Wonkette
Can you imagine America without its favorite dingbat congresslady, baby-farming conservative icon Michele Bachmann? Would we be able to laugh, ever again? Well get ready for eternal sorrow, because some attorney in her district is maybe planning to challenge Bachmann in the GOP primary next year! His name is Chris Johnston, and he is the kind of Islamic Terrorist who would dare to question the intellectual integrity and public record of the only Real American congresslady in all of Washington and/or Minnesota!
Here’s what Johnston says about Our Lady of Eternal Insanity on his blog, called “Beat Bachmann,” which is anti-American to even think about, while masturbating:
Yes, that Michelle Bachmann — the hiding in the bushes during a gay rally, the “anti-American” hurling, malaprop spouting, they took me out of context, Congress woman.
Mrs. Bachmann and I do share some strong conservative beliefs but it has become painfully aware that the people of the 6th District deserve to be represented by someone who thinks before they speak and will work hard to effectively represent every citizen of the district.
Chris Johnston already has both of the things necessary to be in a Republican leadership position — a free Blogspot account and a free Twitter account — so we are expecting him to go far.
Woodbury attorney may challenge Bachmann for GOP primary [Minnesota Independent]
We will miss Michele, but hopefully Palin will choose her as VP and we can all rest easy knowing that the unborn are safe from the gay abortionist commies.
O come on, you think a “common sense conservative” will beat her? That’s like a black guy running .. nvm.
Palin/Bachmann 2012!
(1) I thought that all common sense conservatives died in that logic epidemic back in 1978.
(2) “Ms. Bachmann and I share the same strong conservative beliefs. Whereas hers is explained by head trauma associated with self-destructively head-butting office furniture for decades, mine can be traced to a three-day peyote and hashish bender with Syd Barrett back in ‘82. No, not that Syd Barrett, the wastoid Syd Barrett who used to huff gasoline and ice-fish back in Shitsville, Minnesota.”
Obviously, this guy’s a socialist.
Until I see him on O’Reilly, dressed up in a wolf costume, squirting his load onto the back of a 14 year old boy, all while going on and on about how the Catholics are the Devil, I won’t take him a a serious Republican candidate.
Who will stick their tongue down W’s throat?
Who will stick up for Real (Insane) US America?
Who will teabag for Fizkal Conservahtizm?
No one! Only Mish. Say no to Bachmann District Overthrow!
How can we tell if Chris Johnson is really a Republican if we have no pix? FAIL.
Johnston, does he have Palin baby cred?
“common sense conservative attorney” That’s a phrase chock full of non-sequiters, oxy morons, and malapropisms.
P.S. I HAVE QUESTIONS FOR BILL AYERS AND A DESIRE TO READ NAVY SEAL FAN-FIC.
“Seems to me that what is in the best interest of the party is to have the best candidate on the ballot in November,” he wrote.
I think it’s clear from this statement that he’s entirely too rational to win a Republican primary. Which means more Bachmann for us!
Sorry, Minnesota.
“It has come painfully aware” that someone needs a copy editor, STAT.
Nice try Mr. “Johnston” (if that is your real name). My heart belongs to Elwin Tinklenberg.
Bachmann’s going to hire the panda/teenboy sex guy as her campaign manager, and together they shall crush this puny common-sense guy. It’s fucking MINNESOTA, ya morans.
Hell, just when we get the “entertainment value” and “work done” in politics ratio just about right….
Anybody know what he means about her hiding in the bushes during a gay rally? What’s that all about?
With Pawlenty not running for governor Michele should consider running. She could create a shining uber-Christian state.
“Mrs. Bachmann and I do share some strong conservative beliefs but it has become painfully aware that the people of the 6th District deserve to be represented by someone who thinks before they speak and will work hard to effectively represent every citizen of the district.”
What is the “it” that has become painfully aware? And does “it” prefer scritching or petting?
the guy has to be a RINO commie pinko traitor liberal socialist fascist. atheist too, no doubt. no friend to all that is good and just and right. Michelle, you can count on Wonkette.
