secret histories

More Super Mean ‘Liz Becton’ E-mails!

Or you could respond like that.We have EMAIL PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE that Rep. Jim McDermott’s executive assistant/office manager/scheduler/pet dragon Elizabeth “Liz” Becton, the Meanest Lady in DC, was not simply having a “bad day” when she went nuts on someone, over e-mail, who mistakenly saluted her as “Liz.” Below are two more of Liz Becton’s run-ins with e-mail, in which she type-screams at entire listservs about GETTING THE LUNCH LADY’S NAME RIGHT, and swears to destroy a Mole scheduler who once leaked stuff to your Wonkette.

First: Us. Hooray!

Last May, your Wonkette posted some wacky e-mails that were sent on the House Democratic schedulers’ listserv from a couple of staffers (names redacted!) asking comical questions along the lines of, “Does anyone know what type of store one would buy ‘groceries’ at?” After the post went up, a retaliatory e-mail went out to the same listserv from some new irate scheduler, swearing violence.

‘TWAS SHE.

From: Becton, Elizabeth
Sent: Friday, May 23, 2008 9:55 AM
To: XXX; XXX; Democratic Schedulers
Subject: RE: We Have a Mole Amongst Us

What kind of nasty, petty, poorly written (Did these people graduate from middle school to high school?) site is www.wonkette.com? And what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have! I will never venture to that site again. It was a total waste of my time. However, this email is for the mole among us. You are a poor excuse for a human being. You are not a team player. If I ever find out who you are, I will gladly advertise that it was you who forwarded the emails to the low-rent wonkette site. I will further inform the Speaker’s Office, Standards on Official Conduct, and all the other appropriate offices of what you did. And if you got paid for it, my lowly, putrid, little wonkette reader, you have committed a crime and you will be punished for it when you are found. I have contacted Telecom and I have informed them of what has happened and since it’s a quiet day, they are checking all the forwarded emails from this list serve.

And to my team players and fellow schedulers, I apologize that I had to include you on this email. This email was intended for the lowly loser among us.

Have a nice day!

Elizabeth Becton
Executive Assistant/Office Manager
Office of Congressman Jim McDermott

Most of Liz’s comments about Wonkette are correct. But it does become somewhat easier to read once you realize we’re writing in Farsi.

It’s perfectly understandable that she’d be furious when e-mails from her listserv were leaking to illiterate liar weblogs, but who writes like this on a professional Capitol Hill listserv? Who talks to colleagues as though it’s a war game? Liz Becton does, because she’s the meanest lady in DC.

NEXT: This episode doesn’t need any background information, so off we go ….

From: [SCHEDULER ONE]
Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2008 5:33 PM
To: Democratic Schedulers
Subject: Boycott Longworth on Tuesday

TUESDAY LONGWORTH CAFETERIA BOYCOTT

Many of you likely know D___ B___, who has been a cashier in the Longworth Cafeteria for decades. Wednesday morning D____ was suspended without pay (or fired by some accounts) for being $9 short at her register. This has outraged many of us who have seen her virtually every day for years. She is certainly one of the most beloved cafeteria workers and her dedication to customer service is exceptional. On Tuesday, we hope to join in a show of support for D___ by boycotting the cafeterias. Since all the cafeterias are owned by the Restaurant Associates we ask that you avoid all of them that day, but we realize that’s difficult during a day we’re in session. Please, if nothing else avoid Longworth.

[SCHEDULER ONE]
Scheduler
Office of Rep. XXX

——

From: Becton, Elizabeth
Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2008 5:41 PM
To: [SCHEDULER ONE]; Democratic Schedulers
Subject: RE: Boycott Longworth on Tuesday
Importance: High

The woman who was SUSPENDED (not fired) was D____ C____. I have communication between my COS and the COS of the CAO’s office confirming those two facts.

Although the email was sent with good intentions, the facts are wrong. I’m all for supporting someone who was wronged, please know that D___ C____, the woman who was SUSPENDED not fired, will be represented by her union regarding this matter.

Again, the lady’s name is D____ C____ and she was NOT YET FIRED. She was SUSPENDED.

Elizabeth Becton
Executive Assistant/Office Manager
Office of Congressman Jim McDermott

——

From: Becton, Elizabeth
Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:00 PM
To: [SCHEDULER ONE]; Democratic Schedulers
Subject: RE: Boycott Longworth on Tuesday

For those of you who do not know, there are TWO women named “D____” who both work in the Longworth Cafeteria.

My boss and I are friends with the woman who was erroneously named in the original boycott email. She would be VERY upset if she knew her name was being sent out as the woman who was suspended.

