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RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Big Brother Knows How Much Viagra You Require

  • Lindsey Graham doesn’t want you to see those photos from Joe Lieberman’s surprise Abu Ghraib birthday party, especially the one where Joe forces a prisoner to give him a special birthday enema, because then the anus of every American soldier would be in grave danger. [HuffPost]
  • Newt Gingrich is making up all sorts of silly names for Sonia-Maria, like “Racialist” and “Whinoceros,” since the teacher won’t let him call her a Mexican anymore. [Think Progress]
  • The Wall Street Journal thinks Hank Paulson is “a national hero” and should be rewarded with an endless cornucopia of “Veuve Clicquot and upscale prostitutes.” This angers Matt Taibbi very much, which is why he twittered an angry letter to the editor reminding everyone that Hank Paulson basically invented expensive champagne and hookers and he doesn’t need more of either, thank you. [Matt Taibbi]
  • After the Government buys Health Care, Barack Obama will tally up all the abortions you ever had and then will call you on his BlackBerry to offer his congratulations, if you’re in the top ten. [RedState]
  • Michelle Malkin cordially invites you to open up MS Paint and doodle funny things about Obamacare! Those who do not partake will be considered pinkos and will likely face investigation by the Committee of Un-American Activities. [Michelle Malkin]


5:12 PM on Mon June 8 2009
By Riley Waggaman
896 Views

  1. SayItWithWookies says at 5:33 pm, June 8th, 2009

    …all requirements that government faces to get a warrant and go through the courts to stormtroop through a doctor’s office to seize records is magically eliminated.

    Welcome to the world you have created. Dumbass.

  2. The Lucky Republican says at 5:38 pm, June 8th, 2009

    “Erectile dysfunction, bowel troubles, breast implants . . .”

    You can’t say Redstate doesn’t know its readers.

  3. Gorillionaire says at 5:39 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Yo Redstate - worried about “personal privacy”? Join the friggin ACLU.

  4. NoWireHangers says at 5:41 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Since when does Red State care about “privacy”? Are they all suddenly pro-choice?

  5. NoWireHangers says at 5:44 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Malkin is encouraging wingnuts to draw pictures of Obama’s health care plan? Just when we didn’t think there was anything more racist than a Fox News’ “Ask Obama a Question” forum…

  6. gurukalehuru says at 5:49 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Lightfoot Lindsey and Holy Joe
    Have things they’d rather we not know
    It’s not the murder or the rape
    that’s got them all bent out of shape
    What’s got them going throuh the roof
    is that when people see the proof
    their reaction might be bad
    and they could get a little mad
    They say it’s for our own defense
    that we not view the evidence
    I just have one thing to say
    To Lindseycakes and Holy Joe
    and that is that they both should go
    fuck off and die, far, far away

  7. drrty martini says at 5:51 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Clearly, Linds doesn’t want to share his masturbation material with others. It makes it less “special.”

  8. S.Luggo says at 6:02 pm, June 8th, 2009

    A racialist is a fiesty Mexican womanalist.

  9. 19kevin8 says at 6:23 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Apparently, in Malkin’s world, Obama care means anal beads. I’d think she’d like that, but then it occurred to me that the only Republicans who like anal beads are the dudes…. so that means Coulter will just LOVE Obama care.

  10. Dave J. says at 6:34 pm, June 8th, 2009

    “Racialist?” That’s an Ali G word!

    Check it

  11. Where is Michelle’s poster featuring all the corpses littering the Scandanavian landscape, because there are no doctors available under their highly socialized systems?

    Oh, wait…

  12. President Beeblebrox says at 7:06 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Matt Taibbi is the closest thing to Hunter S. Thompson I’ve ever read - and he’s pretty much the only gonzo journalist left since Raoul Duke ventilated his skull with a shotgun.

    I mean, only Hunter would have had the balls to call a former Secretary of the Treasury a “craven ass-goblin” like Taibbi did.

  13. EdFlinstone says at 7:32 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Thank god for Matt Taibbi. While CNBC spins this crisis as its because of the poor people defaulting, Matt tells is like it is. Only in America can these douche bags lobby to end rules that created this mess, then get the tax payers to bail them out, then demand bonuses to be rewarded for screwing the country. I could criticize American capitalism, but just by doing so your labeled a pinko-socialist-communist.

  14. taylormattd says at 8:34 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Why? No, really, why?

    Why do I care so deeply for this “Riley Waggaman” homosexual?

    Why can I not push the thoughts of him giving me a tongue “lashing” (sorry, gross) out of my mind?

  15. Cinderella Boy says at 8:54 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Dave J.: You read my mind! I wonder if The Daily Show will be giving us a split screen of this tonight?

    And seriously, reading Matt Taibbi makes me just a little bit ghey, because I heart that guy. Even with his weird ass permasmirk. Love him on Bill Maher, but I have to watch with my eyes closed because every time I see his face I want to punch it.

  16. Cinderella Boy says at 9:02 pm, June 8th, 2009

    President Beeblebrox: That’s an apt comparison. But in all fairness, lots of people “have the balls.” It’s just that nobody else seems to have the skillz to put the argument behind it as succinctly as Taibbi ALWAYS does.

  17. tiny mexican says at 9:04 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Cinderella Boy: Taibbi turns me a little bit gay too. But I’m a girl, so.

  18. Cinderella Boy says at 9:34 pm, June 8th, 2009

    tiny mexican: Yeah, he’s got kind of a jokerface. I take it you don’t find the prose pantydropping?

