WHERE Do Olive Garden’s Allegiances Lie: With David Letterman, Or Some Funny PUMA Blog?

  how do we even write this...

What are the PUMAs up to, and why? It is the impossible question. Have they uncovered new evidence of Obama campaign voter suppression (sexism) in some early caucus state? Maybe they’ll do that next week. For now, they’re at the forefront of the “Anti-David Letterman Movement,” which you may have suspected after watching that funny protest video yesterday. One of their blogs, “HillBuzz,” — hint: it’s not named after Barack Obama! — made the comical photoshop above along with many others, each one for companies that advertise with the David Letterman show. If these companies don’t cancel their contracts with CBS, the logic goes, then they will be considered Willow-rapers too. And it appeared earlier in the day as though the PUMAs succeeded in persuading the Olive Garden to cancel, but… no.

America’s top news source The Politico reported earlier in the day, from an “Olive Garden insider” or something that the company would cancel all of its Letterman ad buys for the remainder of the year. A victory for the PUMA Movement! Next stop: getting Harold Ickes to convince the DNC Rules & Bylaws Committee to retroactively reinstate Florida and Michigan’s delegates in full, getting Lanny Davis on the morning talk show circuit to convince a few more superdelegates, and winning the nomination for Hillary.

But the Olive Garden company spokesman issued a statement today condemning Politico, which the New York Times happily reported:

Rich Jeffers, the spokesman, said Olive Garden was attempting to counter what he called “erroneous information out there,” which he said came from the website Politico. The site posted a report by Andy Barr on Thursday saying that the restaurant was “cancelling all its scheduled ads” on Mr. Letterman’s show for the rest of the year.

Mr. Jeffers said in a telephone interview that no such cancellation decision had been made and that the company’s schedule of commercials in the show had simply expired “earlier this month.”

 
Related video

Child rapists, all.

One final thing: Balloon Juice’s DougJ writes in his post about this nonsense, “I can’t quite wrap my head around the whole PUMA thing, so maybe John or Wonkette or someone with a better understanding of the PUMAsphere can explain all of this.”

It’s not too complicated, Doug, and can be explained in one crisp sentence: “The PUMA movement was thought of as a bunch of disgruntled voters when, in reality, it was the Taj Mahal of consciousness reforming political mathematics.”

Olive Garden Says It Did Not Cancel Ads on Letterman Show [NYT]
[HillBuzz]

Related

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

107 comments

  1. NoWireHangers

    If there’s one thing PUMAS love, it’s basket upon basket of endless Olive Garden breadsticks.

  2. keepinitrealyo

    I think I caused this – I was arguing with a right wing blogger yesterday about liberal media bias and he demanded that I show where outraged woman’s groups were in the news about this story. I said, “well you linked to NOW last week; and the only other woman’s groups I know of nowadays are the DAR and the PUMAs.” I had no idea that those talking points memos go UP the chain too!

  3. Min

    I hope PUMA didn’t pay anyone any money to develop that video, ’cause they wuz robbed.

  4. octupletsmom

    [re=342622]keepinitrealyo[/re]: I found out about one more woman’s group yesterday–the one of People Named Liz.

  5. MzNicky

    Additionally: Holy Christ, will these PUMAs, like Cheney and Gov. Moosebilly and well the entire Repiglican party, just NEVER go away and quit annoying people already? Good lord.

  6. gjdodger

    “Wssilla Garden…When You’re Here, You’re Spectacularly Increasing Family With Babies Shooting Out Of Every Available Female Orifice.”

  7. Texan Bulldoggette

    David Letterman assaulted his daughter? Stupid PUMA’s can’t get anything right.

    Who the hell eats at Olive Garden anyway?

  8. Scandalabra

    I watched the whole thing, so now it’s up to my heirs to decide if they want to mop up my brains into a container, or just burn the place down.

  9. Trace

    PUMAs are like a special kind of remora that only attaches itself to finless, half-dead sharks.

  10. ManchuCandidate

    I can get more realistic “Italian” food out of a can of Chef Boyardee than Olive Garden.

    The PUMAs have become the Right’s answer to Operation Pink.

  11. boinggg

    PUMA and I have arrived at the same conclusion, but for different reasons. I’ve been to an Olive Garden once, won’t do it again.

  12. bitchincamaro

    I raped a veal marsala there once. It was fun. I say, shut ‘em all down before I rape again.

