Wonkette
It’s a special edition of Wonkette Weather Service! See that neon blood red Hell Dot over Washington, DC? No, you don’t, because you’ve already died in the 700-mph-wind hail storm! Why is Barack Obama doing this to us? [SERIOUSLY THERE ARE THREE EXTREME-WEATHER WARNINGS]
I was about to head out of the house, but decided to wait until the storm died down. Shortly thereafter giant buckets of water and hail started to fall.
I blame the gays.
Evil overlords just can’t resist screwing around with the weather.
Notice the calm over Dick Cheney’s place in Mclean.
Cicada: goddamn hell storm blew in my window, the fuck is that about?
This is actually a map plot of panda furry enthusiasts. Notice the Shenandoah Valley.
…insert, obvious Cobra “Weather Dominator®” joke here: ____________
Jim Newell: Actually blew in, with shattered glass and all? I gotta go with memzilla, this has to be because of the furries.
Gays, you’re off the hook…for now.
…is that the hurricane Katrina fetus I see in the clouds?!
AngryBlakGuy: AngryBlakGuy: You live!
Seems to have skipped gaily right around where I live in Maryland … almost as though it had somewhere else it HAD TO BE.
Run, Newell! Run! No, wait. Tunnel, Newell! Tunnel!
AngryBlakGuy: Yeah, where do you think you’ve been? What do you have some sort of “life”? Don’t you know you belong to the comments of this blog! Things have happened here!
May every airplane in that mess keep its circuits long.
It’s the Gathering Storm, because according to that Outrage flick, you’re all gay out there. NOM tried to warn you, you heathens.
Well — North Korea’s been warned…
Also, it’s raining in Los Angeles in June. In case you didn’t know, It Never Rains in Southern California.
AngryBlakGuy: THE GUY WHO LIVED.
Mr. Newell and Ms Layne, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn’t hold with such nonsense.
AngryBlakGuy: We’ve missed you ABG. You been living under a hwy overpass in FL?
I swear I was just reading a post about a Collin County, TX woman sending out a racist email. Now it’s gone & you’re talking about the weather–did I enter the twilight zone? And, no, I HAVE NOT been drinking…yet.
AngryBlakGuy: We had taken up a collection to help you with that bank problem, but since you weren’t around to collect it, Jim blew all the funds on new investments in TruckButz and TruckChucks (don’t ask me, but he thinks they will make him a mint).
Hmmm. Apparently contented (and self-absorbed, and unfunny, and etc.) white woman (with canine inclinations) gets publicly executed on 6/2/2009. Long missing (and missed) Mad Male Moor reappears on 6/3/2009. Get the truthers on this one, folks. Well, after a round of embarrassing abrazos for the prodigal.
Ugh — and now the real suffering begins — my local news is pre-empting Jeopardy to regale me with a block-by-fucking-block account of the storm’s progress. Bastards.
SayItWithWookies: “Answer: What is the most annoying part of local news?”
Jim Newell: …I finally got a job! Yeah I know, I know, “AngryBlakGuy” & “Working” is an oxymoron but I gotta by the booze some how!!!
NoWireHangers: …hehehe, I need to get one of those new-fangled smart phones! By the way, does Wonkette have a I-Phone or Google APP yet?!
Blown out window? I mean, I feel for you, but come visit Tornado Alley some time. You’d be stunned by the fact that three-toothed meth trailer denizens can speak knowledgably and at length about “hook echos”, “shear signatures” and “wall cloud structure.”
Texan Bulldoggette: …nah, not an overpass! More like the burned frame of 87 Ford Escort tucked away behind a warehouse. But it has wi-fi now, so its not too bad!!!
WIDTAP: …that is truly touching! I wonder how many sofa cushions you guys had to scrounge through?
Texan Bulldoggette: They actually deigned to broadcast Double Jeopardy. But the really annoying thing is that it could be raining hot rivets and blood, and right at 8:00 they’ll cut off their weather interruption to broadcast the network shows. So it’s not like they’re actually concerned about our well-being if it cuts into the real revenue.
Please update on any Biblical plagues. Thanx!
Cicada: Sorry, but blaming the gays is not appropriate this time.
This week of rain and violent thunderstorms is all my wife’s fault: she power-washed our deck, started to paint it on Monday, and took off early each day since to finish the job.
It starts raining here in Delaware every day at 3 PM, and we predict that this weather will continue until Senator Franken is sworn in.
AngryBlakGuy: Hey, congrats on the gig. Maybe things are picking up — Kev-O-Tron got a job, my friend who got laid off in February started a job this week, and you too. Personally, I credit the Bush tax cuts.
user-of-owls: No kidding. If Newell was a real man, he’d grab his video-cam, jump in his SUV and film the heck out of the storm. If he’s lucky, the pictures will be broadcast on the local news station and he’ll get his name on the screen.
SayItWithWookies: Are they telemarketers? ’cause I have noticed an uptick in the number of calls I get about my car waranty expiring.
LToons: No — pirates.
SayItWithWookies: …I thought it was the protracted, budgetary black-hole in Iraq that was dragging our economy kicking and screaming from precipice of the NObama economic apocalypse!!! I mean isn’t that what got us out of the Great Depression? Or was it the fact that all the other industrialized nations were essentially smoldering piles of rubble? I always seem to confuse those two!
Don’t worry it’s just God breaking wind over the US. Nothing to see here folks.
Blame it on either (1) Barry speaking Mooslim to the Saudis or (2) Reagan’s statue being unveiled in Statuary Hall. God’s pissed one way or the other.
Pussies, you think this is bad? Wait till the gay storm arrives! NOM said so!
Hello people, and welcome to climate chaos. You think this is bad? Check out http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090604/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/brazil_plane
Now this is going to hurt.
I hope everyone is safe, also.
Witsendnj: A link to a tragic accident in the news. You really know how to keep the laughs coming, don’t you?
AngryBlakGuy: It was actually privatizing Social Security that saved us all.
Brendan M.: uh, visit my blog, it’s hysterical!
witsendnj.blogspot.com
ha ha!
Best summary in the archives titled “Effects of Climate Chaos”.
But there’s lots of fun elsewhere!
Everyone in New York TOLD you Washingtonians not to get So-So angry. And now, thanks to Miss Lindsey, she’s spittin’ hail balls. Call in the FEMA trailers.
Witsendnj:
Where is banhammer?
Can’t be related to climate change, because everyone knows that’s not happening.
Oh my god that was a ridiculous thunderstorm yesterday. It would have been more comfortable if I was naked running down 13th street rather than in my office clothes.