Wonkette
The whole notion of a “British Commonwealth” was supposedly just a cutesy, historic relic to rake in tourism dollars for everyone, and to allow England to pretend it’s still important, right? Well that may have been the situation at, say, 7:30 a.m. on September 11, 2001, but only a couple hours later the world changed, and terrorism was invented. And now the Britons have learned that one of its commonwealth islands, Bermuda, got drunk last night and accepted four of the seventeen Uighurs from Guantanamo Bay, without asking the Queen’s permission, in an obvious Security Risk. Time to bring in the Lobsterbacks, to slaughter Bermuda into submission.
The British Government responded with ill-disguised fury tonight to the news that four Chinese Uighurs freed from Guantanamo Bay had been flown for resettlement on the Atlantic tourist paradise of Bermuda.
The four arrived on Bermuda in the early hours, celebrating the end of seven years of detention after learning that they were to be accepted as guest workers.
But it appears that the Government of Bermuda failed to consult with the Foreign and Commonwealth Office on the decision to take in the Uighurs – whose return is demanded by Beijing – and it could now be forced to send them back to Cuba or risk a grave diplomatic crisis.
Bermuda, Britain’s oldest remaining dependency, is one of 14 overseas territories that come under the sovereignty of the United Kingdom, which retains direct responsibility for such matters as foreign policy and security.
Whoa! Wait! It’s just that… Bermuda didn’t think you’d really give a shit, right? Four Chinese Muslims? But if you’re going to be like that, “King George III,” then… can Bermuda take the four Chinese Muslims friends for a sleepover PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?
Foreign Office fury over settlement of Guantánamo Uighurs in Bermuda [Times of London]
Seriously, the British are SO damn cute.
They will be allowed to stay and labor on Her Majesty’s bountiful sugar and tobacco plantations, after they present her with the ritual tribute of an ipod and grab her ass with both hands, for freedom.
Chinese Muslins all dressed up in those adorable pith helmets and knee socks that they wear in Bermuda? Awesome!
They are not really expressing anger. It’s just a wee grrr.
Bermuda: come for the white, sandy beaches— stay for the impending Muslim revolution.
Is that a screenshot of Colonization?
Also and also, as a Britisher thank you FCO for making us look like huge assholes again.
Sid Meyer’s Colonization! I got the new version of that game recently - got to dig it out now.
Bermuda, you did not send in your permission slips!!
But seriously, what the fuck is happening on this planet??
I got this Gitmo prisoner problem all figured out. All we have to do send out form letters, with self addressed stamped envelopes, to every country, island, state, province, cooking school and tribe in the world asking if they would like to have some free Chinese Uighurs. The first one that writes back asking they taste any good gets them. No questions asked.
Remember the Gaspee. Somebody needs to shoot somebody British in the teabag.
Who is disturbed by a bunch of people who want to overthrow the Chinese government? Obviously, we’re not, which is why we sent them to paradise. Maybe the British should stop fretting about the opinion of Beijing and start fretting about the opinion of the American Republic Empire, where the sun never sets. And an island that is so close to our own mainland is 100% ours, by assumption.
Monsieur Grumpe: I was thinking more of a 419 scam.
“Dear Potential Investor:
It has come to our attention that your account contains a surplus of Extremists. These Extremists are highly valued and contain the potential for many dollars to be made by your country. Please reply henceforth to participate in this incredible opportunity.
Sincerely,
General Ban Ki-moon”
Maybe Puerto Rico will take them.
Bermuda desperately needs some teabaggers to show them how to stand up to the mighty British Empire.
I think Fox News will have the best coverage of the upcoming Sino-Bermuda war.
Bermuda should’ve started with something easier like pizza, and then worked their way up to Chinese.
horned_viper: I thought that’s what that was. I almost bought a copy, but I decided that Civilization has been taking up far too much of my time, so I went on voluntary hiatus in April. I love the game, though. Civilization IV is like nothing I’ve ever seen anywhere else. But for six months I’ve been clean. I’m really getting into drinking now. It’s like I’ve got a new lease on life.