I’ve received a snotty email from one particular scheduler who doesn’t understand the ramifications of having their name sullied by erroneous information. She wondered about my point…

Here’s a link:

http://www.rollcall.com/news/27011-1.html

Elizabeth Becton
Executive Assistant/Office Manager
Office of Congressman Jim McDermott

——

From: [SCHEDULER TWO]
Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:07 PM
To: Becton, Elizabeth; [SCHEDULER ONE]; Democratic Schedulers
Subject: RE: Boycott Longworth on Tuesday

Please calm down…

[SCHEDULER TWO]
Office Manager/Scheduler
Office of Congressman ZZZ

——

From: Becton, Elizabeth
Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:08 PM
To: [SCHEDULER TWO]; [SCHEDULER ONE]; Democratic Schedulers
Subject: RE: Boycott Longworth on Tuesday

[SCHEDULER TWO]:

Why don’t you apologize and I will.

Elizabeth Becton
Executive Assistant/Office Manager
Office of Congressman Jim McDermott

See, that fight just could’ve been avoided. Was fighting really necessary over this instance of name confusion?

It was for Liz Becton, who is required to go out of her way to start fights, since that is what the title of Meanest Lady in DC demands, regularly.

And don’t get us wrong, we mean this in the most complimentary of ways! If we had to be terrible congressmen, we’d want Liz Becton on our team, to crush skulls. Go Liz! Liz is great!

LIZ/SANTELLI 2012!

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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203 comments

  1. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    Well, she did say Have a Nice Day at the end!! Cut the woman some slack!

  2. shortsshortsshorts

    Liz has won the Person of the Year award. She is amazing. Good for you LIZ.
    LIZ LIZ LIZ.

    LIZ.

  3. Texan Bulldoggette

    God, she makes Leona Helmsley seem saintly. I think she’d ably crush skulls, balls, TruckNutz, and any small animals that walk in front of her with a single bitch-infested laser glare.

  4. memzilla

    “…what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have!”

    Lawsuit for libel in 3, 2, 1…

  5. magic titty

    Oh my. This is even better when read with your pants off.

    Anyway, is she available?

  6. Extemporanus

    Hey hobospacesjunkie! Liz wanted me to tell you that she’s got the cup of hot fat and head of Alfredo Garcia that you ordered, and that you can use the first to help shove the second up your puckered little ass. KTHXBAI!

  7. SayItWithWookies

    I don’t know where Ms. Becton finds the time to write so many vitriolic emails, as I’m sure most of her day is spent picking the sinews of eviscerated underlings from between her fangs.

  8. Country Club Jihadi

    Why has she not been promoted to work at Gitmo?
    Also, this bitch violates all ethics rules for true gatekeepers, and I would send her sorry ass packing.

  9. Enturbulate

    My email writing campaign to Liz starts immediately. She’ll be delighted to hear from me, I’m sure. I think I’ll start with asking for advise. You see I have problems in dealing with “people.”

  10. Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    Liz,
    I could give you some projects if you’re looking for more work to do. Just make sure to let me know.

  11. tehbenton

    The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

    *mumbles something in an Eric Cartman voice about the sand in her vagina*

  12. tehbenton

    And what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have!

    And who’s she calling illittrut? Also.

  13. doxastic

    Oh Lizzy-Bizzy. You do the same hilarious thing my students do when they want their essays to sound important. The inappropriately substitute uncommon for common words sort of haphazardly, resulting in bizarre constructions like “I will never venture to that site again.” OK Magellan, but I’d suggest ending ill-advised ventures through the thesaurus as well. Sincerely, the prof who always gave you C’s for some mysterious reason.

  14. Joshua Norton

    who mistakenly saluted her as “Liz.”

    There’s a lot of that kind of sniping going around. Boxer went full-tilt postal and demanded to be called “Senator” instead of “Ma’am” at a contentious congressional hearing.

    Must have something to do with the position of the moon….

  15. Mad Brahms

    Countdown to next angry wonkette related e-mail / misguided threat of legal action begins… now. Expecting comedy.

  16. facehead

    I was really getting into those emails, then I remembered I was illiterate and stopped.

  17. 19kevin8

    I’ll bet she straps one on regularly, so that she can enjoy being on the pitching end of the buttsecks.

  18. Tommmcatt

    This is really too easy to snark on. She’s done most of the work herself.

    For the record, I graduated middle school sometime around 1982, back when staff members of our elected representatives realized that they too were public servants and had a modicum of grace and class, to say nothing of a smidgen of humility.

  19. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=343107]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Liz is to constipated three year old with a scorching case of diaper rash as shit is to stink.

    /Fixed

  20. Cicada

    Sadly, Liz has vowed to venture to Wonkette nevermore. I would love to see her email response to this post. Oh how I love my Wonkette.