  19. A Harlequin Bromance says at 10:29 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Dave J.: Damn! I was thinking the same thing. Hopefully Newt comes out with the GOP’s new slogan: “Republicans do it up the butty”.

  20. imissopus says at 10:36 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Let me see if I can straighten RedState out: the government would essentially be an insurance provider and wants the ability to check health care providers’ records to make sure they are not screwing the patients or overbilling the government, which is paying the providers with taxpayer dollars. So, the government would actually be trying to cut down on fraud and abuse of your tax dollars.

    Unless…the government actually wants to use the records to weed out the sick and racially impure and send them to death camps, leaving only the healthy and strong to breed and create a master race of Americans. This plan sounds awfully familiar….ZOMG OBAMA IS HITLER WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!1!

  21. Scrodd says at 10:44 pm, June 8th, 2009

    Anyone read that as “Lieberman and Graham’s lemon party?”

  22. Mr Blifil says at 10:59 pm, June 8th, 2009

    That Matt Taibbi post was righteous; lacerating.

  23. snideinplainsight says at 2:41 am, June 9th, 2009

    So, excuse me for asking, but whose comment won the afternoon? What was that, a daily award that, like, lasted two whole days? Talk about your short attention spans -

  24. hobospacejunkie says at 4:33 am, June 9th, 2009

    If Matt Taibbi is god, then Riley Waggaman is the holy ghost. I hope True/Slant stays alive because Taibbi posts there a couple times a week and it’s always a righteous read. It gets your blood pumping and makes you want to visit violence upon certain persons who are robbing us blind, or foisting stupid religion on us, or some other iniquitous shit.

  25. orbit222 says at 8:58 am, June 9th, 2009

    “…or A head of Lettuce”

    I heart him sooooo bad.

  26. stevedouglas says at 10:21 am, June 9th, 2009

    10 Great sex tips for Impotence sufferers
    Whilst men struggling with impotence may not immediately see the benefit of advice and reminders on how to enjoy a good sex life. Especially as it may be some time since they last saw any real action in the trouser department. Well, TAKE NOTE- A recent clinical trial of a little known herb called Butea Superba has improved the sexual performance of over 84% of all the men who are taking it. The results of these trials can be viewed on the HealthyED.co.uk website. So if you need to address you personal performance or just want better erectile performance go to the HealthyED website.

    Naturally, everyone wants to be a better lover and have better sex. Many people are self-conscious about their skills as a lover or a sex partner; this can hinder having a satisfying sex life. Always remember to relax, be communicative, use protection and ultimately have fun. As with every other skill, there are several tips that you can follow to aid you in your sexual endeavors.

    1. Be communicative: When engaging in intercourse, tell your partner your sexual likes and dislikes, and encourage them to tell you theirs. This not only strokes your partner’s ego and gets them in the mood, but it will also inform your lover as to what turns you on and what satisfies you sexually. Sharing the sex tips that you have learned in the past can sometimes benefit your current relationship. Learning to discuss sexual matters openly is imperative to a good sex life. As many impotence sufferers will know, having someone to talk takes away some of the pressure and in turn can improve performance.

    2. Share your fantasies: Discussing your sexual fantasies with your lover can be fun and will bring you both to a new level of intimacy.
    This is important for some men and ensures arousal.

    3. Engage in foreplay: Foreplay is a great way to excite your mate and build up anticipation for the big event, which ultimately makes for a more powerful climax during intercourse. Having your partner fully understand the best way to getting you hard is essential.

    4. Try different positions: One of the oldest sex tips in the book is literally in a book. If the same old positions are getting boring, invest in a copy of the Kama Sutra, an ancient literary gem that outlines a great variety of sex positions and breathing exercises to prolong climax. Trying different positions is also valuable when looking to maintain firmness.

    5. Play with toys: If it is something you are comfortable with, head to an erotic boutique with your lover to see what you can purchase to liven up the action in the bedroom. There are several sex toys on the market such as vibrators, velvet-lined handcuffs, lubricants and swings that can help increase sexual pleasure for both men and women. Remember that lubes can play an important role in sustaining the big fella in the bedroom.

    6. Engage in role play: As one of the most amusing sex tips, role playing will definitely spice up intercourse. Everyone has a specific sexual scenario that they are curious about and would like to try out. As long as both participants are willing and comfortable with the scenario, dress-up and have fun.

    7. Experience a daring place: Although it can be risky; many people claim that having intercourse in a somewhat public spot can be very arousing. The thrill of getting caught gets the adrenaline flowing and increases sexual pleasure.

    8. Catch a flick: Watching a pornographic film together or flipping through a pornographic magazine is an entertaining activity that will not only awaken your senses, but will also provide suggestions on new positions or scenarios to try with your partner.

    9. Talk dirty talk: Many people get sexually aroused when their lover talks dirty to them. It builds anticipation and triggers a person’s primal instincts. Talking dirty involves letting go of your self-consciousness and allowing your imagination to run wild. Words are very powerful, even more so during intercourse for Ed sufferers.

    10. Lights, Camera, and Action: Just because sex is usually performed in a bedroom does not mean that it has to be lights off. Many men and women get turned on by looking at their partner while engaged in intercourse.

    For more information on the how, the why and the where see http://www.healthyED.co.uk for details.

  27. snideinplainsight says at 3:09 pm, June 9th, 2009

    You know, I saw a “Buttea Superba” while walking around downtown during on lunch from jury duty, and I hafta say, it really made my day.

    Oh, and stevedouglas, eat a bag of dix. Don’t come around here no more.

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