Wonkette
Chicago crime boss Michelle Obama wasted no time turning the once-pristine White House grounds into a foul “organic garden” filled with marijuana and other arugula. Children from a local elementary school were shipped over in FEMA trailers and forced to sample the “good for you” delicacies. In other words, the first harvest from the Nobama Nationalized Yard Garden was a great success! [Flickr/NYT The Caucus]
I do not trust anything that needs dirt to survive.
how do you grow crack?
Organic gardening is easy when you have snipers to take care of the rabbits. Just saying, my tomatoes could use some of that organic secret service protection.
Hope they used recycled papers.
“Do you smell that, Little One? It’s the smell of subjugation and bum feces. One will fertilize this garden, the other will fertilize an empire.”
Alice Waters wants us all to eat placenta stew, also.
Michelle is teaching young’uns about the three greens: collard greens, endo, and cash flow.
ps - thank you for not linking to the Politico story on this, which is actually and hilariously titled “Grapes of Wrath.”
Expect the RedState nuts to whine about Obama using free child labor in 3…2…1..
I love it. This morning, the banner headline on the front page of my local small town newspaper reads “Is It Time To Legalize Pot?”
Sure it’s an AP story, and yeah it appeared in other newspapers yesterday or earlier, but just the phrasing of the question means, y’know, its only a matter of time.
I vote to have it made officially legal on April 20, next year.
Then criminals like Michelle Obama can proudly grow it on the front lawn of the White House, not hiding it out in the back garden like a sneaky teenager.
Humpback: Excatly why I don’t visit my Oklahoma relatives.
(rim shot)
Hey, all you Sooners you know I’m joking, you’re great all of you! Hey, what do you call eight combines circling a Dairy Queen on a Friday night in Kansas? Give up? Prom Night!
(rim shot)
Hey, I’ll be here all week! Don’t forget to tip your waitress!
And next week, some GOP asshole racist will be sending a photoshop of the actual photo with the words “Cotton” and “picking” somewhere in the descriptor to the “wrong” email list.
ManchuCandidate: Is Photoshop allowed in South Carolina?
My kids don’t like to eat vegetables, they like to eat tater tots and trix flavored Gogurt. But now Michelle Obama is telling me that they HAVE to eat only organic things like communist arugala and kale?! Well, I guess my children will just starve. Thank you very much, Mrs. Obama, for killing my children with your garden.
I spy with my little eye a sign that says “Dill.” Did they bury Michelle Bachman there, or something?
Or Lindsay Graham? Also?
It’s a fake. I don’t see one weed in that garden.
Michelle will teach ‘em to grow their own.
Barry will teach ‘em to roll their own.
Look at her raping that plant with her mouth.
Inhale, exhale, got an ounce in the mail.
Internally valid: …communist arugala and kale?!…
it gets worse, so much worse: seasoned with atheistic dijon mustard.
How much longer can this go on?
Noodle Salad: tehehe. My stepdad was an army sniper. He also takes his garden very seriously. The results have been predictably hilarious/horrifying. I have been getting horrified phone calls from my mother for the past two weeks. At some point the decision was made to surrender the lettuce in hopes that it would appease the furry menace. It did not.
You know what they say: You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
Pfft. City folk. Any real organic gardener knows you mulch closely around those plants, with recycled newspapers and composted leaves, instead of leaving the soil bare. And you definitely don’t create a decorative border with shredded cypress (the Dick Cheney of earth-unfriendly mulch).
Crapola: WIN.
Is this what Maureen Dowd was nattering about this morning? Her column was all “arugula this, arugula that”…..zzzzzzzz
Interesting recent internal White House memo:
THE WHITE HOUSE
FROM: White House Chef
TO: White House Kitchen Purchasing Officer
RE: Recent note from White House Staff, re, White House Garden
White House Kitchen Purchasing Officer, June 12, 2009:
Due to the recent new “plantings” in the White House Garden of certain “herbs” and “spices,” and their subsequent popularity in the White House, we have received an urgent request from the White House Staff for an increase by threefold of these current kitchen staples. Please triple the current amount of purchases of these items until any further notice. Thank you.
