National Review Has A Scoop!

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According to the new National Review, Sonia Sotomayor’s particular flavor of Mexico is secretly in Asia, where she practices radical Buddhism! Or does the cover art actually go with the top headline, about Jonah Goldberg answering His Critics? Is it simply a photograph of Jonah Goldberg, from the same photoshoot as this? [TPM]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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102 comments

  1. magic titty

    Can’t they just change the name of their publication to Doomed Crackers and get it over with.

  2. Lord Growing

    Wise Latinas never travel anywhere without a security detail of angry vaginas.

  3. GDuvall

    “So we were thinking. We’ve already managed to drive African-Americans completely out of the conservative movement, but would it be possible for us to insult Latinos and Asian-Americans at the same time? Turns out, there is!”

  4. Hart88

    I wonder how many times Jonah misused the term “fascist” in his article? Inquiring minds want to know!

  5. CockedAle

    I see Long Dong Nirvana and Buddhist pubic hair on the Coke can. Deal breaker 4 sure.

  6. Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    I don’t see the asian influence. I think what NR is trying to say is that Soto is a lazy Messican who will always be taking siestas on the bench.

  7. Dave J.

    Based on limited experience, I’d say the two forms of media most likely to mischaracterize Latinas as Asians are National Review and 99% of porn sites.

  8. finallyhappy

    What is the point of the deer? what a bunch of losers over there- as if they didn’t know that already.

  9. 51dimes

    As a white male, I feel oppressed by this. Whatever happened to hot dogs and apple pie, damnit.

  10. One Yield Regular

    Nor did it help that someone on Jim Lehrer’s show the other night pronounced her name “Soda Me-ir” – a mere consonant away from “SOLDA Meir.”

  11. user-of-owls

    [re=333223]DemmeFatale[/re]: It’s all fun and games ’til Rahm knocks on your door.

  12. AnnieGetYourFun

    I can’t believe that they wasted such a great opportunity to use Dia de Los Muertos imagery on the cover.

  13. EnBuenOra

    Couldn’t they just print on the cover of every issue “PLEASE NO ONE BUT SOUTHERN WHITE MALE JACKHOLES VOTE REPUBLICAN EVER EVER EVER AGAIN THANK YOU” and be done with it?

  14. JMP

    What does Jo-Go have to say about his critics, anyway? Judging by his usual discourse, it’s probably “Your all poopyheads with cooties!”

  15. lizard scum

    Well, I’m sure Sonia “Satori” Sotomayor perceives in an instant the way things were, are, and will always be. Things were racist, they are reverse-racist, and will always be one or the other according to wingnuts, so why not choose the latter?

  16. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=333241]One Yield Regular[/re]: Which is just a consonant away from Golda Meir?

  17. One Yield Regular

    And damn – I accidentally threw that copy out, thinking it was just another quarterly newsletter from Harbin Hot Springs.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    [re=333236]finallyhappy[/re]: It’s an allusion to the Buddha who, after his enlightenment, preached his first sermon at the Deer Park in Benares. Where, contrary to popular myth, there was no hot dog vendor, so he never asked the guy to “make me one with everything.”

  19. SayItWithWookies

    I guess the NR couldn’t come up with an example of a wise Latina to caricature. Although they did pass up a chance to use Tania the Che Guevara protege.

  20. Tra

    Also, how does Jonah Goldberg on his critics get top billing? Jonah spends every other blog post whining about his critics and how wrong they are and how this only proves his point, somehow.

    The other 50 percent of his posts are about Battlestar Galactica.

  21. Cape Clod

    It kind of looks like they took the cover of a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel and photoshopped a characture of Katherine Jean Lopez into it.

  22. doxastic

    So, are they suggesting Sotomayor was only able to graduate summa from Princeton because she was secretly Charlie Chan?

  23. SayItWithWookies

    [re=333252]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Which is really just a few consonants and vowels away from Emma Goldman — famous anarchist!

  24. WIDTAP

    [re=333251]Lakergrrl[/re]: Well thank God Antonio Banderas is European and not Latino or we would all be confused by the classification.

