Wonkette
These lucky ducklings! All they had to do was spend a mere seven or eight years in prison because they happened to be in Afghanistan when the US invaded, and now they are getting sent to exotic islands all around the world in exchange for their troubles. Yesterday we learned that a bunch of Uighurs were going to Palau, which will melt into the sea soon, and today we find out a handful more have already been settled in Bermuda, known for its wonderful “Triangle” that mysteriously eats people.
Bermuda is one of those island paradises you think will be really warm year-round, but DO NOT GO THERE in March or April for it is veritably freezing! Bermuda’s most popular drink is the Dark ‘n Stormy, a concoction of ginger beer and Gosling’s Rum that will get you rocked. Let us hope, for their sake, that these Chinese Muslims are the drinkin’ kind of Muslims.
US resettles four Uighur Guantanamo detainees in Bermuda [AFP via Ben Smith]
its finding the Ginger Beer that is the bitch. Im sorry, yeah, .. has no one Seen the Great Escape, can we monitor Dustin Hoffman?
Don’t get me started on triangles.
Staying awake
Watchin’ the sun bake
All of those guards covering our heads
Reading’ my Koran
On my front porch swing
Smell those shrimp hey they’re beginnin’ to boil
Chorus:
Renditioned again to Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there’s OBL to blame
But I know it’s nobody’s fault
I don’t know the reason
I stayed here all season
Nothin’ to show but this orange jumpsuit
But it’s a real beauty
A waterproof suity
How I got here I haven’t a clue
Chorus:
Renditioned again to Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there’s OBL to blame
But I know it’s nobody’s fault
I got beat with a door knob
Raped with a corn cob
They broke my leg twice so had to limp on back
But there’s a Koran in the corner
And soon it will render
That line Inshallah that helps me hang on
Renditioned again to Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there’s OBL to blame
But I know it’s nobody’s fault
Yes and some people claim that Al Qaida’s to blame
And I know it’s my own damn fault
Some Wonker will be dropping by soon to weigh in on the quality of the BermudasBermudasBermudas, no doubt.
“the drinkin’ kind of Muslims.”
The best kind, IMO. Not limited to Muslims.
These particular Uighurs are the “nightmares of drowning every night for the rest of your life” kind of Muslims. The drinking can only follow.
Suds McKenzie: A friend of mine called a member of the British luge team “ginger beer” and he dumped her into a snowbank.
Suds McKenzie: me thinks you are referring to Papillon
x111e7thst: I would assume, being British, he meant to say “ginger dear”, .. before he dropped her into the snow bank.
Yesterday we learned that a bunch of Uighurs were going to Palau…
I’m waiting for Dave Chappelle to work this into a skit, something like his inimitable “The Niggar Family”.
Uighur, as a word, doesn’t sound as cool as it looks when spelled. Just sounds like you’re talking about locking up wiggers, which I’m all for.
ManchuCandidate: One of your better ones.
They get to go on eternal island paradise vaykays and I’m stuck behind a computer in Houston? Uighur, please!
toooldtocare: I humbly stand corrected.
thejesusandmarycheney: Uighur, just be glad you got a job!
Soon they’ll be responsible for all the ter’rist hurricanes in the Atlantic.
Uighurs? Please.
Suds McKenzie: no biggy, I’m giiving away my age when i say i saw LeMans in the theatre. On another note, one may not be able to find ginger beer in Bermuda, but you can damn sure find some bitchin shepherd’s pie
ManchuCandidate: I would say its too early for Jimmy Buffet, but it is always too early for Jimmy Buffet.
So it turns out the stay in Cuba was just preparing these mountain dwelling Asians for a new life on Tropical Islands.
Well okay Bermuda isn’t tropical, sue me.
The drinkin’ kind of Muslims? I never heard of those. But they should mesh well with the Bermuda-short wearin’ Muslims.
toooldtocare: was that movie 24 hours long? jk, I would be proud of that.
Here’s the complete list of where the Dangerous Terrorists are headed:
1. St. John
2. Aruba
3. Bermuda
4. Jamaica
5. St. Thomas
6. St. Nick’s
7. St. James
8. Hawaii
9. Cancun
10. Fort Lauderdale
11. Key West
12. Key Largo
13. Key Chain
14. Long Island
15. Hackensack, New Jersey
That’s my government — scattering landlocked Chinese desert Muslims to lush tropical islands since 2009.
I’m waiting for the Fodor’s travel guide for detainees.
It’s that damn Maria Sotomayors fault. I wanted to be a Uighar before they got sent to tropical paradises to be serviced by 72 virgins and a detachment of the US Special Forces command, but no, you gotta be Asian…damn racial quotas…help! help! The Asian man and Hispanic woman are holding me down!!!! Can’t a pasty brother catch a break?
