Not enough evidence, apparently: “Sangamon County State’s Attorney John Schmidt said that while some of Burris’ statements were vague, they wouldn’t support a perjury charge.” Illinois Senator Roland Burris, who at first appeared to be just another grandstanding egomaniacal doofus with a mausoleum fetish, has navigated the halls of the Senate — to say nothing of the vagaries of the Law — with catlike grace, and has made everyone from Harry Reid to Chris Matthews look like an asshole (maybe not so hard?). Anyway, three cheers for Roland Burris. [Washington Post]
VICTORY!
June 19, 2009
Hero Senator Burris Will Not Be Accused Of Perjury
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Well that’s good, because he already had the mausoleum engraved.
Re: Alt-text…”Crazy like a fox”
o well. they’ll get him next time.
Burris knew the office was going to be subject to scrutiny given how Blago filled his slot, thus his unceasing effort to restore the position’s dignity and comfort the citizenry with his carefully maintained, squeaky clean standard of My Corruption Ain’t Actionable.
Six months in the Senate and still not indicted — Burris is setting a standard that few Chicago politicians will be able to measure up to.
How will this achievemnt be memorialized at Burris’ mausoleum? The mausoleum will now have a small back door.
The other scandal-free Senators avoid Burris like he has leprosy.
“Vagaries of the law?”
Yeah, like, right. How do you know the law is even female, huh?
[re=342945]S.Luggo[/re]: Or a dedicated telephone line to Burris’ lawyer.
We should put his glorious visage on our money. Or maybe just on money bags.
Hooray! Senator Tombstone (D-O Nothing) is free once more to do what he does best in the Senate: nothing, apparently.
Damn, now Fox and the Repubs will have to distract the bitters from Sen. Ensign’s Promisekeep’n with “Cold Cash” Jefferson and the rumor that Michelle broke Hillary’s elbow with a baseball bat ’cause Hills was trying to mess with her man. What, you didn’t hear that one? Well, you just gotta cruz Freeperville more often, dude.
Mausoleum? I thought it was an outdoor shitter. So when he takes his seat, he’ll take a newspaper with him.
Those ground level glory holes oughta come in handy for any former constituents who want to skull fuck his rotting corpse.
TRAILBLAZER
Looky here. I think Roland Burris is a good man. He is being used as a scapegoat by the real corrupt politicians of Illinois. Mr. Burris has a long record of faithful public service, but since he wasn’t a true “player” he could only go so far. Rod Blagojevich used Mr. Burris like a pawn, but in so doing he allowed a man to achieve his goal to serve as a United States Senator. It is time to stop bashing this man for not being as polished, as rich or as cool as we want. Maybe some of you should look into where this man came from. Roland Burris is a good man and I support him.
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