  25. CorkPopper

    National Review: Where Asians are wise, Latinas are fiery and tempermental, blacks are angry and untrustworthy…but oddly, J-Lo doesn’t appear to be jolly. At all.

  26. 4tehlulz

    This is just an excuse to try to sneak Latina tits into the conservative consciousness.

    I think we all know what is behind her right hand, and it isn’t cloth.

  27. One Yield Regular

    [re=333252]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: It’s only noon and I haven’t had a drink yet. Yes, a mere TWO consonants away from Golda Meir.

  28. finallyhappy

    [re=333254]SayItWithWookies[/re]: damn, you are good! And I have actually been to Sarnath where they say Buddha received enlightenment but obviously I did not!

  29. WIDTAP

    Let’s see. Epicanthal fold. Buck teeth. Buddhist garb (because the Catholics have no contemplative orders, of course). Yep – nothing racist against NewYoricans in that caricature.

  30. dc-prof

    Uh, she’s Catholic? This just may win the Stereotype Of The Year Award – offending TWO ethnic minority groups through a religious caricature.

  31. snideinplainsight

    If that’s what they think a fiery latina looks like, they’re not spending enough time watching Telemundo! Ai chihauhua, mamacita!

  32. Come here a minute

    I would hope that a wise Latina Buddha with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.

  33. snideinplainsight

    Diga esos ciervos sabios parar el mordiscar en mi loto.

    ¿Puedo conseguir un traje más grande aquí?

    Tornillo Juan Goldberg.

  34. SayItWithWookies

    The confusion is easy to explain — it starts with the Phillippines, where many people have Spanish first names and Pacific Islander last names. Add to this the fact that many NR staffers probably have Fillipino/a nannies, cooks and housekeepers and the idea that one part of Asia is equal to any other part, and voila.

  35. Blender

    Holy Fuck, NR couldn’t have played it any better – they portray a Messican as an Asian the same week Carradine (an Anglo who potrayed an Asian) strangles his nuts and neck in a hotel closet. However, should’ve added a bunch of extra arms.

  36. AfghanVet

    Come on…they are merely playing to their paying audience. Fox news does the same thing…Conservative Porn. And, what they communicate is about as truthful as porn…”I never thought it would happen to me…”

    Conservatism in the media isn’t about governance, policy or ideology, it’s about market share and cost per half minute/page for advertising. Conservatism today is all about selfish enrichment.

  37. assistant/atlas

    Radical Muslims kill innocent civilians and radical Christians murder doctors, but radical Buddhists?

    They just seem to want to meditate the fuck out of existence itself.

    Team Buddhism, baby.

  38. snideinplainsight

    So, what was the “scoop”? Or, maybe the “scoop” was just to clean up after the deer?

  39. gurukalehuru

    Chinese and Mexican – America’s two favorite cuisines.

    Never mind that she’s neither.

  40. x111e7thst

    [re=333285]SayItWithWookies[/re]: In fact I have frequently woken from an alcohol and phenobarb induced stupor in some part of Asia or Puerto Rico, looked around at all those buck teeth and epicanthic folds and wondered just where the fuck I might be.

  41. doxastic

    I love that even with Kathryn Jean Lopez on staff, the NR staff had no damn idea what a ‘wise Latina’ could possibly be and were forced to go instead with the inscrutable bucktoothed Asian.

  42. Cicada

    So far we’ve had the “Magic Negro” and the “Wise Latina”. I eagerly await the release of the “Mystic Croatian” to complete my trading card collection.

    Snap to it, NR!

  43. Hooray For Anything

    It’s a sad commentary on America when white males can’t be racially insensitive to Latinas and Asians both at the same time without being called racially insensitive. Liberal fascism strikes again.

  44. stink, but

    Listen, the point is that she’s ‘non-white.’ Speaking as a middle-class white dude, they’re all the same to me. Asiatic, negroid, mexicanista, whatever, the point is that Soto-mayor (which is how I pronounce her name in keeping with my proud ethnic tradition of just cold not giving a fuck about other ethnicities) hates the whites.

