OUR NATION'S INFRASTRUCTURE  2:54 pm June 21, 2009

Missouri To Give The Nazis’ Pet Highway An Ironic Name

by Juli Weiner

Why is the state of Missouri punishing our nation’s most community service-oriented neo-Nazis with irony? Last year some members of Missouri’s National Socialist Movement adopted a highway, like a Girl Scout troop or whatever does all the time without any problems, except that since they are Nazis and not Girl Scouts, certain issues arose. But you know what? The Missouri Nazis loved that highway as if it were of their own, pure, Aryan blood. But what is Missouri trying to do now, after the Missouri Nazis have been cleaning the thing four times a year? Rename it after some rabbi, a known Jew (!), who escaped from their ancestors, the Actual Nazis, during history’s famous incident, the Holocaust.

A particularly bathetic cruelty on Vatertag, wouldn’t you say?:

In Missouri, members of the National Socialist Movement spent last Saturday cleaning up their bit of road and last Sunday protesting homosexuality. The group’s Web site calls for a nation where “only those of pure White blood” who are not Jewish or gay can be citizens, and demanding that “all non-Whites currently residing in America be required to leave the nation forthwith and return to their land of origin: peacefully or by force.”

Ms. Keene said members of the group, who sometimes wear swastikas, wanted to do community service. “We decided about a year ago we wanted to get more involved,” she said.

But their Adopt-a-Highway sign, which says “Litter Cleanup 0.5 Miles National Socialist Movement Springfield Unit,” upset people in the area, particularly Jews.

In conclusion, Abraham Joshua Heschel Highway will now be the gayest, filthiest stretch of road in America, and will have to be cleaned by people performing court-ordered community service, which come to think of it will probably include at least a handful of Missouri Nazis anyway.

[New York Times]

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eclecticbrotha June 21, 2009 at 3:04 pm

OMFG, there’s gonna be an actual Herschel Highway now?

Min June 21, 2009 at 3:04 pm

I had no idea that officials in Missouri were so clever. I wish Tennessee could trade.

EggplantParm June 21, 2009 at 3:05 pm

ROAD TRIP! Although it might a bit far to go just to fling bags of poo out the car window.

ManchuCandidate June 21, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Oy vey!

Big Liver June 21, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Great to go with Chaplin on this one.

eclecticbrotha June 21, 2009 at 3:07 pm

[re=344036]eclecticbrotha[/re]: My buttsecks fixation notwithstanding, I misspelled it. Its Heschel. Damn you Barack Obama and your socialist spellcheck apparatchik!

Harmless June 21, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Today, we are all Missouri Nazis. On road cleanup duty. Also.

nappyduggs June 21, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Impressive. I am from Kansas and recall driving along a particular stretch of highway somewhere there or in Mizzou that was being foster cleaned by the KKK, cuz the signage said so. I don’t want to see anyone hurt but if someone would be so kind as to fill a tractor-trailer with “Yes We Can” buttons and NAACP Image awards and just happen to overturn it on that stretch of highway, well. I mean, you know.

What does Missouri mean in Jewish? Also.

MrsNateSilver June 21, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Hi Juli! Good to see you again! (And to be a suck up, Happy Father’s Day Ken!) But anyway, what’s the big deal about these Socialists? I mean, isn’t Obama a Socialist, too? Does that mean he’s a Nazi? But I thought he was controlled by the Jews? Crap, I am SO CONFUSED.

Keram2 June 21, 2009 at 3:21 pm

I remember when the same thing happened when the KKK in St. Louis adopted a part of I-55. In response, the City Council cold renamed that stretch of highway the Rosa Parks Memorial Highway.

Zorg June 21, 2009 at 3:37 pm

In Texas, ven de gays vass vanting to adopt a stretch of highway for the cleanups, vith a sign about the Austin GLBT bund sponsorship, the Highway folks canceled the whole sponsorship program. So, now Missouri is better for the Jews than Texas? Does Rush Limburg know this yet?

Texan Bulldoggette June 21, 2009 at 3:38 pm

“Litter Cleanup 0.5 Miles” Seriously that’s all they’re doing–5/10s of a mile? They’re some lazy little socialists there.

proudgrampa June 21, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Is it just me, or does “Missouri Nazi” sound redundant?

Johnny Zhivago June 21, 2009 at 4:05 pm

I thought the Nazis had moved on and were willing to accept pure blooded Aryan Gays?

BobLoblawLawBlog June 21, 2009 at 4:06 pm

[re=344036]eclecticbrotha[/re]: We are truly living the dream.

Johnny Zhivago June 21, 2009 at 4:19 pm

Speaking of Nazis, I saw the movie Valkyrie last night which was entertaining except that Tom Cruise seemed to mumble his way through the entire movie.

