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RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

John Yoo Is America’s Most Painful Anal Fissure

  • A brilliant graduate student has compiled thousands of shocking photographs from North Korea, after visiting the country on Google Earth. How did we not know about North Korea’s trees and hills and stuff, which according to these photographs are practically everywhere, and how much longer before they’re auctioned off to the highest terrorist-bidder? [HuffPost]
  • TIME Magazine’s Eunuch of the Year John Yoo will testify in court about how he purposely pees the bed every night. It’s true, John Yoo can’t sleep comfortably unless he’s covered in his own urine, and he really needs his rest because his Circadian rhythm is super sensitive to sleep deprivation. Good luck in court, John! [Think Progress]
  • The Left loves Racial Profiling because they both adore Belle & Sebastian and have so many hilarious inside jokes that you just wouldn’t get and when they’re at work, they call each other every half hour. They are in love and every night they snuggle on the beach until the tide carries them away. And just because you can’t understand it, RedState — that doesn’t mean it’s not real. Because it is and it’s beautiful. [RedState]
  • The Jews have ruined Ahmadinejad’s landslide victory by using Twitter to expose his terrible regime. Please appreciate this: “@BabakMehrabani is saying that he was beaten by a baton and his right hand is numb. He is twitting with the left hand.” [The Daily Dish]


3:52 PM on Mon June 15 2009
By Riley Waggaman
2181 Views

  1. Uncle Bubba says at 3:58 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Please sir, may I have some more??!!

  2. WestEdEd says at 4:00 pm, June 15th, 2009

    “@BabakMehrabani is saying that he was beaten by a baton and his right hand is numb. He is twitting with the left hand”

    today we are all twits.

  3. trondant says at 4:09 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Farsi is so confusing. Is this dude jacking off or not?

  4. MathewBrooks says at 4:10 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Twitting with his left hand…surely now, the terrorists have won… :’( NEVER 4GET!!!1!

  5. SayItWithWookies says at 4:12 pm, June 15th, 2009

    John Yoo testifies in court — although by this point the only thing I want to hear from him is glub glub glub through a wet, muffling rag.

  6. 19kevin8 says at 4:13 pm, June 15th, 2009

    “John Yoo Is America’s Most Painful Anal Fissure”

    Headlines like that must be why the Library of Congress keeps calling.

  7. Correction: The Left loves racist profiling. Mainly because it’s so easy to identify them by their emails.

  8. Lazy Media says at 4:24 pm, June 15th, 2009

    I don’t think Steve Douchey reads a lot of spy novels. Because a spy novel involving a grad student googling satellite photos would be really, really dull.

  9. Gorillionaire says at 4:27 pm, June 15th, 2009

    I don’t want to click over to Redstate, so someone tell me, Belle & Sebastian? What do they expect us to like, Chickenfoot?

  10. sati demise says at 4:33 pm, June 15th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: then a nice towel around his neck to dry off followed by a body slam into the wall. Then by electrodes attached to his nuts while shackled to the ceiling while being forcefed similac through a tube in his nose.. The sound track could be Barry Manilow, ‘Cant Smile Without Yoo’.

  11. ericblair says at 4:54 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Is it just me, or are these posts all but unreadable?

  12. DangerousLiberal says at 5:00 pm, June 15th, 2009

    Anyone who even remotely thinks that Yoo will as much as get his necktie creased over his complicity in torture is willfully stupid and probably has to be reminded to breathe. The chances if this mofo paying is debt to society–and it is substantial–is nearly zero. When his countrymen were fighting to toss out evil corrupt dictators in S. Korea, he was trying to replicate such regimes here. Rule of law? How about we apply the ruler of law to his ass, repeatedly, until he really understands what torture is all about.

  13. glamourdammerung says at 5:03 pm, June 15th, 2009

    I was surprised it only took four or five replies on RedState for someone to post their Turner Diary fantasy.

  14. S.Luggo says at 5:23 pm, June 15th, 2009

    DangerousLiberal: Kim Il-Yoo, Devine Waterboard of the Republican Party.

  15. bitchincamaro says at 6:12 pm, June 15th, 2009

    There will have to be many more real Americans, like Judge White who will have the balls to make traitors like Yoo, Addington, Cheney, et al, answer for their crimes. I am about to give up on Obama, so for now, I salute you, your honor.

  16. eekahil says at 6:39 pm, June 15th, 2009

    “Face/Off” was great,though.

  17. Pat Pending says at 7:24 pm, June 15th, 2009

    he’s twitting with his… UNCLEAN hand???

    Actually, that’s appropriate.

  18. Monsieur Grumpe says at 8:11 pm, June 15th, 2009

    John Yoo is the crusty crust that clings to the edge of a syphilis infected anal pore and is so vile that even the syphilis germs move to the other side of the pore because they are disgusted by his nasty poop sucking presence.

    Fixed.

  19. steverino247 says at 9:22 pm, June 15th, 2009

    When Yoo dies, they’ll have to drill holes in his coffin so the worms can come out to puke.

  20. “von Brunn had more in common with left- than right-wingers: he railed against Christianity, “neocons,” President Bush, John McCain, and Bill O’Reilly, peddled 9/11 conspiracy theories, and had in his possession the address of another possible target: the building that houses The Weekly Standard and the American Enterprise Institute, the nerve center of neoconservatism”

    A building that is the nerve center of neoconservatism? I had to check Google Street View to see if the nerve center was indeed a giant dildo, but it is butt ugly anyway. There is a government socialized-mail truck / listening van immediately outside. By the way, the building also seems to contain left-wing offices like the American Steelworkers Union, Students Against Swetshops, and the National Propane Gas Association, whose ideas could be seeping into the nerve center clouding otherwise rational judgement.

    http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=1150+Seventeenth+Street,+N.W.+Washington+DC&sll=53.981935,-4.042969&sspn=16.765706,31.464844&ie=UTF8&t=h&z=16&iwloc=A&layer=c&cbll=38.905374,-77.038493&panoid=lGFfAiBpBJ_q2ivPak5pnA&cbp=12,264.26,,0,-24.29

  21. hobospacejunkie says at 4:08 am, June 16th, 2009

    ericblair: It’s just you. Come on, Riley Waggaman isn’t even an acquired taste. He was in a vile and completely inappropriate (for a family blog) vein of rich form from the get-go. It’s a fucking crime that Riley’s Rumors only get ~20 comments a day. Fucking uppity Wonketteers don’t know what they’re missing.

  22. DollarStorePregnancyTest says at 9:49 am, June 16th, 2009

    along side a somewhat interesting (if not thoroughly distracted from its primary focus) story about innovatively gathering intelligence on north korea, there’s a link to huffpo’s exclusive on the ‘puppy [that was] flushed down [a] toilet and survives’.

    oh right, that’s why i don’t read huffpo.

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