  45. dijetlo

    Has anybody run this past our New Benevolent and Eternal Chinese Overlords yet? I don’t really know how they’ll react to it except to say if Mao was still alive, we’d be getting nuked right now.

  46. x111e7thst

    [re=333293]assistant/atlas[/re]: Do a fairly effective job of wiping the floor with radical Hindus. Actually the Sinhalese are pretty mainstream in their Buddhism, but this seems to leave their combat effectiveness unimpaired.

  47. WIDTAP

    [re=333309]dijetlo[/re]: Our Chinese Overlords claim that Buddhism and Tibet have always been part of China – the part that needs its ass kicked. All hail the Benevolent and Eternal Chinese Overlords.

  48. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=333304]Cicada[/re]: [re=333263]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Ooh, so much fun! It’s too bad they dropped the ball with Stephen Chu – we could have rounded out the bunch with “Smartypants Chinaman”. It’s too long, though, too many syllables.

  49. smashtheduck

    No sombrero? No doobie? No half-empty bottle of tequila? Not even one fucking donkey?11?!! If they’re going to continually confuse Puerto Rico with TJ; they really need to get their act together.

  50. TGY

    I suppose that when it comes to idiotic stereotypes, any idiotic stereotype will do. I guess they’re not antisymmetric, either.

  51. norbizness

    New slogan on the magazine cover: Bring us your poor, your terminally stupid, your huddle masses of crackers yearning to shake of the yoke of Brown people-oppression.

  52. bago

    All them brownies keep sayin we should stop bombing their asses and possibly should think for a while.

    PUSSIES!

  53. Mr Blifil

    I can’t believe there’s an illustrator in existence who would submit that thing for editorial review. I mean it almost looks like that person made it through some form of art school.

  54. AfghanVet

    [re=333309]dijetlo[/re]: I think the Chinese prefer Confuscious or Lao Tze to Siddartha. While they claim Tibet, I don’t think they care much for Buddhism and I think Siddartha has more in common with the Indians than with the Chinese.

  55. AfghanVet

    [re=333349]Mr Blifil[/re]: I would like to have been a fly on the wall during the creative meeting.

    “Here’s what we want…”

  56. zenferret

    [re=333281]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: NR, so lame it is funny. Mad, so lame it isn’t funny.

    [re=333302]doxastic[/re]: Or is it because they have her on staff they have no idea?

  57. gurukalehuru

    I’m not worried about their portraying her as an Asian, but why did they have to make her so ugly.

    Oh…never mind.

  58. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Sadly, I read the top head line as “Jonah Goldberg on his Crimes.” Which, when you think of it, would be a lot more interesting, although it might just detail how he set up a web cam in K-Lo’s bathroom.

  59. 1ofUS

    Jonah: “Mommy says my critics are all just jealous cuz I get to have her as my mommy and they don’t: so there! bplblpbpbpbplblppbb!”

  60. RubberSoul

    Now the GOP is just showing off: “Hey look at us! We can offend two vital minority voting blocs…AT THE SAME TIME!!!”

  61. bitchincamaro

    Meh. Every Puerto Rican I’ve ever known calls anyone with the slant-eyes, “Chinese”.

  62. Bruno

    Since they are also brown, and therefore all the same un-real americans, why not pick an Indian God. I’d pick hindu goddess Annupurna.

  63. FlownOver

    That top line,” Jonah Goldberg on His Critics,” was really misleading. I bought a copy expecting a photo spread confirming Goldberg is a top.

  64. jimstoic

    I can hardly imagine anything in the realm of government more wonderful than having a Buddhist on the Supreme Court.

  65. patrickhenry

    what she’s a racist,doesn’t understand the 2nd ammendment and she belongs to a group that want’s to take over 1/5 of the u.s. by force,why is she not in jail

  66. WIDTAP

    [re=333649]patrickhenry[/re]: Well that cover wins: Slant-eyed, Buck toothed AND a coolly hat.

Comments are closed.