Wonkette
Right now we’re seeing about… one? two? Two more days of caring about this John Ensign sex affair, tops. First of all, it was with a woman, presumably of age. Did this guy forget what party he’s in? Second, when he had the affair, he was separated from his wife. That’s just a sledgehammer to the comedic possibilities here. Does that even count as “cheating?” Maybe some of you married fools can explain. The only good part of this scandal is that this lady was married to another campaign staffer of his. But without PIX… well maybe we will never write about this scandal again. Back to IRANIAN TWITTER we go… [YouTube]
At least Ensign was able to use this opportunity to signal that he is available again.
Well when you don’t have anonymous toilet sex, little boys, or out of fear paying burly black mean for a hummer on the Space Coast, it’s not exciting.
If he and the lady he was boinking were into scat play, then it would be exciting.
Speaking as a married person, I can only say that that man gives me the hives, right to my eyeballs.
Wait, he was separated? No, it’s not cheating. For him, at least. It’s just home-wrecking.
First lady FAIL. No Prez 4 U, Joe Isuzu.
Meh indeed. We here in San Francisco are quite used to having major political figures have affairs with the wife of a staffer.
I agree.. this affair is no fun. I’ll just pretend I heard he was wearing diapers and choking himself with the dildo or sumthin’
Ohz Noezzzz! The poor, misunderstooded Senator wuz the VICTIM of a meanyhead blackmailer!
They were on a break!!!
Hooray For Anything: Checking into rehab in: 5,4,3… Then it’s all good again!
BadKitty: Damn you! I HAD that one.
But remember he voted to protect the sanctity and importance of opposite marriage, so he has great values and is beyond reproach. Also.
Everyone is missing the lede: Clearly Senator Ensign had the affair to show that opposite marriage is no longer possible in a world where the queers can marry.
Can you think of another person so dedicated to their personal moral beliefs? Clearly this is why he announced this the day before Obama extends benefits to all the gayez in government.
So GOPers aren’t even good for a juicy sex scandal anymore? What the Hell good are they?
Is it still an affair if the mistress thought she was sleeping with J. Peterman?
BOORING!!!. Nor furries, no bathroom sex, nutin. How this guy expect to get the GOP nomination with this kind of mediocre behavior.
(Member of Promise Keepers) + (Supporter of constitutional amendment reaffirming marriage as being between a man and a woman) = (Republican adulterer
But if he didn’t announce it via the Twitters, then how do we know it really happened? Press conferences are so passe. Barry only does them so that he, Rahm and Gibbsy can laugh at Ed Henry afterward.
Keep in mind this is the same John Ensign who demanded, DEMANDED mind you, that Clinton resign from the presidency after the Lewinsky bjs.
Classic GOP douchenozzle.
/He’ll go into a second career as a game show host.
It gets a ‘meh’ because it’s unpossible and you all knows it. There’s a closet somewhere in this story.
With all that gray hair, maybe he was really getting CPR and only thought it was sex.
In fairness to the Media, they are also giving a “meh” to Sotomayor’s lesbian coven: http://wonkette.com/409212/sonia-sotomayor-is-a-sexist#more-409212
Although, in fairness, I have heard that Bill O’Reilly is doing some deep internet research into into lesbians.
I’m very surprised that it says he’s a Republican on FoxNews and not Democrat. Usually they let the retarded intern operate the chyron when repubs get caught fuckin livestock or stealing.
Not a word of it on Drudge. Instead:
OBAMA PLAN: SUPERVISION OF GLOBAL FINANCIAL FIRMS
ABC TURNS PROGRAMMING OVER TO OBAMA; NEWS TO BE ANCHORED FROM INSIDE WHITE HOUSE…
and with no link, attribution or anything:
ALARM: National Security Agency has ability to collect, read domestic e-mails of Americans on widespread basis… Developing…
El Pinche: no, those decisions are made by the top management at FOX and carried out by their most knowledgeable tech persons.
I give this sex scandal a ‘eh’
ALARM: National Security Agency has ability to collect, read domestic e-mails of Americans on widespread basis… Developing…
What is “Headlines we should have seen when Bush was President, Alex.”
For his next publicity stunt, he will confess to smoking weed.
There are what, 500 votes of his that were worse and that he should have taken back if he could?
I thought it was at least moderately interesting that he only decided to fess up when the alternative was to lay out some Benjamins. That there’s some serious contrition, I’m tellin’ ya.
But what about the black mail?that could be gay.
When Ensign reconciled with his wife, the sources said, he gave the aide a severance package and parted ways.
Classy.
Mr. Newell, he was engaged in sexual congress with, or “boning,” a campaign staffer who was married to a Senate staffer, not a campaign staffer. How about some accuracy, please? This is a Watergate/man on the moon/Obama attended a radical Muslin madrasah in Indonesia-level story, after all.
I don’t know, this is after all a Republican. Don’t be surprised if another couple dozen campaign workers come forward to complain Ensign boinked them, their may even be a mixed race love child name…gasp…Achmed, floating around out there, there is a rumor floating around…
You just heard it.
Which is most like to upset Greater Wingnuttia?
Ensign’s affair or Obama’s date with his wife?
Meh.
Needs more furry. Or bathroom. Or underage.
Some adult having sex with another adult is not the quality scandal we’re used to seeing from our Republican lawmakers today.
Joshua Norton: The Obama date cost ‘Mericans MONEYZ!
