Wonkette
United States senators have all sorts of fun pastimes. Some of them enjoy innocent diaper-play with prostitutes, while others hold drunken poolside orgies that feature potato-less potato salad. Senator Orrin Hatch, Republican of Utah and known vehicular menace, prefers a more sedate form of diversion: gently running over pedestrians, in the rain.
This man is literally Hell on wheels.
Hatch spokesman Mark Eddington said in a statement that the Utah Republican “narrowly missed” a pedestrian who was crossing the street near the Dirksen Senate Office building, which is adjacent to Hatch’s Senate office.
The senator was driving slowly, Eddington said, when Hatch suddenly saw an umbrella “come down on his car.”
“He immediately stopped, looked to his left and saw a woman who appeared to have jumped back clear of the vehicle,” Eddington said. “She seemed shaken and was obviously upset.”
Why has this menace not been “resettled” in Palau or someplace already?
Hatch says he nearly hit a pedestrian [Salt Lake Tribune]
never forget
Right-wing extremism.
Just put his tired ass in a golf cart and let him meander about the town in that. How old is that man, to still be driving actual cars?
It’s so unfair for those umbrellas to just come out of nowhere when you’re driving slowly.
It’s time to take away Grandpa’s car keys.
So she jumped back, clear of the vehicle and with several broken bones. Senatorial privilege means she’ll just have to live with what’s left of her legs.
Clearly this is the fault of Nancy Pelosi. Why does Barack Obama allow this to happen? Also,
He is, after all, good friends with Ted Kennedy.
That was no innocent pedestrian. She was only steps away from using that umbrella to commit a terrorist act.
“And riding along side the Senator, in the passenger seat, Marie Anoinette, said…”
Visibility has always been a problem with the older model Orrin Hatchback.
Poor guy from the Utah desert isn’t used to all that rain and fog and stuff.
He’s only been here in the DC area for a short time (32 years) to get used to it.
“who had not seen her and was mortified by what had nearly happened,” rolled down his window and apologized. He then immediately began to weep and say “I can’t remember where I live. Can you please help me?” So sad on so many fronts.
What, he apologized to the woman?? Rush Limbaugh will eat him alive for this! Doesn’t Hatch know that Republicans DO NOT APOLOGIZE for their actions!! Instead, he should have had the woman arrested for assaulting his car with an umbrella
Back in April the right wing was outraged about a report saying they might be lousy drivers. I’d like to see them complaining now.
Mr. Toad’s wild ride.
He was probably driving while on the cell, faxing yet another racist joke, microwaving a Hot Pocket and reading the latest Family Circle.
Alternatively, the brain disorders ramoant in the Senate (Tim Johnson, Ted ennedy, etc) are spreading. The guy needs to have an MRI, like Novak did.
Orrin Hatch is not literally Hell, Sara, on wheels or anything else. Literally be careful, or you will literally start sounding like Joe Biden, literally.
The last man on the right who couldn’t perceive pedestrians, Robert Novak, turned out to have a tumor in the brain. Maybe Hatch should get a check-up.
Was it a Latina woman?
nycguy: Ah, dangummit. You be me to it.
Why is this man not driving a BMW? I think he’s proven himself BMW material here.
Oh wait, he apologized? Nevermind.
Did he have an onion tied to his belt?
So how drunk was he? I mean, seems like it’s those from the most repressive states that are the most deviant in the closet. With a bottle.
Another Republican into pederasty? Does not surprise me. Somehow. But doing it in the rain adds an original touch.
Let me guess; another Corvette driver.
Lascauxcaveman:
No. He was driving an OLDSmobile.
God is his co-pilot.
Jewdishoowary Square: Annoy me like this again and you will be literally banned.
S.Luggo: The article didn’t mention the lady pulling him from his car and beating his ass did it? Then probably not a Latina.
The answer here is simple enough, we need quicker pedestrians or perhaps we could release a retro recombinant DNA virus that will make all the walkers in DC sprout spider legs so they can scamper across the buildings and down the power lines, thus saving the rulers of this fair metropolis the inconvenience and expense of replacing tires, bumpers and grills that are being damaged in the current rash of pedestrian caused impacts. Just a little spray as the drones enter and exit that glorious tube contraption the wise overlords constructed beneath their streets to keep the local dross from impeding their movements and in a couple of days, once our new exoskeletons harden, viola peace and security in our times. Filling the city with spider people will also rid us of those pesky rats and pidgeons…yum!
bitchincamaro: Maybe God should have been driving.
Sara K. Smith: Mercy! No annoyance intended. Just a pet peeve, is all.
@WIDTAP: I knew that I had to hurry to be first with the Senate brain damage joke. You can tell I hurried because I didn’t even proofread it.
He has not been the same since Larry Supertuber Craig left the Singing Senators.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqbGfWngzCk
“…I don’t care if it’s dark or scary/
long as I have the Virgin Mary/
draggin’ underneath my car.”
Mad Farmer Manifest: What would Jesus drive?
BadKitty: Hell, it’s time to take away his office.
In Muslimist China, Party Member run over You!
I was at the Jersey Shore last weekend, and I rode a Cadillac-branded bicycle just like this one. It was pretty freakin’ amazing. Perhaps Orrin should switch to one of these? He’d do less damage.
Well, that settles it, I never want to be a Senator, it seems like way too much work (blowjobs) to get to that level and still have to drive your self around.
fuck that
Umbrellas don’t kill cars, people do. Hope she has something other than good old Merican health insurance.
I’d like to offer A Prayer for Orin the Meanie…
Hatch is 75, which means it’s a tossup whether his reflexes have deteriorated to the point where someone should takes the keys away. In a sane world, old ones would be tested on this score in the interest of public safety, but we haven’t got a sane world. In our world, 75-year-olds are allowed to drive, vote, serve as Senators, and write virtually all Washington Post op-eds.
Was he in Bowie, MD today?
An old person nearly ran me over at a 7-11.
Marlowe: Please. We call them “olds”. They are not persons. Because they are old.
rmontcal: twas the style at the time.
Oh Senator Magoo. Why won’t you let someone else drive the car?
Robert Novak is his co-pilot.
Today, we are all umbrella-carrying pedestrians.
magic titty: yeah, one of those cute little ones made to look like a Benz–totally second childhood time for Orrin.
bitchincamaro: Therefore, I think it’s safe to assume that God hates umbrellas.
bitchincamaro: Yes, and olds. That must be why God kills them at a much higher rate.
And by the time he noticed, she’d been beating on his car for five minutes…
bitchincamaro: duly noted
I’m surprised Orrin didn’t give her a “Mark Epstein” karate chop!
http://washingtonindependent.com/45214/tancredo-buchanan-bruised-by-racist-karate-chop
loquaciousmusic: Cadillac bicycle + Jersey Shore = Hawtttt!!!
Good thing he’s a republican. He didn’t remember what happened. Mistakes were made. If he was LAPD he’d say she hit him.
proudgrampa: No, it’s what would Joseph Smith drive (besides a covered wagon)?