SEXYTIME  6:06 pm June 16, 2009

by Jim Newell

JOHN ‘NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2′ ENSIGN ADMITS SEX AFFAIR: Jesus, so much to post… this idiot, Republican Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, has admitted to having a sex affair with a female campaign staffer, in 2007 and 2008. Some aide in Ensign’s office outed the boss, whoops. So until we know more, *ahem*… PICS PLZ? [The Fix, AP]

 
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{ 75 comments }

Dave J. June 16, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Sadly, this only means that Jim Gibbons is now qualified to replace Ensign in the Senate.

chascates June 16, 2009 at 6:09 pm

These family-values fuckers!

Texan Bulldoggette June 16, 2009 at 6:11 pm

It was with an adult female…for a Republican, that is news, indeed.

thefrontpage June 16, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Apparently, Ensign knocked up Bristol Palin.

drftjgoj June 16, 2009 at 6:14 pm

[re=340359]thefrontpage[/re]: you perv.

memzilla June 16, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Curiously, whenever Wonkette uses the “Drudge Siren” on a story, it is almost a guarantee that the story itself will not be carried on the Drudge Report.

Blow Up Speaker Doll June 16, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Ouch. Not only working those countless, long, underpaid hours as a Senate staffer. But then you find our the Senator is laying the pipe to your wife.

slappypaddy June 16, 2009 at 6:14 pm

STOP THE PRESSES! oh yeah, that’s right, they’re already stopped. digital revolution and all that.

but is this not major news? a republican senator having sex with a woman? i thought they only did boys and undercover bathroom cops. learn something new every day, don’t even have to read a newspaper.

Jim Newell June 16, 2009 at 6:15 pm

[re=340359]thefrontpage[/re]: I think you mean Willow.

dennymcden June 16, 2009 at 6:16 pm

[re=340359]thefrontpage[/re]: I’m sure you not only beat me to the punch, but beat a whole bunch of people to the punch.

Min June 16, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Obviously, he’s using a definition of the “sanctity of marriage” with which I am unfamiliar.

4tehlulz June 16, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Maybe there will be some saving revelation, like there were wetsuits and dildoes invovled somehow.

Otherwise, I am disappointed, Sen. Ensign.

Internally valid June 16, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Why didn’t he just go down to the Safeway and rent a nice hooker or two like a normal Nevadanian?

Hooray For Anything June 16, 2009 at 6:17 pm

All is well with the world again as we finally have another Republican sex scandal. It’s been so long I thought the only stupid things they did anymore was say offensive stuff about minorities.

Gopherit June 16, 2009 at 6:18 pm

[re=340370]Jim Newell[/re]: Her too.

WTF is it with this new age of hope? Can’t we get some serious perversions up in this bitch?

Dave J. June 16, 2009 at 6:19 pm

“@Senator_Grassley
LOL just fnd out Sen. Ensign did sum chik 4 8 months, OMFG. MILF mackin’ ftw.”

S.Luggo June 16, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Some Senate staffers are completely without pride.

El Pinche June 16, 2009 at 6:23 pm

At least its not a toddler boy or warm raw poultry. Very good republicans!

Extemporanus June 16, 2009 at 6:25 pm

What happens in John Ensign’s female campaign workers apparently does not stay in John Ensign’s female campaign workers. He is a disgrace to the city of Las Vegas and should Ensign immediately.

Extemporanus June 16, 2009 at 6:28 pm

[re=340391]Extemporanus[/re]: Staffers. Also.

charlesdegoal June 16, 2009 at 6:30 pm

Let’s just be thankful for a minute. He was chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee at the time of the affair. The GOP lost a shitload of Senate races, if my memory serves me right, causing some major resentment against him in the ranks. And you all thought is was Obama’s coattails that won the day? Nate Silver better revise his algorithms and factor in extramarital sex.

paintitblack June 16, 2009 at 6:30 pm

Going on tv to pray to Jeebus for forgiveness w/Rick Warren at his side in 5… 4… 3….

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 16, 2009 at 6:32 pm

Any word on whether it was his wife or his mistress that he took to Night at the Museum?

Gopherit June 16, 2009 at 6:41 pm

[re=340395]Extemporanus[/re]: They don’t call them “staffers” for nothing.

FormerDCite June 16, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Trip to Betty Ford for Alcoholism in 3…2…1.

shortsshortsshorts June 16, 2009 at 6:48 pm

Republican sex scandals do not deserve the full siren light bar.

imissopus June 16, 2009 at 6:49 pm

As a senator he takes pride in pounding the ol’ gavel, amirite?

