Wonkette
WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In some post about something or other, a potential human called “Bill” tapped out a comment so weird and confusing that we cannot figure out if he’s a libtard or a wingnut or what! Of course he thinks Wonkette is a “she,” which is pretty normal for these drive-bys, but he gets the Invisible Trophy anyway, because he drove the conversation, off a four-foot cliff, into a cat box.
Wonkette - do ever read this shit? You’re liberal and biased so I understand you slanted views, but the people who leave comments here are real wingnuts (I wanted to use so many different adjectives but I am trying to make a point). There is not a clear thought in the bunch, none are in any way informed and they are just nasty, dirty, disrepectful and stupid people. There isn’t a basement anywhere big enough to hold them all. They use nicknames and avatars because they don’t have the stones to leave their names. You may try to write an intelligent blog, but if you were to be judged by your readers then you just don’t make it.
Uhh.
Awww, thanks. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I’ll go for the nasty and disrepectful part, so he’s half right.
Satire…it is a difficult concept.
Giving an award will only encourage him.
We also crash Faux News webservers when properly incentimavized, you Freeper wingtard.
Wait a minute… Denby, is that you?
Oh, so to win all you have to do is call everyone on Wonkette stupid? Good to know–I’m gonna win tomorrow, dumbasses!!
What adjectives? I’m guessing one was “Rubenesque” because Wonkette is fat in a sexy way.
Nasty, stupid, disrespectful? I’ll grant you that. But NOT dirty.
Signed,
Drrty Martini
You may try to write an intelligent blog, but if you were to be judged by your readers then you just don’t make it.
What? No Furries rants? No TrukNutz raves?
Wingnut Slacker.
tEleProMptErZ. Also.
Smells like Puma.
I also have many of these “adjectives”, but I can use them, cause I have to get back in the basement.
p.s. my Real Name is Chad Sexington
Just another pure grain example of a wingnut with absolutely no irony bone. I’m astonished they still exist, but even when their species attempts to do da’ irony we end up with mutants like Palin or Glen Speck. I prefer the angrier troll versions more, but this one will do. Thanks Overlord Ken.
Please for to let us haz him? At least for one night?
“They use nicknames and avatars because they don’t have the stones to leave their names.”
Point taken, “Bill”
I repeat my earlier comment:
Bill: Know what I always wonder? How someone can encounter a blog with a picture of a squirrel carrying a machine gun on its front page, and think they’ve stumbled onto a place dedicated to the serious discussion of policy.
I guess this is where the wingnut blindness to irony thing comes in. Run wingnut — they’re coming for your nuts! No, not THOSE nuts.
***
As of yet, Bill has not responded. He is probably out adopting all the cats from the local shelter, and planting mines in his yard.
Whut the who the huh?
He’s right, it’s almost as if this is a site for humorous, smart-ass comments instead of a site for thoughtful, insightful discussion… almost.
Hahahahaa….this person created an account just so they could bitch about us. That’s commitment!
And P.S. When did we become wingnuts? I thought we were just a bunch of snarky, apathetic losers.
NoWireHangers: Failure has a scent?
I always imagined PUMAs to have that sort of cheap, plasticy smell, like the inside of a dollar store. Wonketters, meanwhile, have a mysterious musk of gin and steak.
Silly Bill. The Washingtonienne was unmasked ages ago. Everyone knows “she” doesn’t write blogs any longer.
Kill Bill
(too soon?)
Does “biassed” mean you have two asses or one ass with a dual function?
I’d guess this is one of the recently banned species from the great purge. One who also lacked the irony gene.
I may be nasty, dirty, disrepectful, but…what was the fourth thing?
Come for the political discourse, stay for the semen-encrusted furries and sexy toddlers.
So, Wonkette gives a prize for a comment that states the obvious? At least about the comments. This ‘Bill’ seems disoriented in other ways, though.
What? No mention of cheetos? Win? hardly.
Bill,
I’m pretty sure you’re wrong; but if you’re not, here’s this: Fuck you. Hope that makes you happy.
Hi2U Bill!
If you’re ever afraid that you’re getting The Point, please remember these times and know you’re in no danger whatsoever.
doxastic: Hey, I resemble that remark!
And where’s this basement he’s talking about? Sounds cozy. I’ll bring Twister.
There’s plenty of room in my basement.