  13. chascates

    The PUMAs have gone from ‘Party Unity My Ass’ to ‘People United Means Action.’ And it still doesn’t make any sense. Just as the Birthers will never be satisfied that there isn’t a grand conspiracy behind this incredible constitutional crisis about Barry’s birth certificate the PUMAs can never forget the horrible treatment noted female Hillary Clinton received from the Obama campaign. So they latched onto the next best candidate, totally-opposite female Sarah Palin.

    Imagine if Alex Jones’ had a maiden aunt who’s a member of the United Daughters of the Confederacy who only listened to AM radio preachers but drank cheap sherry all day. That’s a PUMA.

  14. MzNicky

    JimNewell: Sorry man. Once an anal-retentive copyeditor, always an anal-retentive copyeditor. It’s a sickness, it is.

  15. AutomaticPilot

    [re=342638]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Obviously you have never tried Olive Garden’s “rollatini” – just like my mama used to make!

  16. Hopey dont play that game

    I still can’t read anything about this without giggling about the phrase “mouth rape”. That rally had to be a brilliant piece of performance art.

  17. Mad Farmer Manifest

    “Continued pressure on Mars Candy, Kelloggs, and Johnson + Johnson will make Madison Avenue advertising execs see that attacks on women inspire a whole army of Al Sharptons to stand up for women in the same way the black community rallies when it believes racism is afoot. ”

    The wisdom, it is flowing at HillBuzz.

  18. TeddyS

    I will no eat at the Olive Garden because their food made me puke. I made the decision much more earlier, and not because some PUMA lady started bitchin’.

  19. donner_froh

    The one time I had a meal at an Olive Garden (it is my wife’s parents’ favorite eatery) the only part of it that wasn’t disgusting was that they expected you to order wine at 11:30 AM. If you want to know how someone can really fuck up something as simple as pasta try the Olive Garden.

    And there were grand-PUMAs everywhere.

  20. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=342666]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: “Continued pressure on Mars Candy, Kelloggs, and Johnson + Johnson”

    Hmmm…Am I to believe that PUMAs are really going to quit eating Mars candy products, sugary cereals & quit buying feminine hygiene-ish products? Something tells me that the PUMAs didn’t think this one through very well.

  21. Tommmcatt

    Inside the circle, there are no size 12 or under housecoats. Inside the circle, they flaunt their armpit hair on others, and call it an “otter kiss”. Inside the circle, they secretly lust after black cock due to no-no rape fantasies- even though their racism is well documented. Inside the circle, they do bad photoshops of pigs with crayola red hair and call them “Jim Newell”, then get upset when people call them menopausal taint-manglers. Inside the circle they donate to John McCain and call themseves Democrats.

    You could say we are in the same universe, but the difference between them and us is a basic understanding of how politics work, a sense of humor, and still-flowing sex hormones.

    That video is the Taj Mahal of inane pretentious drivel.

  22. Blender

    Forgive them – menopause is a tragic mindfuck for some; they just lose it.

    Or do they call it wymynopause now?

  23. DoctorCulturae

    Oy. This is Palin/PUMA concocted y’all. The Gov et al won’t let it go cause they got nothing else. Dave fits the enemy demographic for them. He’s up to the challenge even though he was uncharacteristically caught off guard on this one. Unless he deals with it (who else can, except Stewart & Colbert?) these kind of beyond-inanity incidents will continue from SistahSarah. Methinks someone with the same kind of appeal, who could use a little boost, who exposed her the first time should get on Dave’s show for a little leverage. Of course that’s Ms. Couric.

  24. WadISay

    The Olive Garden: When you’re there, you’re family

    Yeah, a family that shits Volkswagens for a week.

  25. hobospacejunkie

    [re=342681]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Couric was on Stewart’s show a week or two ago and spent the entire interview trying not to laugh as Jon made jokes eviscerating her (average age: 62) audience. One of the more amusing things I’ve seen in a while. Also, she is 51, and, well, you know. Hard-hitting interviewer that he is, Stewart didn’t ask her about Palin.

  26. John Thune

    “You could say we live in the same universe”

    I’m not sure you could actually say that. I’m glad to see someone finally perfected the random trippy image generator though.

  27. Manos: Hands of Fate

    [re=342690]John Thune[/re]: Welcome Senator and thanks for your service to our nation.