  21. Another DC Lawyer (Again)

    “And if you got paid for it…”

    Wait just one second here…does this mean Wonkette PAYS for tips? If so, you owe me one jillion rEVOLution Ron Paul fiat dollars. I will also accept payment in gold bullion.

  22. doxastic

    And I don’t really know if she’d be so much help for a WARBLOG. You’d get ready to do some warrin, and she’d be having some screaming email fight about whether or not “trucknutz” should be capitalized and copyrighted.

  23. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Poor dear, sweet Liz. Doesn’t sound like she’s gotten laid in, oh, ever. Which is not surprising, given that she’d probably snap the dick right off of any potential paramour.

  24. rev_matt_y

    I would offer some sort of snarky comment, but I’m apparently illiterate and thus unable to realize that I’ve been insulted. Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz

    Wow, kind of starts sounding weird when you keep saying it like a mantra.

  25. Yes You Can Own A Piece of History

    [re=343119]Cicada[/re]: I have a feeling she’s checking in right about now. There’s no way she can stay away. HI LIZ!!!! Kisses!!!!

  26. Monsieur Grumpe

    [re=343095]magic titty[/re]:
    If you get anywhere with her please ask if she has a sister.

  27. qaf

    [re=343098]Barrett808[/re]: And it’s funny that amid all the flying fur, that Gingrich got off scott-free for explicitly breaking the agreement he’d made with the House Ethics Committee, as shown in that conference call. But then, who expects Newt Gingrich, that human underwear skidmark, to behave ethically? I’m sure the Republicans involved were laughing at the public’s naïvete.

    Ms Becton’s presence helps explain why McDermott (my congressman-for-life, too) gets shit done. And by “shit”, I mean nothing.

  28. Come here a minute

    Today we are all lowly, putrid, little Wonkette readers.

    “I have contacted Telecom and I have informed them of what has happened and since it’s a quiet day, they are checking all the forwarded emails from this list serve.”

    Ha, yeah, Liz, I’m sure the IT people were working real hard on that — uhh, Telecom? Are they forwarding from their voicemail to Wonkette?

    Let me put it this way, they don’t check forwarded emails and perhaps they were PRETENDING to know how to check forwarded emails and pretended that they checked for THAT forwarded email. They did YOU a disservice.

    In the future, you should be VERY careful about such things. People like to brag about their email forward checking in DC. It’s a past time for some. It’s also dangerous to email, as you have just found out.

  29. Meags

    Oh, man, I live in McD’s district and he is just a pleasant old man who dodders about and, you know, will occasionally get knighted by Africans. How did it come to pass that he hired Satan’s butt baby to be his executive assistant? SO CONFUSING.

  30. meg9

    I want to meet Liz so badly! Do you think if we stand out by a metro near the hill with a sign that says “HI LIZ Becton!” she would stop to meet us? ;)

  31. octupletsmom

    [re=343143]meg9[/re]: If I were in the DC area, I would carry a crucifix, rather, knowing LIZ is loose.

  32. 2druk2phluq

    “And what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have!”

    Dear Liz “Comedumpster” B.,
    I know you are, but what am I.
    Sincerely
    Druk

    P.S. Fearing bannagement I censored your nickname, Liz. We both know what kind of dumpster you really are though, don’t we, Liz?

    P.P.S. Bannagement is so a word!

  33. Joshua Norton

    I just don’t think Liz gets us at all.

    Maybe she should trot over to Jesus General for a while. That would have her blood pressure squirting out of her ears.

  34. bureaucrap

    Olbermann did a bit about her last night; apparently there’s a you tube video of someone (a guy dressed in drag) reenacting her email diatribes. A thousand gold ducats for the first person to find the url of the video!

  35. WadISay

    I would love to be there for the “I am Spartacus” moment in Congressman McDermott’s office.

  36. RoscoePColtraine

    Liz Becton

    the tin lizzy?
    the wonderfullizard of Oz?

    lizlizlizlizlizlizlizlizlizliz

  37. qwerty42

    Liz:
    …And what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have!…
    Whoa!
    this is one of the official Library of Congress SCOTUS Blogs (or whatever).
    And back in 2008 we were one of the LOC Campaign ’08 Blogs.
    More importantly, these are WARBLOGGERS!!! she is talking about.
    and then there is this:
    …However, this email is for the mole among us…
    Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Wonkette Mole? And she is Smiley? Is Jim (or Ken or SKS) Karla?
    Not sure where the TruckNutz go in this, maybe they stand for Checkpoint Charlie.

  38. jetjaguar

    [re=343154]bureaucrap[/re]: It’s on the big O’s website, the guy was one of his staff. It is quite enjoyable.

    LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

  39. Accordion-o-rama

    Lizzie, Lizzie,
    In a tizzy,
    Firing at the ‘tards.

