Wonkette
EVEN MORE: “Jackrabbit,” “dildo,” “Uzbekistan,” “Martin Luther King Jr.,” “farrier,” “Jennifer Fitzgerald,” “coconut,” “hobbit,” “goat,” “Ezekiel,” “laser blasters,” “Bob Seger,” “bulldyke,” “potato,” “constable,” “midwife,” “Oberon,” “Noonington,” “Dutch oven,” “Raptor Invasion,” “Becton,” “guillotine,” “sprinkles,” “towelhead,” “Ocarina of Time,” “pectoral,” “vocoder,” “retarded,” “mannequin,” “Patrick Appel,” “collated,” “Munich,” “Choire,” “turpentine,” “knickerbocker,” “double penetration,” “Robocop,” “sprite,” and… well, that’s all, actually. [Some Porn Site]
WHY DIDN’T THE PRESIDENT SAY ASS FUCKING? This is America, after all.
Buttsecks, wake up SHEEPLES!!!111
Snorg girl. Sphygmomanometer. Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Also.
“disestablishmentarianism” “hobbits” “cribbage” “watercress” “skittles”
Holy shit, that’s a lot of “dick fingers!”
Also missing were “habibi”, “shahid”, and “inshallah”, which surprised everyone most terribly.
“Parallelogram,” “smegma,” “water cannon,” “frolicking,” “colander”
The president also didn’t say
CUM ON FEEL THE NOIZ
GIRLS ROCK YOUR BOYS
WE’LL GET WILD WILD WILD
What are we to make of this development?
He’s damned if he do and damned if he don’t.
But I did notice he didn’t say the republicans were a bunch of whiney jackasses.
Why did you leave that out, Mr President?
He didn’t say felching or snoodling either! The nerve of that homo-loving, muslin pardoning terror monkey!
At least he didn’t talk about the puppy. And no one asked whether he’d consider adopting a cat, to achieve parity with smart Americans everywhere.
Stop laughing, or I’ll cast a spell on your ass.
Extemporanus: Nice…
I don’t know what press conference YOU listened to, but I heard ALL of those words - with the exception of “Uzbekistan” and “Martin Luther King, Jr.” - during his dissing of that reporter who asked about the smoking.
Did he finally admit that he knew the answers to Hodgeman’s questions all along?
mmmmmm….shai hulud.
“tongs” “slithy toves” “puff” “bouffant” “frijoles”
Yay! Next up: Politico: Can we be less relevant?
Barry didn’t say “Jello”, either, and, as we all know, there’s always room for Jello.
hobospacejunkie: “Thanks”…
SURGE???????????? That’s so 2008.
“Politico, you are the greatest political publication of our time, wiser than the New York Times, and more loved than USA Today. If you were a man, your dick would be much larger than mine, which quivers in your mighty presence.”
Allah O Akbar
Shalom Aleichem
Mr. President?
“frottage” “croutons” “metrosexual” “gin” “uncle” “there is no tighter orifice than a bullet hole.”
“Mannequin”?!
I fucking KNEW it!
Min: or puddin’ pops
He also didn’t tell the WH Press Corp to take a flying fuck at the moon. I’m so disappointed in him.
hobospacejunkie:
he he yeah lets get em riled up even more with that one Allah O Akbar! Yes the nitwit rethugs wanted him to say that one, get on a pirate boat and kidnap the Ayatollah dude. (the McCain/Finegold plan).
Oh, & Hopey didn’t say “aplomb” “dustbuster” “nonsensical (in referring to Jake Tapper Todd) & “Jor-EL”.
Holding Out for a Hero:
yeah damn nabbit!
Nor did he say anything about these motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane
Uighur, please.
…how dare the President not mention a word about Quantum relativity or self sustaining multidimensional singularities!
No ‘Trucknutz’?
Not even here?
Hooo …
NoWireHangers: That’s “quivers *and withers*.”
In short, it’s doing the opposite of what Rahm’s dick is doing in this picture.
Interestingly, he did say “trucknutz.”
Wait, no ‘Hot Carl’?
TRUCKNUTZ????
NoWireHangers: Pardon me, ma’am, but you forgot defenstration.
