Wonkette
Iran is on the cusp of something — who knows what, but everyone’s sure! — and health care reform is free-falling towards a centrist compromise to give the uninsured thirteen cents and a get-well-soon card, but here’s the pressing issue for the White House, if we are to believe Fox News’ Major Garrett and some other lady asking a follow-up: why haven’t you picked your new family church yet? It was a CAMPAIGN PLEDGE. [YouTube]
Dr Tillers old church is looking for a new usher….
As I recall Saint Ronald Regan didn’t attend any church. He said it was so as to not make a fuss with a particular church (security, fame, and all) but he couldn’t name what faith he belonged to. It was some kind of Protestant thing but he couldn’t remember if he’d been born again or not.
Fox News is angry because if Obama won’t pick a church, then how can they get busy trying to destroy its pastor?
Also, where is your birth certificate?
What, the Church of the Poison Mind ain’t good enough for ‘em?
How ’bout the Church of Winston Churchill?
chascates: Saint Ronnie also thought he didn’t sell weapons to Iran illegally. Some people think he was just stupid, and some people blame the Alzheimer’s. Me, I think he was still shellshocked from his experiences liberating the Nazi death camps.
I recommend the Quakers, Hopey.
The Obamas’ church requirements are also a little stringent: the pastor has to wear a dashiki, it has to be open to atheists, wiccans and muslims, be gay-marriage friendly, and hate America. So it might take a little while before they find something.
He should try Flying Spaghetti Monster or Unitarian, same difference.
I’d suggest either Chris Brown or Omarion. Barack’s more jazz than R&B, and not much of a dancer.
… because none of the churches in D.C. face east?
SayItWithWookies: He did such an incredible job of portraying a President he’s the standard to which the GOP holds all newcomers. And, as he said, “Facts are stupid things.”
Extemporanus: Damn you Satan! That was a reply to dijetlo:
What about the Church of the Subgenius?
Extemporanus: I finally woke up & responded to you over on the Liz thread.
As for Obama & church. Until he has time to scour Google Earth and find a church built within a huge pentagram, he will not be attending. These things take time. The pentagram must be geometrically exact or he will not receive Satan’s messages clearly. So back the fuck off and give the wing-ed beast who is our leader some time.
They are only going to give the sick people .09 cents. They have to give 4 cents to the corporations to push paperwork for the sick people. get ur facs strait
Obama is probably a closet agnostic after all the trouble these christian people have caused him. myob, nutjobs.
To be fair to the question-askers. It WAS a slow news day, right? OH WAIT.
**waving arm in the air** Oh, oh, pick the Episcopal Church, President Obama! There’s free wine every Sunday, and you can believe in dinosaurs, if you want.
Min: As a lifelong Episcopalian, I concur. We don’t militant about anything other than if there is enough gin and tonic for the cocktail hour. Although there was that thing about the gheys wanting to be bishops.
Holding Out for a Hero: that would be “get militant”
WAKE UP SHEEPLES!!11!!! NOBAMA BOWED T2 KING OF SAUDEE DEDNT BRUNG MRS NOBAMA & KEDS TO SAUDI PROVES THAY R MUZLINS!!!11!!! WHURS TEH MUSKE N DECEE??!!11!!??
chascates: um, well, it’s the standard to which all GOP Prez’s are held, and let’s face it: by that standard W kinda lived “down” to it. The standard to which Dem. Prez’s are held is an ever-moving target that no one can ever, under any circumstances, fulfill. C’est impossible!
Everyone knows that this vital decision will be made by TOTUS.
He hasn’t picked a video rental store or a Mail Boxes Plus either.
SayItWithWookies: Pfft. All Souls Unitarian-Universalist. Over in one.
Pastor Flip Wilson’s Chuch of What’s Happening Now?
paintitblack: True that.
Obamas’ are welcome at my church; Father Tim serves there most times; kids may have to show I.D., though.
http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm114/bitchincamaro222/keens-bb-lg.jpg
Peace be with you.
President Obama always thoughtfully and wisely selects things that suck.