However, there was one disconcertingly ludicrous scene near the end, where several conspirators were brought up before what I believe was called the “People’s Court” for their role in the assasination plot. The judge – for some reason – was screaming at the defendants in a New York Jewish accent – like “so I’ve neva seen anything so incredible, field marshals and generals and you think you could run Germany betta than the Fuhrer??”

I fully expected him to continue with something like “Meshugass! oy vey! my mother told me to be a doctor, but god bless her I didn’t listen so I become a judge, the only jewish judge in germany, you think that’s not stressful? you think that’s not giving my mother and my father the Shpilkes!”

Extemporanus June 21, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Could someone please explain why racists seem so inordinately obsessed with dirty black tops?

Cranky Old Batt June 21, 2009 at 4:26 pm

“…all non-Whites currently residing in America be required to leave the nation forthwith and return to their land of origin: peacefully or by force.”
Oh crap. What are they going to do, chop up mixed race people like me and mail the bits to the respective countries?
Oy! Those mashugana are so daft.

jbd June 21, 2009 at 4:29 pm

[re=344052]proudgrampa[/re]: You’ve been to Springfield? Trust me, way too religious to be Nazis. Or so I thought.

(Disclaimer: lots of family, some of them estranged, from the area. None of them actual national socialists or even white supremacists. Still somewhat prone to speak in tongues.)

maven June 21, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Its because Missouri can’t stand leftists, as we’ve all learned after the Holocaust Museum killing, the Nazis were “actually” leftists, having the word “socialist” in their names, so now, when Rush Limbaugh complains about naming a road after a Jew foreigner to punish these lovely youngsters cleaning up the Real American highways, we can honestly say, that according to them, Rush is to the Right of Hitler.

charlesdegoal June 21, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Some concern should also be shown for the fate of the highway adopted by Nazi parents. Imagine just how they make him dress (lederhosen, brown shirt, knee sox, I bet). Poor kid.

Justin Time June 21, 2009 at 4:38 pm

The only problem with these peckerwoods gathering up the roadside litter is that they only pick up white trash.

chascates June 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm

West of Austin on Hwy 71 is a stretch of road that the sign says is kept clean by the Travis County Nudist Association or such like. But no one I know has ever seen anyone cleaning there, clothed or not.

Scrodd June 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm

I hate Missouri Nazis.

AKAM80TheWolf June 21, 2009 at 5:19 pm

See, their mistake was in using National Socialist instead of Nazi or “Hitler’s Boys”. The good people of Missouri thought the Socialist meant Obama and objected thusly.

Dog Trombone June 21, 2009 at 5:24 pm

I’m not sure what this post has to do with Father’s Day, or what, exactly, makes it maudlin or mawkish, but I LURV this sentence: “A particularly bathetic cruelty on Vatertag, wouldn’t you say?” and Juli.

CivicHoliday June 21, 2009 at 5:40 pm

haha, today, i’m not so ashamed to be a Missouri resident. that doesn’t happen often.

Cookie Guggelman June 21, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Would Missouri let a gay couple adopt a highway?

Numbat Dundee June 21, 2009 at 6:01 pm

They should also change every road sign to “Stalingrad, 1 Mile”.

Wet Work June 21, 2009 at 6:01 pm

How pure is “pure White”? Is it ok if I have freckles? My grandparents immigrated from different countries, and I was born here – which “land of origin” do I have to return to?

I can see why teh Nazis doesn’t work out in real life. Too complicated!!!

2druk2phluq June 21, 2009 at 6:02 pm

ZOMG – Juli an editor! Our little girl is all grown up. I go away for a couple of weeks (strung out – huffing Twitter out of a paper bag like it’s good clean oxygen) and come back to Editress Weiner. Ma’am, will you edit my stuffs? My grammar has beens bad, very bad grammar. It needs a stern Editress to make it cleans itself up. [Okay, I'm done. Just gotta wash my hands...]

Also, hey, I see you wrote about Missouri Nazis. That doesn’t make me nervous at all, since I’m only a few miles from Missouri, and I’ve been defending gay rights, and minorities, and saying women should be free, and abortions should stay legal, and killing people is bad. They don’t like that stuff. It’s not, shall we say, compatible with Aryan Brotherhood “ideals.” I’m so going to get killed out here in the middle of this country.

x111e7thst June 21, 2009 at 6:03 pm

What if they were Log Cabin National Socialists?

Wet Work June 21, 2009 at 6:04 pm

[re=344066]Justin Time[/re]: “they only pick up white trash.”


Paul Tardy June 21, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Abraham Joshua Heschel Highway will have to be cleaned by people performing court-ordered community service? I think a rabbinical decision is needed to determine if cleaning that section of road without compensating the workers is theft according to the Talmud.