Bastard said nothing about Jon and Kate!
and he did not issue a statement of concern for Mark Stanford!
Hooray For Anything: Which one of the WH Press Corp do you suppose will finally ask the question that makes Barry go all “Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction” on their ass?
I vote for Jake Tapper.
re=345838]NoWireHangers[/re]: When I masturbate during the day, I call it “winning the afternoon.” You know, as homage.
At least he did say ‘Wheedle’, ‘Didgeridoo’ and ‘Concupiscience’ - three of my all-time faves.
Oh, and ‘Toady’ - he said ‘Toady’.
“Bikeridin”
“Brushclearin”
liquiddaddy: cal: *AHEM*
Also missing were
hack, scribbler, moron, dumbass, fake, fraud, assbite, dickhead, scumbag, fathead, prick, jerk, pissant, corporate press retard, idiot, and “CYA tool”.
Obama is not addressing the national affairs press corpse directly! They should be insulted.
Politico doesn’t cover those omissions, do they? Why? Obvious. They are in the Obama tank. With Michelle. It is a scandal.
Obama needs to say it: Perez Hilton is the Edward R. Murrow of our time, and these goof ass amateur ‘reporters’ could learn a thing or two, ya know?
did he say “Santorum” in referring to buttsex juices???
“mountebank”…I was really hoping for a, “Yes. You, the mountebank from [fill in media outlet blank]“
Holding Out for a Hero: …
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the LORD when I lay my vengeance upon you.
so sayith Samuel.
the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines
Whoa!! Who knew that Mike Allen (AHole-PO)was such a rabid Faith No More fan!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwL6gS6HyTQ
So he did say “DIAF Politico”.
From Sullivan:
From TPM, a lovely collage of the Washington press corps and its incessant news cycle gotcha questions and Obama’s graceful, ever-so-slightly contemptuous, parrying.
Mike, he didn’t mention your mom either.
oil
spy
leak
theft
aipac
dance
goyim
opium
profits
the fed
mossad
neocons
911 liars
art students
whistleblowers
moving company
propaganda media
The chosen the superior
Extortion blackmail bribery
By deception ye shall wage war
AIPAC’s Israel-first dual-nationals
2-3% of the U.S. population controls
For-profit NotFederal NoReserve scam
“Hey… knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in’, man!”
He showed off his bilingual skills in the aforementioned presser.
Misunderestimated.
Widdershins.
Yclept.
Meniscus.
Poo-Poo.
Athwart.
JuMbelia
So many words, and yet the only one that really applies is “douchebag.” Isn’t language marvelous?
If only there had been people in the room with him whose job it is to ask him to talk about words he didn’t already talk about enough.
I also did not hear him say:
Liz
Lizzy
Lez
Lezzy
Beth
Betsy
Betty
Bitsy
Bitty
Bess
Bessy
El
or,
Elizabeth J. Becton
ARE WE CLEAR ON THIS?
Did he leave out the apology for Letterman, too? Letterman DESERVES that apology, Barry!
AngryBlakGuy: You are my hero.
Obviously, these ‘missing words’ are the content of Newell’s unconscious at any given moment.
He didn’t mention Ocarina of Time. He did play Time like an Ocarina, though.
“A couple of surprising words were missing . . . ” No, no Some Porn Site, ‘Iraq’ does not count as a surprising word.
‘Hackwank’ - this is a surprising word. Also, ‘Journorrhoea’, ‘Mediacrity’, ‘Politicolostomy’, ‘Pisspoverished’, ‘Columnysteria’, ‘WinTheAfterNoonan’, ‘Fillspacing’, ‘Wordrivel’, ‘Dumbasturranting’, ‘Iraqmybrainsforsomeshittyangleonthisstory’, ‘Deadlinesmanship’, ‘Op-edophile’.
And for those who were waiting for him to say it, he flatly refused to say “Conferenece,” thereby pissing off a shitload of wingers.
If you take the first letters of each of the “missing words” it spells “SECRET MUSLIMS KILL WHITEY DEAD”.
“marble”, “cake”, “also”, “the”, “game” were missing too. INVESTIGATE TEH MUSLIN PREZNET!
