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NAPOLEON COMPLEXES

World’s Tiniest TruckNutz Seen In Downtown DC

Tasteful decorations!Here is some bad-ass Jeep-looking thingy with a wee, left-of-center set of blue balls. Avid local Nutz-watcher Brian S. saw this spectacle this morning on K Street, and he is still weeping, but at least we have proof that these elusive ornaments have actually made it this far north (for the summer, presumably).


11:51 AM on Mon June 15 2009
By Sara K. Smith
1356 Views

  1. Don Juanquete says at 11:53 am, June 15th, 2009

    Hangs to the far left. Must be Chomsky.

  2. forgracie says at 11:53 am, June 15th, 2009

    Hangin’ to the left huh?

  3. 4tehlulz says at 11:54 am, June 15th, 2009

    Are these Bill Kristol’s Bibi-sized nutz?

  4. Come here a minute says at 11:56 am, June 15th, 2009

    That is one sad sack.

  5. This was a compromise. The driver’s wife said there’s no way you’re hanging those near my side of the car. You can have them only if they are subtle and tasteful and they stay over there.

  6. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 11:57 am, June 15th, 2009

    Wow, they’re blue and yet still so small. Hang in there Lindsey, the new batch of congressional pages are arriving soon.

  7. proudgrampa says at 11:59 am, June 15th, 2009

    These are your nutz after you take steroids for a long time…

  8. AllHat says at 12:02 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Wow, someone found a way to make truknutz even more tasteless.

  9. magic titty says at 12:04 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Eric Holder is that you?

  10. SayItWithWookies says at 12:06 pm, June 15th, 2009

    My best guess is that this truck had a conjoined twin in utero that never fully formed and was absorbed by its sibling. This shifting of the Nutz is a result of having to make room for the extra equipment at an early stage of development. I’ll bet if you put that baby on a lift you’d see a tiny vestigial transmission tucked under there, too.

  11. nice dong.

  12. SayItWithWookies: Transfercase?

  13. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 12:17 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Wee balls wobble, but they don’t fall down.

  14. Mild Midwesterner says at 12:19 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Thanks for calling those things tiny and making me feel even more inadequate.

  15. What’s with the license plate number redaction? Is someone afraid that mister blueballs will be offended?! I say if you’re letting your scrotum hang free, you’ve pretty much given up your right to privacy.

  16. Do guys with trucknutz tingle a little every time they shift gears?

  17. GDTRFB says at 12:22 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Blue Balls…perhaps because Maryland is solidly Blue. This driver must be from that “Rednecks For Obama” group. Mystery solved. Or he’s married.

  18. Mr Blifil says at 12:23 pm, June 15th, 2009

    That is a lamentable display of “pride.”

  19. Mustang says at 12:23 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Red neck, white socks and tiny blue baaaaalllllls.

  20. Fox n Fiends says at 12:25 pm, June 15th, 2009

    if you put TruckNutz on a Prius to you get Priapism?

  21. orange says at 12:26 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Is that a Maryland plate? Steele? Are you just stone-cold-keepin’-it-realllzzz?

  22. rereridiculous says at 12:26 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Avid nutz watcher makes for one hell of a business card.

  23. StoneAge says at 12:31 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Maryland would be comparing the First Lady to a gorilla if it hadn’t carved out a square for DC lo those many years ago. And by that, I mean it sucks.

  24. dennymcden says at 12:37 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Clearly that’s Barbara Mikulski’s car.

  25. I have often thought that Hummers and other such vehicles should come with a bummper sticker that says, “Yes, my dick really is that small”. But this works, too.

  26. rubybuckaroo says at 12:48 pm, June 15th, 2009

    So, Jeeps dress left?

  27. Extemporanus says at 12:49 pm, June 15th, 2009

    How repressed does a guy have to be to still have blue balls AFTER getting a Hummer?

  28. A Better American Than YOU says at 12:55 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Should one be elumbated and be required to absquatulate in an aerumnous manner, one’s trucknutz must be exiguous and sinistra.

    This is not adoxography, but my ambisinistrous use of sesquipedality could well make me “Poobah of the Day” in that competitive agon.

  29. One Yield Regular says at 1:03 pm, June 15th, 2009

    If there’s another photo of this Hummer with a member of Blue Man Group at the wheel, by all means put this in the Library of Congress collection.

  30. Dear Wonkette

    I don’t have a truck but I do have nutz. What does that make me?

    Yours,

    Rajul

  31. They’re like an actual pair of nuts, only smaller.

  32. RoscoePColtraine says at 1:30 pm, June 15th, 2009

    One Yield Regular: I think its maybe a Jeep Wrangler, which means his nutz are like, microscopic.

  33. d4g33z says at 1:39 pm, June 15th, 2009

    All balls, no dick.

  34. CollegeStudent says at 1:43 pm, June 15th, 2009

    I have a question. Do Truck Nutz hang lower in the summer time, you know, cuz of the heatz and humidityz?

  35. Humpback says at 2:21 pm, June 15th, 2009

    This is what happens if you let the erection last more than four hours.

  36. snoidoid says at 2:40 pm, June 15th, 2009

    In addition to blue balls, it looks like that poor jeep has a bit of incontinence, too.

  37. It’s been said before, but I am moved to say it again. I had no idea Truck Nutz were real, in the “dangling scrotum, just got out of the hot tub, why would anyone really do that” kind of way.

    Honestly, I thought they were an ironic reference to fuzzy dice or other rear-view mirror paraphernalia.

  38. Scandalabra says at 5:09 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Is that a discarded condom under the car, and what is up with that spill? Also.

  39. WickedWitch says at 10:17 pm, June 15th, 2009

    It’s so appropriate that this Jeep and its accessory were found on K Street — home to whore-lobbyists.

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