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Unbelievably batshit Detroit City Council member Monica Conyers, comparatively young wife of old Congressman John Conyers, may finally go to jail for being an insane, violent criminal. She “has received a pre-indictment letter from federal authorities who have given her until the end of today to reach a plea deal or they will proceed with possible criminal charges against her.” Conyers is famous for threatening people with guns, getting into a shouting match with the Council president — while in session — during which she called him “Shrek,” getting into another shouting match with another Council member during which she “made fun of his hearing, his lack of college degree and started rumors that he has cancer,” and most importantly, in one of the best YouTubes your editor can recall, losing a debate to an 8th grader and getting pissy about it. Will you pray for her today?

Conyers has a weekly television show in Detroit (that poor city, can’t catch a break) and used it this week to speak from her cold, poison heart. She told her viewers very sweetly and gracefully that THEY BETTER FUCKING PRAY FOR HER OR THEY CAN FUCK OFF AND DIE.

“I just want to say that first and foremost publicly that I am a child of God,” she said. “And that all these things that are going on right now that I believe in my heart that God will deliver me from them. And so I say to all of the people out there if you’re not praying for me, then you’re just adding to the problem. And I would just respectfully ask that you keep your comments to yourselves and if you’re going to speak about someone, speak the truth. If you don’t have the truth to say, then keep your comments to yourself. You can’t comment on me, my husband or my family because you don’t know us. And for those of you who do know us, you know how to speak appropriately about us. And so I just say for all of you who have kept me in your prayers, who continue to lift me up in Jesus’ name every day, I just want to say thank you.”

Whatever you say, violent lady version of Richard Nixon.

Thanks to Wonkette’s “Ha ha your hockey team lost” Detroit operative “Woodwards Friend” for the tip.

Monica Conyers faces deadline for plea deal [Detroit Free Press]

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