Wonkette
- A year ago, Barack Obama kept saying that we shouldn’t have a national health insurance mandate except for kids. Now he has totally stolen Hillary Clinton’s idea, which he probably agreed with anyhow, for Socialism. [AP]
- President Obama addressed the Muslim world, from Africa, using certain Arabic words, just to prove how guiltily un-American he is. [Los Angeles Times]
- A new poll shows that Republican bitching about the wild-eyed race warrior and known Puerto Rican separatist Sonia Sotomayor has not swayed the opinion of anybody outside of their sad little fold. [Wall Street Journal]
- Gordon Brown’s premiership is probably safe for now because anybody who succeeded him would have to immediately call a general election, in which the Labour party would likely be smeared against the wall like a fat housefly. [Guardian]
- Wall Mart will solve our national unemployment problem by creating 22,000 jobs this year. [Reuters]
- Cubital tunnel syndrome, aka “cell phone elbow,” is basically worse than ebola and AIDS combined, in your elbow. [Fox News]
Has anyone done a head count lately of how many straight ballot voting Republicans there are left?
We were talking about this last night and in the last year all the Repubs I know in day to day life are now calling themselves Independents or Libertarians. The only ones still claiming the Republican title tend to sit at the bar at the American Legion for hours during the weekdays expressing concerns about the Illuminati and whether the Red Chinese are still amassing in the Panama Canal Zone.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Aren’t Messicans from Porto Rico really just Catholic Muslins who hate America and its white children?
My sources say that the GOP has a secret memo from Sotomayor that they intend to release a couple of days before the nomination gets underway. In it she claims that red beans and rice and fried plantains are better than hot-dogs and cheese fries.
It’s sure to be an explosive document (even if she did write it in high school).
Terry:
Yeah, I was thinking that pretty soon all polls of republicans will show support for any given position at either 0%, 33%, 66% or 100%.
The GOP needs to learn that screaming about “dirty” Pueto Ricans, donning metaphorical white robes and burning metaphorical crosses on Sonia Sotomayer’s metaphorical lawn may not be the best way to win the hearts and minds of US America growing tinted communities.
“President Obama addressed the Muslim world, from Africa”
It was foretold in this excerpt from the Quatrains of Nostradamus:
In the year after his election to the Throne
The Dark One from the citadel of Wind
Whose birth-scrolls are held in secret
Shall visit a land of many dunes
And he shall then speak many soft sayings
To soothe the savage breast of the Moor
And there he shall bow low before a Caliph
Who will give the Dark One nice bling in return
But lo, the men who come from the den of the Foxes
Shall rise up in wrath and distain
And he whose name is Han-Et-Ee
Shall make many fulminations
Which will be seconded by another
Whose voice comes thru a Magick Box
And who hath sickness of the ears
From eating many strange potions
And he shall call the Dark One ‘traitor’ and ’surrender monkey’
And wish many ill failings upon him
And there will be much confusion and disputation throughout the land
Not to mention annoyance and general name-calling
(c) Nostradamus 1553 All rights reserved
ManchuCandidate: You and your fancy elite metaphorical lawns need to get real grass and have the Messicans cut it.
Next up, Sotomayor failed to put her hand over her heart during a 3rd-grade Pledge of Allegiance — AP was there!
I also know that Islam has always been a part of America’s story.
O.K., Barry, you will need to explain this one.
Serolf Divad: I would pay money to see David Vitter vote against red beans and rice. N’awlins can overlook Diapergate, but he’d be drawn and quartered over that.
He pronounces Arabic words kind of funny, so some listeners were confused, thinking he was ordering salami on rye. Peace is a slow process.
I know Barry ain’t perfect, but can you imagine Walnuts or Snowbilly trying to give that kind of address? Walnuts would have already invaded Egypt or Kazakstan by now & Snowbilly would still be trying to figure out if Africa was a country or continent. Plus they both give the impression of hating any of the multi-hued folk.
From: R Ailes
To: S Hanity
Date: 06/04/09
Subj: Missing White Women
From this point forward they must all have Cubital tunnel syndrome.
Make it so.
Cell Phone Elbow. Wow, that’s interesting that Fox News is reporting on a story about “cell phone elbow”…
…yet, mysteriously, it was never “Land Line Elbow”, or “ear trumpet Elbow”, or “Put-your-hands-on-the-back-of-your-head-and-spread-your-legs-NOW-do-it-slowly!” Elbow.