Hey, Bill, did you participate in a study about Stephen Colbert recently? Were you one of the ones who thought he was actually right wing? Libruls may wear rose colored glasses, but you’re wearing irony-proof glasses. Wonkette wears fuck-me glasses.
Bill,
I knew dozens more adjectives for people like me by fourth grade. And I never could understand then, either, why people like you got to be the teacher’s pet.
CockedAle: It means Bill takes it from both men and women.
God, I love me some paranoia.
DIRTY? That hurts.
“nasty, dirty, disrepectful and stupid”
I only resent the “stupid” part; the others I take great pride in.
MMMMMM…dirty, dirty Wonketteers. Me likey.
Oh jeebus, is that what that smell is?
I’ll be less dirty after Bill licks me. (See what I did there? Subtlety!)
Wow. And they said white men could never be articulate. Cool, Kill Bill….rave on!!!!!
[signed] Basement Dweller
gferris5:
Or does Wonkette wear fuck YOU glasses? (and fuck me pumps?)
I think that he left out solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. Had he included these terms, he would have described redstate to a T, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.
Also, I resent being called dirty. I showered this morning, and picked my toes in the privacy of my own home. So there’s that.
Nasty, dirty, disrespectful, sure. But you missed the most important adjective, literate.
Come on over to the Dark Side, Bill. We had have cookies. And buttsecks.
As usual, the critic has failed to note that we are drunk. Nasty, stupid, and drunk. In our own basements, thank you very much.
Youstonedorjuststupid?:
The thing that’s nice about wonkette is that “Fuck ME” and “Fuck YOU” mean just about the same thing. It’s just generalized fucking here. We don’t need no stinking pronouns.
and as to your username/question: stoned.
Bill? As in Kill Bill? Has David Carradine sent us an auto-asphyxiation spew from beyond the grave?
…what? Too soon?
As to the intelligent racism free prose found on other many websites?
Hahaha.
I’ll give “Bill” points. At least he can spell wurds and writes goods.
Bill’s right. It’s time to ban us all. Then Wonkette will be left with nothing but insightful commentary with many adjectives (useful for making points) brought to you by that beacon of clarity, Bill (real name).
It’s dat pesky Reagan statue, I tells ya, it be makin’ eberbody in D.C. Wonkee.
Reagan’s statue:
http://snipurl.com/jfb6c
Your Mom.
At least he landed into the cat box. Give Bill some due credit. That’s quite a leap for Bill. Ahhh Bill. Good ‘ol Bill.
sanantonerose: Twister would be a nice change. Usually we dress in our well stained panda suits and play Lawn Dart tag.
Our Wonkette editors finally got it right - that was the comment of the day.
Finally, someone on this blog who has class.
Thanks Bill!
And Bill, so far as adjectives, did you mean:
“tax-hiking, government-expanding, latte-drinking, sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading, body-piercing, Hollywood-loving”?
Bitterness is a mental illness, you know.
Hire this guy Wonkette.
He noes words that describe things that are true.
Wonkette: There isn’t a basement anywhere big enough to hold us all.(TM)
“nasty, dirty, disrepectful and stupid”
I am not stupid!
mattbolt: No, Denby wrote the New Yorker capsule review for Angels and Demons:
ANGELS & DEMONS
More drivel from Dan Brown’s fictions, adapted by Ron Howard and the screenwriters Akiva Goldsman and David Koepp, and starring Tom Hanks as the Harvard “symbologist” Dr. Robert Langdon. There’s the reliable old garbage of secret societies, insignias, codes, tombs, rats, rotting corpses, and uncanny inscriptions. There are fire and torment, unspeakable practices dwelled on at length. And there are puzzles and potted bits of art history, bristling with unexpected interest. It seems that great paintings and statues play a leading role in ancient webs of conspiracy. Da Vinci knew Vatican secrets; so did Raphael. (Brown doesn’t bother with minor artists.) Essentially, it’s a treasure hunt, with each work of art containing a clue that leads our hero to rush to the other side of Rome, where he discovers a cardinal who has just been murdered. With Ayelet Zurer as an Italian physicist who accompanies Langdon on the hunt. Shot largely on sets built in Los Angeles.—David Denby.
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/reviews/film/angels_demons_howard
So he’s apparently discovered snark.
ALIVE!: Make the TM a ™ (opt-2 on the Mac, some weird ASCII on a peecee) and you’re set.