    Keeps her busy,
    Tizzy Lizzie,
    And the theme of bards.

  40. PerhapsSo

    Can we start a letter-writing campaign encouraging Liz to become a guest editor? Maybe she could teach us all a thing or two.

    Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz Liz

  41. Humpback

    You Wonketteers probably already know, being inside the Beltway and all, but what the heck does a “Democratic scheduler” do? Sit around on Uncle Sam’s payroll gossiping by e-mail all day?

  42. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    The way she swings the banhammer and hates on Wonkette readers, I’d think Liz was after your job, Newell.

  43. Sygerrik

    No true Republican would ever act like this, so she must be a RINO. Once the party is purged of all moderates we can collapse the BIG TENT of BIG GOVERNMENT and Hussein 0bomba will be defeated and President Palin can rule, forever, the end.

  44. Godless Liberal

    I am sad that the c-bomb is banned (isn’t it?) because finally, someone actually deserves it.

    And that person is [SCHEDULER TWO]

  45. S.Luggo

    This all might be amusing if Becton weren’t such an absolute nobody. She makes 25K a year and has been on the Hill for about 17 years as a low level staffer.

    Leave Bitsy alone.

  46. Cherry Garcia

    I can tell you from personal experience that there is more than one Liz-the-scheduler up there on Capitol Hill.

  47. bitchincamaro

    “…the low-rent wonkette site.”

    I just signed a new lease here and paid top, I say TOP dollar! So fuck you, Lez.

  48. gjdodger

    Pardon me for speaking with a Lizp. I’ll have to look for those e mails on LiztServ. It’s hard, being ilLizerate and all.

    “The meanest woman in D.C.”? Jean Schmidt wept.

  49. hockeymom

    I would like to see a cage match between Liz and FOX spokeswoman, Irene Briganti.

    The sheer bitchiness would be amazing.

  50. 19kevin8

    [re=343181]S.Luggo[/re]: It’s actually upwards of $60K a year, enough that she should have a higher level of professionalism… But you’re right. She is a nobody who is a low level staffer, and therefore she should shut the fuck up and quit acting like queen shit of fuck mountain.

  51. StoneAge

    I would love to meet this Liz Bechton in real life. I mean, what does one who routinely flies off the handle like that look like? Working in her office must be like living in East Germany circa 1979. As a sociological specimen she sounds fascinating.

  52. magic titty

    [re=343188]ChickenTeriyakiBoy[/re]: wow. nearly 90k last year, plus getting to see McDermott naked a few times. (maybe.)

    Sign me up. I’ll bitchskank all of you Wonketters until the end of time too.

  53. WagTehGod

    “…what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have!”

    (*blush*)

  54. gjdodger

    You know who probably really has tales to tell? Lisa Murkowski. Check the salary increase; Liz worked for her dad, then transitioned to her office, where she lasted all of a month. Hmmm.

  55. Mad Brahms

    [re=343181]S.Luggo[/re]: Didin’t we figure out in the other thread that she makes more like $60k? Not that it matters too much – she’s still a relative nobody.

    Of course, now Olbermann has made her “famous” with one of his trying-too-hard comedy videos, so hey, raises all around?

  56. heroinmule

    Woah, I just got a glimpse of my future if I had been forced to continue my career in office administration. Thank you humanities PhD program. Now I’ll just be a pretentious asshole instead of a shrieking succubus.

  57. gurukalehuru

    Back in school, all the children picked on
    a poor little girl named Elizabeth Becton
    They called her Lizzie, Lizard and Liz
    Because you all know that’s how school is
    Perhaps our poor Elizabeth
    was sometimes known as lizard breath
    or if they were being especially mean
    they might have called her Lizterine
    Betsy Wetsy, Betty Boop
    she came to hate the whole damn group
    “You’re base, illiterate and narcissistic!”
    You could say she went ballistic
    and that is how she came to be
    the meanest lady in D.C.!

  58. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=343201]heroinmule[/re]: Haha. If you’re in a PhD program, you know full good and well that you can be both! In fact, it’s required that you should be.

  59. zenferret

    [re=343112]Joshua Norton[/re]: Only if menstrual cycles tie to the moon.

    Ouch! Quit throwing things ladies.

  60. Crazybroad

    [re=343193]hockeymom[/re]: Nice. Better would be mudwrestling with Ann Coulter. Huzzah!

    Too bad liz won’t venture back here — she’s missing out on sooo much fun!

  61. RoscoePColtraine

    Lizzens to the voices in her head
    the old woman who liz in a shoe

    We’re going for full nervous breakdown.

  62. heroinmule

    [re=343206]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Point taken. I start in August, so I’ll be on the lookout for the shrieking succubi.

  63. lukewarm

    I find it very suspicious nearly all of those emails were sent on Thursday. It was you, wasn’t it?