FUCK THOSE TWO MORONS! I DON’T CARE IF OBAMA DOESN’T GO TO CHURCH! HE’S BETTER OFF TAKING CARE OF REAL SHIT!
Pick a church where they handle venomous serpents. It would be good practice for the rest of the week.
I hope Hopey picks up Vodou just to piss everyone off.
“Yes, is Obama filled with the spirit of Rada right now or is he saving that for North Korea? Also, what’s with the blood stains on the White House door? And a follow up question, where’s Bo?”
Hint to Mr. Obama: this is the perfect time of year to drive around and see which church has the most colorful banners up advertising the most entertaining, cartoon-character-oriented, Disneyesque vacation bible school for the kiddies. That church wins. (Especially if it has a pool.)
Thank God we have Fox News so that someone can concentrate on these important issues, compared to all the trivialities covered by the MSM. Now if Fox would just have the balls to ask why he hasn’t bombed Iran yet, or nuked which ever of the Koreas is evil.
AKBAR ALLAH
AKBAR ALLAH
AKBAR ALLAH
AKBAR ALLAH
AKBAR ALLAH
AKBAR ALLAH
ALSO.
american mutt: An excellent idea–the world would be a much better place if he had a voodoo doll of Mitch McConnell or Joe Lieberman or Ben Nelson
Church’s Chicken has a delightful service and there are several in the Richmond area.
APPLICATION FORM TO BECOME BARRY’S CHURCH
Do you goddam America? YES/NO, NOT ANY MORE
Are foreign dogs allowed in your church? NO/YES IF THEY USE BRYLCREEM
AIDS is a terrible disease and a WHITEY PLOT/STILL A TERRIBLE THING
How vague are you on gay rights? VERY/IT DEPENDS ITS A COMPLEX ISSUE
Does your church expect actual religious fervour and Jeebus-worship? HELL YA / HA HA AS IF
Does your Pastor mock whites clapping? ALL THE TIME/THEY CLAP JUST FINE SERIOUSLY I LOVE WHITES CLAPPING
How often will you embarrass me? DAILY / ONLY EVERY COUPLE A YEARS
Which of the following better describes your church?
FOAM-AT-THE-MOUTH CRACKPOT EVANGELICAL / SOME VAGUELY PROTESTANT THING THAT NO-ONE CAN GET A HANDLE ON
I’m Lutheran, ELCA, we’re about to accept gays and gay pastors and what not.
Barry H. O. SHOULD HOOK UP with us.
We need the coloreds in our flock.
Our potlucks are awesome!
Amen.
Um, he HAS been a little busy, but may I suggest the Fellowship of the Sun? Then he can vanquish famous DC vampire Liz Becton.
hobospacejunkie: I can totally understand why you slept all day—that sounded both physically, and metaphysically, exhausting!
Simple answer: Church fucking sucks. Do you go to church? Didn’t think so.
rocktonsammy: The lutefisk church-suppers are neato, also. Also.
Of course the saddest thing is that the media, if not the entire country, expect that any President or candidate for the office be very religious. And Christian of course.
http://archive.salon.com/comics/tomo/2000/01/10/tomo/story.gif
I think the Church of St. Priapus is having a big member-ship drive this summer…Welcome, Mr. President!!
WhatTheHeck: You mean, “face left”.
Dashboard_Buddha: Already filled to the scuppers with Rick Santorum’s progeny.
Monsieur Grumpe: Or the International Church of the Foursquare Gospel. For some reason there are now a bumch of vacancies. Such sissies. I trust that I have made myself obscure.
Barry should tell them all to STFU. He’s the prez so the church comes to HIM and don’t you forget it mofo’s.
Snap!
Dear lord. I love Obama, I’d totally be one of his lictors, but Gibbs is just awful at his job. I could do a better job and I’m dumb as a stick.
Obama is only pretending to look for a church to placate his mom. You can use the ‘oh yeah, I’m still looking for the right place’ stuff for years.
Since he hasn’t decided on a church yet, I’m really hoping his staffers keep Tom Cruise or John Travolta away from him.
John Thune: Maybe to placate Michelle’s mom. Obama’s mom is an atheist. And dead.