Is there still a Colonial Office (or whatever) to administer them? I believe the US colonies were administered by the “Board of Trade” and that didn’t go so well (there was also that messy business of Benjamin Franklin being dressed down at the Privy Council). so how does this work anyway?
SayItWithWookies: They must get a permission slip from Sotomayor and she must get a permission slip from Boner, he has to get permission from Rush, who has to get written approval from Rupert Murdock, then he has to get a slip from Cheney but does not know which one.
It is a bureaucratic nightmare, that Puerto Rico.
“No pants allowed”
Don’t tell me, another Leonard Cohen song, right?
shortsshortsshorts:
Brilliant! You should write a blog or something.
Larry McAwful: LOL. My husband became irate at all the time I spent holed up with Civ4 and Sim City and other games. Sid’s games always were the most addicting. It is truly like a legal drug… I had to delete the games from the system in order to save my marriage.
Can’t we just send them back to China with tracking collars? like these http://www.gpsmagazine.com/assets/garmindc30.jpg ?
Come here a minute: Nope, but “Don’t Go Home With Your Hard-on” is, somehow.
You guys, it’s all very well to joke, but those Chinese Muslins are endangering the world’s strategic cashmere sweater and wood-handled purse reserves!!!1!
If the U.S. is unwilling to take any, we shouldn’t be criticizing any other country that objects.
That is not a screen shot of Colonization. That is a screen shot of “FreeCol” the open-source Colonization clone.
If the U.S. is unwilling to take any, we shouldn’t be criticizing any other country that objects.
Have you not been reading this blog thingie for the last several weeks? We’ve been criticizing the US for arrant NIMBYism on this pretty relentlessly, also.
Poop-on-a-stick: Batoru rowaiaru? That should keep them in line.
Guess an iPod doesn’t look so garish now, does it?
Let’s kick some brit ass again. Can always used a 51st State.
Guess those Uigars will be lying back & thinking of England tonight (and not much happier about it than British brides back in the day).
Well, that ends the start-up of the Bermuda Molotov Cocktail industry.
Humpback: Damn — I wish I’d thought of that one!
I read too much Wonkette when I read the first quoted line as:
“The British Government responded with ill-disguised FURRY“
horned_viper: Me, too! My wife was getting really worried about me! Now that it’s been a while and I can step back some, I think she did have something to worry about. Personally, I’m not giving the games up for good, but at least for now. If I still can’t control myself after an as-yet undefined hiatus, well… maybe I’ll have to give them up entirely.
Also: it looks like I wrote that I gave them up six months ago. Six [i]weeks[/i], actually. So I’m far from out of the woods. But days and nights of contiguous CivIV games can threaten any marriage…
Blame it on too much rum, Bermuda, say your mea culpas, and then sneak them in after Ma Britain goes to bed.
Larry McAwful: You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
Greg Comlish: Greg, you need to get out of your parents basement more often.
Noonan: Aye, me too
Gee, this makes me ashamed to live in a former colony…
at least Bermuda didn’t pat the Queen on the back.
horned_viper: Try bestoldgames.net for the FREE older versions of Colonization and Civilization… good gawd, man - back in the day I could’ve gotten my A-level in Civ…
I love that half the board, like myself, is freaking out that wonkette perhaps posted a screenshot of civlization/colonization/freecol or whatever.
Let’s just highjack the rest of this thread and turn it into a heated debate on siege weapons and technology tree strategies.
Here, I’ll start:
The Incans are my favorite civ. I’m all about using the Quechas to knock-out my closest neighbors in the first few turns.
Greg Comlish: O my gawd, thank you for saying something. I’m so glad I didn’t have to. Cuz of the addiction.
…
…
Ihavetogoplaynow.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Fox graphic: “Planter’s Punch Rebellion!”
They’re Uighurs not Boxers, you limey gits…just make sure you have plenty of halal fish chowder, johnny cake, paw paw montespan, and ice-cold switcha on hand, to greet the Celestial Muslins proper-like.