White House Kitchen Items to Be Tripled in Quantity Purchases:
1. Doritos (Cheese, Spicy and Ranch)
2. Cheetos (Cheddar and White Cheddar)
3. Screaming Yellow Zonkers (We purchased these? Do they still make this?)
4. Pringles (all brands)
5. Utz Barbeque Potatoe Chips
6. Cheez-Its (Cheddar and White Cheddar)
7. Slim Jims (all brands)
8. M&MS (peanut and plain)
9. Cheese Nips (Check on this–do we need both Cheez-Its AND Cheese Nips?)
10. Cheese Dip (generic brand)
11. Bugles
12. Ho-Hos
13. Ding-Dongs
14. Twinkies
15. Mamma Celeste Frozen Pizzas–Sausage-Only
Actually, Rahm just needs some freshly turned-over earth to conceal the graves of his victims.
Crapola: Very clever, but Dorothy Parker said it first. She said most things first.
My nobama victory garden has been a complete failure. The thyme is dying for an undetermined reason, months of windy storms have turned my beefsteak tomato plant into a metaphor for the GOP, and my pepper plant just cold refuses to produce peppers. At least I now have a reason to go to the farmers’ market other than securing a better drug connection.
Dreadful Gate: I heard it years and years ago. No idea it was her who said it.
hockeymom: I caught that. Yet another pointless column intended to establish her urban yuppy cred. At least she’s not bragging about her rolodex a la “my friend” Caroline Kennedy. She has a lot of potential, but it is rarely fulfilled. Pardon if I sound like a disapproving mother.
heroinmule: I have managed to kill every mint plant I ever had. Considering that mint is a freaking weed, this is a hell of an accomplishment.
heroinmule: I hate Maureen Dowd, and I love to google “I hate Maureen Dowd”. I am SO not alone. The MoDo haters are much better reading that Herself.
From each according to his ability to each according to his need in the People’s Garden Collective #1.
Noodle Salad: I’m sorry I doubted you and had to verify that. Mostly because I had to go to that glorified Drudge Report.
Nappy headed hoe!
heroinmule: We are looking at a fine crop of hobo ‘taters to get us through hard times this year. Also, some other things. But the arugula and other sissy stuff was FAIL.
Crapola: “Everything I’ve ever said will be credited to Dorothy Parker.” -George S. Kaufman
Proposed caption: Go ahead and try it kid, the first taste is free.
tehbenton: It actually says “Dell”—those little green shoots are a sign of economic recovery in the Tech sector.
Dreadful Gate: fyi…the joke here would seem to be the substitution of horticulture for whore to culture. ” sanctimony will only get you as far as the ketchup bottle. ” who said that? [ re=340931]Crapola[/re]: was she who said it. fixed.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Kinda like the alt-text…
Ken, this is one of your best efforts. Add it to the “Klassic Ken” file.
AxmxZ: Mint? Whoo boy, you got that right, that shit takes off. I transplanted some into my new garden, out of an old overgrown patch of weeds that I haven’t tilled for years and it’s taking over like Hells Angels in a dive bar outside of Oakland.
(OMG, best not start talking about my cat now or its the banhammer for me!)
octupletsmom: But does your daily obsessive googling her bring you to wonkette?
Hey, Drudge seems to be accusing Michelle of faking the harvest. Check it out before he realizes that, yes, lettuce does grow that fast.
Southern politician (or aide) to make comment about growing watermelon in 3..2..1..
*misses shit-free, non-sissy White House lawn*
In Italy, “arugula” is translated to “rocket salad” on the tourist menus… It’s an advance “this is your brain on arugula” warning.
Thank goodness that’s not a white kid being introduced to organics in the pixxx
I think that is sage she is holding. This fall when the N0bama’s force everyone to convert to Wicca, she can lead the country in a national smudging of evil spirits on Halloween which will become the new high holiday of the country.
OzoneTom: Goodness, I’m usually not that stupid. And especially with Ken, the king of alt-text.
…the soil was fortified with crab meal from the Chesapeake Bay, green sand compost and lime powder.
Cue Layla (Piano Exit)…Rahm’s “Chicago Way” Compost Mix, specially prepared for Elite Muslin Menshevik Square Foot Hell Mound Gardening. Available at finer lawn and garden stores…
Like wow dude, I didn’t think that snap peas had to be shelled, dude. What is up with that, my cat? Maybe they could take it the next step; like with the farmer’s market, then some dynamic canning or something.
No tea bags were damaged during the growing of these vegetables. Fo shizzle.