Hooray For Anything: Cruise is now lobbying Congress to allow use of Stimulus funds to increase the production of aluminum foil hats. Republcans do not oppose.
Holding Out for a Hero: We favor grey flannel, at least in the cooler weather. And trust funds, at any time of year.
[Do you mean to tell me there have been 50-some comments here and no one has dropped...]
SHOW US THE BUUUUURTH CERTIFICATE! SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW US THE BUUUUURTH CERTIFIKIT!!!!!!!!!!!! SHOW IT TO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW IT TEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. BUUUUUUUUUUURTHHHH CERTIFIKIT!!! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURTH CERTIFICATE! BIRTH BIRTH BIRTH! birth birth birth CERTIFICATE!!1!
[I'm sorry. So very sorry.]
You know, there are actual librul Baptist churches out there. It’s true! I have seen!! Wid gay marriages! And lady pastors, and … even.. Gay Lady Pastors!!! Obama could pick one of them and wingnut brains would go into an infinite loop and just shut down.
He turned me into a newt!
Kev-O-Tron: I go to a nice little integrated CT congregational church, where my pastor is white and his sermon is pc. (More like a religious lecture.) Then afterwards we drink coffee and eat yellow and chocolate swirl cake. Sometimes (with permission) I get to pat the seeing-eye dog. And I am not even trying to be funny.
Our Lady of Perpetual Motion
chascates: “Saint Ronald Regan didn’t attend any church.”
I am so glad I read the comments. I was going to say this exactly, but I was calling to call him Saint Reagan.
PineyWoodster: Maybe she needs placating from beyond the grave? Damn President Obama’s unconventional family background–I can only relate to politicians with stereotypical biographies. I need to re-calibrate my snap judgements about his motivations. Also.
June Cleaver 2.0: I’d be comfortable there. Except we don’t have cake after, because it’s sort of south down here and everyone goes out to “dinner” (the midday meal) after church. And I’d put our United Methodist potluck up against the cod-eaters any day. Plus, we have gelatin salad!
Be a UMethodist, Hopey. The Clintons’ UM pastor has already been the focus of Republican shit. He can handle it.
BTW–When is someone going to post a video of Paul Begala completely destroying Meghan McCain on Bill Maher? And doing it in one sentence.
DustBowlBlues: I was thinking yesterday of my United Methodist upbringing and how with certain pastors we might get out as much as 15 minutes before noon most times. Whilst my friends that were raised Baptist, Church of Christ, Lutheran or whatever stayed till noon or often passed.
And thinking of the annual Methodist Mens’ Groundhog Day all-you-can-eat supper of sausage and pancakes.
But I embraced freethinking at an early age and found my own enlightenment, by and by.
Bearbloke: our minister’s greatest source of pride is that people get out of church in under 40 minutes. He may be boring, but he’s inoffensive and punctual, damn it.
I only liked going to Easter Mass because the women were really hot in their spring dresses.
Hey, weren’t a lot of the Founding Fathers Congregationalists? They had the churches with your own pews, with tall sides so no one could tell if you were really paying attention or just doing crossword puzzles? That would be pretty sweet. Barry could have a little TV and an ice box.
But I may have that confused with one of those really nice icefishing houses.
Omit “automatically”. - Glenn “The Weepster” Beck.
DustBowlBlues: I just watched that. Poor Megs was way out of her league. Also she started doing the whole Republican victim whine about how everyone was being mean to her when she had had the courage to come on the show and face off against the libs, wah wah wah. She looked damned unhappy by the end. I liked that.
The Puritans (as in Cotton Mather, et al.) own church is now Unitarian Universalist. So when the wingnutz claim this country was founded on Christian values, they may have a point. But unfortunately, it wasn’t founded on THEIR Christian values.
http://www.firstchurchboston.org/
“No offence Apu, but when they were handing out religions, you musta been out taking a whizz” -Homer simpson
There is a “Bobby” Jindal joke in there somewhere….
Pastafarians, unite!
They should just build a damn chapel on the White House grounds already…
Or some sort of small multi-faith center. That would be something good for people who squabble and kill over religion to see.
