SHE SAW IT ON TNT LAST WEEKEND  12:16 pm June 11, 2009

Bachmann Has A TITANIC Metaphor For The Economy!

by Sara K. Smith

Ha ha oh jeez is it a sign of insanity when something Michele Bachmann says actually makes sense? Here’s the deal: the “unsinkable” Titanic sprung a leak and then its “three chambers” filled with water and it was TOO LATE and all the poors drowned while Kate Winslet (spoiler alert!) survived, barely. Similarly, the economy has sprung a leak and we will all die because of Barack Obama. Ya dig??? [Our Beloved C-SPAN]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 86 comments }

jagorev June 11, 2009 at 12:20 pm

So… Bachmann is Winslet, and Obama is Dicaprio? Hawt.

The Station Manager June 11, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Is it just me or was the word “excessive” being pronounced excessively improperly the entire time?

shellbomber June 11, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Did she just admit Obama is King of the World?

magic titty June 11, 2009 at 12:24 pm

But the ship was sinking during the Johnson years, and the Ford year, and the Carter years, and Reagan years, and the Bush years, and the Clinton years, and the Bush years, and the Barry years.

So basically what the fuck is she talking about…?

Humpback June 11, 2009 at 12:25 pm

So that was at almost 10 pm local time. Did she stick around just to deliver that gem during someone else’s speech?

Cleopatra Schwartz June 11, 2009 at 12:26 pm

After her speech about the Titanic, Michelle Bachmann attempted to return to her deck chair, only to discover that the GOP had moved it to the other side of the promenade.

Darehead June 11, 2009 at 12:27 pm

That image is very disturbing, Michele. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history, four blocks away, that we should never forget, but no, you should not use the word “deconstruction.” Because you are decidedly not Derridian.

JooJoo Bee June 11, 2009 at 12:27 pm

With her palm wiping down through all the hot air in the House chamber, I was wishing the chamber weren’t quite so large, and that the air outside today were a little colder, and the camera a little closer to the action. Her “Titanic” metaphor would thus have been complete. And sexy and comical, also.

iolanthe June 11, 2009 at 12:27 pm

[re=336748]magic titty[/re]: Apparently the entire right wing has been sleeping for, at least, the past 8 years. I find their new-found interest in the economy and the Constitution rather touching, but entirely unconvincing.

dijetlo June 11, 2009 at 12:29 pm

and all the poors drowned while Kate Winslet (spoiler alert!) survived, barely.
By basically acting the child, refusing to get on the boat and thus consigning poor Jack to a short and chilly future as a popsicle-in-training (after she conveniently drained him of his precious manly essence) just so she float around, lording it over the poors, on her ultra posh headboard.
So Michelle Bachmann as that murderous bitch makes all the sense in the world.

magic titty June 11, 2009 at 12:30 pm

[re=336748]magic titty[/re]: Oh shit – I skipped the Nixon years…because …um… they went without saying??

I suck.

cal June 11, 2009 at 12:31 pm

When is this crazy coot going to get removed from office? Seriously.

proudgrampa June 11, 2009 at 12:31 pm

(to the tune of My Heart Will Go On):

Michelle will go on

And on
And on
And on
And on

(Sorry, record has a scratch)

nappyduggs June 11, 2009 at 12:31 pm

I am really glad that I entered the “What is the Best Pop Culture Metaphor for This Sinking Ship We’re On” essay contest! I look forward to sitting with Senator Bachmann and her family in box seats at the Rahowa/Toby Keith concert.

Min June 11, 2009 at 12:32 pm

She needs to stop using whatever hair product gives her that glossy mane, because it’s killing off her brain cells.

jagorev June 11, 2009 at 12:33 pm

[re=336748]magic titty[/re]: BLASPHEMER. Everything was just perfect during the Golden Age of our Prophet, Reagan (Peace Be Upon Him)

ManchuCandidate June 11, 2009 at 12:33 pm

Wake me up when she starts using Star Trek metaphors with her as Spock and Barry as Nero.

Country Club Jihadi June 11, 2009 at 12:35 pm

And all this time I thought the ‘Floating Imams’ brought the Titanic down.

