WASHINGTON, DC, 09:51 PM, SUN NOVEMBER 8 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS
THIS WEEK IN ELBOW NEWS

Clinton’s Elbow Sets Off Diplomatic Crisis

The elbow's connected to the foggy bottomOh noes, Secretary Clinton won’t be going on previously scheduled trips abroad this week, due to having her elbow amputated and replaced with a bionic joint that shoots laser beams and takes orders directly from the president, Dick Cheney. She needs to rest up and not shake hands with anybody, which means that attendees of international conferences in Trieste and Corfu will have to shake hands with two other jokers from the State Department instead. And THAT is how World War III will start tomorrow. [Washington Post]


2:49 PM on Mon June 22 2009
By Sara K. Smith
665 Views

  1. norbizness says at 2:53 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    While they’re in there, they should fiddle around with her vocal cords, so that every time she emits that laugh of hers, something like Sinistar’s voice emerges. RUN, COWARD!

  2. Snark aside, poor Hillary. That surgery couldn’t have been fun.

  3. Giant Robot says at 2:54 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    I don’t find this humerus at all.

  4. SayItWithWookies says at 2:55 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    So the surgery on her ulna has constricted her radius?

  5. proudgrampa says at 2:56 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    What’s an elbow?

  6. Noodle Salad says at 2:59 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    May I suggest Jesse Ventura, whose renowned “Atomic Elbow” may be better suited to today’s current diplomatic environment, as a substitute?

  7. AnnieGetYourFun says at 3:00 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    I’ve always thought that we Americans should bring back the air kiss as a form of diplomatic greeting, anyway. Hey, everyone else pretty much locks lips in greeting, why not us?

    Actually, I’m just kind of a slut, so… my reasoning really has nothing to do with Hils. I just want an excuse.

  8. freakishlystrong says at 3:02 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    If you couldn’t read and just looked at the pics today, you’d be very confused; a fuzzy puppy, terrifying puppets and skeletons, just sayin’..

  9. One Yield Regular says at 3:05 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    With my good arm, I’d slap my doctor silly if he told me I couldn’t go to Corfu just because of a broken elbow.

    Of course, Clinton probably wouldn’t have been spending her time there floating in the Mediterranean, lounging and frolicking naked on hidden beaches and eating grilled barbouni washed down with copious amounts of metaxa, so she may not feel similarly put out.

  10. SayItWithWookies says at 3:08 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    AnnieGetYourFun: I’ll bet you’re a lot of fun on casual Fridays.

  11. Lascauxcaveman says at 3:09 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    Oh, man. We’re talking majorly disappointed Triestians and Corfucians here.

    The US has let the world down yet again.

  12. Extemporanus says at 3:09 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    This unfortunate little incident should serve to remind everyone that when fisting, there is no such thing as “too much lube.”

  13. wx insider says at 3:13 pm, June 22nd, 2009
  14. germansteel says at 3:13 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    Her elbow condition was no doubt caused by all those shot-drinking episodes with Walnuts.

  15. dijetlo says at 3:18 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    Just wait until Hills gets her bionic elbow installed, she’ll be able to bust a pair of balls in nanoseconds. Somebody needs to get Hopey a cup.

  16. Tybalt says at 3:34 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    The see-through drawing of Hills’ side-tit and her mannish arms is bonerrific.

  17. norbizness: Somehow, the notion of Hillary Clinton sneering “BEWARE, I LIVE!” at the international community seems horribly appropriate.

  18. bitchincamaro says at 4:26 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    Bet she’ll never play the violin. Still.

  19. dennymcden says at 4:30 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    Giant Robot: Amazing. Nerd-dom worthy of our Spock-like prez.

  20. hockeymom says at 5:01 pm, June 22nd, 2009

    One Yield Regular: oh my god. you just described my junior year abroad. don’t tell my dad.

  21. Able was I, ere I bent elbow.

Leave a Reply