  28. shortsshortsshorts

    After finally coming home and being able to watch that fantastic video, I just want to say that I have been raised to a new level of consciousness. We are one world, united, even in our differences. We have one reality, which binds us all. There is but one vision among us— something easy to distinguish from all the lies, the sexism, the mental stereotypes that create illogical discourse, and never-ending suffering begotten on our society. Sigmund Freud said it best: “Hillary Clinton.”

  29. eclecticbrotha

    OMGAWD @ that absurd promotional video. Sounds like a Truman Capote impersonator doing a Motel 6 ad. Or, maybe this was a Heaven’s Gate infomercial. Damn, the stupid truly burns in that one.

  30. Betty Cracker

    RE: the PUMA Movement video, as someone pointed out in the youtube comments, the Taj Mahal is a freaking tomb!

  31. PerhapsSo

    Tomorrow I may try to buy something from every company that they are against. But that would take effort. On a Friday? Meh.

  32. Trinkett

    [re=342674]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I guess it’s Hershey, Muesli, and menstrual sponges for the PUMAs.

  33. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I once had a PUMA movement after eating at the Olive Garden…, It was all smelly and gross.

  34. Country Club Jihadi

    I miss Uday and Qusay and wish they could come back to be waiters at the Olive Garden, just for these special ladies.

  35. Joshua Norton

    Olive Garden is to pasta what Taco Bell is to beans and rice. The same shit in a different shape with a different name.

    247 different ways to serve Chef Boyardee.

  36. DoctorCulturae

    [re=342689]hobospacejunkie[/re]: She can be an insufferable giggle-girl, but that’s my point. She also asked the question that opened up the can o’worms: “what newspapers do you read?” Given what has transpired recently, she and Dave *could* do a half hour of riffing off of that. Plus CBS gets a two-fer for her appearance.

    And Olive Garden? Meh puke-tastic.

  37. MOG

    I was a Hilz bitter and just thinking about Sister Sarah makes me throw up a little (lot) in the back of my throat. Don’t know ONE Hilz backer who considers PUMA anything other than a Swiftboat kick in the ass, really. Just say’n. And yes, I’m OLD.

  38. stanpan

    Oh, gawd, if only I could watch Letterman without seeing those horrible Olive Garden spots. Every time I hear the twit that does the voice-overs on their commercials, I wanna throw a cow pie in his face. Please, Olive Garden, pull your spots!

  39. sati demise

    [re=342676]Tommmcatt[/re]: beautiful man, just brought tears to my eyes. That video gave me a reverse seizure.

  40. 19kevin8

    Great. Can Olive Garden can spend the money they save from not advertising on the Late Show on some more wait-staff? Nothing sucks like waiting forever for shitty service at a crappy, over-priced chain restaurant!

  41. Edywin

    My last basket of breadsticks looked like old man penis, with a light coating of butter. Damn those perverts getting young girls hooked on grampa schlong!

  42. SayItWithWookies

    That video — holy crap. If ever two movements would not be expected to merge, it would be the post-structuralists and the PUMAs. Okay, I only saw the first minute and a half, so maybe the rest of it starts to make sense, but I’m not betting that way.

  43. John Thune

    [re=342693]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: It’s an honor to serve our nation in the US Senate and in the Wonkette comments.

    Also: Manos is a great film. Bet I’ve seen it four times.

  44. mollymcguire

    Once I read “Red Lobster, White Trash and the Blue Lagoon” by Joe Queenan, I knew I could never eat in an Olive Garden again.

  45. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Well, I guess the good news is that, based upon the video, we can expect the PUMAs to self-castrate and then take cyanide the next time a comet comes near Earth.

  46. gurukalehuru

    [re=342643]chascates[/re]: Alex Jones may be nuts, but he may also be right. The two are not mutually exclusive. 2 planes, 3 buildings doesn’t add up.

    But, on topic, I am fully expecting mass hilarity, in about 2 or 3 years, when Willow DOES get knocked up, from all the abstaining.

  47. Lascauxcaveman

    I’ve had a meal at the Olive Garden. I was awhile ago, but I remember some breadsticks (not bad), a salad with “Italian” dressing (OK) some prawns (good) in with some pasta and “sauce” (gummy and bleh).

    Nothing to write home about, but now that I know PUMAs are boycotting them I may have to give them a second chance; if the in-laws are picking up the tab. I’m pretty sure another trip to TGIFridays would be lethal, anyway.

