low point or breakdown.

    There will be a press conference with his tight lipped wife standing near him.

    He’ll leave office, either by choice or be run out

    After a socially acceptable amount of time, his wife will divorce him.

  24. Be kind. He had to get his bolos polished.

    [re=346135]nappyduggs[/re]: The Appalachian Trail is what the hookers in Buenos Aires call their thatch.

  25. Hm. He says it was a tough legislative session, and his wife said he wanted to get away from the kids for a while. I wonder which one is lying the most?

  26. Bullshit. This guy is the head of a South Carolina drug ring and this trip was his attempt at silencing an Argentinian drug lord before the shit hit the fan.

  27. [re=346149]TGY[/re]: “You don’t have to go that far for a hot South American speedo boy.” True. There’s *tons* in my neighborhood…thank God!

  28. Maybe he went there to have his chest waxed, or pec implants, or a butt lift. The last is unnecessary since his butt is already high enough, placed so firmly on top of his neck.

  29. Like Grandpa on The Simpsons exclaims when told he gets to break Bart’s teeth in retaliation for Bart breaking Grandpa’s dentures: “Oh, this is gonna be sweet.”The media frenzy to retrace every last step of Sanford’s 6-day cruise to an uncharted desert isle will carry the next 10 news cycles & keep the fake US America v. Iran squabble on the backburner, thereby helping the Iranian protesters. So obviously Sanford was sent on this mission by the president himself! Brilliant move, Hopey!

  30. Chris Matthews is usually such a douche, but he actually said something intelligent and pithy this morning on “Morning Joe” during their discussion of Sanford’s Rio revelation. He summed up the state of the current Republican Party and its so-called “presidential hopefuls” by lumping Sanford in with Sarah Palin, Ensign and Jindal, and then, for good measure said, “Oh yeah, and Rick Perry.” He said it not in a good way.

  31. He heard that some stimulus money was being diverted into funding underground Argentinian cocaine n’ massage parlors, and went undercover as Santos L. Halper to investigate.

  32. [re=346189]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Sorry for the additional Simpsons reference I made. I think Sanford is doing the electoral equivalent of busting up mustard packets with a hammer on the nice new carpet.

  33. You, cosmetic procedures are generally safe and affordable in Buenos Aires. Maybe Sanford was just having the sand removed from his vagina. I believe it’s called “vaginal rejuvenation”.

  34. wonder if he’ll come back with a new nose… or would we already have heard the story about him falling down the stairs at the airport… or crashing into a tree on the Appalachian trail… or tripping in the sand on the Argentine coast…

  35. I guess this dickhole thinks he’s too good to fuck strange dudes in truck stops along I-26 like the rest of the closeted republicans, Oh no- he has to fly to South America to hit that anonymous manass.

    Damned elitist.

  36. [re=346190]pumaspaco[/re]: To be fair, they do both start with “A”.

    Although I’m very disappointed. Whatever happened to “America First” when politicians are patronizing plastic surgeons or prostitutes? Or the many other Republican leisure activities that start with “P”.

  37. It’ll turn out he’s got a girlfriend with a name like, maybe Tangetta or something. In an obscure Argentine town (is there another kind?) named Gazpacho.

  38. Right now, in newsrooms across America:

    Reporter: Sanford was in Buenos Aires! I’ve got to go and investigate!
    Editor: Buenos Aires, are you fucking kidding me? We just laid off three-fourths of the staff and sold the fax machine–we can’t afford to send you to Argentina.
    Reporter: But it’s journalismism!
    Editor: Journalism is dead.
    Reporter: But he might’ve been fucking a dead girl or a live boy!
    Editor: …well, that is an important story….alright, fine.

    And that, friends, is why all media is awful.

  39. [re=346241]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: Or he said “I’m going after some alpaca tail”, which actually does sound a little like Appalachian Trail.

  40. This is turning into a Scooby Doo episode…. and he’d have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids.

    He probably saw the movie Testosterone which is like a two hour gay tourism commercial for Argentina. Somebody needs to check his secret NetFlix account’s history.

    We’ll should have a few hot boys claiming to have spent Daddy’s Day with this guy by no later than this weekend. Didn’t take Larry Craig’s tricklist long to call the media.

  41. The answer is SO obvious.


    He went to ARGENTINA to write his own personal “MOTORCYCLE DIARIES” and plan the coming REVOLUTION, just like ERNESTO “CHE” GUEVARA!


  42. In way you do have to give him a little credit. Most gay Republican office holders are not smart enough to do their butt fucking 5000 miles away from home. This one’s much more careful about sneaking around… no airport toilet sex for him.

  43. WTF with html comment autoblocking? I’m trying to post some important journalistical research here on how Gov. Sanford is totally innocent of any wrongdoing and just wanted to catch the Argentinian premiere of I Know What You Did Last Weekend.

    Fine. I’ll just post the links like this:

  44. Did you know that 20 Argentine Pesos can buy you three horny sheep farmers and 20 minutes in a giant bathtub filled with mollejas? Mark Sanford does. Now.

  45. If you think his wife didn’t know where he was, you are living in a dream world. She knew where he was, and she knows he’s a bastard for whatever he did that was bad enough that she’d have to explain to the kids why he wasn’t home on Father’s Day. Someone needs to take Mrs. Governor out for a few martinis.

  46. Heh, my first thought when I saw the headline was that it had to involve ladyboys, hookers, and blow – or at least two of the three.

