First: HOW HOT is Mittens in high definition? Mmm, 1080p of crisp, orange-pored lies. But what does he want? It’s a contest! Mittens knows that there are radical terrorists literally everywhere trying to end America and specifically you. What we need now, Mittens suggests, are more Essays. An Essay Contest. Winner gets to sit on his lap at the baseball field.
Mittens wants every American to *cough* pay a $50 entry fee *cough* *cough* and write a 250-word essay about this Question: “What does a free and strong America mean to me?”
The winner gets an expenses-paid trip to beautiful… Boston! (HEHNGNN?) It is there that they will attend a “Red Sox game” in Mitt’s family seats.
We’ve gotta win this thing.
Romney Offers Trip To Boston, Signed Baseballs In Donation-And-Essay Contest [TPM]
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Ken better pay the entry fee for his heavy-hitting staff. Jim is probably a paycheck away from blowing people for quarters with what he gets paid to live in DC.
A free and strong Murrica means that we are so not afraid of our emememies that we’re willing to have total douchebags as governors of important states like Alaska and Massachusetts. Texas, also.
Can I haz Mormon-signed baseballs now?
A 250-word essay from his fan club? He’s assuming they’re literate and know how to use word count in Microsoft word.
bING FRree an sTRONG meeens deffending agins a zombee attak.
“GOP-free.”
Assuming that hyphenated words only count once, I hereby remit my remaining 249 and will stock up on tomatoes to throw at that rat-faced little dickweed Dustin Pedroia.
Dear Mitt,
A free and strong America means that we let America lift free weights so that it has awesome biceps and killer abs. America could also play baseball… but then it would have a big ass and lesbo thighs.
Love,
Uncle Sam
It means keeping your fucking mitts off of my balls, jagoff.
Romney: He doesn’t have to tell you, but he will anyway.
Okay, which of you butt-Nazis has been firing off shots outside the Holocaust Museum? With a gun, I mean.
Matt Damon and Ben Affleck will kick your Pink Hat ass Mitt
I found this accidentally (I wub my job), and since you mentioned Boston it is now completely relevant:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/boston-police-zombie-defense
I have no idea if this is “real” or not.
My essay:
Romney 4 President x 75
Palin Sucks Huge Donkey Balls x 5
250 words, game over.
“What Does A Free and Strong America Mean to Me” an essay by Roscoe P Coltraine respectfully submitted on this date June 10, 2009.
24 words down. Reminds me of high school.
In a Free ‘Murica, nobody would give you shit about strapping your fucking dog to the top of your fucking car when you go on a fucking vacation. That’s what. I’m going to bring a little laser penlight to shine in the Red Sox’ eyes when they’re at bat, preferably against Joba Chamberlain, who hates white people almost as much as I do.
Romney’s “family seats” are strategically located in the field box on the third base line, so that every time there’s a right-handed batter at the plate you have to see Mittens’ head peeking over his right shoulder. The worst part of getting a hi-def television is having to see the Faux-ld Man in the Mountain profile of this odious shitbag 81 times a year.
Is that 250 words?
$50 to enter, how much does it cost to win?
[re=335861]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Now, go to the Oxford English Dictionary and get the definitions of “free”, strong”, and “America”, and you’re halfway there.
Do NOT want to sit on his family’s seats!
How dare you,Mittens, think that any of us would PAY to write your ’12 campaign speech for you? Plus, I suggest more nudity in the pitch vid. Also.
Well, Freedom isn’t free, so scratch that one. Romney-free works for me.
“If you build it, it will run for president.”
To rejuvenate America’s strength and freedom we need look no farther than baseball, our national pastime. Everywhere in the game we find real Americans surrounded by players of dubious nationality. Strength is the key to success and yet our poor players are beset by needless rules and red tape that undermine that strength. Freedom from these regulation is the key to that strength. Remember, America’s pharmaceutical industry is the greatest in the world!
Pick a winner who’s “expenses” are a bus ticket and this becomes a clever way to scalp tickets!
Essays must be 5 paragraphs in length, include an introduction paragraph with thesis statement, 3 body paragraphs with a topic statment and specific support, and conclusion paragraph with a reworded thesis statment.
Hmm, pay $50 and write an essay to go join the slimy Mitt Romney, to watch America’s most annoying, smug baseball team, surrounded by the country’s most obnoxious sports fans. What a great opportunity!
Seriously, what does the winner get?
spellcheck also.
Baseball is boring. But I’ll bite.
A free and strong Amerika means that there’s no cover charge at strip joints and the selection of beer doesn’t include anything with Lite in the name.
(Cue the Moran Tabernuckle Choir humming Amerika the Beautiful here)
A free and strong Amerika means that bare midriff girls don’t have rolls of fat and chew gum with there mouth open while talking on the cell phone about the rash between their thighs.
A free and strong Amerika has unlimited free porn with no viruses.
Cheetoes that don’t go stale in a damp basement.
Mormons that mind their own business.
Orange shag carpet is Nonexistent.
And most of all,
A dog on the roof of every car!
Keep the tickets Mittens.
MG
Ah yes, the “spirit and character that has built our nation since it’s founding” when if you wanted to get something done you could buy a bunch of slaves and it was still legal to beat the shit out of your wife. When the national pastime was killing Indians and tarring liberals who got caught teaching black people to read.