I’d like to force this “Bill” chap to re-enact the pivotal scene in the new David Carradine movie “My Suicide”… he seems like a wanker who enjoys being in a closet, no?
I has a sad… Bill no likes my friends and wants to lock us in a basement….. is Bill another Zed that wants all us Wonketters up like he did these two: http://movieimage1.tripod.com/pulpfiction/pulp15.jpg
Maybe somebody should email Bill and inform him that he’s been honored thus.
Man, I wish I got my profile got such a high-profile response every time I commented on a conservative forum.
Wait, Wonkette is not a “she”? Then who the hell have I been stalking for the last three years?
It’s actually just a Wonkette poster masquerading as a Repubatard as part of the regular Wonkette war blogging drills, so pay no attention.
There is not a clear thought in the bunch, none are in any way informed and they are just nasty, dirty, disrepectful and stupid people.
Hey Bill, you try getting high, having a few martinis and then being humorous while getting it up the ass and see how well you do.
That being said, it is only easier to tell the difference between serious and joke postings here than it is at RedState, Fox Nation or The Corner because all the postings at those sites are jokes.
P.S. Naked Bunny with a Whip: Thanks for introducing me to that Subtlety thing. I like it. Of course, I could only do it after a buttsex joke.
There is not a clear thought in the bunch, none are in any way informed and they are just nasty, dirty, disrepectful and stupid people.
Now that I think about it, I really resent that.
I don’t deny it - just resent it.
Was Yoda seriously stoned when he wrote that? Maybe he was drunk off his @$$ after breaking up with Yodette….poor little green frog man….
In a subsequent post “This is serious shit and you are a bunch of little boys. ” Now we know why he’s here.
Yo, “Bill”, if you need an avatar, may I suggest:
1. That thing that hangs off the front of a duck’s face,
2. Your annual invoice from Soldier of Fortune, or
3. A 3-spot.
The little shit stain actually knows what “adjective” means, and can spell it?
I’m jealous.
Breaking news, apropos of nothing except it’s kinky Republican sex and thus perfect for teh Wonkettes!
The one Republican left in Michigan was just convicted of indecent exposure which resulted from his apparent penchant for public golden showers.
At least it didn’t involve furries. Or kids. That we know of, anyway.
*blushes*
Min: “…And buttsecks.”
SNORT!
Bearbloke: Speaking of David Carradine, he had a small but humorous scene in my movie, The Long Goodbye directed by Robert Altman. He was locked up in jail telling me (as played by Elliott Gould) how he came to be in there. He decided to go out to a bar with his dog and “toss a few”. He noted that there were more police on Lancaster Boulevard that there were in the jail.
And he finished up by noting that possession is what gets one into jail.
Possession of noses, marijuana or gonads.
A strange guy. he’ll be missed.
President Beeblebrox: From that article:
Cool!
President Beeblebrox: That is friggin’ bizarre!
chascates: Of course it’s bizarre. This is from the Party of Yiffing, after all.
Instead of Nono the Dinosaur, maybe the GOP’s new logo should be Uncle Sam in a fursuit.
Bill, Jill here. Yes, my real name. And it rhymes with Bill! You, my friend, are a poser, a charlatin and a fraud, and here’s why. First, your post has NO grammatical errors. All wingnuts say “your” instead of “you’re”, so heh, heh, caught you, Bill. And, also, secondly, only one typo. Finally and also, thirdly, you, my dear sir, know what an adjective is. No wingnuts do, None, whatsoever. So while most of us are nasty, dirty and disrespectful — we know our way around grammar and have moved on to trucknutz because it freed up our time. Some of us are stupid, but that is mostly later in the day, after haveing a few alcoholic beverages or whatnot. And please, if you manage to put us all in a basement, for the love of Pete, provide adequate ventilation.
Hey Bill fuck you right in the peen. With a horse or similar implement. Your problem is not so much irony-related as context. As in you are unable to discern it. Did it ever occur to you to wonder why yours are the only serious comments in the 120+ total? No, it didn’t, dumbass. PS: We know you still go by “Billy” and your mom calls you BJ. Calling yourself Bill doesn’t change that, rump ranger.
Damn dude, do I come down to where you work and slap the cock out of your mouth?
But seriously, where’s my heroin?
Marlowe: Oh jeez I didn’t realize that was Eliott Gould’s Altman Marlowe in yr little picture there. That movie is so full of victory. “Excuse me, I don’t see any Curry brand cat food here.”
