WONKETTE CONSUMER GUIDE  1:23 pm June 9, 2009

ALERT To All Ladies In Philadelphia

by Jim Newell

It’s your lucky day! Much better than the “buy one, get one free” commemoration up in Boston. [Twitter]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Min June 9, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Can I get a raincheck for when I’m actually getting laid on a regular basis?

heuristicdevice June 9, 2009 at 1:27 pm

I got mine on layaway.

CivicHoliday June 9, 2009 at 1:27 pm

I’m 9 weeks today. Guess I should hop in the car and get going. Too bad, though – I was really hoping for a third trimester one. But you can’t beat the price.

The Schadenfried PAC June 9, 2009 at 1:27 pm

Oh hey! Now I know what to do on my lunch hour. I just need to fire up the time machine and get Hannity, O’Reilly and Palin’s mothers and I’ll be all set.

CivicHoliday June 9, 2009 at 1:28 pm

[re=334820]heuristicdevice[/re]: I saw ads about that from National Rent-To-Die

S.Luggo June 9, 2009 at 1:29 pm

That’s Beck’s tweet. He’s such a cut-up, so to speak.

The Station Manager June 9, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Damn, I’m a dude and even I’m tempted to head over there and get me some of that sweet, sweet abortion.

facehead June 9, 2009 at 1:31 pm

Do they have those “Be nice to me I had an abortion today” stickers?

nappyduggs June 9, 2009 at 1:32 pm

I’d settle for one of those li’l deuce packs of RU486 like as if they were Advils. Pre-emptive steeer-ike!

sezme June 9, 2009 at 1:32 pm

[re=334833]The Station Manager[/re]: Word! I love free stuff!

Monsieur Grumpe June 9, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Today I regret being a man.

bored with gravity June 9, 2009 at 1:38 pm

Aren’t we all required by Obama to have one anyway?

Internally valid June 9, 2009 at 1:39 pm

I’ll bet they still charge for rustproofing. That’s how they getcha.

Crab1 June 9, 2009 at 1:40 pm

[re=334845]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I regret not having a series of one night stands 6 to 8 weeks ago in the greater Philadelphia region.

Crab1 June 9, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Just in time for bikini season!

Servo June 9, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Can you get a Chinese take-out container for your aborted goo?

proudgrampa June 9, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=334822]The Schadenfried PAC[/re]: Yeah, I have always been an advocate of retroactive abortion…

El Pinche June 9, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Does he do post-birth abortions (e.g. 40+ years) and does he who house calls for that price?
If anyone has Glenn Beck and Hannity’s home addresses let me know!

rereridiculous June 9, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=334852]Internally valid[/re]: Pregnant you say? That’ll buff right out!

Texan Bulldoggette June 9, 2009 at 2:17 pm

[re=334852]Internally valid[/re]: Here it’s the scotchguarding or maybe an extended warranty.

But, hey, I notice Tiller’s clinic is officially closing forever, which is sad because that fucking wing nut got exactly what he wanted.

JMP June 9, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Yeah that’s just a few blocks from my office! Abortion party time! Now if only I were a lady, and had actually been getting some recently.

finallyhappy June 9, 2009 at 2:34 pm

[re=334907]JMP[/re]: and speaking of Philly, any idea where to get a veggie version of a cheesesteak? I hear your former mayor ate them.

4tehlulz June 9, 2009 at 2:37 pm

These abortions are not gay ones. Fail.

bago June 9, 2009 at 2:43 pm

So if this is a play off of “I am Spartacus”, does this not mean that executions are in order?

PerhapsSo June 9, 2009 at 2:51 pm

If i had only had sex a month or so ago, I could totally take advantage of this. Where is my foresight?

PerhapsSo June 9, 2009 at 2:53 pm

[re=334931]finallyhappy[/re]: Blasphemy!

ignatius_riley June 9, 2009 at 2:55 pm

For the shit of fuck, I wasted my lunch break on a crappy pedicure. I could have gotten my womb vacuumed AND saved $48! I guess I’ll just have to wait for the (sadly, probably inevitable) next horrific and tragic murder of an American medical hero by an unhinged wingnut neanderthal.

JMP June 9, 2009 at 3:23 pm

[re=334931]finallyhappy[/re]: That kind of defeats the purpose of the cheesesteak; the only acceptable replacement is chicken. Have seen them on some of the sidewalk vendors’ menus, though; don’t remember where.

NoWireHangers June 9, 2009 at 3:29 pm

Why, that’s cheaper than a box of condoms!

caughntx June 9, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Do I get a free toothbrush? They’re pricey!

Double Scorpion June 9, 2009 at 3:47 pm

[re=334834]facehead[/re]: They should give out the same ones they do on Election Day. “I Aborted”

Mr Blifil June 9, 2009 at 4:08 pm

As usual welfare cheats will game the system, getting abortions, running out and fucking vagrants and then getting right back in line. This is why we can’t have nice things anymore.

mpslim June 9, 2009 at 4:18 pm

Yes!! I’m not even female, but I think I will have something baby shaped removed from my anus in a symbolic gesture honoring the wonder of abortion.

lea111 June 9, 2009 at 5:42 pm

a bunch of murderers!

lea111 June 9, 2009 at 5:43 pm

a bunch of murderers of innocent children. Shame on you.

Jukesgrrl June 9, 2009 at 7:00 pm

[re=335116]mpslim[/re]: I am laughing my ass off and hating myself simultaneously.

Brendan M. June 9, 2009 at 8:17 pm

[re=335116]mpslim[/re]: I can’t believe you beat out lea111.

Brendan M. June 9, 2009 at 8:22 pm

[re=334821]CivicHoliday[/re]: Congratulations! Or condolences…

[re=334931]finallyhappy[/re]: Tip Top Kitchen and Cocktails on Gay Street in Columbus, Ohio.

CivicHoliday June 9, 2009 at 10:53 pm

[re=335245]lea111[/re]: RED RUM RED RUM

Mr Blifil June 10, 2009 at 1:17 am

[re=335247]lea111[/re]: Innocent my ass. As soon as they come out of the womb THEY HAVE AN AGENDA.

KilgoreTrout_XL June 10, 2009 at 9:58 am

This is classic bait and switch. You go in just for the free abortion but you’ll walk out $10,000.00 poorer with fake tits on your face.

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