Teabagging in our time.Whoa, the news scoops keep coming from City Paper about the horrific plans for the Real World gloom factory on 20th St. NW: The contractors have been instructed to install frightening “Love Sacks” — five of them, in a testicle-shaped “bay window,” so that neighbors and passers-by will have to watch the eight (?) cast members in constant acts of sodomy whilst perched upon said Love Sacks.

Jesus christ if John Ashcroft was still running DoJ, this fuck-house would be closed down before it ever opened. Also: Really, do we need more GRANITE COUNTERTOPS in this world? Those goddamned things actually were the cause of the current Global Recession. [Washington City Paper]

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  1. I thought there were laws against putting your love sack in the window for all to see. Maybe they can’t help it — they’ve got Turret’s Syndrome.

  2. Like the creepy abortion doctor killer, I believe that some acts of violence are justified before god (Shiva, in my case). Of course, killing doctors is divisive, to say the least. 9/11 was unifying — but at what cost! Why can’t we have some terrorism that sheds blood but not tears, and that unifies 85% of the nation?

    Also, Ken, I sadly think your comment about the granite countertops has just Won the Afternoon.

  3. Ken Layne when will you learn to count there are five — FIVE — love sacks. One for every one and 3/8ths (are there eight of them?) cast member.

  4. [re=342239]Joshua Norton[/re]: Granite counter tops are so last week. You need ones made from recycled glass (preferably collected at Los Alamos, the food stays warm like magic!) or formed concrete. These are the new uber chic counter surfaces that are emerging in McMansions in an ex-burb near you, to show up those people with boring old granite as passe wannabees.

    These MTV scum clearly have been sabotaged by the interior designer of this project, and most likely deservedly so.

  5. Washington and Hollywood clasp one another in a sweet, salty embrace. Cast:
    – a power-crazed middle-aged scheduler
    – a wide-stanced ex-Senator
    – some bi-polar, nyphomaniacal interns (not YOU, Waggo!)
    – a few teen “research policy consultants”
    – Bristol, Levi/Ricky, Tweet, Stinky, and some other Palins
    – include Megs McCain as The Voice of Reason
    – Lady Peggy drunkenly observing through peep-holes and hidden cameras

    If only Nabokov were alive to document it all.

  6. Each shack should be decorated with a political sex scandal theme, like wall paper made of Kwame’s sexy text messages. There should also be plenty of Hawaiian Pizza for everyone.

  7. So where’s the room where you smoke a little dope, eat HoHo’s and watch the Discovery Chanel?

    Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing looks like a Bravo TV “Top Design” reject? Like something that lost around week 2?

  8. I take comfort in the fact that granite counter tops can emit radon at dangerously high levels. HA! Take THAT, you boring upper class snobs on your fancy cul-de-sacs named after all the trees they cut down to build your ugly 5,000 square foot McMansion.

  9. [re=342285]bitchincamaro[/re]: a hanzo steel for everyone? so it will end like the crazy 88’s?
    [re=342271]A Better American Than YOU[/re]: great cast!

  10. [re=342271]A Better American Than YOU[/re]: I would buy a TIVO to ensure never missing an episode of THAT show. But please add a boring orange character for the scheduler and the ex-Senator to fight over. His murder could be the cliff-hanger for Season One. Why is it too much to ask that we have episodic political satire? Wouldn’t the cost of paying real writers be offset by the rioting that would break out when the Palin Posse realized their Snow Queen was being mocked? Those crazy PUMAs certainly drove up Letterman’s ratings.

  11. Isn’t the bigger question “Why is there a bench in the bathroom?” I mean, do people go in there and just hang out? Or is it for weight lifting?

  12. Some day, the poor guy that lives across the street from that thing will be drinking a morning cup of coffee, look out the window to take in the sunrise and accidentally get an eyeful of tangled “love sack action”. He will be stricken with disgust twinges sporadically throughout the day.

  13. so that neighbors and passers-by will have to watch the eight (?) cast members in constant acts of sodomy whilst perched upon said Love Sacks.

    Hey, it’s better than having to listen to them attempt human speech.

  14. i painted my laminate counter for the fun and now it’s poisoned and a carcinogen and i have to get granite.

    this is a true story*

    *except for the granite part.

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