Wonkette
- After starting a rumor that Senator Robert Byrd had passed away, Caroline Kennedy did her civic duty and volunteered herself as the third senator from New York. [RedState]
- Guano faucet Ari Fleischer doesn’t want to take all the credit for exporting freedom to Iran, but hey, modesty is its own reward. [Think Progress]
- Every day Henry Paulson asks Jesus to heal his inner hurt, because Henry is a Christian Scientist and isn’t allowed to seek proper medical treatment for all the hilarious shit Matt Taibbi writes about him. [Matt Taibbi]
- Lots of ungrateful single working mothers are whining about how they receive a $25 golden parachute from the government every week, because now that the bailout has made them all filthy rich, they no longer qualify for $300 in food stamps every month. When AIG received their weekly $25 bailout, you didn’t hear them complaining about how they no longer qualified for government spa treatments or partridge hunts at Mr. Darcy’s country estate in Derbyshire! [HuffPost]
- When Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi sees a black person on the street he says, “Oh wow you have a nice tan.” And when he stumbles upon a woman with a very large belly he inquires, “Are you fat or just pregnant?” Silvio’s Hot Cop-Humpin’ Summer Comedy Tour begins today, here in Washington. [Swampland]
Riley, I like your style, kid; wanna write some of my clients to startle them into some action. Or paying their bills? We could use a go-getter like you ’round here. ‘Course, we can’t pay you, either, but you’d be imbued with the always reliable atmosphere of resentment, goof-off-ery, desperation, hostility and inter-departmental rivalry.
Quite a deal, I’m thinking.
Can we get Silvio Berlusconi to hump Ari Fleischer… in whatever orifice would get him to shut up and stop telling lies telling lies telling lies telling lies?
Thanks a lot for calling Fleischer a “guana faucet”, you little Waggamuffin! Now I need to come up with a new name for my penis. Actually, “Fleischer” does have kind of a nice ring to it…
Extemporanus: Well, I haven’t seen your penis, but I bet they look alike…
“Guano faucet Ari Fleischer” now ranks as a close second in the GREAT 2009 DESCRIPTOR CHALLENGE to Intern Juli’s “Ketchup heiress John Kerry”.
Well done, Riley. Well done.
Keep Berlusconi well away from Willow.
“Guano faucet?!!”
I want to have your babies!
I think Ari should put his money where his annoying mouth is and go visit the protesters in Iran. He will undoubtedly be welcomed as a hero.
ProfessorJukes: I think the word “drip” adequately describes what all three have in common.
SayItWithWookies: I concur, but in keeping with the theme; I think Ari should put his money where his annoying guano faucet is…
More love for “Guano Faucet”. That there is some mighty fine descriptoring.
Robert Byrd is still alive?!?
Heya Riley, good times.
Ahh, Ari Fleischer, making Middlebury grads cringe on a daily basis, except not as much anymore, but sometimes still, since you still occasionally wonder if you took a shit on the same toilet that Ari was on when decided he was going to be the world’s biggest asshole, and mucus membranes and all that, and you have fucked nightmares about it.
I totally heard that he oils his shiny shithead.
I’m digging the Jane Austen reference…way to woo the womens, Riley.
KilgoreTrout_XL: Not of the same scale, but another cringe-inducing Middlebury grad is that stupid ass governor of Vermont.
Meanwhile, Arielle Fleisher Declares Mission Accomplished at Commissary.
Just one follow-up question Ari…Jeff Gannon?
There was a JA reference?
I’m glad I’m not the only one who was compelled to laud “Guano faucet”.
GUANO FAUCET has WON THE DAY!
GUANO FAUCET For The eternal Win!
what a transition. Right out of the gate, Riley has won my heart (and Wonkette Comment of the Day, IMO!) with “guano faucet”.
Just don’t kiss me, queer.
Ari Fleischer gives dissembling douchebags a bad name.
BruceLee5000: You don’t remember the scene where Elinor calls Marianne a guano faucet?
Free food for hungry people!? Harumph! Why I never..! What’s this country coming to? Does Newt Gingrich know about this?
The price for getting an audience with our popular King? Berlusconi has to take three Guantanamo Bay detainees home with him. That Barry strikes a mean deal.
Who is Ari Fleischer? Oh, you mean Guano Faucet.
It’s fun to ridicule the ol’ Guano Faucet, but it also makes me wonder why those that call themselves The Media listen to anything he has to say. He was but a mouthpiece. He made no policy. He simply told the lies he was told to tell. He wielded no power but that to make sane men want to bash dents in his oily crown ’til blood spewed forth from many open wounds. Way to take down that fucknutz, Waggy. You are a treasure to be prized. Or a prize to be treasured. Maybe both.
As long as George Bush is not in jail, we will have to listen to Fucktards like Ari “Guanofaucet” Fleischer tell us how great he was.
Has Obama failed us?
gurukalehuru: I don’t think Obama has failed us. He just hasn’t done much progressive that he said he would do, and is actively holding back on some things that shouldn’t be debatable. Like queers in the military and prosecuting torture. Basically he’s being the middle-of-the-road, consensus-building milquetoast president most sane observers expected. Others of us who projected our hopes upon him without much evidence that he shared those hopes remain disappointed. The problem is he knows we have nowhere to go, can’t threaten him with voting for the republicans, so we don’t have any leverage to use on him to get progressive things done. Which is why this health care bill may help a few million people but it won’t offend the greedy, for-profit health care industry nor the “oh noes, socialized medicine” doctors. Single-payer is really the only sane way to go but god forbid he should stand up to big corporate america to, you know, save lives instead of service obscene greed.