PrairiePossum June 11, 2009 at 12:37 pm

She forgot to mention GWB was the blind, drunken captain who piloted the big ship into the iceberg.

hockeymom June 11, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Is Harry Reid a Somali Pirate in this metaphor?

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 11, 2009 at 12:37 pm

I, for one, support the deconstruction of our free market economist.

And, personally, I think all policy should be set by what ever movie happens to be on TNT on the weekend. I can’t wait for Congressperson Bachmann’s discussion of what this land would be like if it was in fact a world where apes descended from man.

magic titty June 11, 2009 at 12:38 pm

[re=336758]proudgrampa[/re]: Interestingly, I was thinking Never Had No One Ever by The Smiths:

“Now I’m outside your house
I’m alone
And I’m outside your house…”

[re=336762]jagorev[/re]: Objectively speaking, he might have been the worst president has ever had. Even though he was indeed, a god among men.

InsidiousTuna June 11, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Uh, I’m only four blocks away from a museum that houses some artifacts of the Titanic. Did you really have to post about this?

stink, but June 11, 2009 at 12:38 pm

I didn’t even know the SHIP SANK! You put in that spoiler alert a little late, Sara K. Smith!

bago June 11, 2009 at 12:41 pm

It’s the Flying Imams and the Free-Market Economists that our country floats upon in the exact sort of manner that the good ship Titanic didn’t.

Hooray For Anything June 11, 2009 at 12:44 pm

You must do me this honor, Michelle. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Michelle, and never let go of that promise….never let go

El Pinche June 11, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Shelly, stick to inspiring rightwing terrorists, you’re better at it….actually don’t, suck a bushel of uncircumcised cocks instead.

Airborne Toxic Event June 11, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Um, Michele, are you sure you want to describe how you lost your virginity on the floor of the House?

facehead June 11, 2009 at 12:45 pm

[re=336769]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Thank God she didn’t see Eraserhead.

PrairiePossum June 11, 2009 at 12:45 pm

I can’t help but suspect that the pages and staffers who work on the floor groan and giggle silently to themselves every time she steps up to the microphone ’cause they know some special brand of batshit crazy will spill from her lips.

Mad Farmer Manifest June 11, 2009 at 12:47 pm

I think in this metaphor the GOP is the ship, cold hard reality is the iceberg, and a group of cows in Arizona are the band playing as the ship sinks. Cows like music.

lulzmonger June 11, 2009 at 12:49 pm

Needs more “sieg heil” hand-gestures.

The ongoing trashing of the nation’s fiscal balance by the GOP every time it gets its tentacles on its purse-strings – & the Dems’ cleaning it up afterwards – is central to her point.

Now if she’d compared the REPUBLICANS to the Titanic, I’d say Obama should consider trading Specter for her – the Democrats just don’t have nearly enough cred with the batshit-insane demographic & she could help them with that. A lot.

bfstevie June 11, 2009 at 12:49 pm

Let us not forget that the engineer of the Titantic was played by the always delightful Victor Garber in the movie.

Just sayin’.

Mad Farmer Manifest June 11, 2009 at 12:49 pm

[re=336781]Airborne Toxic Event[/re]: Are you a member of that band or an environmental regulator or what?

LittlePig June 11, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=336769]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I can’t wait for Congressperson Bachmann’s discussion of what this land would be like if it was in fact a world where apes descended from man.

Also known as “Activities In My Home District”

sheldy13 June 11, 2009 at 12:51 pm

What did she say about “Gash”? “Ice Gash”? The Titanic was sank by a giant “Ice Gash”?! What are we doing about these Terrorist Ice Gashes?!!!

freakishlystrong June 11, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Should Wingnuts even mention sinking ships? Really?

paintitblack June 11, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Whatevah that quacking loon sez: it’s teh opposite. I think Bachman-on-overdrive is having make-sexy-time fantasies about Somali pirates engorging her lady-bits, which is why she was shrieking out: Heavenly father! it’s TITANIC!!11!!

Airborne Toxic Event June 11, 2009 at 12:52 pm

[re=336792]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: It’s from Don Delillo’s novel White Noise. I’m just obscure.

stratonike June 11, 2009 at 12:53 pm

I’m waiting for her to use the post-apocalyptic world metaphor. Where Obama is Randall Flagg.