  64. assistant/atlas

    [re=343194]19kevin8[/re]: Are you fucking kidding me? DC Schedulers make 60K?!?! And they get to act like that? Are you serious? WHATTHEFUCK?!?!? I’m making less than 40K and have to be nice to everyone. Fuck Hollywood, I’m movin’ to DC.

  65. arclight

    Oh Liz, please stop by and visit us again!!!! And keep sending the mass emails out! Maybe we’ll end up with 4 or 5 “moles” before the day is out!

    [SCHEDULER SEVEN]

  66. choinski

    Could be worse. My sister Elizabeth goes by the name ‘Buffy’.

    Hmmm. Misses Buffy Becton. I like that.

  67. McDuff

    [re=343186]Cherry Garcia[/re]: Amen, brother/sister. Used to work in visitor services for the National Park Service in DC and at the Holocaust Museum. The worst “do-you-know-who-I-am” types were almost always junior congressional staffers. I caught one sitting on top of the Vietnam Wall to have his picture taken. He gave me the “I work for Rep. X,” line and I give him the “I work for the Prez-i-dent so get your Legislative Branch butt off the Wall” response.

  68. chascates

    Liz should be the point person in dealing with Big Pharma, failed banks, and al Qaeda.

    Viva Liz!

  69. Not_So_Much

    Is this Liz of the Lizard People? Thought she was busy fucking up the Minnesota thingy??

  70. heroinmule

    [re=343226]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: are you in an english program?! Tell me you’re not a victorian!

  71. TeddyS

    Lizzie,

    Being such a Washington powerlady and all, wearing your plastic badge to the grocery store to impress the vast unwashed (I saw you), you should know better than trying to mudwrestle with the Wonketeers. Better men than you have tried, and failed.

    Did you break your dildo? Is that what’s got you so pissed off? Do you know there’s a world out there that is big and round and populated by millions of people who don’t give a damn about you? We Wonkettes may be the only friends you have left. Sleep well tonight, Liz. We will never abandon you.

  72. 19kevin8

    [re=343229]assistant/atlas[/re]: Yep, $60,000… On the federal payroll, no less. And we have E-1s and E-2s in the military making less than $20k… Sickening.

  73. doxastic

    [re=343201]heroinmule[/re]: That’s DOCTOR pretentious asshole to you (see, you can be both at once!)

  74. Inadequate Blackmail

    And the Shel Silverstein Hilarious-Assed Poem Award goes to…[re=343202]gurukalehuru[/re]:

  75. engulfedinflames

    say what you will, when the next “big one” happens i want LIZ on my side. you know , on the side of america, sorry LIZ, i meant the U. S. A. , LIZ calm down! i meant the united states of america… sorry LIZ,it was never my intention to…awwww fuck it.

  76. RoscoePColtraine

    Liz Liz Liz,

    Didn’t you learn anything from recess? NEVER let the boys know what bothers you or they will tease you mercilessly. It’s irresistible. Watching you flip out and issue lame threats like, “I’m gonna tell” or “I’m gonna sue” just makes it all the more fun.

    One other thing I’ve noticed over the years is that republicans tend to have very little regard for trial lawyers when they’re oh, say, suing an insurance company to pay the guy who’s paralyzed for life; or suing a doctor who took out the wrong liver (or something) – but call them names or something lame and it’s “I’ll see you in COURT!”

  77. CorkPopper

    Hey Liz, karma’s a bitch. Mess with Wonkette, and you don’t even get to wait until you die to have your bad behavior bite you in the ass. Liz.

  78. heroinmule

    [re=343248]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Word! Medievalist/gender studies here. Chaucer is so gay! Yay, crippling debt and our futures being determined by the price of paper! I think Jim is going to ban us if we keep having our nerdy side conversation, so see ya at the MLA conference! Fuck the victorians (except for Wilde).

  79. octupletsmom

    Such sweet gig that Liz has. I have to be nice at work. I would actually like to have a job where I could be a total raging bitch. Those kinds of openings are few and far between.

  80. glamourdammerung

    [re=343112]Joshua Norton[/re]: Asking someone politely is hardly “going full tilt postal”.

  81. Liz_Becton

    Hey guys,

    Thanks for the money! Drinks on me tonight at The Country Club.

    And Liz? Yeah. She’s a real rat. Let me tell ya.

  82. Liz_Bectons_Mole

    Whaa? It’s “Liz_Becton’s_Mole!” damnit! Liz_Becton’s_MOLE!

    Damn account names and apostrophes.

  83. Balls!

    [re=343188]ChickenTeriyakiBoy[/re]: No wonder she’s angry, I’m an office manager in Nowheresville and I make more than she does.

