temple of doom

‘Real World DC’ Cult-Sex Weeping Chamber Blueprints Revealed

This is a weeping song, a song in which to weep ...What kind of DC buildings generally require a large room called a “confessional,” hmmm? Maybe churches? But nobody builds churches anymore. Maybe Michael Steele’s dream plans for the new GOP headquarters, where the Republicans can boozily admit to their various crimes of racism and pedophilia? NO EVEN BETTER, this is a scoop from the Washington City Paper: Actual blueprints for the Real World DC “weeping chamber,” where the young and talentless stars of this year’s edition of some old MTV comedy will be forced to admit to terrible, terrible things.

How terrible? Well there are two (2) bathrooms adjoining this Weeping Chamber, as well as a mysterious long gallery of frost with no windows and no doors called the “BLDG MECH,” which might be where the creeps watch these dim-witted teen-agers 24 hours a day to catch them, say, masturbating to an informercial or not flossing.

A major part of The Real World is apparently a videotaped group terror/therapy session in which the pudgy tattooed near-children sit around this Mouth-Rape Chamber jabbering and moaning over perceived slights and infatuations and the scary “reality” of living in some bizarre mechanical horror mansion in the nation’s capital, which is a pretty frightening place all by itself.

The D.C. Real World House: Bedrooms, Game Room, and Confessional on First Floor [Washington City Paper]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

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  • Packherd

    I for one welcome our new 20-something overlords.

  • Dave J.

    Check out all those “open closets,” hmmmm? Maybe this is “Real World GOP edition?”

  • Hart88

    They need another room for HVAC? I guess that really is a giant rat-vacuum on the roof.

  • Joe Schmoe

    So this is where Dick Cheney used to hide!!!

  • FlownOver

    Terrible, terrible things like agreeing to appear on The Real World ?

  • Doglessliberal

    I am pretty sure Scalia’s house has a weeping champer, too, for the post-flagellation pentitent weeping following his Opus Dei rituals.

  • Min

    Maybe Michael Steele’s dream plans for the new GOP headquarters, where the Republicans can boozily admit to their various crimes of racism and pedophilia?

    No doubt, Mr. Steele would prefer for Republican Congressmen to drop to their knees here than in a public toilet.

  • Doglessliberal

    chamBer. Sheesh

  • floofy

    Where are they planning to put the steroid and Lithium dispenser?

  • Internally valid

    “Mouth-Rape Chamber”

    I hadn’t heard Letterman was going to be on this season.

  • Ken Layne

    [re=342045]Doglessliberal[/re]: Trust me, Scalia’s got a weeping CHAMPER, too.

  • Lazy Media

    OK, ssshhhhh, nobody tell the rightwing nutjob and/or Muslin terrorists that MTV is an ATHEISTIC SOCIALIST PLOT, and that blowing up the Real World DC house would set back Obama’s plan for one-world government and mandatory gay marriage by ten years. They could be listening ANYWHERE, so be careful talking about it.

  • MARCdMan

    who still watches this crap?

  • Joshua Norton

    Maybe they’re planning a combo deal. Sort of “Real World” meets “Blair Witch”. That would solve everyone’s problems. Namely the end of the series with a finale that no one would miss.

  • Joshua Norton

    I don’t know what you all see on your screen, but on mine, the room to the right of the Confessional is labeled “Beating Area”.

  • Lemming Caution

    love the alt-text.

  • Mild Midwesterner

    I think the confessional is larger than my entire condo.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    OMG I IZ SOO MAD AT TEH PEEPOL I LIV WID I COULD PROBS KIL DIM AT DIS POINT. YOU GUYZ DIS IS FOR REAL. I CHER DIS WID CONFESHION BOOF LATER.

    CHEK OUT TEH BLAG ABOUT DUH ROOMEES ON MTEEVEE.COMM.

  • lizard scum

    [re=342051]Lazy Media[/re]: I don’t want the wingnuts to able to claim responsibility. This is a job for the lame but unrepentant Bill Ayers.

  • wonderboom

    When I was a teenager, you wept and beat-off in the same, damn room. And you were thankful, by golly.

  • freakishlystrong

    Where’s the hot tub? It ain’t Real World without a hot tub…

  • lizard scum

    [re=342067]lizard scum[/re]: redeem himself, what I mean.

  • WadISay

    There should be a corridor labelled “Jennifer and I are really having a hard time with Justin right now. Justin is such a [bleep],” leading to a door labelled “slamming door.”

  • nappyduggs

    [re=342043]Doglessliberal[/re]: My grampy had a weeping champer and he just rubbed Absorbine Jr. on it. Dried right up. We should rub Absorbine Jr. on everyone in the Real World house is what I’m saying.

