Wonkette
- Muslims around the world heard President Obama’s nice speech and said, “Hmm nice speech, but will he actually do anything differently from that other fellow who dropped all the bombs on us?” [Wall Street Journal]
- A director who knew David Carradine insists he could not have committed suicide, which leaves two options: foul play or a grisly masturbation accident. [Boston Herald]
- Nobody wants to serve on Gordon Brown’s cabinet so they’re all quitting willy-nilly rather than keep working with that loser, who maybe has BO or something. [New York Times]
- South Carolina’s Supreme Court is forcing the upstanding Governor Mark Sanford to whore himself out for (federal) money he does not want. [AP]
- Is the former CEO of Countrywide just the first of many mortgage and banking-industry execs to be charged with fraud? Oooh let’s hope so, for “exciting news scandal” purposes. [Reuters]
- Michelle Obama’s chief of staff is leaving to go do some other government thing, so the First Lady will be getting a new chief of staff. Prediction: Politico WINS THE AFTERNOON by posting an “Is Michelle Obama ‘Difficult’?” story (by Jeffrey Rosen). [Washington Post]
What? How did the First Puppy end up in London?
I thought Barack was Michelle’s chief staff?
Keep a stiff upper lip, Gordie, tally-ho, cheers mate.
Is she feisty? Does she have a temper? etc.
Let’s hope SC actually uses that money on those schools in need rather than, say, splurging on a new china and silver candelabra for state legislators to use while tailgating at the Carolina Cup steeplechase race.
Could be a win-win.
“Is Michelle Obama ‘Difficult’?” or, “Is Michelle Obama ‘Easy’?”
This is like that Salem witch test. You throw the suspect in the water, and if she drowns she isn’t a witch. If she doesn’t drown, you burn her at the stake.
I’d rather read about a mortgage exec who died of a grisly masturbation accident than Caine.
I was going to try to stay sober enough to compete for the afternoon comment award but since I’m on my third beer it looks like it’ll just be another stone-drunk Friday afternoon of trolling on Fox forum. damn.
I was really hoping that David Carradine would star in a TV movie about that CEO’s fraudulent dealings. I even had a working, ZZ Top-ish title: I’m Bad, I’m Countrywide.
Stimulus money for SC = Resurface the track at Darlington, not fix schools.
Try presenting the body of David Carradine before the new statue of Ronald Reagan in the Rotunda. Already, miracles are being attributed to it (it turned Boehner into a fluid-leaking penis).
ManchuCandidate: “Of all things, to live in darkness must be worst.” Young Caine
This is an opportunity for a new Fox Forum question:
“What funny things would YOU do as Michelle Obama’s Chief of Staff?”
Can’t blame anyone for not wanting to work with Gordo. He’s the equivalent of human Nyquil.
Wingnuts and old bitters of every religion only want to hear “…into the sea” when speaking of the believers of Desert Mirage Brand X.
I presume someone forgot to tell Hopey that after he got elected he could actually start doing stuff instead of just talking endlessly about what he’d do if he had his druthers.
Wait wait, so we are not allowed to say “Win11!11″ but Politico can somehow “Win the afternoon”?
Oh yeah, Politico Suxxx.
CockedAle: “Is Michelle Obama ‘Difficult’?” or, “Is Michelle Obama ‘Easy’?”
Someone’s gotta be able to dig some only boyfriends out of the closet. Preferably some Whities from Princeton.
There is no such thing as a masturbation accident, kids.
Jeffrey Rosen? Mebbe.
Put your money on Juan Williams using the word ‘militant’ at least three times before lunch.
magic titty:
Apparently, if it involves tying the rope from the curtains around your neck, your genitals, and the closet rod, there can be.
When you can snatch the testicles from my hand…
Terry: Nah. That was on purpose. Maybe an accident if his mom walked in on him though. Maybe.
magic titty: Here’s the info on it, but it mostly refers to males. In Crichton’s Rising Sun, the girl is into it and the cops replay the tape 200 times throughout the film, if you want a visual.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autoerotic_asphyxiation
Roger the Shrubber: Haha, good reference to Realm of the Senses….
CockedAle: Dudes, I know what autorerotic asphyxiation is. And i’ve seen that terrible movie more than enough. But it’s not an *accident* to be croaked by it - thems just the breaks.
magic titty:
When you’re spanking to a porno and your moment of bliss occurs just as the scene changes to a closeup of Ron Jeremy’s contorted face… that’s a masturbation accident.
Remember Grasshopper, autoerotic asphyxiation and alcohol will only lead to an embarrassing looking corpse.
I’m hesitant to believe the “foul play” option, but the other one is just too embarasing and sad. You know, kinda like Gordon Brown.
Kinbote: Amen; who the hell made Williams a “Senior News Analyst” anyway? Hey, I’m good at restating the obvious, I can haz fancy title now?
The Federal Government is forcing billions of dollars into South Carolinas rectum, better known as Mark Sanford. who actually went to court in an attempt to avoid the “demon money” but the activist judge told him “shut up and take it, biaaatch!”
The result is children will still have to go to public schools, thus interfering with conservative politicians god given right to dress up in furry costumes and have sex with them during long lunches at the capitol.
