Wonkette
Your other editor Sara wrote earlier about how every governor candidate in Virginia has taken a shine to this hilarious & false idea that prison officials closely monitor third-grade test scores to determine how many jails they’ll need for the Dumbs in 15 years. But only Terry McAuliffe went ahead and made it into an insane teevee advertisement! The final product (which your male associate editor wrote about this morning at length for his NBC racketeering gig) proved to be McAuliffe’s most twisted, hilarious failed attempt at pretending to be a real human being yet, in a life and campaign defined by such attempts. “Pre-k now or prison later!” Nice one, sociopath! [NBC Washington]
“Pre-k now or prison later!”
What did one horny Republican say to the other?
Why is it that when he is talking and moving, he looks almost human, but the second you pause the video, he’s completely terrifying and drunk-looking? Not good-drunk, but molesting-uncle drunk?
I get at least two (2) mailings from him a DAY, along with five to seven (5-7) robocalls a week. Even if somewhere in my deepest lizard brain I ever contemplated voting for him, which I didn’t, his tree-killing, mind-numbing barrage of bullshit would have quelched that urge immediately. Since I despise him, the constant flow of crap from him just makes me want some unfortunate and humiliating death to befall him (SCUBA wetsuit and giant dildo accident, crushed under 500 lb. hooker, etc etc).
SayItWithWookies: Ewww … Lolz.
No fan of Terry here, but I’m OK with this particular ‘big lie,’ as its an attempt send the funding in a right direction anyway.
Prison architects do not, in fact, closely monitor third-graders’ report cards
Whew! All the times I heard my grade-school teachers say “this is going on your permanent record!” It was such a relief to find out that, in reality, they didn’t give a shit what happened to me.
To be fair, I did know by third grade that I wanted to grow up and become a frequent blog commenter.
BillyClubb: Prison architects don’t care, but the Department of Homeland Security has been watching you for a long, long time.
The link at the bottom of the page about an old man having sex with his dog is most depressing. What’s going on in Washington State and Washington DC? Bestiality run amok (as they would say in Rhode Island) or what?
Those precious little twerps who showed up late to their White House tour are doomed.
It’ worse than that. Listen closely, he says, “pre-K now, or prison beds later”. What a sick fuck.
Also, the M-TV editing made me throw up.
A lot.
On my shoes.
Just wait a minute here, folks… is this like racial profiling, but with academics? How did Terry do in the third grade? I mean, he’s a fairly corrupt shit-stain (allegedly)…
What we should be doing is taking aside children that are part of the future “prison populace,” put them into a chain-gang, and be done with it. Let’s take Terry’s advice. NO MORE SECOND CHANCES.
Vote for Terry(???!?)
Oh my fuck. How is it that this douchenozzle is alive and David Carradine is dead?
On topic: Eugenics now!
JohnnyMeatworth: Your topicality and sense of injustice is astounding.
Lot of white kids in the classroom. All of them in fact. Plays well in the real Virginia.
This ad is counterintuitive. Surely it is more efficient and economical to incarcerate during the pre-K years.
Just turn the grade schools into prisons, more.
Remind me again why we hate Terry McAuliffe. Pre-K now or prison later makes a lot of sense, to me.
I liked him better back when he was tweaking.
I will invest in early education so that we don’t have to use 3rd graders…what?
Once he hits puberty, Michael Cera will the perfect choice to play Terry in “He Woke Up Plastered: The Terry McAuliffe Story”
I skipped 3rd grade, but dropped out in my senior year (with a 3.75 GPA, no less!) because northern VA in 1990 was a tremendously shitty place to be. Now I’m a Union member working for a city.
MORAL: Fuck their demographics. And fuck Virginia. Also.
“…because the future starts right here.” [takes long swig from fifth of Jose Cuervo]
Ever since that scary nutjob announced he was running for the Democratic nomination, I’ve had a sinking feeling that Bob McDonnell is going to be our next governor.
SayItWithWookies: Pedo Bear approves of this Pre-K/Prison Plan.
Terry, let’s compare notes in 2019-20, when the next crop of felons, scratch that, UVA frosh, are newly minted!
Suggestion: VDoC place a minimum security wing on the UVA campus…kill as many bird with the fewest number of stones thingee…
I can’t STAND him. And I think it’s pretty interesting that he’s almost entirely replaced his Syracuse accent with this new Virginia drawl thing.
I liked him better when he was in the Socialist Student Union and feeding beans to a hamster named Special Patrol Group. There is a link in there, I swear.
In addition, Jesus Jones should sue him for ripping off half of their song title.
Soon-to-be-former Virginian here (am moving ‘cross the Potomac in 2 wks): as a parting gift to the Commonwealth and wonkette readers everywhere, I think I shall vote for this cheeseball in the Jun 9th primary. He’ll certainly be more amusing than the other two characters, although it’s hard to beat a name like Creigh Deeds.
Dear Terry, Forgot to tell you but the rum works only if you administer it pre-K, so that’s why you sound so stupid. Sorry. Jukesgrrl
It’s disgusting that wonkette opens up paying jobs to you. You should do this and work at Dunkin donuts. Love, d.a.r.y.l.
Not to be geeky, but how many felons had pre-K? How many had Head Start? Is it public school that starts you on a life of crime?
Terry looks pretty spiffy compared to the way he used to look. But I still wouldn’t trust him to have anything to do with children.
Sorry. Try this link.
Where was his bottle of rum?
Look, for real, we’re doing the best we can to push this guy into obscurity. The primary is on June 9. WE’RE DOING IT, ALL RIGHT???
JAABS for the CAMMANWEATH my ass…
OMG
If you fail your 3rd grade test = go straight to jail?
That’s harsh.
I think he’s just trying to make the point that college educated criminals are more likely to have the money to hire the best lawyers.
His head is very animated .. like Isadora Duncan or Linda Blair.
“Hi! I took a prohibitive favorite with name recognition and a warchest that Jesus himself would have killed for, and turned her campaign into a farce of backbiting, racist dog-whistling and thinly-veiled pleas for lone gunmen! Now I want to run Virginia!”
Eh, no thanks.