Sometimes it’s easy to forget how much time America’s leaders spend just farting around the House and Senate floor, talking COMPLETE NONSENSE. For example: this Indiana loon recently felt compelled to follow up on some other congressperson’s important comparison between lettuce and tobacco, while he could have been doing something really important for his state, like Twittering about how lettuce kills people. [C-SPAN]
SMOKABLE GREENS
June 12, 2009
Lettuce: America’s Silent Killer
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{ 43 comments }
Lettuce doesn’t kill people. Hepatitis-causing illegal Messicans who don’t wash their hands after they wipe and then prepare your $12 bowl of salad with their poorly manicured brown calloused hands are the real health danger, which is why Maria Sotomayor is coming to GIVE YOU HEPATITIS.
lettuce kills people
Only if you eat it.
If you rub it on your gonads…it’s just sexy.
Well hell — Am I going to DIE since I just ate a romaine-and-cherry-tomato salad with romaine handpicked from my back porch by my own unclean hands???
AM I? Anyone??
Shit… dying alone. My worst nightmare. Where are people when you need them???
It’s only the smoke that’s harmful? So eating a salad is just as bad as chewing tobacco?
Salads Kill! Eat Meat!
But not whale meat.
Fppppppppppth– I’m not only smoking the lettuce, I’m inhaling AND holding it in for as long as I can!
The only question that remains is do you prefer Red Leaf or Romaine? Don’t mess around with that low grade Iceberg lettuce shit.
This is going to kill the demand for grilled romaine.
Also, [re=337586]Godot[/re], it’s only harmful if you smoke the lettuce.
[re=337591]Go Figure[/re]: Bitch. Or bastard.
[re=337583]dijetlo[/re]: No, you ream a whole in the head of the lettuce and pour warm ranch dressing in it. Then you make sweet sweet love to it. Apparently, you’re not a real veggie lover.
The tobacco companies are better served funneling their PAC money into making Joe Camel plushies than giving it to hopeless retards who can’t even make a decent “equivalency” argument.
Hint: what you’re looking for starts with M and is known as something you use in a kitchen.
ALL PREPARE FOR THE ONCOMING LETTUCE-FLU!!! REPENT!! REPENT!!!!!3!!!!!
Seeing as I can’t view the C-Span video, I’m going to assume he said something like “Tobacco leaves are green, so every time you smoke, you are getting your daily dose of vegetables.”
Given the weight of this issue, I’m just as glad I can’t get the video to do anything except sit there, stupidly. Next topic,
Labret’s Law:
“As a Hot Button Issue discussion grows longer in the United States, the probability of it becoming indistinguishable from a story in The Onion approaches 1″
Exhibit, motherfalucking, A:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/congressman_demands_to_know_who?utm_source=a-section
I rest my, (you can all go smoke a big bag of dastardly dicks), case, bitches.
I know for a fact that lettuce and other veggies are always perfectly safe PROVIDED you prepare them in the manner of a typical restaurant mega-chain TV commercial, ie; against a black background, slice them with an extremely sharp knife MID-AIR while they are flying about in super slo-mo amidst jets of water and stirring, sprightly background music.
Doesn’t even matter if you have to scrape them off the floor/walls to get them in the bowl; they’re good to go.
I take it by “lettuce” he actually means hashish, right?
Yeah, but it’s the House. They let any crazy nutjob into the House.
Lettuce? No it’s kale you must worry about.
http://www.primadonahue.com/pages/jerungdukarmic.html
Ah, it’s running now. Worse than I thought. Tobacco doesn’t kill people – smoking tobacco kills people. Unimpeachable logic. So?
If lettuce gave you a buzz, more people would go on diets.
I have no snark for the stupid asshats in congress. we get the government we deserve.
[re=337596]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Is a plushie the same as a furry? I am confused (and somewhat light-headed from the lettuce fumes).
“It’s not the nicotine that kills — it’s the smoke that kills.”
Wow, that’s sciency, mister. I’ll bet it would be even truer if you were wearing a white lab coat and safety glasses. This idiot ought to get together with Sen. Inhofe and Michele Bachmann and start their own science foundation. They could search for Noah’s Ark or Atlantis, or maybe find a trace of the day God stopped the sun so Joshua could kill all the Amorites or whoever that I’m too damn lazy to look up specifically.
[re=337614]Gopherit[/re]: We get the gov’t we deserve? I don’t recall shooting into a schoolyard full of kids immediately after selling them meth.
I only smoke my lettuce when it has been spiked with cyanide, formaldehyde and arsenic, just as Phillip Morris intended.
I’ll be starting my very own arugula clinic to help get the dopeheads clean. It’s peppery and stings a little bit, but you still get a good buzz from it. You don’t need special paper to roll ‘em either.
I hope this guy dies of mouth cancer from his perfectly safe chaw.
Awesome. I have been praying for snuff-snorting to make a comeback. Otherwise, that storage container full of handmade snuff boxes is never going to pay for my retirement.
[re=337619]SmutBoffin[/re]: that’s because of all the meth you did.
[re=337590]Humpback[/re]: Or fish.
[re=337623]chapka[/re]: Just as good for you as salad, apparently!
[re=337608]Serolf Divad[/re]: I once read on a DEA website that buds are sold on ‘the street’ under the pseudonym ‘broccoli’. WTF? Has ANYONE you know of ever referred to reefer as ‘broccoli’?
OTOH, it makes the Weird Al birthday song 10x funnier.
[re=337626]Gopherit[/re]: I don’t remember that little incident at Q and Corcoran Streets, either. Nevertheless, there I am, diaper and all.
[re=337627]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Actually, I likes the fishies. And they too can be smoked.
It’s a fact, I just saying it is a fact, Frank Zappa used to say tobacco was his favorite vegetable. Apparently he was injecting into his prostate.
I’m so fucking glad no one has made a “let us” pun yet. That would’ve ruined my weekend before it even started.
[re=337633]SmutBoffin[/re]: Q and Corcoran don’t intersect. Unless you’re on meth. Or shithoused at Fox and Hounds.
[re=337660]Mull_Man[/re]:
I always figured it was the burnt weenie sandwiches.
[re=337629]SmutBoffin[/re]:
Someone was probably playing a joke on the DEA agent who’s charged with going out on the streets and “learning the drug lingo.”
You don’t make friends with salad.
Wow. WOW.
This may explain why my late pet bunny just wouldn’t lay off the stuff.
[re=337624]Lazy Media[/re]: Here’s where I get mine…
You know, Hemp could replace both and is much better for the environment.
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