OMG
Bay Buchanan want us to give racist Marcus Epstein a second chance!! Oooh the libtards gave him an “internet lynching” ..eh
http://www.theamericancause.org/index.php?mact=News,cntnt01,detail,0&cntnt01articleid=540&cntnt01origid=26&cntnt01returnid=29
But fear this libtards, The American Cause conference will revitalize Conservatism !
Pat, Bay, Epstein, Tancredo….DIE DIE DIE DIE!!
Joshua Norton: The wingnuts are saying a lot more than “founded on Christian values”.
To them, this is a Christian Nation, which must crusade against brown people and hoard wealth, so as in order to live up to Geebus’ teachings.
Yeah, so the wingnuts can fuck off.
Jesus Christ on rollerskates, I didn’t think people would be taking this seriously. Look y’all — I respect your choice of a religion — in much the same way that I respect your statement that your children are smart and that your wife is pretty and interesting. But really — fuck religion. It is the poison of our age. It is the ticking time bomb of every generation that even considers it. Because when you have religion, you have God operating over whatever field for whatever reason, and instead of things happening for the reasons that evidence presents, you have things happening as a result of whatever damn divine purpose you might ascribe to it. This is why idiots after Katrina and 9/11 and the Boxing Day Tsunami decided that God was punishing us for one sin or another.
It’s crap. It’s nonsense. Let ours be the generation that gives up on religion entirely. Let ours be the generation that decides that things happen for the evident causes, not because of some hidden fluctuation in the fucking Divine Purpose. Please. Fuck baby Jesus forever. Let’s be creatures of reason for once and see how that works. Also fuck Allah, Buddah, Brahma, Ahura-Mazda, Yahweh, Thor (that pussy), Jupiter and anyone else. They’re all meshuggah.
Gosh, maybe we should heed the advice of the great psycho-racist thinker and scholar Mark Downey, who writes on his Website a quotation from, of all the suck-egg-dog, do-good, nigger-lovin’ New York Jew Liberals” of all time, President Abraham Lincoln, “I will say, then, that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the White and Black races – that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of making voters or jurors of negros – nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with White people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the White and Black races which will ever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together, there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I, as much as any other man, am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the White race.” Spoken in the sixth debate with Senator Douglas in Quincy, Illinois, October 13, 1858. Documented in the book, Abraham Lincoln Complete Works, published by the Century Company, 1894; pages 369-370.
Whoa! That is some deeply racist shit! But, then, Lincoln was a Republican…
SayItWithWookies: “meshuggah?” Are you one of those followers of the Elders of Zion that we have been warned about by people such as, oh, Mark Downey?
SayItWithWookies: Hooray!! I agree, fuck (that pussy)!
Zorg: Oi veh — I just like the word. Oh, crap.
19kevin8: Also Nemesis, the Greek goddess of vengeance. I learned that from a crossword puzzle just a few days ago.
SayItWithWookies: Hear hear!!
SayItWithWookies: I will take the agnostic position. I think I agree with you.
Obama should maintain presidential tradition and go to whatever church George Bush went to.
SayItWithWookies:
As SayItWithWookies hath sayeth, so hath it been that I hath liveth!
Woe be it to those sadly empty souls not yet yielding to Fact’s furry finger!
YEA! Doth I now rejoice, an unapologetic acolyte of the High and Holy Order of Wookies!
Praise be unto Chewy! Praise be unto Itchy! Praise be unto Malla! Praise be unto Lumpy!
LO! Praise be unto the blessedly fecund forests of Kashyyyk, forever and ever, AMEN!
Obama: “I ain’t yo’ bitch, nigger. Get your own damn church!”
Zorg: Meh. That was white-boy boilerplate at the time. EVERY white politician who wasn’t a radical abolitionist would agree with that in the 1850s; you couldn’t get elected otherwise. Lincoln, however, evolved in his thinking while in office, and he was never personally a racist (or a hater of any stripe). Frederick Douglass said that Lincoln was the ONLY white man who treated him just as another man with ideas worth listening to, and Douglass had met all the big abolitionists.