  84. Tommmcatt

    [re=343229]assistant/atlas[/re]:

    I was just about to make fun of her salary. My assistant makes 64 grand.

    You need to move out to Hollywood, son…

  85. avoidinggradingpapers

    I teach English to 9th graders (in a base, narcissistic, illiterate sort of way) and this output from Liz, Liz, Liz reminds me of some of their adolescent issues. Only, my 9th graders actually get irony and all.

  86. BlueStateLibtard

    Why hasn’t this woman been fired?!? She must spend half her day waging e-mail wars.

  87. chascates

    Think there’s a market for Liz Becton pinatas in DC? I sense an opportunity here. But what would they be filled with?
    Discuss.

  88. Baseproduct

    Either she is the hottest woman in existence, or the most bitter. Either way I’m vaguely turned on.

  89. sati demise

    LIZ, aka, Loose Cannon: your 15 minutes of fame would have been up already if not for Wonkette.
    You are not only mean, but SO UNGRATEFUL.

  90. Joehoya

    Golf clap for Liz. This town is full to the brim with assholes, so you have to be pretty special to stand out the way you have…

  91. lazynamepicker

    This woman is exactly like our county co-chair of the Repugs — a hissy fit looking for a place to happen.

  92. SayItWithWookies

    [re=343368]bitchincamaro[/re]: I kinda thought there would be leathery wings.

  93. Dog Trombone

    [re=343188]ChickenTeriyakiBoy[/re]: This crazy bitch makes $27,000+ per QUARTER?!?!? The CongressCreature needs to BRING OUT THE BANHAMMER!!!

  94. TeddyS

    From: Becton, Elizabeth
    Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:00 PM
    To: [SCHEDULER ONE]; Democratic Schedulers
    Subject: RE: Boycott Longworth on Tuesday

    Dear Sweets, People are being so mean to me. Tonight, I just want to take off my clothes and feel your firm fingers sliding across my naked body, your tongue targeting that naughty tattoo you made me get on our anniversary night. But we are out of okra oil. Stop by the store and get some of that oil, $3.99 for a whole quart. Yes, the purple kind. You should have done so earlier, like I told you. Do I have to do everything myself? You think you’re the only girl in Washington that I can have on the side. They all want me, you bitch! Damn, you piss me off. Oh, God, I think I hit the wrong address button. Now see what you made me do, you little cafeteria slut.

  95. wallythepug

    I’m guessing that I am better educated than our Liz. I’m also shocked that she’s not working for a Republican.

  96. NoStyleHere

    “Elizabeth Becton
    Administrator at US House of Representatives”

    Does anyone have a premium LinkedIn account? She’s there, but I can only see the basic profile with my loser hobo basic account.

  97. hobospacejunkie

    [re=343096]Extemporanus[/re]: Hey hobospacesjunkie! Liz wanted me to tell you that she’s got the cup of hot fat and head of Alfredo Garcia that you ordered, and that you can use the first to help shove the second up your puckered little ass. KTHXBAI!

    Aw, that was sweet of you to pass on Liz’s message! Sorry I slept all day and missed the fun. Yesterday I told all I was headed over to Liz’s office to dry hump one of her cow legs. This did not go over so well. Liz kept telling me to go away, which only got me hotter. Then I soiled my pants and Liz was NOT PLEASED. Which of course only made me hotter. This went on for some time.

  98. thursday

    This whole story has been the bright spot of my entire year. Thank you, Wonkette, for giving me some richly deserved revenge on this batshit woman who terrorized me for three sweltering months. Revenge is indeed a dish best served cold.

  99. avoidinggradingpapers

    Lizzie Becton took an axe
    And gave her colleagues 40 whacks
    When Wonkette saw what she had done,
    We just HATED THE LIVING HELL OUT OF HER.

    Had to give up the dactylic quadrameter on that last line, sorry.

  100. chascates

    [re=343516]thursday[/re]: I foresee a musical comedy made out of this. Or at least a bit by The Capitol Steps.

  101. hobospacejunkie

    [re=343532]avoidinggradingpapers[/re]: If you can’t keep FOUR FUCKING LINES in dactylic quadrameter then you just don’t belong here, I’m sorry to say.

    *shuffles through wikipedia to discover what in hell dactylic quadrameter is*

  102. CharlesL

    Dear SENATOR Boxer (that’s SENATOR to you),
    I am happy to write this letter of recommendation for Liz Becton. You two are made for each other.
    Sincerely,
    Someone who can’t stop laughing at both of you!!!

  103. avoidinggradingpapers

    [re=343548]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Good point, I will never venture to this site again. I actually had to google the term myself…I teach this useless shit to mush-minded youngsters but hey it’s summer and I am drinking now.