I can relate Bill, but understand that feeling of utter bewilderment is truly a thing to savour and to revel in. It is…the human condition.
Frittata!
This is a little off-topic (don’t ban me!!!) but has anyone seen any part of the Hannity/Limbaugh meeting of the minds on Fox? Especially the bit where Hannity told Rush how well he’s looking these days? I’m only bringing this up in hopes somebody out there knows how to get vomit off of a laptop.
“There is not a clear thought in the bunch”
Fuck you I can count to potato, and I know what the U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A. is hiding in area 51 Xenomorphs!
Ken Layne: “Excuse me, I don’t see any Curry brand cat food here.”
Clerk: “Here, why don’t you get this, all this shits the same, anyway.”
Marlowe: “Oh yeah, You wouldn’t happen to have a cat by any chance?”
Clerk: “why do I need a cat?, I’ve got a girl.”
Marlowe: “Ha, ha. He’s got a girl, I’ve got a cat.”
David Carradine appears about 22 minutes into the film.
His last comment is “Someday, all the pigs are going to be in here and all the people are going to be out there.”
WIDTAP: “Looked banned, didn’t I? Well, I wasn’t. But it wasn’t from lack of trying, I can tell you that. Actually, that last bit of auto-erotic asphyxiation put me in a coma - a coma I was to lie in for four years. When I woke up and saw President Obama had been re-elected, I went on what Politico.com referred to as “a roaring rampage of WINNING THE EVENING.” I won the evening. AND the morning. And I got bloody satisfaction. I’ve posted a lot of wingnuttery to get to this point. But I’ve only got one post more.
The last one.
The only one left.
And when I arrive at my destination,
I am gonna BRAIN LAYNE.”
-In theaters 2012-
Nasty + Disrespectful + iPods = ?
Dirty + Stupid + Furries = ?
It took me a long time to pass algebra. Also.
Nasty, dirty, disrepectful and stupid in what respect, Governor?
˙sıɥʇ ʇnoqɐ ʇɥƃıɹ ǝʇınb ʇou sı ƃuıɥʇǝɯos
Hey Wonkette, since Bill wants us use our real names, can you give us “his” full contact info so we can, er, email intelligent conversation topics to “him”?
You can’t be nasty and disrespectful when telling conservatives to go fuck themselves, can’t you? That’s the only language they understand. You’re only being culturally sensitive with the knuckledraggers.
Shit, I haven’t had a clear thought sine 1969.
Didn’t this feature used to have a drawing of a construction guy angrily scribbling a letter?
I admit it. I’m dirty. Literally. I see no reason to shower on days when I don’t have to pick up my unemployment check.
“Bill” O’Reilly?
Someone had their bowl of Wheaties shat upon by Emo Eagle, I’d say.
Hoorayforanything at 10:45: Wet-vac with laptop upside down, real soon and real fast — and you’ll work fast once you turn that laptop upside down — followed by a good hour of blowing can after can of that compressed air or whatever it is IT people use to blast the Cheerios crumbs out of keyboards. 50-50 chance it works. Good luck.
–
Really, if “Bill” thinks we’re all so 1973 Times Square alley, Jim Carol public restroomish, here’s some sound advice from George Carlin: “Don’t sweat the petty stuff, and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.”
I wish him well. I hope he spends eternity in heaven after St. Peter assigns him Lenny Bruce under the buddy system.
K-Lo is offering him a spot at The Corner even as we speak. Where he will fit right in with the rest of those wordsmiths.
I do love it so whenever people dive right in without getting their dick wet first.
“Bill” has such cajones for giving his real name! He could have taken the easy way out and used a nickname, like “Billy”! (Note to Bill — please come back and leave your street address, also, so we can “visit” and “discuss” in your basement.)
With “nasty, dirty, disrepectful and stupid”, Bill is dangerously close to plagiarizing Hobbes’ “nasty, brutish, and short”, which I always thought was a fairly good description of me.
OK you jerks, rag on “Bill” as much as you want, (he certainly deserves it) but I’ve gotta admit I like where this “Win of the Afternoon” thing is going.
Best one yet. Keep it up, Eds.
My well informed opinion is that this guy needs to eat a bowl of d%^k.
But, this afternoon imperialism is unfair to wins of the morning, evening, twilight, midnight, graveyard etc.