Had to be said.

hobospacejunkie June 16, 2009 at 6:50 pm

Looks like Sen. Ensign’s going to be demoted to Sen. Midshipman.

uh haw haw haw

wrytoast June 16, 2009 at 6:59 pm

Cocktober’s starting early this year. Must be all the global warmings.

19kevin8 June 16, 2009 at 6:59 pm

She must have been a furry.

rollickingmadcapfarce June 16, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Ensign O’Tool(e).

4tehlulz June 16, 2009 at 7:02 pm

According to TPM, the woman was the wife of one of his Senate aides.

Not pedophilia or a bathroom encounter, but pretty goddamn scummy.

Nerdalicious June 16, 2009 at 7:03 pm

[re=340428]hobospacejunkie[/re]:
Yes, haw haw haw :). Very witty my Friend :)
This is true! At his “press conference” Ensign said he had a threesome with the lady & her husband! I swear read the transcript! “A women & her husband”! Exact quote.
3 times worse than the Edwards affair!

memzilla June 16, 2009 at 7:04 pm

[re=340370]Jim Newell[/re]: As of 7:02pm EDT, still not a peep of this story on the Drudge Report website. Truly, Wonkette is the Anti-Drudge.

This probably explains the “999″ tattoo just under Newell’s hairline.

Nerdalicious June 16, 2009 at 7:05 pm

David Letterman will issue an apology for Ensign tonight. Watch!

Holding Out for a Hero June 16, 2009 at 7:07 pm

Senator, Senator, Senator…Air Force Amy could have taken care of all your needs. And you could have told HBO subscribers all about it afterward.

Nerdalicious June 16, 2009 at 7:07 pm

“I had an affair with a women & her husband” ~John Ensign. Read the transcript!

Roslin June 16, 2009 at 7:08 pm

This is the lamest Republican sex scandal I have ever witnessed. Call me when they find out the chick was an illegal alien, spy, or lizard person.

Nerdalicious June 16, 2009 at 7:11 pm

[re=340448]Roslin[/re]:
You’re prayers have been anwered read above :)

paintitblack June 16, 2009 at 7:16 pm

[re=340438]Nerdalicious[/re]: Why three times worse than the Edwards affair? For Wonkette purposes, seems 3 x betterer… who’d a thunk a wingtard would have the chutzpah for a threesome? Teh buttsecks involved???

norbizness June 16, 2009 at 7:19 pm

He should have waited till his wife had a terminal illness, then served her divorce papers while wearing an assless panda costume and non-consensually skritching a candy-striper. Any less and you fail to meet The Gingrich Standard.

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 16, 2009 at 7:25 pm

Can we all at least agree that this happened because we have allowed teh gayez to marry?

PerhapsSo June 16, 2009 at 7:27 pm

[re=340387]El Pinche[/re]: The poultry was asking for it. It shouldn’t have been dressed like that.

DoctorCulturae June 16, 2009 at 7:28 pm

His stance on this is, as one might guess, wide.

WhatTheHeck June 16, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Oh dear. Now he’s forced to ‘spend more time with his family.’

PerhapsSo June 16, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Transliterating June to Poon isn’t nearly as fun as Cocktober.

bitchincamaro June 16, 2009 at 7:33 pm

[re=340399]paintitblack[/re]: W/spurned wife in robins egg blue dress and pearl necklace along for the ride.

No, not that pearl necklace, you reprobates.

Nerdalicious June 16, 2009 at 7:33 pm

[re=340454]paintitblack[/re]:
I kid. I kid. I’m assuming he made a Joe Biden type gaffe & it was just worded funny in the heat of the moment. In the heat of the moment with the “women & her husband”! We luv you Joe!

Scrodd June 16, 2009 at 7:37 pm

Drudge has his little blue siren up as well!

Headline?

OBAMA PLAN: SUPERVISION OF GLOBAL FINANCIAL FIRMS

problemwithcaring June 16, 2009 at 7:39 pm

[re=340424]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Despite the fact that it’s with an adult woman?

AnglRdr June 16, 2009 at 7:47 pm

Sex scandal fail.

He’s fucking another adult. Who is a woman.

Vanilla extramarital fucking snoozer.

Scarab June 16, 2009 at 7:48 pm

Isn’t having sex with a young staff member while being married called the ‘Full Gingrich’? Or does your wife need to have cancer too?

problemwithcaring June 16, 2009 at 7:49 pm

[re=340433]wrytoast[/re]: Month of Poon.

DoctorCulturae June 16, 2009 at 7:55 pm

[re=340465]PerhapsSo[/re]: Poon is busting out all over? [I stop now, begin intoxication practice.]

rocktonsammy June 16, 2009 at 7:57 pm

So, Ensign is a republican. This person he had a sex affair with is a woman.

