Wonkette
Renaissance Man PAUL WOLFOWITZ was spotted with a hot date last Friday at the Studio Theater. Sources say they overheard Wolfowitz telling his female friend what a marvelous time he was having and how it reminded him of the time he saw Moonstruck with SUHARTO while serving as Ambassador to Indonesia and how after the movie they got sushi together and talked about boy stuff ….
GOSSIP UPDATE: Do you perchance recall COURTNEY COBLE, the celebrated assistant of Heinous Congressbeast VIRGINIA FOXX (R-NC) who bragged all over the Internet after buying delicious German import beers on the taxpayer dime? Well, by Jupiter, it turns out Ms. Coble was fibbing! Yes, it was a big fat hoax, but poor Courtney was asked to resign anyway because Virginia Foxx is a humorless oaf. And now the jobless Ms. Coble has an ambitious new blog called Political Prostitutes, to showcase her EROTIC POLITICAL SHORT STORIES: “Ahhh, the political sluts. The true passionate political screwers. Why are they passionate? Because they do it ’cause they like it.” Watch out MARY GAITSKILL! Here comes Courtney Coble ….
CAROLINE KENNEDY’S mortal enemy Temp Senator KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND (D-NY) will be in postcard-pristine Hangover, New Hampshire this weekend for her Dartmouth College 20th Reunion Jamboree! After 20 years, we know Kirsten is delirious with joy to see Crouton, Kilo, Tango Pirate and the rest of her wacky fraternity brothers so she can ask them all for campaign contributions. And aside from the nostalgic binge drinking, the senator will have lots of fun reunion activities to choose from, including the traditional reunion hike to the summit of Mount Moosilauke, where “what happens on Mount Moosilauke, stays on Mount Moosilauke” — at least until AM radio conspiracy messiah ALEX JONES brings along a video camera and ruins the NATIVE AMERICAN ORGIES for everyone! Stay away from Mount Moosilauke, Alex Jones.
Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com
I hyperventilated while reading that first sentence.
Hmmm.. long, breathless, run-on sentences? I’m beginning to think this chap is a front for somebody else on the site!
Hey, Senator, don’t forget Pinto and Bluto. Beer pong on the chapter room roof!
Then Wolfie ruined his chances of getting some when he gave his date Shaha Riza’s World Bank Bidnez Card by accident, licked his comb and showed off the holes in his $450 socks made from the hair of dead Iraqi children.
The graphic… I can’t get past the graphic.
Souds like Paul & Suharto had a nice romantic evening. It does beg the question “what happened after the sushi?” Enquiring minds want to know.
Link to a pic of Wolfie… but not his date? Stop blue-balling me, Riley.
But you’re right, nothing deflates a penis like AM radio.
tunamelt: Lil’ Waggamuffin really needs a cane and/or a monocle.
IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN BOLD
ordinary citizens in lowercase
Make the rich pricks climb Moosilauke with a hangover on the Beaver Brook Trail. Not for the timid, and they post warnings to listen to any nagging doubts of your physical fitness.
My legs were failing to bear my weight by the time I reached the treeless summit. I never worked so hard to gain so little ground.
Wait, Wolfie and the RZA broke up? I can’t believe that wasn’t reported here in scorn-filled detail.
Is everyone else reading this in an impossibly foppish British accent? Because that makes it delightful. Of course, I am easily amused. Still, I register approval!
Inquiring minds want to know: Does the top hat collapse with one smart snap to the edge of the crown?
Sort of like our gelatin economy.
I’m totally on board with Lil’ Waggamuffin.
Good God that Political Prostitutes blog is awful. The term “prostitute” is used metaphorically, so there is no butsecks. Be warned, everybody.
Courtney Coble is incapable of writing simple declarative sentence. No wonder she was fired. Good luck with that blogging career, CC.
Extemporanus: He looks like Mr. Peanut.
Oh, Riley! Doesn’t it bother you just a little that the masthead still lists Juli Weiner (Juli, we hardly knew ye!) under the position of Intern? Couldn’t the Managing Editor take the time to adjust this between his bouts of binge drinking?
Political Prostitute is such a tease. I just want to know a bit about her and all I get is “Put something about you here by editing the right sidebar.”
some people buy a fifth of cheap vodka when they’re shitcanned. She bought a domain.
None for me, Courtney, thanks. I’m driving tonight.
tunamelt: I used to have “The Famous” Mr. Peanut Peanut Butter Maker™ when I was a kid.
Nothing tastes better than a little paper pill cup chock-full of hand-cranked blood, sweat, tears, and peanut earwax.
Shouldn’t Wolfowitz be preparing the war plan for Iran? Or are they just going to reuse the Iraq one?
Now I know where I’ve seen Riley before:
Riley Waggaman: No top hat, no bow-tie…
Riley Waggaman’s Stoner Buds: [in unison] No dice! Ohhhh.
Jim Newell: Right. Learn it. Know it. Live it.
Riley Waggaman: He’s the full hot orator.
Courtney Coble is a furry…
http://www.facebook.com/profile/pic.php?uid=AAAAAQAQuOmzSiAeGyAuIKhwRtEnQgAAAAiL9U4imD05Qw%2C%2C
Anyone else think Courtney Coble’s erotica probably mostly involves single girls heading to 7-Eleven to pick up a box of Krispy Kremes and some AA batteries?
Gillibrand is such a joke. I can’t wait to have someone in there who will fight for us instead of just doing what it takes to get to higher office. Give me a break.