After seeing the trailer for Inglorious Basterds, wouldn’t a “drive by” be a more Tarantino way of taking care of Nazis cleaning a highway? Just asking not inciting.

gjdodger June 21, 2009 at 6:23 pm

[re=344045]nappyduggs[/re]: The “Shalom Me” State.

hobospacejunkie June 21, 2009 at 6:30 pm

[re=344066]Justin Time[/re]: “they only pick up white trash”

Ha ha! It’s Justin Time’s funny world, we’re all just livin’ in it.

19kevin8 June 21, 2009 at 6:30 pm

Dear Missouri (and every redneck state),



ps-please stop breeding.

TGY June 21, 2009 at 6:45 pm

Ah, yes, just like Illinois nazis only more boring.

In re: the use of ‘bathetic’ – my heart belongs to Juli, though the rest of me gets around a bit. She’s jumped a few grades up from Deputy assistant subeditor! And deservedly so.

joezoo June 21, 2009 at 6:46 pm

I hate Missouri Nazis. Even fastidious, civic-minded ones.

CuntryFirst June 21, 2009 at 7:16 pm

[re=344046]MrsNateSilver[/re]: Part black, part white. Part jock, part nerd. Part Nazi sympathizer, part puppet of the Big Jewish Conspiracy. This guy Obama tries to be all things to all people.

~K~ June 21, 2009 at 7:18 pm

This ‘person of color’ happens to be Native American . . . So, I’m already in my country of origin! If the Nazis want all the foreigners to go back where they came from, I can totally support that … just as soon as they board the boat taking them back home to Europe.

Neilist June 21, 2009 at 7:30 pm

“[M]embers of the National Socialist Movement spent last Saturday cleaning up their bit of road and last Sunday protesting homosexuality.”

Having grown up in San Francisco, and having seen more “Tom of Finland” Nazi-uniform wearing leather boys than I care to remember, I would advise the Missouri Hitler Jugend not to bend over while picking up that trash . . . .

Just sayin’.

hobospacejunkie June 21, 2009 at 7:39 pm

[re=344093]joezoo[/re]: Let’s not get carried away here. I kinda doubt the wannabe-nazis from Missouri signed up for highway cleanup because they are fastidious or civic-minded. If anything, we should be calling out their PR department for signing them up and getting some free pub.

smellyal8r June 21, 2009 at 8:01 pm

The Nazis don’t care about cleaning up the highway, they just wanted their name on the sign. It should have been renamed the Abraham Joseph Heschel/Thurgood Marshall Highway. That would have really encouraged the Nazis to pick up the stray Pabst can. Also, did someone mention that if they were cleaning it up, it would eventually be white top?

Hunger Tallest Palin June 21, 2009 at 9:55 pm

Great. Maryland is dumber than Missouri AND Texas. When the Klan adopted a stretch of road near Annapolis, Maryland wet its pants and wanted to shut down the entire Adopt-a-Road system.

KennedyAG June 21, 2009 at 10:37 pm

The Great Dictator! I love it!!!

hobospacejunkie June 22, 2009 at 12:21 am

[re=344119]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: No, you can remain proud of Maryland. I think you missed this earlier comment which stated that Texas did away entirely with their adopt-a-highway program when an Austin GLBT group signed up. We sure don’t cotton to tolerance ’round here in Texas.

SayItWithWookies June 22, 2009 at 3:34 am

The Nazis can’t do anything right. Which is why they belong most in a liberal democracy — so they can do themselves the most harm.

EnBuenOra June 22, 2009 at 8:34 am

They have highways in Missouri?

Min June 22, 2009 at 8:47 am

[re=344090]19kevin8[/re]: As a card-carrying geek, I must protest! I’m weird, but relatively harmless. These people are not weird. They’re ignorant and hateful.

american mutt June 22, 2009 at 10:07 am

Let’s throw bagels and support the blacks and encourage gays at them from our parked cars. or better yet, black, jewish, gays ftw.

zenferret June 22, 2009 at 10:11 am

Being born in St Louis I gotta agree with Missouri. What they oughta do is split the state and let those ignorant mo-fos that live in Missoura have their own red neck state white those of us from Missouri can continue on being sane without them. Let Ashcroft be their governor. All the Limbaughs are Missoura types so good riddance to them too.

JooJoo Bee June 22, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Where would the non-white Native Americans (“injuns”) have to go under the Missouri Nazis’ relocation plan? Don’t say “France.” That’s such an ex-pat cliché.

noodleman June 22, 2009 at 1:00 pm

“Litter Cleanup 0.5 Miles” Seriously that’s all they’re doing–5/10s of a mile? They’re some lazy little socialists there.

[sarcasm on]

5/10ths of a mile? Sheesh. You’d think they could go a whole 1/2-mile if they had some gumption!

[sarcasm off]

Barrett808 June 22, 2009 at 1:48 pm

We are truly through the looking glass when even neo-Nazis embrace greenwashing.

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