mysteries of our time

HAXORZ Leave Dumb Message On Electronic Road Sign In Virginia

It's 'Fuck Taco Night,' hooray!
Well, somebody thought it was necessary to blur out the naughty bits from this picture of the Virginia road sign attacked by Electronic Haxorz, so we have to guess what the strange message is supposed to mean … something about a secret couplet written in lemon juice on the back of the Stephen Colbert painting in the National Portrait Gallery, where bloated albino Newt Gingrich is dead and spreadeagled in the shape of David Vitter, but the diaper is on his face? Right?

Okay, we’ve got F___TACO, which must mean, we guess, “Food Taco.” This is anti-immigration hate speech, as if even a common mouth-breathing Virginia white pig didn’t know “taco” is a method of ingesting fat and grease.

Next, it’s MUDKIPZ, which is the name of Nestle’s new E Coli Raw Cookie Dough, made from real poop!

Finally, we have the curious B____SACK, which must mean “beef sack,” which is an arcane Jeffersonian term for the hot dogs at Nationals Park, which are made of ass.

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Okay, hooray! Mystery solved. Your commute is officially just another wasted hour on the long road to death.

(PS YES WE KNOW 4CHAN HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS, 4CHAN MADE UP THE TERM “BALLSACK” IN THE EARLY 17TH CENTURY AS A COMICAL AUDIENCE PRANK DURING THE 1604 KING’S MEN PREMIERE OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S THE MERCHANT OF VENICE.)

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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29 comments

  1. Larry Fine

    Good thing that it wasn’t a joke about a Governors 14 year old daughter and an immigrant ball-player (or maybe it was).

  2. Johnny Zhivago

    No, no, no it’s something about letting Mudkipz work at Taco Bell…

    Was this hacked or does Twitter now support highway traffic information signs as an output device??? Kuhl!

  3. SayItWithWookies

    If the good Lord didn’t intend for us to f*** tacos, He wouldn’t have made them look like — wait, that’s not right.

  4. S.Luggo

    How is George Allen able to get an illuminated highway sign to his home when I can’t even a blinking street light outside of my window fixed? Elitist bastard.

  5. Humpback

    It’s a note to my mother-in-law, Mrs. Mudkipz– There is a free taco waiting for her in the blue paper bag.

  6. Manos: Hands of Fate

    You put a lot of work into hacking into a highway sign and the most clever thing you can come up with is f***taco and b***sack? How about Foxs**** or fata**Rush.

  7. takes12no1

    Hooray! Mystery solved. Haxorz is a 15 year kid who frequents 4chan….that should narrow it down some.

  8. takes12no1

    at first glance though I thought it said:

    FREE TACOS
    MOON PIES
    BUTTSECKS

    that sounds curiously like an advertisement for the “South of the Border” truck stop here in SC.

  9. Richard Gozinya

    It could have been worse. It could have said, “I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER?” Still, a bitter disappointment. No mention of bukakke or ass fucking, they should’ve just remained home and squeezed their genital acne.

  10. Extemporanus

    “Virginia is for Mudkipz” is a way better motto than “Virginia is for Lovers.” Unless those lovers are depicted on license plates stuffing their ball sacks in each others fuck tacos, that is.

  11. Zadig

    Some “leet haxxorz” referencing Mudkipz, in this day and age? Nothing to say but profanity? This script kiddie isn’t 4chan, he is the cancer that killed 4chan.

    [re=342993]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Given the level of maturity on display, the degree of effort put into this one was probably downloading the script from the original hacker, who probably wrote something too subtle (and that’s not especially subtle) to catch the notice of the local news.

  12. Chain Tattoo

    It’s in German:

    Fremdtaco!
    Mudkipz!
    Bahnsack!

    These were the orders issued by the commander to soldier Schweik. In English, it would run

    Give me a foreign taco!
    My cock is tired!
    A railroad sack!

    The railroad sack is a large bag used to transport mail. The commander seeks the stimulation of foreign food, which will awaken his limp member and enable some autoerotic asphyxia while hanging Houdini-like in a railroad sack. David Carradine was researching the role in preparation for an off-Broadway production of Schweik when he met with his untimely demise.

  13. Zadig

    [re=343044]Richard Gozinya[/re]: If it had said bukakke, nobody who would be offended would have known to be offended. It would not have been in the news. And if it had, they probably would not have known to blur it.

    [re=343047]Extemporanus[/re]: “Virginia is for Motherfuckers”

  14. qaf

    [re=343050]Zadig[/re]: There’s no scripting involved, you just type it into the handheld device that’s inside the rarely-locked housing of the sign.

    If anybody wants to see the unexpurgated version, there’s a link in the item yesterday. Which reminds me, weren’t we exhaustively discussing this yesterday? If we’re going to have duplicate stories like Slashdot (run by Cmdr Taco), maybe the next message will be F—LAYNE. Well, assuming the culprits read Wonkette. And somehow add space for another letter.

  15. Zadig

    [re=343068]qaf[/re]: Ah, so it’s “hacking” in a similar vein to breaking into Sarah Palin’s email account.

    OMG U GUYS ISN’T THIS WHAT TEH HOMELAND SECURITY DPT IS FOR???/

  16. Mustang

    It looks exactly like one of the hundreds of cryptic comments I read on Wonkette every day. You have to admit it’s true.

  17. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Wait, these signs were hacked? I thought “FuckTaco” was replacing “Virginia is for Lovers” as Virginia’s new motto.

Comments are closed.