    The hilarious thing about this story is that Sanford is even getting slammed by Republicans now, and yet his response is basically “Y SO SRS? I just went incognito to take a drive along a 2-mile long coastal highway!”

    Oh, and one of the commenters on that story from The State alleges that he was into “petofilia.” I hear they’re into horses down there.

  47. [re=346292]Autochthon[/re]: Someone needs to tell the Iron Sheik about what Brian Blair did. Sheik would give him buttsecks to make him humble, as Sheik likes to tell everyone now when he’s on his cocaine binges – but only after putting him in a Camel Clutch.

  48. Idiot. All he had to do was turn the gov over to the Lt. Governor and go on a trip. NO ONE would care. But you can’t just go missing when you are in the public eye and you want to be President.

    Just take care of the state, then go on a walkabout.

  49. Latest twist: the US Embassy had no idea he was in Argentina. Also, it’s winter in Argentina. Did he go to one of those places with the ping pong balls?

  50. Smart S.C. Democrat introducing bill to require Governor to inform Lt. Governor of where abouts if leaving the State in 3…2…1.

    Oh, ok, so maybe “smart and “Democrat” don’t work in the same sentence.

  51. I’m w/Grendel’s Mom.. I think we should chip in to give Mrs. Sanford a bender…. and any woman who’s got 4 stair-step-age boys and is alone w/them on Father’s Day weekend has my sympathy.

  52. [re=346259]writer_mike[/re]: The part they left out of “federally funded nature queers” is the fact that they’re crippled, underaged, and mongoloid.

  53. Too quickly we forget to wonder why Ensign’s lady friend’s son was collecting the big bucks as a consultant.

    I think the Buenos Aires story is a cover: either Sanford needed to “cover” his celebration of Nude Hiking Day or there was something REALLY sinister going on.

    Also, I saw the photo of The Sanford Wife and the little Sanford Sons. Look like home-schooling homers to moi.

  54. There’s got to be some way of corroborating this nonsense. Did DHS stamp his passport when he got back to Atlanta? Did anyone in Argentina see him? The Argentine government said they won’t confirmed he passed border control because of privacy laws, but there must be something. Don’t hotels usually register foreign guests with the police? Did he use his credit card? Or a state credit card? Withdraw money from an ATM?

    He had to do one of these things on a mid-winter buttfucking safari, right?

  55. The Republican Party is turning into a situation comedy or a soap opera. If my grandmother were still alive, she’d turn on my computer every morning for the latest installment of one of her “stories,” — “The Days of the Repubs Lives, Such as They Are.”

  56. There is definately something “awry” (word Prez didn’t use at the presser). I hear tell he is so cheap he made his family live in the pool house in the governors mansion. He probably is obsessive compulsive & his big personality disorder is now on display for everyone to see. Argentina is just the beginning. Stay tuned for other disclosed stops in his weekend whirlwind world tour.

  57. [re=346121]freeatlast[/re]: This is the best theory so far. Though I want him to be another hypocritical repug gay, the Father’s Day doesn’t make sense unless there are other kids to attend to.

  58. Where can I get one of those jobs where I can just up and leave without telling anybody and go to Argentina for a long weekend?

  59. Who knew the governor of such an ass-backward state could afford to fly overseas, much less have the reading and comprehension skills to fill out the passport applications. He must have funded it with some of that librul socialist blood money he so desperately did not want.

  60. [re=346405]Hooray For Anything[/re]: A week ago, my underling took advantage of my absence to take a day off and didn’t tell anyone. I beat him mercilessly when I found out. Hope that’s what Mrs. Governor No Thanks does to Marky Mark.

  61. Oh shit, the Kos story is a satire. However, I’d like to think the fact that I believed it for a minute there says more about the GOP than it does about me.

  62. I suspect his constituents will not take kindly to him having a passport, traveling to a “furrigner” country like Argentina, or even knowing that such a country might exist.

  63. [re=346426]TowerOfBabble[/re]: “Governor Sanford would never engage in the incredibly immoral acts Mr. Jacobs has alleged took place,” the spokeswoman said. “Governor Sanford believes homosexual acts are a sin and violate the Bible and the sacred institution of traditional marriage, which is why he fully supports South Carolina’s Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as being between only a man and a woman.”


    Oh…sniff…*wipes tear*…this is gonna be soooooo good

  64. “The coast of Buenos Aires” ?? Give me a break. The repubics really do count on the staggering level of ignorance attained by America’s general pubic. He’d be better off admitting to nude domestic hiking.

  65. There is a clue about the Sanford disappearance in this cryptic limerick we just intercepted up here at Fort Meade. All Wonkette operatives are requested to aid in the decryption process:

    There once was a gaucho named Bruno
    Who said, “Now screwing is one thing I do know.
    A woman is fine
    And a sheep is divine,
    But the llama is Numero Uno.”

  66. [re=346426]TowerOfBabble[/re]: “which is why he fully supports South Carolina’s Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as being between only a man and a woman.”

    Marriage is one thing- unloading in random poopers evidently needs no defense. Just fictionz.

    “And we’ll be praying for his soul at this clearly troubling time in his life.”
    McGreevey style comeuppance in 3….2….1….

  67. [re=346318]norbizness[/re]:
    At least she’s not a trophy wife…. that’s refreshing w/regard to politicians nowadays…

  68. He went from a tree hugging hike to a bush humping romp.

    What through off his staff was his statement that he was taking repellent and a rubber slicker, they only assumed he was going hiking.

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