Strangely enough, he used the words “fuck buddies” three times according to a quick Google search.
Nothing on mouth rape. How are we supposed to talk to our kids about mouth rape if the president is afraid to mention it.
Saddest of all, he didn’t say: “Mike Allen, Politico.”
Maybe if he didn’t have to deal with silly questions about his smoking habits, or whatever Helen Thomas was mumbling about toward the end, he would have had a chance to mention a few of these important words.
Shit, I think he forgot to recite the Boy Scout Oath as well.
Wankel rotary engine!
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, leukocyte, Epstein-Barr virus, platyhelminthes, bismuth, gastrocoel, endoplasmic reticulum, Myxolydian mode, crepuscular, Honshu, Swahili.
Oh, and you know what else doesn’t mention Iraq? Dubya’s bio in his presidential liberry. I guess he’s saving that for when a grateful nation, viewing from the perspective of history, demands it be added. Of course we’ll all be dead by then. And humans will probably have been replaced by another species (oh, did we put “lizard people” in the list?) and the sun will probably have expanded to a red giant and swallowed up the earth. And the universe will have ended. But he’s taking the long view of things.
Further analysis reveals the President failed to use the following words:
bris, bubkes, chutzpa, dreck, gelt, golem, goyim, kibitz, klutz, kosher, kvetch, latke, lox, mazel, Mazal Tov, megillah, mensch, meshuga, minyan, nebbish, nudnik, oy vey, pisher, plotz, putz, schlemiel, schlep, schlimazel, schlock, schlong, schlub, schmaltz, schmeer, shmendrik, schmo, schmuck, schmutz, schnook, shemozzle, spiel, tchotchke, tush, yenta, or zaftig.
Why does Obama hate Jews so much.
mookworthjwilson: Is there any other use of the word?
Crib, Old E, Chicken-head, my bitches, chronic, 6-4 Impala, and “Where the white women at?”, were also surprisingly missing from Obama’s press conference statements according to Mike Allen.
“Sphynchter”. “Lucky Strike.”
On the other hand, Bush could get through a presser with about a 50-word vocabulary.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: You forgot shiksa and tuchus.
Cleveland and Steamer, in consecutive order.
And of course the seven dirty words you can’t say on television: shit, piss, cock, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.
You are missed, Mr. Carlin.
Also missing: BIRTH CERTIFICATE. WHERE IS THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. WAKE UP SHEEPLE SOMEONE CALL RON PAUL AND ORLY TAITZ. ONLY THEY CAN SAVE US
#wndheadlinetomorrow
Also, teabag.
JETJAGUAR!
Missing from Politico’s coverage: “we suck giant balls.”
Also missing: Nobama, birth certificate, confluence, PUMA, Acorn.
When will the President address the issues that captivate wingtard America?
Is it perhaps because it was a press conference and not a speech, and the high priced reporters in the room failed to ask about them?
“fuck” “me” “dealing” “with” “these” “blithering” “imbeciles” “is” “so” “frustrating” “i” “want” “a” “cigarette” “so” “fucking” “bad”
Is Oberon a reference to the delicious wheat beer, or the king of fairies? Oh, wait, it’s Newell.
Also noticably absent: DUPLICATING MACHINES
If you translate it to Farsi and back again he DOES say all those things. He speaks in Muslin code.
He said Major, twice I believe, as in Major What Took You So Long Dickhead.
Also “snark snark snark snark snark”, which is what is called for at a presser, mostly. SNARK!
Mike Allen’s disingenuity is nothing compared to the pure mouthbreathing idiocy of the average Politico commenter.
Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice
Why didn’t the president mention Ed McMahon?!
Monsieur Grumpe: Barney Coopersmith!!!
And sadly, he never even came close to using the term “Guano Spigot”, despite being in a room full of people who thoroughly needed to be called that.
Cape Clod: “Major Garrett, Fox News… hey, whassup, you mouth-breathing fartsack? You get one question.”
And my favorites; epicene, coprophagus and defenestration.
But isn’t the question why no one asked him about Korean, Pakistani, Iraqi, or Afghani healthcare, or why he hasn’t supported revolutions in all those countries by dropping nukes on them?