250 words or less
95% of the serious entries are sure to take advantage of the ‘or less’ provision in the contest rules. They will compose two sentences, and submit their ‘essay.’ Isn’t it elitist to write 250 words when 2 or 3 will suffice??
What does a free and strong America mean to me? Legalized weed and responsible casual sex with strangers. I can haz box seats now?
And I’m betting that the tickets will be when a lousy draw comes into Bawstun like the non US America Toronto Blue Jays or some loser team from the AL West.
$5 or more per word? That’s fucked up.
It means never having to say you’re sorry.
Clearly Mittens is trying to poach the best lines that a 3rd grader can come up with about freedumb and whatnot in order to use them in the 2012 primary so the tea party crowd will be able to understand his campaign message.
Tagg, how about “250 words or fewer”?
Mittens!
Have you ever heard of Wonkette? Because now your head is going to explode from the “essays” you’ll be receiving in 3, 2, 1…
I can just imagine Romney during the game: “Aww man, I can’t believe Ortiz struck out with runners on base. You know who would have hit a home run? Ronald Reagan. Of course, Reagan wouldn’t have needed to hit a home run because he would have hit three already as well be throwing a no-hitter. Yeah, I know pitchers don’t hit in the American League but they would have let Ronald Reagan do it.”
I’m going to copy 250 words of an old Ronald Reagan speech, then after I win I’m going to get
hammered in the box and openly start pawing his wife.
[re=335889]prizepig[/re]: Ha! Mittens’ supporters can’t pass the 8th grade writing prompt! Well, they can always ask for afterschool tutoring from Snowbilly.
A free and strong America means I am free to believe that a 19th century charlatan discovered magic glasses that allowed him to read plates buried under some rocks in upstate New York which told of the Jews coming to America(!) somehow long before our “Indians” were here.
I remember the day when I really understood what a free and strong America meant to me. I was in a bathhouse in a little village along the Riviera, weeping after Pierre had left me, when he walked in. Big, Butch and Blonde, he was from Boston and he said he was on a mission. I soon learned how dedicated he was to his mission when he freed me and took me in his big, strong arms. He looked into my eyes and said “Return with me to Massachuettes, we can catch a Sox game, get married, and have government provided health care.” “Invade me,” I whispered in his ear.
[re=336092]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: That would be a huge Win! except that you misspelled Massachusetts. Automatic disqualification!
[re=336139]19kevin8[/re]: My only excuse is that it is a work of fiction, and certain names have been changed to protect the innocent. That and Chrome’s built in spell checker did not question it. (However, Google does…, go fig).
Will Mitt be there? Because if he won’t I’ll enter.
A free and strong America can only be achieved by a population lacking the oppressive, deceptive, and delusional. A free and strong America, then, requires that all Mormons be systematically deprived of the right to vote, and gradually all other human rights. Perhaps the greatest benefit of the legitimizing of waterboarding is that it can now be used to persecute people of a certain sect, as it was on the past, and make every Joseph Smith acolyte confess their belief in God is insanely wrong, even by the standards of most religions. Once Tag and the boys have confessed, we can leave them in the newly-emptied Guantanamo so they will never bother us again.
Also, a free and strong America must never have a citizenry right an essay on its core principles and bases of existence that could possibly require over 250 words. That, Mr. Romney, would make us French.
right = write oops please still take me to the baseball game
[re=335923]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I think I love you
“Freedom is just like All-American baseball. And just like baseball, America can only be ‘free and strong” with an injection of good ol’fasioned testicle-shrinking Androdyne.”
Can I haz baseball seats now?
Mitt thinks he’s Willy Wonka.
Say what you want but I entered. His seats are sick:
https://www.freestrongamerica.com/essay
Boy have I found an essay contest! Hey Mitt check it out – I entered twice! Can’t sell your home? Give it away! More and more homeowners are utilizing new and creative methods of “selling” homes in a recession in an effort to be proactive as the country continues to struggle with the economy. With the problems many are having purchasing homes and getting loans, these creative ways are becoming more popular and are receiving a lot of interest and participation, according to their sponsors/organizers. Although these methods are not new, in the past, the majority are rarely completed successfully due to a variety of reasons. The trend seems to be that raffles and contests are popping up more and more on the internet as a method of selling homes in a tight economy and are now seeing success.
In states where raffles are illegal (unless attached to a charity), others are opting for contests of skill, in particular essay contests although there are also other creative contests ongoing. One such essay contest, on the leading edge of this trend is http://www.WinHawaiianHome.com and will run until 8/11/09. Although not officially attached to a charity, the sponsor has decided to give back to the community via a $30,000 donation to the local schools, which are suffering budget cuts. Essay 101 is a contest of skill, where anyone (21 years old or older) can write a short essay (101 words or less) and pick from two topics. For a $101 entry fee, entrants get a chance to win a brand new, custom home on the Big Island of Hawaii. The contest is open worldwide, but essays must be submitted in English, and must be original work. 101 finalists will be chosen and then judged by community leaders – teachers. For those shivering in record-breaking cold climate during the winter, it might be interesting to note that the chances of winning this prize are better than any state lottery. Aloha you all, come visit after I win this dreamhome. Shelly
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