Lincoln also believed that blacks should repatriate Africa, until he actually TALKED to some black Americans about it.
Can I get an Amen? Perhaps a Sha Na Na Melakim mah brother.
So, not a Rightie then. J. Brown, Ossawatami, Ks. Free State.
naveed: Ramen.
SayItWithWookies: I just want to get out of the house on Sunday, wear a nice outfit, tantalize the men by wearing my Sunday gloves (they’ve never felt my bare hands) and talk to people I like who I don’t work with. Afterwards, I call up a Catholic friend of mind and we go shopping at the upscale mall. I like my life!
AhHAAHAHAHAHHA “Free press” ahahahAHAhHAHAaa…DARE TO BE STUPID!
We are still on this? Why doesn’t he just walk down the driveway to that yellow church that W went to? Or, climb in the motorcade and go to my old DC church, All Souls Memorial Episcopal. That was a great congregation, older, smaller church. Or he can go to Foundry Methodist, where Bill and Hill went. Or, not at all and not worry about it (though I’d not golf until after noon on Sundays, were I him). Rahm’s bound to go somewhere…oh, that’s right. His relationship with the Devil and all…
The problem with the Preznit worshipping in DC is that it really fouls up the actual worship experience for the other people in church. You have protesters out front, people inside who are only there to gawk and regular congregants who feel they’ve “lost” their church. Worshipping at the National Cathedral on any given Sunday can be the same way. People taking pictures, wandering around in shorts and t-shirts…it’s a little distracting.
Honestly, if the man wants to just sleep in and then go play golf, that’s okay by me. He’s probably praying every time he walks into the OO anyway, amiwite? I would be, and I am a Wiccan.
WickedWitch: Which is a kind of Muslin/socialist devil worship much practiced in France.
SayItWithWookies: AMEN!! Srsly, as Marx said: religion is the opiate of the masses, and look at how hypnotized the wingtards are. ’nuff said. I could care less what Barry does or where he goes on Sunday. Dude’s got a lot on his plate. STFU already about useless stuff.
NoWireHangers: actually someone early on in the postings did make a “quiet” comment about the whole birther thing, but, ah, yeah: WHERE THE EFF’S NOBAMA’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE. WE NO NOTHIN ABOUD HIM. NOBAMAS MUZLIN KANYEN SOZIALIST BIRTH CIRTIFECAT TELPRMOTRS!!!!1211
paintitblack: He said “opium”. “Die Religion … ist das Opium des Volkes”.
From Marx’s Contribution to (the) Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right. Interestingly Marx may well have gotten the idea from de Sade’s Juliette in which she refers to “opium you feed the people” while discussing religeon w/someone-or-other.
I have no idea why most english translations render this as “opiate”.
SayItWithWookies: FTW.
smellyal8r: the National Cathedral on any given Sunday can be the same way. People taking pictures, wandering around in shorts and t-shirts…
Ha! That was me when I visited the Nat’l Cathedral. There was some program going on inside, but not a mass (I think it was a Wednesday) so even my lapsed-Catholic guilt got the day off that day. Impressive building and all, but I only went there because my Catholic wife insisted I come with her. She spend about 5 minutes praying and about 2 hours shopping for indulgences in the prodigious gift shoppe.
May the Europification and touristification of our great churches continue unabated. The lesser churches can become thrift shops and brewpubs, with any luck. Mosques and synogogues, too.
SayItWithWookies: Would it be inappropriate to say “Amen, Brother!” in response to that?
SayItWithWookies: I have always thought of the Bible, or any religion as the last fairy tale. As we grow up we learn that there is no Santa Clause, no Easter bunny and no tooth fairy. Yet as people grow old and “wise” they go to their deathbed still believing there is a God. Including our President.
I just don’t get it.
twowheeljunkie: I like to think our Barry, like most thinking men, is a closet agnostic. But it would be unseemly for him to admit it, in this Christian nation of ours.
Fifty years or so from now, as the de-mystification of the human race inexorably crawls forward, it’ll be OK for a national leader to admit he doesn’t buy into the ritualistic gobbledygook, but now, it’s just too soon.