  • bitchincamaro

    I am forced to do all of my weeping while walking the streets of NY. It’s a veritable weeping orgy out there these days, so nobody really pays much attention. Which make we weep even more.

  • sezme

    I don’t see where the masterbatorium is located.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=342049]Ken Layne[/re]: and a whole lot more terrifying implements….

  • lizard scum

    So that’s how they script these “reality” shows, without making their talentless cast feel like actors.

  • MARCdMan

    [re=342082]sezme[/re]: they are calling it “Open Closets”

  • S.Luggo

    Re: the diagonals in the upper left. Is that sniper fire?

  • Extemporanus

    I hope all the “Real World” kids this season are a lot more like Pedro.

  • magic titty

    [re=342068]wonderboom[/re]: And you wouldn’t post it on Twitter either. Maybe.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Is this like the GOP’s version of The Adventurer’s Club room?
    Or maybe, this weeping room is where the dutiful wives stand by their republican husbands who weepingly state they are going to spend more time with their family.

  • schvitzatura

    Lacrymatorium! Is that like a bonus room available from Pulte or Hovnanian…if not I’m sure quite a few spaces in near-foreclosed McMansions have been repurposed just for this.

  • Poop-on-a-stick

    OMG! When are auditions is all I want to know!

  • x111e7thst

    [re=342064]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: And then it’s off to the Beating Area?

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=342091]Extemporanus[/re]:

    Was that an AIDS joke? Edgy….

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Sheesh, Joe Biden got into all sort of problems for even discussing Dick Cheney’s personal torture chamber, and now you put up the blue prints? Traitors!

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=342082]sezme[/re]:

    The entire show is one huge masturbatorium.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=342129]Tommmcatt[/re]: No, a dead joke. The means are irrelevant.

  • malvones

    but no mention of the floor drains for the bodily fluids

  • facehead

    Ken, which room is yours?

  • CorkPopper

    [re=342090]S.Luggo[/re]: Wishful thinking.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Their mistake is setting the show in a city where you can actually do stuff. If everyone’s holed up indoors and unable or unwilling to leave, then the insanity really comes out. So I’ll watch it when they have “The Real World: Flint” or “The Real World: Trenton.”

  • chascates

    The entire building is just one massive oubliette.

  • Mr Blifil

    I wonder if they’ll get to the bottom of whether Dave’s apology was sufficiently contrite? And does Real World even deserve to exist now that there’s Craig’s List? Will we get to watch the kids hook up with strangers from Craig’s List? Will Craig show up in a celebrity shockeroo, and will he bring a fucking list?

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=342184]SayItWithWookies[/re]:

    The Real World: Superfund Site

  • heroinmule

    Can’t you just hear the MTV execs pitching the DC locale? I can’t wait until the twats on this show find out how surly the locals are (and by “locals” I only kinda/sorta mean “minorities”).

  • Extemporanus

    Did you guys hear about “Block Party”, a new reality show they’re filming in HOTlanta? CBS is building a twenty foot high wall around 8 houses in a quaint little suburban subdivision, locking the exits, and then crossing their fingers and hoping that “Thunderdome”-level carnage will ensue.

    local news video.

    No word yet on who will be playing the role of Reagan on the last episode.

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=342254]Extemporanus[/re]: You’re serious! That is awesome. With surbanites, I’m willing to guarentee weeeping, yelling, and eviscerations. We should through some scorpions over the wall for good measure.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=342357]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Serious as a heart attack! Upper-middle class white suburbanites be actin’ KRA-ZEE if they don’t get their Starbucks!

    FOX thought about shooting something similar in my housing project, but they realized it would be cheaper to just show more reruns of “COPS.” Racist motherfuckers…

  • Zadig

    [re=342056]Joshua Norton[/re]: Oh god, I want so badly for it to be true. Would it be “beating” as in “beating off”, making this the masturbatorium? Or is it just where the housemates first listen to the “confessions” (bitching about fellow housemates) and then just cold beat the shit out of them when they emerge?

  • Wonderman

    Will the “Real World” priest be cloistered near the Love Sacks?

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=342184]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The Real Word: Gitmo

  • Scandalabra

    In what sense is this “world” “real”?

  • Principia

    There will be a hot tub. It is going to be within spitting distance of the street on an exterior patio. Yesterday they were putting an awning over it. Actually, it is so close to the street I have a feeling there are going to be issues.

    http://vevmo.com/f56/real-world-dc-video-and-stills-3197/index9.html#post86480

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