Why does the MSM tilt so far to the left.
Why didn’t Obama address America’s growing concerns about crab people, dark wizards, and thetans? The ghost of Edward R. Murrow is outraged, just outraged, that no-one is calling the President on these glaring omissions!
Also missing: Mellifluous, Verisimilitude, Guppy, Stolichnaya, Boutros-Boutros Ghali, Neo-Synephrine, Pinhead, Mujibur and Sirajul, Heebie-Jeebies, and “Oprah.”
Monsieur Grumpe: “Grunties”
A knock at the door. And another. And then one more, emphatic and echoing…
Heart racing, I slowly withdraw “Jackrabbit”—the nom de poon of my pneumatically-enhanced “dildo”—from Ludmilla’s barely-moist “Uzbekistan.” My thoughts turn to “Martin Luther King Jr.,” who’s FBI-recorded “farrier”-play with “Jennifer Fitzgerald” went over with Coretta like a cum-covered lead “coconut.”
Trust me, I’m no Hebrew-spewing “hobbit” who gets off on “goat” goatse like “Ezekiel.” And yet…
What if they have shark-mounted “laser blasters?” What if they decide to go all “Bob Seger” on my ass and turn my night moves into heartache, tonight? “Bulldyke” or not, the “potato”-faced “constable” I hired to “midwife” my “Oberon”-esque depravities is clearly no “Noonington.” She didn’t sign up for this shit. A run-of-the-mill “Dutch oven?” Sure. A rapacious “Raptor Invasion” of stubby-armed Lizard People that would make even Liz “Becton” blush with shame?
No fucking way.
Thank god I had the foresight to pay for a donkey punch instead of a “guillotine”—the “sprinkles” staining her “towelhead” like a Santorum-soaked Pollack are explainable. The “Ocarina of Time” blaring from the ghetto blaster? Not so much. Flexing my left “pectoral” muscle, I quickly flip the setting on my “vocoder” to “retarded.” Channeling Sully, I growl an order at my mental health break “mannequin” to make like “Patrick Appel” and forward the fucking #Iranelection tweets she’s “collated,” stat!
This ain’t “Munich,” damn it! It’s gonna take more than the word-wrestling snark of a “Choire” Sicha to turn this tit-sucked “turpentine” into wine. But I ball like a “knickerbocker,” and knobs—door or otherwise—don’t phase me. “Double penetration” is my middle name, OK?
Grip. (Is it “Robocop?” Who cares.)
Turn. (A forest “sprite?” Bring it, motherfucker.)
Open…
i believe these are all in fact synonyms for ‘Noonington’.
nader paul kucinich gravel: Judges have ruled your post no win, as win decreases exponentially in relation to work involved. Not fail either. You just won a Motherfucking Battle Toad! (but you coulda hadda v8)
Many of these posts are flawed to the core. I take it you all forgot to play the recording backwards. The backwards audio contained most of the words on this thread. Also, BHO himself could clearly be heard saying “On your knees, Rush Bimbo, and squeal like a pig.” What followed was too horrible to remember. I have blocked it from my mind.
I bet he wasn’t wearing a fucking flag pin , either.
Sometimes I’m just sickened by the crap the comes out of your brain.
gurukalehuru: Or fucking a flag pin…. That’s my prediction for the next (R) sex scandal…. Some freak chief of staff to a GOP senator: On video! Ramming a pin in his d-hole! After the furry PA (R)……… whoomph?
19kevin8: Screw you, too!
You’re not a real American unless you’re wearing a red white & blue buttplug. And by real American, I mean Southern Republican Governor.
That list of words ends with either “It’s the end of the world as I know it” or “I didn’t start the fire…” which one is it?
“fart gargling,” “birth,” “certificate,” “anal luge.”
The list just goes on and on.
19kevin8: Stop fighting, you two.
facehead: What is the definition of “anal luge”? If you don’t have one, it’s not a word. Lose 5 points.
HuffPo vs. Politico. Round One. FIGHT!
Explodoboobies.
Explodoboners.
Explodoanything really.