Pithaughn June 11, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Michelle? r u listening? The correct metaphor for our economy is the hilarious antics of McGruver on SNL. As the clock tics away, his companions urge him to quickly take action to solve the crisis. But, the feeble chap fritters away the precious seconds indulging in some narcissictict( possible spelling error), and alas fails to save the day ant kabooy they all die in a huge firey explosion.
If you need help figuring out which character is a metaphor for who and or whatever let me know.

Come here a minute June 11, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Could this clip be rearranged so it shows Michele Bachmann being decked with a chair?

Internally valid June 11, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Our economy is a sinking ship. Therefore, don’t support bailouts. Makes perfect sense.

WideStance June 11, 2009 at 12:57 pm

To summarize Rep. Bachmann’s important Congressional address: Last weekend she and her family saw a commercial movie involving an ice gash. The deconstruction of free-market economist can and must be solved next quarter!

Pithaughn June 11, 2009 at 12:58 pm

[re=336801]Pithaughn[/re]: Hi, it’s me again. Just so you know some errors are typing and some are intentional, it’s a game ok?

Sussemilch June 11, 2009 at 1:01 pm

The Titanic sank on her maiden voyage.

The post-depression economy survived two world wars and 11 presidents before the batshit-crazy religotards took over and set fire to the whole fucking treasury in their crusade to kill brown people.

rmontcal June 11, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=336794]sheldy13[/re]: “gash”, “this body”, this speech has it all! And did she say “free market economisss”? Seriously, what was she trying to say? “free market economists”? “free market economies”? More than one?

Balls! June 11, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=336759]nappyduggs[/re]: My entry was for the SS Edmund Fitzgerald and I lost :(

zenferret June 11, 2009 at 1:07 pm

It’s always amusing when they sneak a shot of the chambers in and you can see that it’s really just about five guys in the room when they do this stuff.

Internally valid June 11, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Strangely, I agree with Michelle here, at least to the extent that our troubles can all be traced back to the filthy Irish, somehow.

rmontcal June 11, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=336827]rmontcal[/re]: Also, why did she call it a “commercial movie”? Do people in Minnesota talk like that? Like when referring to a Coke as “pop” or saying “oh yeah, youbethca”?

Yup June 11, 2009 at 1:16 pm

[re=336794]sheldy13[/re]: Oh Bachmann, you’ll always be the #1 ice gash in my heart.

toooldtocare June 11, 2009 at 1:16 pm

when I get really stoned I can make metaphorical comparisons with things as disparate as toenails and driving too fast. you know what I mean?

Gorillionaire June 11, 2009 at 1:16 pm

Michelle Bachmann is to Kate Winslet
as
The Retarded Hef Girlfriend is to Helena Bonham Carter

sati demise June 11, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=336767]PrairiePossum[/re]: win!

nappyduggs June 11, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=336828]Balls![/re]: To win with these types you really just have to squeeze the ever-livin’ shit out of the obvious. Better luck next time, chum.

bitchincamaro June 11, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Her movie reveiws are even crazier than David Denby’s. She is a national treasure.

Hooray For Anything June 11, 2009 at 1:28 pm

[re=336836]rmontcal[/re]: Who knew our little Michelle is an indie film snob?

Clancy_Pants June 11, 2009 at 1:30 pm

Congresswoman, I served with Molly Brown: I knew Molly Brown; The unsinkable Molly Brown was a friend of mine. Congresswoman, you’re no Molly Brown.

-Lloyd Bentsen

CaliforniaMike June 11, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=336786]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Cows only like some music. They hate techno-pop, but they’re crazy for disco.

Kev-O-Tron June 11, 2009 at 1:33 pm

MY PARENTS BOTH DIED ON THE TITANIC! HOW DAREZ U TO POST THIS NOT EVEN A CENTURY AFTER THEIR DEATH.

Manos: Hands of Fate June 11, 2009 at 1:34 pm

I thought Michelle would be too busy running the Holy Western Empire Web site now that’s it’s former owner is incapacitated.

Mr Blifil June 11, 2009 at 1:37 pm

I live for her views on deconstruction. Not since Derrida bitchslapped Lacan has Structuralism been so fucking hawt.