  104. thursday

    [re=343441]kth[/re]: That’s her! That is indeed Elizabeth Becton. Finally someone found the right picture…

  105. schvitzatura

    [re=343582]thursday[/re]: Red roses for a blue meanie!

    GO, Telecomglove! Point, and having pointed, POUNCE!

  106. AKAM80TheWolf

    [re=343480]wallythepug[/re]:

    She did (seriously), but then she found out the hard way that Republicans like young male aides, and bitch got the boot.

  107. Tito Puente

    Now that Lizzy-Liz-Liz Jr. Shabadoo is fired from Congress, can Wonkette hire her as a regular contributor/board admin?

  108. Youstonedorjuststupid?

    D____ B_____? That’s an awful name to call someone who handles your food.

  109. Zorg

    Lizzie Becton took an axe
    And gave her server forty whacks.
    We she saw what she had done
    She gave her intern forty-one.

    Illiterate, my dear Miss Becton? I fear not!

  110. wallythepug

    Can we look forward to an all-caps email diatribe arriving in Wonkette’s in-box in the near future? Fingers crossed!

  111. ALIVE!

    [re=343582]thursday[/re]: Seeing the pic, I no longer have any trouble believing these emails.

  112. chascates

    [re=343582]thursday[/re]: I repeat my earlier comment. Based on that picture she should be happy to be called anything other than “Sooey.”

  113. DustBowlBlues

    I’m late to this particular party, so if this has been said, well then, fuck, ban me. Obviously, Liz must have came to DC with McDermott from Washington. She’s so Seattle Lesbian, her ridiculously outraged emails make me yawn. Take your estrogen, you butch bitch, and calm down.

  114. Pop Socket

    That second set of e-mails is so ironic that Alanis Morisette could wrote a song about them.

  115. DustBowlBlues

    Confession time, since it’s late and nobody’s reading. Why doesn’t this bitch send this stuff anonymously? When I was with the City, I once got a memo from the Fire Dept that had gone out to every department. One paragraph, three misspelled words. (Their instead of there, for one example). I circled them in red and sent it back with a note that said, “Spell check is not enough. Proofread before you send these out.”

    And this Liz person calls us illiterate. Base, yes. Not illiterate.

  116. Okied

    Liz, Liz, Lizzo,

    Now I will never get to be the bitchiest bitch in DC. Thanks a lot, shitsack.

  117. 19kevin8

    [re=343646]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Meh. She’s a career low level congressional staffer. Until McDermott she worked for several Republicans. Reading what I just wrote, I can sort of understand why she’s such a high strung beotch all the time.

  118. Marlowe

    [re=343188]ChickenTeriyakiBoy[/re]: From her salary, it looks as though she was off the public teat in 2007.
    But notice, she worked for Repubs when they ran the Hill, and then the Dems when they took over.
    She know where to get her bread buttered.

  119. decora

    you have got to be kidding me.

    a site whose commenters regularly issue death wishes … chiding someone for being mean…

    she probably –is– a commenter on this blog.

  120. Bruno

    Well the good news is that the internet is a very powerful tool in screening prospective employees, therefore I am going to Elizabeth (Liz) Becton as much as possible on Wonkette to make her feel dirty, confused and unemployable.

  121. zhubajie

    [re=343143]meg9[/re]: That would interesting. Keep us informed on what happens!

    Zhu Bajie

  122. MrsNateSilver

    [re=343161]Cape Clod[/re]: Awesome.
    In other news, does anyone else feel bad for Liz, a little? She obviously thinks she’s a Very Important Person in the world, to be emailing the way she does. And yet, she is completely insignificant. Her delusional self-importance makes me want to feed her some very good pot and get her to chillax. Imagine going through life with such a stiff poker up your bum bum and taking everything, including and esp. yourself, so seriously? Sad, really. Poor Liz.

  123. octupletsmom

    [re=343730]MrsNateSilver[/re]: “In other news, does anyone else feel bad for Liz, a little?”

    Uh, no.
    I imagine how she can’t go anywhere in her accustomed circles, like, forEVER, without people snickering at her.
    I examine my feelings for sympathy.
    Zero.
    Of course, that could be just me.

  124. A Better American Than YOU

    Ugh, if every self-important person in Washington was outed and Liz-ified, as we have done, the only decent and honorable person left would be Riley — and we don’t yet have enough information (‘cept of the god-awful sweater) to embarrass and humiliate him.

  125. Bruno

    “What kind of nasty, petty, poorly written (Did these people graduate from middle school to high school?) site is http://www.wonkette.com

    Liz, baby, the WWW is critical in front of every Interwebs address, thank you for maintinaing your high standards. You can even put the HTTP:// in front just to eliminate any and all confusion about what we are referring to

  126. Bruno

    This might be a good/real pixxx of Elizabeth (Liz, the Bitch or waster of your tax dollars) Becton. Then again the site is called Thaindian so it just might be some cougar prowl site:

    http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/world/dont-call-me-liz-says-elizabeth-becton_100207137.html

    Anyway, she deserves homeless unemployment for the rest of her life for stealing taxpayers money. Or, she can go serve a tour of duty in Iraq to redeem herself. Her boss has no balls if she’s not fired with cause.