  48. qaf

    [re=342676]Tommmcatt[/re]: “menopausal taint-manglers”

    I don’t know what that means, and I really don’t want to, but kudos on a brilliant and unique turn of phrase. Salut!

  49. lumpenprole

    That video is awesome. It’s so close to being worthy of pre-dawn teevee production values (and sentiments).

  50. gurukalehuru

    I think PUMA stands for “Pickle Up My Ass”

    …and why was Barney Frank doing the voice for that video?

  51. gurukalehuru

    but “The Taj Mahal of consciousness” is an awesome phrase. I vote we steal it.

  52. gurukalehuru

    Wow! That is such a bucketload of crazy that I watched it twice. What’s up with the dancing alien robots at the end? And did he really say that they now lived in a different universe than us? (A: Yes)

  53. Lazy Media

    Along with the rape of Italian-American food, Olive Garden needs to answer for their fucked-up name. Olives are grown in orchards, not gardens.

  54. gurukalehuru

    and the handsome young man in a suit with a far away gaze at about 1:30 who was GAYged bla bla bla…

  55. Cape Clod

    Wrong cultural icon.
    “The PUMA movement was thought of as a bunch of disgruntled voters when, in reality, it was the Paris Sewers of consciousness reforming political mathematics.”
    Fixed

  56. President Beeblebrox

    [re=342622]keepinitrealyo[/re]: You forgot the Order of the Eastern Star. Pretty much all the same demographic.

  57. Johnny Zhivago

    Did you know Olive Garden puts arugula in its salads???

    Perverted, communistic and FRENCH!

  58. June Cleaver 2.0

    What kind of incomprehensible mess was that video? How did I wind up thinking about Andy Warhol and a bleak combination of middle school shop-computer lab? What in the world did THEY think they were saying?

    Losing should not be this hard for Republicans.

    It’s pathetic — but funny!

  59. eclecticbrotha

    “The Taj Mahal of Consciousness” means “a place where brain cells go to die.”

  60. queeraselvis v 2.0

    This video looks like something that was rejected from a PowerPoint 101 class as being too damn lame.

  61. Godot

    I can’t figure Olive Garden out. They try to be fancier than your typical chain restaurant like Uno’s, Friday’s, Outback, etc., with their decor and prices. But their food isn’t any better and honestly is probably worse. So anyone who wants that level of food would more likely go to a cheaper, more casual-setting place, and anyone who wants that level of fancy style would go to an ACTUAL fancy restaurant with better food.

    How do they stay in business?

  62. Vewol Mevemont

    This is what “Ringu” would have looked like if it were written and directed by L. Ron Hubbard.

  63. Vewol Mevemont

    [re=342809]Godot[/re]: It’s a good place to go if you have a family. And you hate that family.

  64. zhubajie

    [re=342666]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: If these people are the female Al Sharpton, who is the female Reverend Ike?

    Zhu Bajie

  65. zhubajie

    [re=342674]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Does Johnson + Johnson make KY Jelly? Or some other buttsecks aid?

    Zhu Bajie

  66. qwerty42

    I thought Jim’s comment on the video really captured the flavor:
    …It’s a standard recruitment tape for a suicide cult or the Dharma Initiative or whatever.
    I do think watching it on some sort of drugs might be a help. but which?

  67. Mr Blifil

    [re=342759]gurukalehuru[/re]: That was not Barney Frank providing the voiceover. I’m pretty sure it was Tom Carvel.

  68. heroinmule

    [re=342829]qwerty42[/re]: iced white zinfandel spritzer and the generic version of whichever pill cocktail peggy noonan inhaled this morning

  69. Lazy Media

    [re=342809]Godot[/re]: They stay in business the way every chain restaurant does: people are retarded sheep who are afraid to try anything unblessed by the herd. You can probably get better food at the local diner, but they don’t have TV commercials and you’ve never seen their logo before, so let’s not go there.

  70. One Yield Regular

    Once bitten, forever shy, so it’s highly unlikely that I’d ever find myself in an Olive Garden again. I keep thinking of the TV commercial they ran last year, where they touted their own “cooking school” in Italy where their chefs trained. It always made me want to go into one just to call out the “chef” to have him or her tell me all about that outstanding international culinary training.

    But to get back to the point, it’s really hard to see a downside to canceling Olive Garden ads.

  71. Bruno

    Hearing someone sermonise about something that makes no sense attempting to use “big” words is the reason I don’t go to church. Thank you Pumas, for reminding me not to waste my time.

Comments are closed.