america's forgotten election

Virginia Is For Someone Named ‘R. Creigh Deeds,’ McAuliffe Officially a Loser Again

Democratic rum-bag and Clinton-era haircut Terry McAuliffe has lost his dumb race to be the Dem nominee for Virginia governor. Nate Silver, the human abacus, called it for somebody named “R. Creigh Deeds” a while ago, and now the rest of the Political Media are repeating it: Deeds will win by some large ratio.

The Washington Post reports from nearby DC:

With the least money and fewest ties to vote-rich Northern Virginia, State Sen. R. Creigh Deeds won today’s three-way Democratic primary for governor, paving the way for a rematch with Republican Bob McDonnell in the fall.

But Deeds is winning big in Arlington and Fairfax &c., too!

He is a “country lawyer” or something, who knows.

As for McAuliffe, maybe he and Bill Clinton will finally fuck off to the Bahamas or whatever, forever, and leave America alone.

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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39 comments

  1. BillyClubb

    State Sen. R. Creigh Deeds won today’s three-way…

    So I never though of a three-way as something you can “win”, but I guess the last one “standing” takes home the trophy… Maybe?

  2. Mad Farmer Manifest

    “Now Ah’m just a simple backwoods country lawya. But Ah do know one thing: Terry McAuliffe is a fucking douche who would turn Virginia into a hellhole.”

  3. Veronica Corningstone

    Deeds is a dick, but definitely an improvement over McAuliffe.
    Although its kind of like choosing what you’d rather have~ herpes or syphilis. At least the herpes won’t kill you….

  4. FlownOver

    Yeah, that photo is its own alt-text.

    This doesn’t bode well for Hillary’s 2008 presidential campaign.

  5. CthuNHu

    Holy North Korean poll results… Did Mr. Deeds do the deed with every warm-blooded body in Highland County?

    Precincts Reporting:
    6 of 6 (100%)
    Voter Turnout:
    414 of 1,874 active voters (22.09%)
    414 of 1,888 total voters (21.92%)

    Candidates / #votes / %age
    Terry R. McAuliffe 9 2.17%
    Brian J. Moran 3 0.72%
    R. Creigh Deeds 402 97.10%

  6. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=335428]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: So, not “real America.” That much is known, we can gather.

  7. S.Luggo

    How long before the members of the Democratic Leadership Council fall upon their sharpened quiche forks and smashed Waterford because of Mickey A‘s defeat? Might take a minute or two until they find a middle of the road excuse that does not alienate the Republican’s base.

  8. bhosp

    [re=335421]CthuNHu[/re]: It’s right next to his home county. Terry probably did good in the “Syracuse, NY” part of VA.

    [re=335432]S.Luggo[/re]: That’ll make Harry Reid frown a lot.

  9. Jukesgrrl

    R. Creigh Deeds … sounds like someone who would drink mint juleps and wear those Wasp socks Bush the First favors. Is his wife’s name Muffy?

  10. Suds McKenzie

    how much $ per vote, is he the Demo Mittens?, +Rum -Crazy Underwear

    next stop “Morning Terry” …. ewww

  11. PsycGirl

    Importantly, this prevents the words “Governor Moran” from being uttered anytime soon. Aren’t there enough moran governors already?

  12. S.Luggo

    [re=335430]Brendan M.[/re]: True. Intellectual eunuchs will always be an excluded minority unless they switch to the Big Tent of the Republican Party, where they will be among their kind.

  13. shortsshortsshorts

    So with Terry gone (again), does the running trend started by Webb still continue? Is Virginia honestly looking for semi-intellects with “country roots” and “war experience” to guide them through their domestic issues?

    Remember to text JOBS at 33210 to find out.

  14. Lefty Lucy

    This “real Virginian” pulled the lever for Cray b/c, while he doesn’t totally sync with all of my ideals, he seemed less of a douchebag than the name brand guys who could possibly share my ideals until it became expedient to drop them. And McDonnell is a bona fide douche already, so WIN.

  15. Brian MORAN

    It’s too bad that carpetbagging lush (or speedball aficionado, I really can’t tell) “Nadered” my namesake out of the race by effin’ up all of his defense contractor money and shit. That must be what did Brian in.

    Maybe Alex Sink will win in Florida and change his first name to “Kitchen.” If the “Moderate Gay One” wins the Senate race over every racist’s favorite Hispanic and then Meeks (which he will as long as Katherine Harris doesn’t decide to make another go of it and skull fuck Charlie with the GOP establishment who prays to Moses that she returns every night, Ed Rollins’ pube sample in hand), and causes all kinds of problems, we can throw Governor Sink at him.

    There must be somewhere we can elect a Governor with a cool name.

    Rick Perry needs every xenophobic he can get against Kay’s Jewlers and all of her abortionist coddling womanly folk.

    “Governer Rick Theytakeourjeeeeeeeerrrbbbsss!” maybe?

  16. Brian MORAN

    You know what we should do about McAuliffe or any of his spawn running for office again?

    In the words of Mike Gravel (who lives in Virginia and would make a GREAT governor… step aside Deeds, for the good of the party!), “Make. It. A. Felony.”

  17. Brian MORAN

    [re=335491]FreshCliches[/re]: Don’t know, but apparently Tubba is going to work with Joe Trippi for Maloney against Gillibrand.

    If Trippi is forced work with Penn in person, he should do humanity a favor and punch Penn in his jowels (a big target) just for being a repulsive fucker.

    I’ve got a Microtrend for you Mark. Everyone in the entire Internet Land thinks you blow goats.

  18. electoral grad student

    [re=335421]CthuNHu[/re]: Clever guy, Deeds! It works like this: he’s the nobody candidate. So, come election day, not even the fifteen people planning on voting know what he looks like. Clever Mr. Deeds authorizes all of his staffers, friends, and distant cousins (lots of those) to fan out with an unusual election-day door-to-door pitch: “Hello, my name is Creigh Deeds. I will drive you to the polls, and blow you on the way there and back, if you vote for me today.” This plays well in Highland County; is anyone surprised?

  19. AngryBlakGuy

    ..geez, how many times can you FAIL before someone takes you out into the woods and puts you out of your misery?

  20. tehbenton

    [re=335512]Zach[/re]: Yeah, he still pushes all of my gay geek buttons.

    I knew Deeds would win the primary, but I didn’t know he’d win the shit out of it.

  21. Math Prof

    [re=335500]Brian MORAN[/re]: Yah, I probably woulda voted for Gillibrand anyway, but having Mark Penn work for you just makes me want to vote against you.

  22. norbizness

    Next for Malibu McAuliffe: re-enroll in seventh grade and suffer landslide loss in student council election to a guy who can play the Star-Spangled Banner with underarm farts.

  23. Hagar77

    Guess there aren’t too many “hard-working Americans, white Americans,” in Virginia. Ha ha! Fuck you, Terry!

Comments are closed.