I’m confused.

WadISay June 16, 2009 at 7:57 pm

What happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.

WadISay June 16, 2009 at 7:58 pm

[re=340358]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Repubs think of this as taking one for the team.

Dreamer June 16, 2009 at 7:59 pm

[re=340370]Jim Newell[/re]: You just insulted the troops you infidel. Stop hating our brave young men and women.

Mad Farmer Manifest June 16, 2009 at 8:05 pm

[re=340375]4tehlulz[/re]: It will be BDSM with electric “play”, i.e. fun with a cattle prod. Senator Ensign knows he’s been a bad bull.

Johnny Zhivago June 16, 2009 at 8:05 pm

[re=340494]Dreamer[/re]: “I apologize for my affair, but I give thanks to our men and women in uniform, without who’s courage, I would not be able to screw around with my campaign staff”

PerhapsSo June 16, 2009 at 8:07 pm

[re=340490]DoctorCulturae[/re]: You just saved this month for me. I commend you.

TeddyS June 16, 2009 at 8:07 pm

And this guy was saying that his fellow senator Larry Craig’s behavior was disgraceful. I am so glad that he is deciding to stay in political service. He is a true Republican, rotten to his core beliefs. Thank you, soldiers, for allowing me to say nasties about this most recent GOP hypocritical, lying, adulterous scumbag, who will continue to represent the fine people of Nevada.

FormerDCite June 16, 2009 at 8:07 pm

I love the month of Poon. I thought sleeping with another man’s wife was too French for Republicans.

zhubajie June 16, 2009 at 8:15 pm

[re=340455]norbizness[/re]: I thought the Gingrich standard was getting a blowjob from a reporter for the notorious tabloid the SUN!

Zhu Bajie

zhubajie June 16, 2009 at 8:19 pm

[re=340499]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: If he’s from Nevada, why hasn’t he arranged for hookers to do a USO type tour for the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Zhu Bajie

chascates June 16, 2009 at 8:22 pm

During the height of the scandal surrounding Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky, the Nevada Republican denounced the president’s conduct as “an embarrassing moment for the country.”
‘I think we have to feel very sad for the American people and Hillary and Chelsea,’ he said.
Weeks later, Ensign would call on Clinton to resign. “I came to that conclusion recently, and frankly it’s because of what he put his whole Cabinet through and what he has put the country through,” he was quoted saying at the time. “He has no credibility left,” he added.

El Pinche June 16, 2009 at 8:22 pm

[re=340460]PerhapsSo[/re]: sexist

Min June 16, 2009 at 8:38 pm

[re=340509]chascates[/re]: I think his hypocrisy just achieved critical mass.

Mike Steele June 16, 2009 at 9:28 pm

If we let gays get married, it will sully the institution.
We should not let gay people have friends either, because they might do something really horrible to a good friend of theirs.

And I believe that what he said earlier was that “Clinton should step down because it is unseemly for the President of the USA do being having sex with a fat chick.” It’s hard to disagree with that. So there is no hypocrisy here.

Hooray For Anything June 16, 2009 at 9:38 pm

[re=340509]chascates[/re]: I’m pretty sure if you look back at who said what, the people who were the most vociferous critics of Clinton during l’affaire Lewinsky were all later caught having affairs with either staffers, little boys, or sometimes both.

chascates June 16, 2009 at 9:59 pm

I wish these celebrities (political, entertainment, sports, etc.) would come out and say “I’m a self-centered, spoiled rich asshole used to being worshipped and having anything I want and I screwed around.”

Instead of “I was tempted by Satan/made a tragic mistake/had a personal failure” or in the case of Sen. Ensign has:

He described the woman and her husband as good friends.
“Our families were close,” a weary-looking Ensign said. “Closeness put me into situations which led to my inappropriate behavior.”

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 16, 2009 at 10:09 pm

[re=340487]Scarab[/re]: A full Gingrich requires you to serve your wife with the divorce papers while she is in the hospital from her cancer.

[re=340491]rocktonsammy[/re]: Don’t worry. I’m sure if he truly had aspirations to be the Republican nominee for President in 2012, he wore a diaper.

Nerdalicious June 16, 2009 at 10:26 pm

[re=340355]chascates[/re]:
“These family-values fuckers!”
Yes, Newt(the architect of family values), McNasty on & on.

Mr Blifil June 17, 2009 at 1:29 am

What about anal?

nader paul kucinich gravel June 17, 2009 at 2:29 am

The extortion, blackmail, bribery honey trap.
AIPAC’s Federal Reserve does the 911 dance ~

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