…it has become painfully aware that the people of the 6th District deserve to be represented by someone who thinks before they speak and will work hard to effectively represent every citizen of the district…
Hmmm, well I think the people of the 6th District deserve to be sterilized if they voted (and re-elected) good ol’ Congresswoman Crazy Eyes.
If only Michele had had her investigation into who really loves America and who doesn’t, this crypto-socialist wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing RINO would never have reared his head. But Michele might still be able to beat him — she’s on Glenn Beck all the time, and he could fire up the fake tears for her.
Common sense?! Is he a secret socialist?
This “commonsense” guy sounds too self-aware to be an effective politician. A few years of whoring on the Hill and he’ll be a suicide or a case of madness. Better to have someone like Bachmann, who’s face tells me she’s been partially lobotomized, or just your standard-fare sociopath.
Didn’t MN get banned?
“Mrs. Bachmann and I do share some strong conservative beliefs but it has become painfully aware that the people of the 6th District deserve to be represented by someone who thinks before they speak and will work hard to effectively represent every citizen of the district.”
What is the “it” that has become painfully aware? Is “it” a true conservative? And does “it” prefer scritching or petting?
If Bachmann loses, maybe Obama can go all bipartisan and name her U.S. Ambassador to Burkina Faso.
What does a hosted WordPress site cost? $10 a month?
Please, Mr. Johnston, don’t take my crazy away from me.
When Mr. Johnson says he’s conservative, what exactly does he mean?
Does he mean he’s a karate chopping black ladies conservative?
Is he a diaper wearing prostitute loving conservative?
Is he a wide-stance conservative?
Is he a “I’ll give you $20 to blow you scary black man.” in the bathroom conservative?
Is he a bear costume wearing NAMBLA conservative?
These are questions that must be answered.
“Yes, that Michelle Bachmann — the hiding in the bushes during a gay rally, the “anti-American” hurling, malaprop spouting, they took me out of context, Congress woman.”
It’s good that he qualifies the criticism by saying it’s about Bachmann because otherwise we wouldn’t know which Republican politician he’s referring to.
Shit, double-posted.
Ah, well. A double dose of the crazy. That’s our Michelle Batshitmom.
First “empathy” and now “common sense” have become liberal fascist socialist commie pinko terrorist fist-bumping words. Where will it all end?!
It has become aware . . . clearly this guy has hive mind.
Give me hiding, hurling and spouting, or give me death!
where can we send $$$ for dear old michelle’s campaign? america needs some comedy during this “economic downturn”.
Michele will just have to somehow get this guy to spend his wad, maybe by throwing some sort of orgy. But, in the end, she will surely end up on top of this guy.
http://wonkette.com/408314/bachmann-the-government-has-blown-its-load-all-over-us
If she’s voted out of office, she’ll probably just get a show on Fox. Get ready for “Bach!”
He lives in Woodbury (snicker) which so white and so suburban that Velveeta on Wonderbread is considered ethnic food there.
Relax, little lizard boys and lizard girls. It’s all a ruse to get material for the next comic book. Our heroine will prevail.
“Bachman in Bushes” would be a great time for an all lesbian punk metal band. Dibs.
Seriously, I never heard about the bush story.
Anarchitect:
DONE!
Chris Johnson would NEVAR hide in the bushes during a gay rally. He’d be right in there in the middle of them all! Oh, waitaminnit…
June 3, 2009—the day Wonkette ruined masturbation forever by associating it with thoughts of Michelle Bachmann.
Uh oh. Time for Obama to start thinking of some important country to send this guy to, on an important mission of importance.
Blender: Forget it Chris. It’s Minnesota.
I think there is a FEMA camp bunk with his name on it.
Oh Michele, I love you so much. Say ‘flying imams’ again. Yes, right into the microphone.
If she loses you know her next stop is to go on some fox news show and become Hannity’s or any other loser show there and become the house lap hellhound/pole dancer
Bachmann losing the primary would just be more comedy. She would completely do a “Coleman” and refuse to admit that she lost, would keep showing up on the Hill and would still do her lonely rants for the CSAPN camera. Promise!
beautiful alt text btw
First they came for Kitty Harris, and I said nothing….
