Missouri To Give The Nazis’ Pet Highway An Ironic Name

  our nation's infrastructure

Why is the state of Missouri punishing our nation’s most community service-oriented neo-Nazis with irony? Last year some members of Missouri’s National Socialist Movement adopted a highway, like a Girl Scout troop or whatever does all the time without any problems, except that since they are Nazis and not Girl Scouts, certain issues arose. But you know what? The Missouri Nazis loved that highway as if it were of their own, pure, Aryan blood. But what is Missouri trying to do now, after the Missouri Nazis have been cleaning the thing four times a year? Rename it after some rabbi, a known Jew (!), who escaped from their ancestors, the Actual Nazis, during history’s famous incident, the Holocaust.

A particularly bathetic cruelty on Vatertag, wouldn’t you say?:

In Missouri, members of the National Socialist Movement spent last Saturday cleaning up their bit of road and last Sunday protesting homosexuality. The group’s Web site calls for a nation where “only those of pure White blood” who are not Jewish or gay can be citizens, and demanding that “all non-Whites currently residing in America be required to leave the nation forthwith and return to their land of origin: peacefully or by force.”

Ms. Keene said members of the group, who sometimes wear swastikas, wanted to do community service. “We decided about a year ago we wanted to get more involved,” she said.

But their Adopt-a-Highway sign, which says “Litter Cleanup 0.5 Miles National Socialist Movement Springfield Unit,” upset people in the area, particularly Jews.

In conclusion, Abraham Joshua Heschel Highway will now be the gayest, filthiest stretch of road in America, and will have to be cleaned by people performing court-ordered community service, which come to think of it will probably include at least a handful of Missouri Nazis anyway.

[New York Times]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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55 comments

  1. EggplantParm

    ROAD TRIP! Although it might a bit far to go just to fling bags of poo out the car window.

  2. eclecticbrotha

    [re=344036]eclecticbrotha[/re]: My buttsecks fixation notwithstanding, I misspelled it. Its Heschel. Damn you Barack Obama and your socialist spellcheck apparatchik!

  3. nappyduggs

    Impressive. I am from Kansas and recall driving along a particular stretch of highway somewhere there or in Mizzou that was being foster cleaned by the KKK, cuz the signage said so. I don’t want to see anyone hurt but if someone would be so kind as to fill a tractor-trailer with “Yes We Can” buttons and NAACP Image awards and just happen to overturn it on that stretch of highway, well. I mean, you know.

    What does Missouri mean in Jewish? Also.

  4. MrsNateSilver

    Hi Juli! Good to see you again! (And to be a suck up, Happy Father’s Day Ken!) But anyway, what’s the big deal about these Socialists? I mean, isn’t Obama a Socialist, too? Does that mean he’s a Nazi? But I thought he was controlled by the Jews? Crap, I am SO CONFUSED.

  5. Keram2

    I remember when the same thing happened when the KKK in St. Louis adopted a part of I-55. In response, the City Council cold renamed that stretch of highway the Rosa Parks Memorial Highway.

  6. Zorg

    In Texas, ven de gays vass vanting to adopt a stretch of highway for the cleanups, vith a sign about the Austin GLBT bund sponsorship, the Highway folks canceled the whole sponsorship program. So, now Missouri is better for the Jews than Texas? Does Rush Limburg know this yet?

  7. Texan Bulldoggette

    “Litter Cleanup 0.5 Miles” Seriously that’s all they’re doing–5/10s of a mile? They’re some lazy little socialists there.

  8. Johnny Zhivago

    I thought the Nazis had moved on and were willing to accept pure blooded Aryan Gays?

  9. Johnny Zhivago

    Speaking of Nazis, I saw the movie Valkyrie last night which was entertaining except that Tom Cruise seemed to mumble his way through the entire movie.