Did any of the assembled hacks actually ask him about Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Pakistan, surge, war, the Army, the Air Force the Navy and the Marines? It would have been a little odd if someone asked him about the situation in Iran and he responded by saying he was going to send a surge of Marines into Korea with instructions to start a war with Pakistan.
Those cock-gobblers forgot poopdookiedingleberry the bestiest word on earth
Morbo the Annihilator: Crab people, crab people, look like crab taste like people.
Tyrannosaurus rex, platyhelminthes, corpus christi, playstation 4, consanguinity
More than a couple of SURPRISING WORDS were missing. Obama failed to use any of the commonly accepted SURPRISING WORDS :
BOO!¡!11!¡¡
GRRRR!!1¡1!¡!
OOPS!!1¿¿¡1!1¿!
WHOA1!¿!11!
GOTCHA¡!1!1!¡
LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER!1!¡¿!1!!
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!¡¿!¡¿!11¡!
THE BETTER TO EAT YOU UP¡¡!1!¿1!¿¡!!
THAT AIN’T NO WOMAN! IT’S A MAN, MAN!1!¿¡!
BEHOLD, THOU SHALT BRING FORTH A SON AND SHALT CALL HIS NAME JESUS!!1¿¡¡1!¿!>/I>
and
SURPRISE!
FormerDCite: Chickenhed Represent!
tama-lama-ding-dang
FUCKTACO
MUDKIPZ!
BALLSACK
اين مردن آمريكايی ها تو I can’t believe that none of you bloody Wonkers posted the most compelling evidence yet that teh Black Arab is Satan Incarnate.
Damn! I had “Dutch oven” in the office pool.
O.K., I will grant that this is the best thread ever. Particular credit goes todogscantlookup: for poopdookiedingleberry, and the “wish I’d written that” award goes toExtemporanus:
However, it’s played out, I’m bored, and feel like being an asshole and changing the subject, so:
Where in the world is Mark Sanford? Unless he drove to Atlanta and parked his car at the airport so he could catch a helicopter to the head of the trail, his story is bullshit.
Oops, sorry, didn’t look down. O.K., screw it: Pigfucker, twatwaffle, schloopnoodle and emaphorn. Yes, I just made those last two up.
gurukalehuru: You can’t go wrong with pigfucker. It’s not as versatile as pants but almost as funny no matter how you use it.
Also omitted: Sesquipedalian, Britisher, Churchillian, Ouagadougou, Glans, Iroquois and Rudderless.
For shame, Mr President, Also.
WHAT ABOUT TELEPROMPTRZ??1!1!!!???
agitpropster:1. اين مردن آمريكايی ها تو Google translate renders that as:”These Americans you die” but if you first translate the farsi into arabic and then into english you get “Yen American man and you”. Further proof, as if any were needed, that Obama plans first our terrorist Muslim destruction and then our socialist sale to Japan.
Oratory? More like bore-atory!
Zing.
“Hockey mom”,”You betcha”, “Taxes”, “Drill”, “Rape”, “Down Syndrome”, “Also”
Also …
Do politico reporters actually get paid for that junk they write? I was impressed when I first stumbled onto politico to see a high school classmate is a reporter for their website, but then I followed politico for a while, and it’s just crap.
As long as he said “white women” its all good.
He didn’t say “evildoers” or weapons of mass destruction”, nor did he bestow dumbass nicknames on the tail-wagging press puppies like some presidents I could name.
Uh, he actually did say “Martin Luther King.” Quoted him, in fact. He did NOT, however mention Martin Lawrence or any of the “Big Mama” flicks. Next time, maybe.
Another politico WIN of the night….
“Oberon,”
Obama probably drinks his with an orange slice because he’s an elitist secret Muslin commie fag.
19kevin8: what about “anal crucifixion” … now that would have brought attention.
What is this, fucking Scrabble?
TGY: qindar qintar qaid faqir quijibo
This is Politico’s whole thing, though. If you check back, you can regularly count on them to cover what Obama doesn’t say. It’s amazing.
bago: Pissy, pissy Dana Milbank! He haz a mad!
nader paul kucinich gravel: Bravo!
Moleman v2.5: Here is your Obscure Dumbledorean Ref Award. ooo–shiny!