RoscoePColtraine June 11, 2009 at 1:38 pm

Maybe she’s not such a wingnut after all. Most fundies swore off James Cameron after he found Jeebus’ bones, calling him PT Barnum, has-been director, and even Satan himself.

Oh, wait….she thought Titanic was directed by Kirk Cameron.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,254692,00.html

Mr Blifil June 11, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=336833]Internally valid[/re]: Yeah but they never catch her in the act of pulling a train, which is the price she has to pay for being allowed to enter the Congressional record.

Woodwards Friend June 11, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Who is dismantling these free market economists? And what are they doing with Hayek’s left foot?

KTHXBAI June 11, 2009 at 1:59 pm

Pearl Necklace Bachmann clearly knows nothing…the iceberg tore through five compartments not three. Has she never seen Titanic? Why is Barack Obama denying her the right to see the movie?

sitonmyface June 11, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Who cares what she is rambling on about!!! There are seriously, only four or five people in that enormous room…..what a joke!!!!!!

qwerty42 June 11, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Well, suppose she wants to base her tirades on … I dunno … Master and Commander or Gone with the Wind or something … how does she cast it then?

Atlas Spanked June 11, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Actually, it’s more like Captain Bushmonkey hit the iceberg because he was drunk and sailing too fast, then, as the Titanic began to sink, he retired for a life of golfing and child literature while the crew elected a new captain who had to patch all the leaks and build enough lifeboats before they were all sucking salt water.

Just sayin’, bitch.

lawrenceofthedesert June 11, 2009 at 2:13 pm

The zombie aspects of Bachmann are the scariest; the mouth is flapping at 90 mph, yet her eyes remain utterly dead. I keep looking for the strings attached to her wrists, the performance is so puppetlike. The only other people I have seen with the same disparity of expression were cult members.

SwanSwanH June 11, 2009 at 2:16 pm

She’s a titanic axe wound.

McGomer June 11, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Her heart will go on…

Hooray For Anything June 11, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=336914]qwerty42[/re]: If she’s going to continue basing political speeches based on movies that she watches over the weekend, we could only hope she goes to see “the Hangover.”

Lazy Media June 11, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Interesting she calls it “the commercial movie,” as opposed to what? I’m guessing most of her teevee viewing is Jeebus videos produced by various wingnut churches, so she has to explain what she’s talking about when she’s referring to any other sort of moving pitchers.

TeddyS June 11, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Next, Congresswoman Bachmann will compare the Middle East problems to Gidget.

PrairiePossum June 11, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Her movie metaphors would be more interesting if she started watching porn.

rmontcal June 11, 2009 at 2:58 pm

[re=336963]PrairiePossum[/re]: “started watching”? AYK? She’s a right-wing Christian. She probably writes, directs and acts in it!

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 11, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=336870]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: BUT DID YOUR PARENTS LOVE DUCKS?

Bitter-Elitist June 11, 2009 at 4:15 pm

I’d still hit that. Just saying, also.

EdFlinstone June 11, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Well we know she wont be comparing hopey to Aladdin because she banned that movie in her charter school because it promoted witchcraft and paganism. Yeah Michele, you republicans had nothing to do with the exploding debt, with your tax cuts for rich, bloated military budgets that now equal the rest of the world combined, or your adventures in wars of choice. Yeah that silly Iraq war hardly cost anything. What was the national debt when Jimmy Carter left office again???

Scandalabra June 11, 2009 at 7:20 pm

Tell me Tinkerbelle is going to take out this whack job in the next election. She’s funny, but as Grassley would put it “enuf”.

JooJoo Bee June 11, 2009 at 8:02 pm

[re=336820]Sussemilch[/re]: MARRY ME!

ladymacbeth June 11, 2009 at 8:12 pm

i thought you were going to make me watch ‘gingrey’ from georgia for an hour and then i would be sad.

rocktonsammy June 11, 2009 at 9:18 pm

I bet sex with her is just angry.

schvitzatura June 12, 2009 at 3:36 am

My family last weekend saw the commercial movie “Sink the Bismark!”; it took a shit load of naval ordinance to sink that Nazi toothpick…and it gave as good as it received, unlike Bachmann…

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