The polls have closed in Iran’s presidential election and we have a winner: it’s the American neoconservatives’ candidate, beloved hard-right lunatic and homosexual dresser Mahmoud Ahmadinjead! Now we get to bomb them because why not? The dick won! The dick won! In other news, we have another winner in Iran’s presidential election: Mir Hussein Moussavi, the reformist candidate, and a secret Muslim, according to the Internet. Yes, everyone is declaring victory, but we’re not making a call until we see the exits from Colorado.
TEHRAN — Iran’s state-run news agency declared Iran’s hard-line incumbent, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the winner of Iran’s tumultuous presidential election just two hours after the polls closed, but his main rival, Mir Hussein Moussavi, announced defiantly that he had won.
“I am the absolute winner of the election by a very large margin,” Mr. Moussavi said, adding: “It is our duty to defend people’s votes. There is no turning back.”
Some folks are claiming that Ahmadinejad declared victory way too early — before all the votes were counted! — but it looks to us as though he’s operating under standard American news network projection guidelines.
In making the announcement that Mr. Ahmadinejad had won, Iran’s election chief said the president had gotten 69 percent of the vote, but that figure was based on only 19 percent of the votes counted.
So yeah… there’s just going to be an insane amount of lying and cheating over the next 24 hours.
Conflicting Claims of Victory in Iran’s Election [NYT]
{ 43 comments }
HELLS YES. Hopefully there will be some bloodshed/violence. That would be a vast improvement over our reaction to the 2000 elections.
they do elections just like we do. that’s so sweet, we been wanting to bring them democracy and such. before you know it, they’ll be each of them as big as a small car, deep in debt, and will never again set foot in a polling place or construct a coherent sentence.
Outlying precincts are coming in for the Lizard People.
How saddening the neoconservatives are championing Ahmnotgonnaworkhereanymore so they can stick it to Obama, and still have their favorite bogeyman. I am personally heading down to the weekly standard to kick Bill Kristol in the nuts.
Oh, you just HAD to put that photo up. If anyone needs to beat their breast about the horrific tragedy of this unimaginable loss to American politics, please direct them over to Huffington Post. I come here to hang out with morans who have a brian.
[re=338184]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Indeed. Fewer hanging chads, more hanging Chads.
I can’t wait to see the arguments in front of the Minnesota Supreme Court in October.
Norm Coleman has already filed a lawsuit.
Obligatory Norm Coleman joke. Now move on.
DRILL BABY DRILL
I won? Fantastic!
Now where’s my £10 million USD price winnings…
And Ron Paul stayed flat.
Think early returns from Indiana. There is hope for change.
And since the Israel Goblins won’t shut up until we bomb these Islamotards can we at least wait until we’re out of Iraq? It’s not like Iran has ready missiles & A-bombs like North Korea or anything.
[re=338196]Extemporanus[/re]: Thank you for that.
When the Puerto Rico results come in, the Uighurs will put Mahmoud over the top and it will be time to break out the Bacardi and Hawaiian shirts. Where’s Hussein’s birth certificate?
Is it too early to hurl invective at the activist Iranian Supreme Court?
[re=338196]Extemporanus[/re]: urk.
yea, I laughed and then I cried.
I’m waiting for Nate Silver to decide! WwNSS*
*what Would Nate Say?
Hey! When do we get to see Russert’s kid kick the shit outta Dooshies kid?
I wonder how many elderly jews accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan tho? Huh?
At last, the Union is safe. — Michael Rubin
http://finland.usembassy.gov/uploads/Vm/sJ/VmsJiDOS86m08zPtis9l5w/rubin_big.jpg
Are we gonna have millions of hot Iranian chicks (think Roxana Saberi) rioting in the streets this time, half-clothed in protest at the repressive, antediluvian, old dudes-only regime if Mahmoud steals the election?
Sure would beat millions of scary hairy men beating their chests, burning American flags and dropping the Ayatollah out of his coffin. Though on the humor scale that little faux pas went to eleven.
K-Lo:
Boston Cream Pie
Boston Cream Pie
Boston Cream Pie
[re=338218]Min[/re]: Not until Sotomayor gets thru the confirmation process.
I would still like to know who the hottie on the HuffPo front page voted for. And I would like to volunteer to clean her finger.
…it only takes them one day to fix an election?! BARBARIANS!!!
I’m holding on to my “fuckity fuck fuck” until they make Ahmadi’s ‘victory’ official.
[re=338333]Mr Blifil[/re]: OMG tell me about it!
I’m holding out for Drudge’s call CMON GODDAMMIT TELL ME WHAT TO THINK.
I want to rag on Iran about this election but I live in Minnesota. Sigh.
Neo-con happyness. Their boi Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wins. Not only that there is good reason to suspect fraudulence and falsification on a truly floridian scale.
AIPAC had a lot of time & money wrapped up in demonizing Ahmadinjead.
Now they can demand their war profits!
Damn those djinn ballots in Mashan and flying-carpet ballots in Hormuz!
Wow…just like Poland and the Philipines, Czechoslovakia and Russia, just like, uh, you know, Florida and Ohio where brave American patriots called the elections a coup and brought down the government….wait a minute, we didn’t protest the 2000 and 2004 US elections? We didn’t expose the government as frauds? We didn’t even bleat or raise our puny heads from our bowls of drivel and dreck?
Oh, never mind. Democracy suks!
[re=338448]President X[/re]: Sadly’ revolution can only be expected when the people have nothing, or little, left to lose. Let’s stipulate that the ’00 & ’04 elections were stolen: apart from the homeless, even the worst off in our land still have much to lose, still have a long way to fall before the cheetos, xbox, and/or whatever disappear and they take to the streets. Previous rioters in our land weren’t bothered w/elections. They wanted to be treated like human beings. And despite the loud, small racist minority we are getting there. Young Iranians, on the other hand, have their futures to lose, and they’re taking to the streets as we speak.
Hoy vavoy, the shit is hitting the fan in Iran. Bibi 2.0 must be grinning from ear to ear.
Well, children: We all know all these crazy fucks are going to Hell, but why do they have to (TRY) to drag the rest of us along with them? !@#$%^&*!!@!@! (ersatz profanity). After all, I AM a lady, even if little — and old.
Perhaps if WE had “taken to the streets” the last shameful and humiliating eight years would not have happened to us. We have lost a lot of ground vis a vis world opinion and moral standing. It seems the Iranians are more “American” in this regard than WE are!
[re=338521]Little Old Lady[/re]: No, it probably wouldn’t have made a difference. There wasn’t enough popular support for anything like that. If Bush had stolen New York City, Chicago, San Fransisco, and Los Angeles, as Ahmadinejad has in Tehran, Tabriz, and Isfahan, the electoral coup would have been so obvious that we’d have seen people in the streets.
As a general rule, though, Americans don’t protest enough, and the dirty French and Italians protest too much.
[re=338527]Brendan M.[/re]: They knew to keep the election *juuuuuust* close enough. Ahmagh-Nejad got greedy and decided to “win” by 30% instead of a respectable margin like 5% or 7%.
Well, we DID want “those people” to have a democracy like ours. And now it looks like they do! Yah!
Is there a market for “Allah said: Thou Shalt Not Steal, MOTHERFUCKER” T-shirts? Seriously, with $500 in seed money, an iMac and a Farsi translator, we could be raking it in!
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