  127. Bruno

    [re=343793]Bruno[/re]: wow. that’s spooky. the magick wonkette changed my post with just WWW to include the http://

  128. Bruno

    [re=343608]Youstonedorjuststupid?[/re]: “D____ B_____? That’s an awful name to call someone who handles your food.”

    I’m guessing someone isn’t going to bother washing their hands after their next bathroom break. Hope you’re up-to-date with your Hepatitis boosters Elizabeth Becton*

    *please keep using her full name. I would like this to be the #1 link associated with google searches related to her name, ensuring unemployable status for years to come.

  129. TheReallyImportantLawyer

    Dear Liz,

    I think we should sue you under restatement 90 promissory estoppel theory. Our reliance on you as a government employee creates the obligation that you are working every minute to earn your overinflated salary. Not only are your e-mails a waste of time and resources, you also are preventing potential commerce and much needed stimulation to an economy in when you took 20 e-mails to schedule a meeting between your boss and Chase bank. You are a puppet that could and will be replaced by a machine. Your job could be replaced easily with someone willing to work without opinions and/or entitlement. I cannot emphasize enough how meaningless your career is. Your boss makes decisions to which you have no influence, and your self-entitlement should not get in the way of deals between the government and private industry. You need to be fired immediately.

    -The really important lawyer.

  130. loquaciousmusic

    Again, the lady’s name is D____ C____ and she was NOT YET FIRED. She was SUSPENDED.

    Holy shit. Shelley Sekula Gibbs was suspended?

  131. J

    Is there any chance to get a picture of the lovely Liz? I’m guessing a cross between Dick Cheney and Roseanne Barr. Of course, sometimes they surprise you, she might be an Angie Harmon type.

  132. DogBoy

    [re=343756]windupbird[/re]: well, fair enough, i was thinking about casual corner, or maybe dress barn woman. but i have a further question: why does this person have a job that pays $60k, and i–with decades of experience in office operations, scheduling, copy-writing, and all-around constituent service not have a job? if anyone has a lead, let me know. i am exremely respectable and responsible, and many times a lot of fun. I’d never let my boss down with something this ridiculous. resume and references available on request.

  133. darkstar

    I have met Becton. No, she’s not a devil in real life. No horns, nothing – nada. Sorry to dash everyone’s hopes and dreams. In fact – she makes mean homemade brownies. Also, as for physical description – she is shortish, brown hair – from what I remember. Nothing out of the ordinary.

    However, this is certainly not McDermott’s finest hour. In fact – Mcdermott’s old scheduler, who I’ll just refer to as “Bev” was indeed fantastic and ran a tight ship. I also never knew her to have a superiority and ego complex like Becton. I wish she was back…

  134. hobospacejunkie

    [re=343953]darkstar[/re]: she’s not a devil in real life. No horns, nothing

    Are you sure ? Did you check under her hair? Maybe give her a friendly tousle to feel around? The horns I’ve seen (on teevee) always seem to sprout from somewhere under the hair. She may be filing hers down a la Hellboy.

  135. Cranky Old Batt

    Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie! You get your panties get in a bunch so tightly and frequently that surgery is going to be required to remove them.

  136. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=343652]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Huh, are Seattle dykes all that bad? I’ve rather been avoiding them, preferring the lipstick lesbos if I have to be around any of them at all, so… le sigh… I go away for FOUR DAYS and this is what happens? What really pisses me off is that I spent the last few days just minutes from DC, packing my boyfriends’ parents up for an international move, and I prolly could have stopped by McDermott’s office on the Hill and met Liz, seeing as how I’m a constituent and all… wait, is that how it works? He DOES have an office in DC, right?

  137. ms_mcgee

    WHAT?! She called Wonkette readers narcissistic? Liz is a total and complete…oh look, a mirror…

  138. thefrontpage

    What the hell is wrong with this woman? She’s working in a Congressman’s office? What a juvenile, childish asshole! She needs to get a grip–and grow up. And get a sense of humor. And some insight into the zeitgeist. And some intelligence. And some diplomatic skills. And some writing skills. And a personality. What a doofus!

  139. Mad Farmer Manifest

    I may be base, illiterate, and narcissistic, but at least I’m smart enought to Google a phone number or buying some frosting.

  140. Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=344668]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Make that “buy” not “buying”. Just going out of my way to prove Lizzy’s point.

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