Now everybody has a sad. This is why all activist judges need to be fed to Butterstick before global warming kills him and we’re stuck with these pricks.
I feel sad for David Carradine because it all shows such a lack of imagination. Jerking off with a string around your neck is the kind of erotic kick you get in a dorm room when you can’t convince anyone to help, and can’t afford to pay them. It is not the kind thing you should be doing in Bangkok where you could get kathoey to do both the choking and the jerking, while being pegged by an actual woman. For a sawbuck.
Someone should invent some kind of automated electrical “strangler” which has sensors which can detect when the strangle-ee passes out, and which will then automatically release its grip, or something. Someone has to stop the carnage.
Can it really be that good? Nothing is better than whipp-its, and some people swear by the “poppers,” these are much safer things, is there really a return which justifies this risk?
I knew a dude in college who went that way, hanging in a closet with his dick in his hand. It was so very awkward, trying to express condolences to his family.
Serolf Divad: Well played
Nice. Politico wins an afternoon that hasn’t happened yet! Using that logic, I’m going to go ahead and chock up tonight’s date as a score.
One Night in Bangkok was a documentary, and it was filmed in real-time.
P.S. Did Murray Head and Taco share an electronic megaphone?
I’m now extremely concerned with the possibility that masturbation can end in death. What exactly is the mortality rate? Does DHS release statistics for this?
I hope Uma has a good alibi for this…
It’s mind-bending that the GOP is thinking about pinning their 2012 hopes on Mark Sanford, whose primary accomplishment consists of ignoring the needs of the people of his state and telling the legislative branch to go fuck itself in order to maintain an incredibly fucking stupid stance. I realize that that means he is made from the same mold as George W. Bush, but what the GOP doesn’t seem to be getting is that that automatically means that he is not presidential material.
norbizness: Ah, if only Carradine had remembered: “I get my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine…”
Oh, it could have been so much worse for Dave. Never forget what happen to the former Falwell protege in Montgomery, Alabama. Simply the story of the decade:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1008072scuba1.html
Hagar77: Problem for republicans is that their base will decide their presidential nominee, either by default like WALNUTS! cuz no one pander bear can get enough votes, in which case they’ll produce another candidate no one likes, or else one pander bear will get all the base votes & the candidate will be a political joke, universally reviled outside his party. Promises to be an ugly, xenophibic & racist dive to the bottom, “and that’s a beautiful thig.”
Jeffrey Rosen? THAT Jeffrey Rosen? Oh.
Apparently David Carradine had autoerotic asphyxiation on his bucket list.
Too soon?
I’ll take “Grisly Masturbation Accidents” for $300, Alex.
So Michelle’s hiring a lawyer. Rush, start foaming at the penis.
tacodaemon: Post again this afternoon. You too could be a winner.
Something about “First Lady” and “staff” after which I lost interest.
Even I know David Carridine could have hired someone instead of this deadly DIY. He was in Bangkok - the sex capital of the world. When I was there(and believe me, I am a pretty conservative looking woman), my taxi driver wanted to take me to some sort of show- i didn’t understand him and then he handed me a photo album- the photo on the first page was of some sort of sex act. I tossed the book back and probably yelled at him.
And I also thought Gordon Brown has stolen the First Puppy while Barack was out of town and Michele was interviewing a new chief of Staff. Please refrain from using the letters BO unless you mean the First Puppy.
A Better American Than YOU: Never forget. That dude will one day have his own monument in the Capitol Visitor’s Center.
A Better American Than YOU: “we will begin the healing process under the strong arm of our Savior, Jesus Christ.”
Looks like Jesus had already used the strong arm…
What a planet…
Texan Bulldoggette: I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: Gordon Brown’s only hope is to persuade *David Morrissey to reprise the role. Otherwise, he’s toast. I wish the local elections (hours away, I believe) would signal a Liberal comeback, but I fear the tories are back in the saddle (of their polo ponies.)
*See great, pre-The Queen flick, The Deal. And same crowd is doing the Blair years (Monica L!) next.
DoktorZoom: Love the musical reference and how appropriate that Sunday night brings us the gayest annual event in America. Maybe Gordon Brown can present the Tony for Best Musical to Billy Elliott and win over the Americans, where he can immigrate to Cape Cod and run for Ted Kennedy’s seat (when he retires, of course.) That’s a win-win-win.
Here I sit, a lone liberal in the heartland, (Notice I’m not mentioning my cat nor the fact my Bell’s Palsy recovery incurred a setback and now have a scratched cornea to add to my misery) where no one but the wonkeratti knows I am the hottest (brainiac hot) political strategist in Oklahoma. (Fuck you if you mention the lack of competition).
If you’ve ever been to Scotland you’ll know that EVERYONE has bo, so that obviously isn’t it. My guess is either extremely foul breath (British dental hygiene and all) or his “special hugs.”
Prommie: You’d need to build charged paddles into that thing as well, as cardiac arrest is an occasional side-effect to auto-asphyxiation. Of course, then you’d increase your market, as the electro-stim crowd would want one too.
cynbot: WIN!