DustBowlBlues: Concur, that was pretty tight.
June Cleaver 2.0: I don’t begrudge people the social aspect of it. But in that case why deal with God at all or introduce the religious aspect into the Sunday brunch and shopping ritual? What bugs me is that we teach people to be reasoning, rational beings — and then drop a little seed of insanity in there with them. Maybe in most people it doesn’t become a full-blown garden of crazy, but why take the chance is all.
SayItWithWookies: As a recovering Southern Baptist, I can tell you that the social aspect is very strong. And I admit that I miss that and especially religious music. I always enjoyed singing a (very bad) bass in the Sunday choir.
Your seed of insanity begins to sprout when the guilt sets in because you think you are nothing but a sinner going to hell. To this day, my reasoning, rational being wrestles with this.
So I agree that religion can really screw people up: look what it’s done to the members of the Taliban and al Qaeda.
SayItWithWookies: Yeah, but if that is true, how do you explain Obama?
Ha! Trapped in your own logic.
The Mormons are actively recruiting and I’m sure some 22-year old wearing a cheap suit and a name tag is looking around DC to put a notch in his belt.
This is by far the best choice as it would create a total Mittens meltdown and also help with the 50-state strategy - Utah isn’t going to vote against one of their own
S.Luggo:
I will do the google. Sigh.
S.Luggo:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Church_of_the_Foursquare_Gospel
They sound like fun.
But I like cutting myself.
SayItWithWookies: Hallelujah, bro.
SayItWithWookies: I am not a church goer and you are entitled to your own opinion; but do you have to get so angry about it?
Winsome: Why yes. Yes, in fact I do. For 400 years science has told us reliable and provable facts about the universe we live in, and for that whole time there has been a countercurrent of crappy thinking that sought to drive us backwards into the middle ages. And religion has been absolutely at the core of that effort. Couple religion with temporal power — as happened so often in the past — and you have the worst possible combination.
Religion itself has brought about nothing useful to the world. You can have ethics, fellowship, transcendence, meditation, a sense of community and all the other things that religion says it gives to society without having religion’s leprous byproduct, magical thinking, tagging along.
And the only reason religion and crappy thinking in general still exist is that we’ve refused to insist on good education in the United States. We’ve raised a nation incapable of asking the right questions about the information they’re being given, and they go on authority and what makes them feel safe rather than what is supported by actual evidence. And religion is the force most responsible for crappy thinking — even Saul of Tarsus admonished people not to think too much about their beliefs, and that was 2,000 years ago. The bastard knew he was selling snake oil 1600 years before science even began. It tells you something.
SayItWithWookies: Hear hear! Anger is essential in the face of magical thinking. If you don’t confront it with anger then it’s as if you are tacitly approving, as if it is but a harmless distraction. It ain’t. There is nothing mysterious about religion. It’s a relic of a time long past when humans needed some explanation of how the world worked. We have better, reliable explanations now. That some/many choose to ignore these new explanations is to the detriment of everyone in society, not just the magical thinkers.
Mormons using their millions to encourage Californians to institute hate into their state laws is just one example of this. They hate queers why? Not because they have had many relationships with homosexuals and decided there are better people to spend time with. But rather due to some 1600-year-old book written by a bunch of people no more sophisticated, relative to today, than a 10-year-old with learning disabilities. Not to mention the magic plates and the magic glasses and the magic underwear and the hilariously anachronistic book of mormon.
Also, what Wookies said x 10.
Holding Out for a Hero: apparently there *was* enough gin!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Ha, indeed. Here, have some leftover Communion wine.
can’t we just feed him to the lions before he picks a church. we could save him the embarrassment of picking the “wrong” one. after all this is america and there can be only one true church. the one sarah palin approves of and rightly so. see, there is order to the universe
I have friends who are now avoiding us socially because they believe me and my husband’s atheist beliefs would be a bad influence on their continuously expanding brood of children. I wish I could rip them a new one and tell them exactly how I feel about their religion (Mormonism) is, but you can’t do that without making a very ugly scene. I have held my tongue all these years in the face of ignorant religious fanaticism, but at some point it will boil over.