    However, there was one disconcertingly ludicrous scene near the end, where several conspirators were brought up before what I believe was called the “People’s Court” for their role in the assasination plot. The judge – for some reason – was screaming at the defendants in a New York Jewish accent – like “so I’ve neva seen anything so incredible, field marshals and generals and you think you could run Germany betta than the Fuhrer??”

    I fully expected him to continue with something like “Meshugass! oy vey! my mother told me to be a doctor, but god bless her I didn’t listen so I become a judge, the only jewish judge in germany, you think that’s not stressful? you think that’s not giving my mother and my father the Shpilkes!”

  10. Extemporanus

    Could someone please explain why racists seem so inordinately obsessed with dirty black tops?

  11. Cranky Old Batt

    “…all non-Whites currently residing in America be required to leave the nation forthwith and return to their land of origin: peacefully or by force.”
    Oh crap. What are they going to do, chop up mixed race people like me and mail the bits to the respective countries?
    Oy! Those mashugana are so daft.

  12. jbd

    [re=344052]proudgrampa[/re]: You’ve been to Springfield? Trust me, way too religious to be Nazis. Or so I thought.

    (Disclaimer: lots of family, some of them estranged, from the area. None of them actual national socialists or even white supremacists. Still somewhat prone to speak in tongues.)

  13. maven

    Its because Missouri can’t stand leftists, as we’ve all learned after the Holocaust Museum killing, the Nazis were “actually” leftists, having the word “socialist” in their names, so now, when Rush Limbaugh complains about naming a road after a Jew foreigner to punish these lovely youngsters cleaning up the Real American highways, we can honestly say, that according to them, Rush is to the Right of Hitler.

  14. charlesdegoal

    Some concern should also be shown for the fate of the highway adopted by Nazi parents. Imagine just how they make him dress (lederhosen, brown shirt, knee sox, I bet). Poor kid.

  15. Justin Time

    The only problem with these peckerwoods gathering up the roadside litter is that they only pick up white trash.

  16. chascates

    West of Austin on Hwy 71 is a stretch of road that the sign says is kept clean by the Travis County Nudist Association or such like. But no one I know has ever seen anyone cleaning there, clothed or not.

  17. AKAM80TheWolf

    See, their mistake was in using National Socialist instead of Nazi or “Hitler’s Boys”. The good people of Missouri thought the Socialist meant Obama and objected thusly.

  18. Dog Trombone

    I’m not sure what this post has to do with Father’s Day, or what, exactly, makes it maudlin or mawkish, but I LURV this sentence: “A particularly bathetic cruelty on Vatertag, wouldn’t you say?” and Juli.

  19. CivicHoliday

    haha, today, i’m not so ashamed to be a Missouri resident. that doesn’t happen often.

  20. Wet Work

    How pure is “pure White”? Is it ok if I have freckles? My grandparents immigrated from different countries, and I was born here – which “land of origin” do I have to return to?

    I can see why teh Nazis doesn’t work out in real life. Too complicated!!!

  21. 2druk2phluq

    ZOMG – Juli an editor! Our little girl is all grown up. I go away for a couple of weeks (strung out – huffing Twitter out of a paper bag like it’s good clean oxygen) and come back to Editress Weiner. Ma’am, will you edit my stuffs? My grammar has beens bad, very bad grammar. It needs a stern Editress to make it cleans itself up. [Okay, I'm done. Just gotta wash my hands...]

    Also, hey, I see you wrote about Missouri Nazis. That doesn’t make me nervous at all, since I’m only a few miles from Missouri, and I’ve been defending gay rights, and minorities, and saying women should be free, and abortions should stay legal, and killing people is bad. They don’t like that stuff. It’s not, shall we say, compatible with Aryan Brotherhood “ideals.” I’m so going to get killed out here in the middle of this country.

  22. Paul Tardy

    Abraham Joshua Heschel Highway will have to be cleaned by people performing court-ordered community service? I think a rabbinical decision is needed to determine if cleaning that section of road without compensating the workers is theft according to the Talmud.

