• May 27, 2012

What Would Jesus Do If A Fly Landed On Him While Being Interviewed By John Harwood?

by Riley Waggaman  5:51 pm June 18, 2009

  • CNBC Jamaican Financial Psychic Jim Cramer just wants to do his televised Tarot reading in peace, but Barack Obama keeps calling in and asking tiresome questions about the future. Enough already! [Think Progress]
  • There is Andrew Sullivan, Heir of Isildur, who hails from the faraway Atlantic. And then there is Anonymous, your teenage son, who comes from the Basement. They are part of the Fellowship of the Internet, and they must stop Sauron from stealing the election in Iran. [AMERICAblog]
  • You look stressed. Why don’t you light a few candles, hop in the tub and relax to the celebrated album Whale Sounds and Michelle Malkin? The first track — “Closing Guantanamo is the easy and lazy thing to do” — always puts us in a magical Enya-like trance. [Michelle Malkin]
  • For today’s RedState Bible Study we will be reading 1 Kings 3:16-28, The Judgement of King Obama: “And two women appeared before Obama and began to bicker in a most incommodious manner, both insisting they were the mother of some unborn baby, which wise King Obama knew was impossible. Finally, the King rose from his gilded throne and bellowed, ‘Bring the unborn child to me, so that I may abort it with my sword.’ And then King Obama swatted a fly that landed on his arm. The End.” [RedState]

{ 35 comments }

Jsab June 18, 2009 at 5:59 pm

Isn’t it ironic that Cramer is only thinking short-term?

Mangodash June 18, 2009 at 6:00 pm

I like this Riley character.

magic titty June 18, 2009 at 6:03 pm

Jesus would smite the fly for being insolent.

Scrodd June 18, 2009 at 6:06 pm

Great, Andrew Sullivan is teaming up with /b/! Do not send pics, and remember rule #34!!

chascates June 18, 2009 at 6:09 pm

[re=342525]Mangodash[/re]: Riley does great work but don’t praise him too much. Once he figures out he can get paid actual money for this type of work someplace else he’ll be gone and we’ll start from scratch again.

Min June 18, 2009 at 6:11 pm

“Iran calls for aid!”
“And Sullivan will answer.”

SayItWithWookies June 18, 2009 at 6:13 pm

That RedStater presents a great argument for dying in childbirth. Why an actual living human being would choose abortion instead is hard to imagine. And every time I think that I’ve seen every form of idiocy, one more springs up — it’s amazing.

Bronkers June 18, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Jeebus, Lil’ Waggamuffin, you’re so good you’re unsettling me. Chascates is right — no more praise. We have to keep you unsettled and anxious to please.

LittlePig June 18, 2009 at 6:18 pm

you may remember “Anonymous.” They’re the guerrilla online activists taking on the Scientologists. Anonymous, with the support of the Pirate Bay, have set up a site to help Iranians interested in using the Internet to aide their battle – and you can tell it’s real because it’s the same URL that Anonymous uses.

*sigh* Just when you think /b/ is the bottom of the barrel…

LittlePig June 18, 2009 at 6:19 pm

[re=342530]Scrodd[/re]: DO NOT WANT

doloras June 18, 2009 at 6:23 pm

[re=342541]LittlePig[/re]: Actually, if I know anything about /b/, they will be REVOLTED at the use of “Anonymous”‘s name in this manner. I believe that they would call coming to the aid of the people of Iran “moralfaggotry”. They gave up fighting Scientology when they realised that it had become about the good deeds rather than the lulz. Actually, look for a 4chan splinter group to start trolling in favour of Ahmedinejad.

Mad Farmer Manifest June 18, 2009 at 6:25 pm

Way to go full Tolkein nerd on the second item. But I guess Lord Cascates says that we shall praise thee too much.

SayItWithWookies June 18, 2009 at 6:26 pm

Jim Cramer: “But until we get the economy moving again, I think everybody wishes that Obama would just kind of go away for a little bit.”

Yeah, how are the Republicans going to claim that the recession just fixed itself when President Obama’s always hogging the spotlight doing shit about it?

glamourdammerung June 18, 2009 at 6:26 pm

Cramer is just trying to pick a fight with someone that is polite enough to not hand his ass to him on network television multiple times.