Don’t be so dead tarpree, Guv’na-General!
Eh, Gordon Brown is as good as gone. The Queen’s henchmen will get to him like Diana.
Bruno: Her Majesty can’t just knock off Gordon Brown because he was elected. Diana was only family, like Anne Boleyn.
Is Her Maj gonna have to choke a bitch?
Humpback: That is some kind of awesome!
How many of you here know anything about Uyghurs? Do you know the real story of those Uyghurs in Guantanama? Do you know their situation in their homeland-Occupied Eastern Turkistan(1949 by China)? Then why do you so much hostile feeling about them? Do not you think they deserve to survive?
Uyghurs plight started about 250 years ago, sometimes from the Chinese sometimes from Russia since we are living between these two nations. The plight has been getting worse and worse since 1949 after the occupation by the Chinese communist Regime. Hundreds of thousands of scholars, bussinessmen, teachers were killed including both of my grandfathers. Uyghurs againd started to flee to neighbouring countries-Kazakistan, Uzbekistan, Krygizistan, Afghanistan and India on foot. In China HanChinese people get passports at the post office by paying 200 rmb(30$) but Uyghurs, if they want to get a passport they have to pay at leaset 40,000 rmb(6000$) plus a lot of stamps and letters they have to collect. This is just a small example how differently Uyghurs are being treated and how they are being controlled by the Chinese. Chinese governement has been using all kind of ways to assimilate Uyghurs. Killing, force them to only speak Chinese at schools, forcfull abortion, employment descriminaion, breaking down Uyghur traditional, historical architectures, legelising the trafficing of young,underaged Uyghurs girls into Chinese cities, Mass HanChinese immigration etc.
Those Uyghurs at Guantanama escaped in order to save their lives where ever they could get to and it happened to be Afhanistan at a wrong time.
Chinese gov has been very successfull to make people believe that Uyghurs are terrorists but they failed to lable Dalaylama as terroris but seperatist. Uyghurs plight is identical to the plights of Tibets. Why do they get more sympathy and support from the world and not Uyghurs? Those Tibets escaped to Inda are protected by Indian gov and UN but why Uyghurs are cought and locked by bein
How many of you here know anything about Uyghurs? Do you know the real story of those Uyghurs in Guantanama? Do you know their situation in their homeland-Occupied Eastern Turkistan(1949 by China)? Then why do you so much hostile feeling about them? Do not you think they deserve to survive?
Uyghurs plight started about 250 years ago, sometimes from the Chinese sometimes from Russia since we are living between these two nations. The plight has been getting worse and worse since 1949 after the occupation by the Chinese communist Regime. Hundreds of thousands of scholars, bussinessmen, teachers were killed including both of my grandfathers. Uyghurs againd started to flee to neighbouring countries-Kazakistan, Uzbekistan, Krygizistan, Afghanistan and India on foot. In China HanChinese people get passports at the post office by paying 200 rmb(30$) but Uyghurs, if they want to get a passport they have to pay at leaset 40,000 rmb(6000$) plus a lot of stamps and letters they have to collect. This is just a small example how differently Uyghurs are being treated and how they are being controlled by the Chinese. Chinese governement has been using all kind of ways to assimilate Uyghurs. Killing, force them to only speak Chinese at schools, forcfull abortion, employment descriminaion, breaking down Uyghur traditional, historical architectures, legelising the trafficing of young,underaged Uyghurs girls into Chinese cities, Mass HanChinese immigration etc.
Those Uyghurs at Guantanama escaped in order to save their lives where ever they could get to and it happened to be Afhanistan at a wrong time.
Chinese gov has been very successfull to make people believe that Uyghurs are terrorists but they failed to lable Dalaylama as terroris but seperatist. Uyghurs plight is identical to the plights of Tibets. Why do they get more sympathy and support from the world and not Uyghurs? Those Tibets escaped to Inda are protected by Indian gov and UN but why are Uyghurs cought and locked up?