    After seeing the trailer for Inglorious Basterds, wouldn’t a “drive by” be a more Tarantino way of taking care of Nazis cleaning a highway? Just asking not inciting.

  23. hobospacejunkie

    [re=344066]Justin Time[/re]: “they only pick up white trash”

    Ha ha! It’s Justin Time’s funny world, we’re all just livin’ in it.

  24. 19kevin8

    Dear Missouri (and every redneck state),

    WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING WEIRD?

    -me.

    ps-please stop breeding.

  25. TGY

    Ah, yes, just like Illinois nazis only more boring.

    In re: the use of ‘bathetic’ – my heart belongs to Juli, though the rest of me gets around a bit. She’s jumped a few grades up from Deputy assistant subeditor! And deservedly so.

  26. CuntryFirst

    [re=344046]MrsNateSilver[/re]: Part black, part white. Part jock, part nerd. Part Nazi sympathizer, part puppet of the Big Jewish Conspiracy. This guy Obama tries to be all things to all people.

  27. ~K~

    This ‘person of color’ happens to be Native American . . . So, I’m already in my country of origin! If the Nazis want all the foreigners to go back where they came from, I can totally support that … just as soon as they board the boat taking them back home to Europe.

  28. Neilist

    “[M]embers of the National Socialist Movement spent last Saturday cleaning up their bit of road and last Sunday protesting homosexuality.”

    Having grown up in San Francisco, and having seen more “Tom of Finland” Nazi-uniform wearing leather boys than I care to remember, I would advise the Missouri Hitler Jugend not to bend over while picking up that trash . . . .

    Just sayin’.

  29. hobospacejunkie

    [re=344093]joezoo[/re]: Let’s not get carried away here. I kinda doubt the wannabe-nazis from Missouri signed up for highway cleanup because they are fastidious or civic-minded. If anything, we should be calling out their PR department for signing them up and getting some free pub.

  30. smellyal8r

    The Nazis don’t care about cleaning up the highway, they just wanted their name on the sign. It should have been renamed the Abraham Joseph Heschel/Thurgood Marshall Highway. That would have really encouraged the Nazis to pick up the stray Pabst can. Also, did someone mention that if they were cleaning it up, it would eventually be white top?

  31. Hunger Tallest Palin

    Great. Maryland is dumber than Missouri AND Texas. When the Klan adopted a stretch of road near Annapolis, Maryland wet its pants and wanted to shut down the entire Adopt-a-Road system.

  32. hobospacejunkie

    [re=344119]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: No, you can remain proud of Maryland. I think you missed this earlier comment which stated that Texas did away entirely with their adopt-a-highway program when an Austin GLBT group signed up. We sure don’t cotton to tolerance ’round here in Texas.

  33. SayItWithWookies

    The Nazis can’t do anything right. Which is why they belong most in a liberal democracy — so they can do themselves the most harm.

  34. Min

    [re=344090]19kevin8[/re]: As a card-carrying geek, I must protest! I’m weird, but relatively harmless. These people are not weird. They’re ignorant and hateful.

  35. american mutt

    Let’s throw bagels and support the blacks and encourage gays at them from our parked cars. or better yet, black, jewish, gays ftw.

  36. zenferret

    Being born in St Louis I gotta agree with Missouri. What they oughta do is split the state and let those ignorant mo-fos that live in Missoura have their own red neck state white those of us from Missouri can continue on being sane without them. Let Ashcroft be their governor. All the Limbaughs are Missoura types so good riddance to them too.

  37. JooJoo Bee

    Where would the non-white Native Americans (“injuns”) have to go under the Missouri Nazis’ relocation plan? Don’t say “France.” That’s such an ex-pat cliché.

  38. noodleman

    “Litter Cleanup 0.5 Miles” Seriously that’s all they’re doing–5/10s of a mile? They’re some lazy little socialists there.

    [sarcasm on]

    5/10ths of a mile? Sheesh. You’d think they could go a whole 1/2-mile if they had some gumption!

    [sarcasm off]

Comments are closed.