Joshua Norton June 18, 2009 at 6:27 pm

Hey, I’m with Barry. A fly buzzes around me and I grab the nearest object and start swinging.

MisterLoki June 18, 2009 at 6:30 pm

[re=342545]doloras[/re]: That has already happened, at least to some extent.

Oh, and Anonymous and Mudkipz in one day? Welcome to /w/.

Humpback June 18, 2009 at 6:30 pm

I keep singing to Michelle, but she never sings back.

ManchuCandidate June 18, 2009 at 6:31 pm

Note to Red State, Sarah Palin’s very unhappy with you to insinuate that Barry as Solomon would abort her grandkids as sired by A-Rod.

AxmxZ June 18, 2009 at 6:38 pm

I’ve killed flies with my hand before, but a first swat kill is impressive. My atavistic Id is rolling over and showing its belly.

ManchuCandidate June 18, 2009 at 6:40 pm

I don’t know how whale shrieks and the sound of ping pong balls being shot out of a coochie are considered soothing, but I expect weird shit from Malkin’s typical audience of dunderheads.

hobospacejunkie June 18, 2009 at 6:43 pm

In keeping with Chascates admonition, not bad Waggaman. Not bad. Probably could be better.

But I don’t think I’m out of line in praising your Sieg Heil to Rep. Boner. That’s along the lines of “go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney.” I’m so surprised he decided no more photos after that. Keep up the good work annoying our evil representatives. You do us proud.

Come here a minute June 18, 2009 at 6:53 pm

[re=342534]chascates[/re]: Just don’t send your resume to washingtonpost.com — not hirin’, firin’.

lawrenceofthedesert June 18, 2009 at 7:03 pm

Like all in the financial markets who count on the narcolepsy of the small investor, Cramer can’t stand attention. Obama and the rest of us, even the Fed and SEC, should quietly go away and stop paying attention. All Wall Street suffers when that pest Accountability raises its monster head.

jasper f. krone June 18, 2009 at 7:10 pm

So now Malkin approves of Coulter’s “9/11 Harpies”? Aren’t they just opportunistic golddiggers? What difference does it make to a harpie golddigger whether the prison is open or closed?

Holding Out for a Hero June 18, 2009 at 7:18 pm

A day may come when the technology of the Twitters fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of blogging from our basements but it is not this day!!!!!

Crow T. Robot June 18, 2009 at 8:39 pm

Riley–

Nice job bringing the geeky on this post. More verbose & more purely nerd-y than either Ken or the ginger generally deliver. There did need to be one more entry though, for symmetry.

80%

Vulpes82 June 18, 2009 at 10:27 pm

Now, Riley, don’t be silly! Andrew Sullivan isn’t Aragorn; he’s obviously a Beorn!

CivicHoliday June 18, 2009 at 11:54 pm

a dead mommy beats a not dead mommy anyday. Jeebus lurves losers.

darbyogill June 19, 2009 at 1:30 am

I love New Intern Riley. Never leave us. Also, Intern Riley, would you like to marry me in a polygimist version of four-square?

wallythepug June 19, 2009 at 4:03 am

I loved Jon Stewart’s take on the whole fly brouhaha, ending with Dan Rather calling JS a pussy.

LittlePig June 19, 2009 at 8:35 am

[re=342545]doloras[/re]: You’re absolutely right – I guess I should have said “just when you thought /b/ n00bs were the bottom of the barrel”. Avarosis’ utter cluelessness was what I was trying to convey, because hey, it’s always the same group of guys wearing the Guy Fawkes masks, right?

Note to Mr. Avarosis: SHUT. UP.

SlipperyDick June 19, 2009 at 9:06 am

Best total thrashing of the Andrew Sullivan award goes to Katha Pollitt , who apparently knows less than any Ensign intern knows about soliciting bareback sex on the internets.

FlamingSooner June 19, 2009 at 9:42 am

So, Gianna Molla made A PERSONAL CHOICE in 1962?

I’m glad she was somehow able to do that….since that was NOT LEGAL then.

dsdrane June 19, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Yeah, Andrew really needs to get some sleep.

flyingspaghettimonster June 19, 2009 at 11:48 pm

Yes, let’s let widowed soccer moms decide policy for the DHS. Oh Michelle. Are there no internment camps for these people?

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