Monsieur Grumpe: Hey man, cracker IS an ethnicity.
Johnson attended the Paul Mitchell School of Law and Hair Design:
http://johnsonandturner.com/index.php?contentID=675
If he does decided to oppose Michele “Bats” Bachmann, it will be the Brush vs. the Muff.
Johnston, does he have Palin baby cred?GDTRFB:” Wonkette ruined masturbation ” I havent even been doing this long, … but it was immediately ruined a loooong time ago. Except for Meghan.
the problem child:
There’s a typo…
“Mrs. Bachmann and I do share some strong conservative beliefs but It has become painfully aware that the people of the 6th District deserve to be represented by someone who thinks before they speak and will work hard to effectively represent every citizen of the district.”
Mr. Johnson is from the Pennywise, “They all float down here, Georgie”™ wing of the Republican party.
It says he’s ‘planning’ or ‘mulling’ (not to be confused with ‘muling’) a run, not that he will. My prediction is he won’t want to dip into that well of crazy.
Jacobsbladder: it becomes painfully aware, or else it gets the hose again?
Re Michele Bachmann hiding in the bushes…she did that while spying on a gay rights rally at the state capital, back when she was a state rep.
http://www.minnpost.com/bloisolson/2008/10/21/3976/michele_bachmanns_memorable_moments
Chris Johnston: In the bag for Big Flourescent.
Am I the only one that thinks Bachmann is going to take this as a challenge to turn the crazy way up?
Common sense conservative? What does that mean?
I will send money to keep her in office.
I have a picture in my mind of her naked, talk about “bushes.”
Bill O’Reilly just needs to warn Chris Johnston of “judgment day,” compare him to al-Qaeda and NAMBLA, and declare that someone “needs to stop him” and all of Michele Bachmann’s/Wonkette writers’ problems will work themselves out.
If Johnston keeps making sense, the wingnuts will write him off as another Arlen. He’s already eroded his Minnesota cred by having a “t” in his name, an Anglo arrow to the heart of every Scan-American. (Plus, it’s tough to campaign as “the rational one” — it allows your opponent unlimited forgiveable mistakes, but you none.)
I love that photo of Bachwoman so much. It reminds me of my crazy sister-in-law who used to do coke and crack. Maybe it’s the post-crack haze eyes.
Sounds like a Colin Powell Republican, so he might as well call Rush right now, apologize and concede the elxn.
Spying on gay rights rallies is the job of any good republican whip.
Why does common sense hate America?
Well, he’s as inarticulate and evasive as Bachman. Perhaps he’s as crazy as her too. Has anyone seen him slipping Cheney some tongue?
No worries Wonkette. The crazy will continue. This dude is from Woodbury, which is like Minneapolis to the rest of the 6th district.
President Beeblebrox: There’s a VP at my job who’s hair is styled just like Bachmann’s in the pic. She’s not crazy, but she is bitchy and loud…coincidence?
FormerDCite: well played sir.
lawrenceofthedesert: Worse than the “t” in his own name (Scottish, not Anglo, but definitely not Norwegian), he spells her first name as the standard “Michelle,” not the one-l version Bachmann’s parents chose. rocktonsammy: how do you know she doesn’t shave? I know why she spied on the gay pride rally: her husband was missing and needed to pick out her next pantsuit.
Hart88: Funny, I was just thinking how sane, calm and mature Kitty Harris now seems by comparison.
Every family has their wacko relative, the GOP seems to be blessed with a herd.
For some reason Michelle Bachmann does not make my blood boil like Cheney or even that loony Jim Bunning in Kentucky. The GOP certainly has its share of nut jobs.
Our little Michelle is in a class all of her own, the poor girl was blessed with a mouth much bigger than her brain and the amazing thing is she does not care. I guess even the ignorant and stupid deserve to be represented in the Congress and Michelle fills those shoes well.
I would be Sarah Palin will not be happy if Michelle is not around, she make Palin look just dumb, a notch up from Bachmann