Republican Congressman Pete Hoekstra’s hiding under his desk in the dark, smoky House chamber, chewing on some rocks. It’s 2008. The boys are locked in, demanding their freedom, their birthright, to pass insane offshore drilling legislation during a Congressional vacation. Mean old Nancy Pelosi and a few other Democrat Socialists hover overhead in pods, firing mortars and dropping paint cans of napalm, everywhere, to suppress the revolt… but they must keep fighting, because Andrew Sullivan wants them to or whatever. [Twitter]

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  1. what a twit (okay, obvious, i know, but sheesh, what in gawd’s name are these repubs smoking these days? whatever it is, someone needs to turn them on to some good kaintuck uplands weed, help them think a little straighter, i kid you not)

  2. Yeah…sure, Pete….you’re having that dream again, aren’t you. You know, that one where you’ve actually got something relevant to say…

  3. The only difference is that when Hoekstra was in the House twittering in the House nobody cared and it didn’t have any effect, but now millions are following the Iranian twitterers, wondering if they will get killed. In the House.

  4. Yet another Republican who needs to be parachuted into Tehran to man the barricades. I’m sure he and Jonah Goldberg would both stand and fight while being beaten down by a baton wielding Republican Guard on motorcycles.


  5. Huh? I don’t get it. Are Republican House members revolutionaries or are the protesting Iranians a bunch of fat, rich, crybabies?

  6. Really, the parallels between Iranians risking their lives in street protests seeking political reform, and Republican Congressman seeking more oil-drilling-for-profit for their campaign contributors, is just striking. (And by the way, did Twitter even exist back then?)

  7. This is very, extremely true. In the limited sense that Iranian twitter activity and Republican twitter activity both involve twitter activity.

  8. “Mean old Nancy Pelosi and a few other Democrat Socialists hover overhead in pods, firing mortars” — the hell? Where’s my pod?! They said flying cars would never happen, and now we find out we’ve got hoverpods with mortars!

    Popular Science-inspired geek fantasies aside, Pete Hoekstra really just needs to seek help for his paint huffing problem. That’ll have these hallucinations cleared up in no time.

  9. As Thomas Paine once said, give me a high speed wireless internet connection to whine incessantly about not being able to enrich my planet-raping lobbyist contributors or give me death.

  10. The Great Whimp War, yeah, I remember. I try to forget, but every night I wake up cold and sweaty screaming “Where’s my Blackberry?” Yeah, I remember. It was a dark and stormy night…

  11. Last year the GOPers wrote “Republicans have taken the offensive,” but it turned out that “People find Republicans offensive” instead. When will Michael Steele get around to proposing “Running on Empty” as the new GOP theme song? “Get a life” is too ambitious, but jeez, get a platform!

  12. And you have to say twerdled like one of those great big dumb guys with beanie caps in Warner Brothers cartoons of yesteryear, as in “Dahhhhhh… I twerdled, Ma!”

  13. Man, if only we had Twitter in WWII:

    We shall go on to the end, we shall twitter in France,
    we shall twitter on the seas and oceans,
    we shall twitter with growing confidence and growing strength in Facebook, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
    we shall twitter on the beaches,
    we shall twitter on the landing grounds,
    we shall twitter in the fields and in the streets,
    we shall twitter in the hills;
    we shall never surrender,

  14. Those inane fucktards — the hubris it must take to compare people getting the shit kicked out of them in the streets and having their dorm doors blown to shreds to lazy white men eating pizza in the dark while they whine about how unfair it is that they can’t completely rape and pillage the U.S. of every last drop of its natural resources ——- GAHHHHHH!

    I’m sure I echo everyone else’s sentiments, not having read the previous comments.

  15. Allons enfants de la Patrie,
    Le jour du tweet est arrivé !
    Contre nous de la tyrannie,
    (le pod de)Mean old Nancy Pelosi est levé

  16. It’s a shame those Texas Democrats didn’t have Twitter to protect themselves when DeLay called out the Department of Homeland Security to drag them back to Austin for that mid-cycle gerrymandering a few years ago.

  17. It all really about them. From Spence Ackerman:
    Here’s Rep. John Culberson (R-Texas), via The Hill:

    Oppressed minorities includeHouseRepubs: We are using social media to expose repression such as last night’s D clampdown shutting off amends

    See, the plucky, oppressed Republicans are just like the folks in Iran. No, really.

  18. OMG you guiz. Teh congressman is like, sooo rite. He used teh interwebz to fite fur freedum and so are teh Iranians.

    Yes, indeed. The violent suppression of Iranian demonstrations against a dubious election result is exactly like that time the Republicans attempted to circumvent normal congressional procedure to toss off their campaign contributors and were legally stopped from doing so by the democratically and legitimately elected majority.

  19. The Borgen Project has some good info on the cost of addressing global poverty.

    $30 billion: Annual shortfall to end world hunger.
    $550 billion: U.S. Defense budget

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