IceCreamEmpress: The non-meh comes from the sanctimonious hypocrisy. (I hope I didn’t redundantly repeat myself, over again.)
~
So it was with a woman, but was it with a female woman? I mean not one of those transgendered women. He is a Republican after all. Did anyone look under her skirt to make sure?
chascates: Was the aide’s severance package made up of tax dollars? If so, this guy needs to do a Specter, because he’s definitely in the wrong party. (I’ll take my 60 any way I can get ‘em.)
I demand to know only one thing: who, pray tell, considers John Ensign a 2012 contender?
No, the biggest mistake he ever made in his life was not taking his wife along for that “announcement.” No respectable Republican woman would ever let her husband talk about her sex life in front of a sign that says “RESTROOM.”
ordinaryperson: “I demand to know only one thing: who, pray tell, considers John Ensign a 2012 contender?”
His hairdresser?
ifthethunderdontgetya: Here’s what I don’t get — he called for Bill Clinton and Larry Craig’s resignation. But he drew the line at David Vitter.
Something smells.
All over Nevada people are trying to bleach their brains to stop thinking about John Ensign’s wet pee pee.
Apparently she was former campaign staffer Cindy Hampton. Her husband Doug used to work for Ensign. It’s too bad he didn’t get up in front of the cameras and say “Everybody was cool with it at the time, so whatever.”
Also, why the heck didn’t he make the announcement in Washington? Instead of that, he skipped an important vote and flew across the country to a state with legalized prostitution to tell the world he had an affair. Important people are strange.
Extortion Blackmail Bribery
Federal Reserve
Honey Trap
AIPAC
911
SayItWithWookies: Interesting…., Did he back down on Vitter because he had learned that he was capable of giving in to desires of the flesh….,
Or, was Vitter the one that was blackmailing him?
And once again we must recognize the famed political axiom: “The better the hair, the sleazier the politician.”
Although sadly, this man is no Blagojevich.
Unless this “staffer” has a dick, I call bullshit.
Why is he regretting so much if he had them both? First he’s having several months of steaming hot sex with somebody who’s not his wife. AND then, by doing so, he gets his marriage saved & reconciled?
“Our families were close. That closeness put me into situations which led to my inappropriate behavior.”
Yeah I know this was pointed earlier but it deserves a second reading. Can not one fucking republican take some goddamn responsibility for once? This from the party of individual responsibility, from an asshole who said Clenis should resign. I’d really like to punch this sanctimonious pigfucker in the balls. He made it clear he won’t be resigning. Because that’s only for Democrats who do vile things and evade responsibility. Fuck this asshole. Bravo to the blackmailer. May not have gotten the money but sure did make Sen. Midshipman look like a total anus-sniffer.
Can we please work “guano faucet into this discussion?
I luvs it so!
http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2003/Nov-06-Thu-2003/photos/4huf.jpg Picture of his lovely wife.I hope she had a good time while he was “away”.
meh, I’m still holding out for the Mittens Giant Underware photo.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
Guano faucet. Guano faucet. Guano faucet.
proudgrampa: No seriously, tell us how you really feel.
chascates: Have an affair with a co-worker’s wife, then fire him, but with a severance: That’s OK.
Having been rendered unemployed in a horrible economy, the husband realizes his wife is not the only screwed by the Senator, he asks for more money = EXTORTION!!!!
Late Update: Ensign’s wife Darlene has also released a statement: “Since we found out last year we have worked through the situation and we have come to a reconciliation. This has been difficult on both families. With the help of our family and close friends our marriage has become stronger.”
When life hands you a lemon, make sure you have money to turn it into a diamond.
what political future
So if it’s not really a scandal, why have a press conference about it? Have faith, Wonketteers… We’ll find a dead hooker in this story yet.
102415: I can see what they have in common. By which I mean, of course, the man hands.
Mr Blifil: I love a pair of strong hands. I want her as soon as she is legally separated of course. Or not.
We are still waiting for the amatuer hooker/blackmailer? photo to show up.I just hope she doesn’t put up an MP3 on amie st.
Ensign is a veterinarian. We’re lucky the staffer wasn’t a schnauzer.
Or is it the bitch wasn’t talking while the human woman was?
Furries hang in there! Ensign is a veternarian!!!
SayItWithWookies: Ensign’s huggy-bear Cindy was more than just a “staffer”. She was treasurer of the Republican Senate Majority Committee.
http://www.cqpolitics.com/wmspage.cfm?docID=news-000002683206
Who does he think he is, Gavin Newsome?
I just hope when the day comes and I have sex with a Senator; A: He is a Democrat and B: He doesn’t refer to it as “the worst thing that has ever happened to him in his life.” She obviously never blew him!
But does he have a wide stance?
S.Luggo: Yeah, they are missing the Ensign is a dirtbag element of this story. The GF and her husband both lost their jobs - the hubby alone was making $114K as an “adminstrative assitant” (they make $45K in my office!), and you figure the GF was making more. Now, they both lose their jobs. And, oh yeah, they have a $1.2M mortgage on a home in Vegas. A home mortgage that’s likely underwater, and can’t be sold. So the husband asked the Senator to help him out - because, you know, fucking his wife has cost their family their jobs - and Ensign doesn’t help them out - he leaks that he’s being “blackmailed”, and runs to the press. Not to save his reputation, mind you, but to avoid having to help the husband out.
At least that’s how I see it.