Edywin Eugenic Fawnesonyerazzole, I had stones wunce butt passd them true a strainer. TruckNutz and Poopsects. Serious? I wuz bern serious.!$?
Do I get the prize turtle nowz?
Sounds like SOMEbody’s got their fur in a mat.
Scritchy scritchy.
Dude, this is like, teh lamest Comment of the Day EVER.
Many of you have correctly noted the literal-mindedness of the wingnut set, and yet apparently Bill is funnier than all of us. How do you feel about that, suckers? Maybe we’re living in a post-ironic age after all, if only because people like Bill (the stupids) have won, on Wonkette and in life. (No Nobama, come 2012, either.)
lizard scum: Oh come on, now, you know that Comment of the Day doesn’t mean FUNNIEST.
Sounds like someone got a furry in their website.
19kevin8: I know, but when I read the comment my vanity made me think for a second, “Why didn’t I think of this shit?”
I heart all you kids, and read you for form AND content, but right now I am happiest because Mark (smegma) Sanford got his ass waxed and blocked by the SC Supremes yesterday and about fucking time. This shit weasel has Future Santorum written all over his career. Okay, back to the fun and frolic. Thank you.
norbizness: Yup. Then it was EMAIL OF THE DAY
Letters To The Editor. For the hilarious weirds. Now all commenters are in that category.
That’s like the best comment of the millenium. There’s no way to compete with it, in fact I nominate myself for an immediate ritual banhammering.
This somehow puts yesterdays award in a different perspective. Oh well…
I donno wy he thinks were stoopid.
“Bill”, old bean - We may be Libtards, Repubtards, Obamatards, Hilltards… even Paultards (and what we choose to do in our basements is none of your damn business)- But we will defend Wonkette Girl’s honour with our lives… or at least our keyboards.
Consider yourself slapped Sir, on both cheeks, with a very heavy gauntlet.
Guys, Bill took time away from cooking meth and hating minorities to reach out to us. Yes, his comment was puerile and ridiculous, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t listen to him and take his words to heart.
Wait, scratch that, yes it does. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hope he comes back to bring the laffs and collect his Afternoon Win (That’s right, a double negative. Want to fight about it?).
Well, there that goes. Silly viral marketers.
Obviously, it’s Bill O’Reilly.
President Beeblebrox: He was with a GIRL. He should change parties.
Captain Swing: Repubtards? Get the fuck out.
I repeat: urlm.in/cohs
“…maybe you try to write an intelligent blog…” I suspect that Bill skipped over the articles and went straight to the comments section.
I know I do.
“I wanted to use so many adjectives, but I’m trying to make a point.” That’s where the adjectives come in, Bill. They can help you. That’s their job.
Summary: Bill is a pathetic, fucking low-life wanker. He’s no SJDoc, but he’s a pathetic fucking low-life wanker nonetheless.
There isn’t a basement anywhere big enough to hold them all.
That right there is some counterfactual bullshit. I bet we could fit into Grand Central easy-peasy.
Oh, spank me Bill. Seriously, how big are your hands?
Shut up, Bill. Go fix me a turkey pot pie.
How do these people find this site??? Is there a link on the Redstate site that says “Looking for someone to yell at? Go here —->”
What masterful use of the english language. Obviously a wingnut, slack jawed snow/hillbilly type. It is better for people to think you are any Idiot than prop up your keypad and remove all doubt. Trucknutz 9!!!!1!!!!1!!.
hey bill! Yo mama! …….also. i feel much better now. as you were.
He make good point at say we isnt smart comments, also.
Seriously, though. He’s right. I know for a fact that I am several different adjectives that are unusable in civilized discourse and should never be uttered when trying to make a point.
Let’s send him some Hopey unicorns and balloons to show our love!
“Mission Accomplished!” ™
President Beeblebrox: No, she writes for Playboy. For reals.
Ken Layne: It’s all the same sheet!”
gurukalehuru: I suspect that Bill skipped over the articles and went straight to the comments section.
I know I do.
This is what is driving MSM into the ditch. We all retrieve only what the blede tells us, and jump to the commentary. So that team in Cairo has to find its own solitary lonely way back home.
You gave an award to a troll? That’s an act of perverse virtual judo.
chascates: I think all of those are covered under the rubric “ghey”.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: I presumed “Wonkette” was a bunch of angry gay guys.
i take exception to the claim that there is no basement large enough to hold them all because they are all currently in my basement.