ManchuCandidate: That is absolutely frickin’excellent. Not only is it a great song parody, but it’s also set to one of the top songs that make people think of summer, the beach and islands. Good job.
Beer and Rum? Happened to be the DAREHEAD recipe, called “Barrack” for realz, for the Wonkettini contest. Too.
http://wonkette.com/401136/create-the-wonkettini-and-win-a-secret-prize
Barrack” which is beer mixed with a shot of Arrack (for the Asian flavor), then add a dash of Bitterz and garnish with Walnuts….
….
If Arrack cannot be found in the US, then rum can be a substitute. But then it would be an extra bitter “Bum” rather than a “Barrack.”
ManchuCandidate: Bravo, sir. I like how you share the wealth. However, while we’re at it, can we ship Jimmy Buffet off to Palau as well?
I’m pretty sure the two going to Palau are simply contestants in the next Survivor.
Still, if it is needed, I’m willing to be renditioned to Jamaica.
Are these Uighurs related to all those white “Wigger” kids who love Hip Hop and emulate Hip Hop Stars? Can we send them to Evanston, Ill?
I heard they’re even being sent way down to Kokomo.
thefrontpage: Send them all to Greenwhich, CT, goddamnit, and put ‘em up in the slave shacks so they can do some goddamn WORK for god’s sake. There are plenty of lawns there to be mowed, nails to be manicured and legs to be deforested up there to keep them busy.
Suds McKenzie: I wouldn’t know….I fell asleep watching it.
The “Bermuda Triangle” … really people? Be serious. I’ve been living in the Brooklyn Rhombus for years, and as long as I don’t eat cabbage or spinach, I’m fine.
According to the story, while these Uighurs are going to Bahamas and the others to Palua, the first Uighurs who were released were sent to Albania. Bummer for them.
As a big fan of Uighur cuisine - it’s a weeping, wailing shame that there aren’t more Uighur restaurants in the U.S. - might I hazard the theory that somebody at State simply asked the Uighurs what they wanted if they could get out of Gitmo, and they all yelled out “POLO!” - a staple of Uighur cooking that’s pronounced pretty much exactly the way one would pronounce “Palau.”
So sad. These people sacked Rome. Now they’re just going to turn into beach whales and go all Gaugin.
A once proud warrior people, brought to their knees by coconut oil and toplessness. Very insidious.
wookies has it right. these people come from deep inside desert asia and after being waterboarded for a few years, they will now be sent to very small islands in various oceans. the torture never stops…
I thoguth the Rum Swizzle was the most famous drink. You get it at one of the Swizzle Inns. “Swizzle Inn, Swagger Out”. Mmm…I want one. Right now. In Bermuda. U-gurze or no uighurs.
ManchuCandidate: Brilliant. I hate that fucking song but I almost like it now.
How many of you here know anything about Uyghurs? Do you know the real story of those Uyghurs in Guantanama? Do you know their situation in their homeland-Occupied Eastern Turkistan(1949 by China)? Then why do you so much hostile feeling about them? Do not you think they deserve to survive?
Uyghurs plight started about 250 years ago, sometimes from the Chinese sometimes from Russia since we are living between these two nations. The plight has been getting worse and worse since 1949 after the occupation by the Chinese communist Regime. Hundreds of thousands of scholars, bussinessmen, teachers were killed including both of my grandfathers. Uyghurs againd started to flee to neighbouring countries-Kazakistan, Uzbekistan, Krygizistan, Afghanistan and India on foot. In China HanChinese people get passports at the post office by paying 200 rmb(30$) but Uyghurs, if they want to get a passport they have to pay at leaset 40,000 rmb(6000$) plus a lot of stamps and letters they have to collect. This is just a small example how differently Uyghurs are being treated and how they are being controlled by the Chinese. Chinese governement has been using all kind of ways to assimilate Uyghurs. Killing, force them to only speak Chinese at schools, forcfull abortion, employment descriminaion, breaking down Uyghur traditional, historical architectures, legelising the trafficing of young,underaged Uyghurs girls into Chinese cities, Mass HanChinese immigration etc.
Those Uyghurs at Guantanama escaped in order to save their lives where ever they could get to and it happened to be Afhanistan at a wrong time.
Chinese gov has been very successfull to make people believe that Uyghurs are terrorists but they failed to lable Dalaylama as terroris but seperatist. Uyghurs plight is identical to the plights of Tibets. Why do they get more sympathy and support from the world and not Uyghurs? Those Tibets escaped to Inda are protected by Indian gov and UN but why are Uyghurs cought and locked?