It’s a little hared to get worked up over any of this, what with nobody caught trying to fuck something while wearing an animal suit, and all. Is there such a thing as “furry elbow?”
BillyClubb: Muslims sold us our slaves, without whom we could never have had our glorious Civil War and audioanimatronic Lincoln.
Chickensmack: Can you get it from masturbating?
*just asking*
BillyClubb: Jefferson shot up some muzzies.
a greeting of peace from Muslim communities in my country: Assalamu-alaikum.
Ronald Reagan just crapped his casket.
As the Holy Quran tells us,
CRAP!!! He is a freakin’ Jihadi.
I should stop sexting with my elbows, I guess.
SKS: …has not swayed the opinion of anybody outside of their sad little fold…
hahahahaha
what a mean little dig, Sara … well done!
Serolf Divad: That’s nothing. I have it on good authority that Larry Johnson is going to release copies of the “gringo tape” the day the confirmation hearings begin.
by the way, if any of you haven’t listened to the speech yet, go listen to it:
link
BillyClubb:
A history of being in America’s crosshairs since the Barbary Pirates War. NEVER forget!
BillyClubb: Well did he mean the stolen ones we put in our tobacco fields or the pirate ones we fought at Tripoli?
Un-American George Washington who didn’t respect our founding fathers signed the paper saying we weren’t Christian because of those pirate Muslims.
magic titty: According to Australians, that’s a great defense against prostate cancer. Ironic, since you’d think that would lead to a repetitive motion injury.
Since you asked the question, I wonder what the overall health payoff would be for phone sex. Reduce chances of prostate cancer, increased risk of elbow problems.
magic titty:
Yes. Don’t ask how I know that.
Terry: Another way of looking at the question:
Has anyone done a head count lately of how many straight.ballot voting Republicans there are left?
x111e7thst: When I clicked on Hannity last night he was in the midst of saying Barry has ruined America by declaring this is a Muslin country. Or something like that. And nobody on the show even raised an eyebrow, let alone challenge their favorite teevee fatso.
donner_froh: that would have made sense if I got the
strikethroughtag right.Smeared against the wall like a fat housefly= image of the day.
ella: To be fair to the panelists, elle, would you pay all that much attention to Sean Hannity? They were probably sexting their teenage furry friends.
Sigh. I love my president, even if he is a teleprompter-reading muslin socialist.
Still not shopping at Wal-Mart, no matter how many low-paying, no-benefits, part-time jobs that union-crushing behemoth creates. So there.
We are all Wal Mart customers now. Oh, wait…
Serolf Divad: That little gem will help them with that shrinking base of 15% of ossified old farts. It’s like I have told my kids–they could become gazillionaires in no time by opening up a good TexMex restaurant in Anytown, Germany, because almost all Germans now realize that Kraut food is basically awful. Vive la differance! and pass the aloo posto.
OT but for me the news of the day was the death of Koko Taylor. RIP darling!
I was diagnosed with Cubital Tunnel last year and after a few months of pointless treatment I became convinced that the phrase “Cubital Tunnel” is just Specialist/Insurance Company code for “two boat payments, please”.
A new poll also showed that the Republican leadership acts like spoiled 7-year-olds who need some time in their room with no X-Box. I mean it, mister!
Red Zeppelin: For a second there I thought Rip Taylor had died.
Min: I’d rather hunt rats in the NYC sewers than work at Walmart. It would smell better, that’s for damn sure.
If you are gettin Cubital Tunnel, it is time to put the fucking phone down and do something. Like exercising. Or dressing in a fursuit, voting Republican, and propositioning children, for freedom.
Speaking of health care (NSFW):
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE5530Y020090604
Holy mother of Allah, do people really enjoy holding an awkwardly-sized communications device to their ear? Buy a damn bluetooth earpiece already. They’re cheap-ish, convenient and keep you from crashing your white trash mobile during your 367th unnecessary phone call of the day.
Chickensmack: No kidding, masturbation as therapy for continued prostate health?
Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.
Let’s see, five times the inverse of one third times 8 times a day, times seven days in a week, that makes … well, a statistically healthy prostate, anyway!
Um, Doc? I’m going to need a note…
I’m down with being forced to buy my own health insurance as long as we use the New York bond traders’ definition of poverty, i.e. your income is sub-standard if you can’t afford to send your children to Brearley or Dalton.