Wonkette
Meet our new Washington Society Gossip, Intern Riley! DC will sparkle like never before!
Nutty congresslady VIRGINIA FOXX (R-NC) says Matthew Shepard’s murder was a “hoax,” and then she said “tar baby” on the House floor, and now her staff is broadcasting its drunken office parties “on taxpayer time.” Thanks for the laughs, Virginia ….
PATTI BLAGOJEVICH shines so brightly on the hit reality show, I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! The ditzy guttermouth and former first lady of Illinois is thrilling fans by eating tarantulas and nearly drowning in some Costa Rican jungle river. By the way: when enjoying tarantula, Patti, it’s customary to peel it with a knife first, then cut it into small parcels, which should be eaten whole. Of course, in the more fashionable parts of Washington, tarantulas are served halved like grapefruit and then savored with a spoon ….
At media-whore Richard Wolffe’s book party, Barack Obama’s speechwriter JON FAVREAU was seen prancing around with actress Rashida Jones, who is quite a catch and definitely bangable. This isn’t the first time the two have been caught making eye contact and we suspect it’s only a matter of time before Favreau’s relationship status on Facebook confirms our well-grounded suspicions ….
CIA party-pooper NANCY PELOSI refused to donate one of her fancy Armani pantsuits to the Sixth Annual Capitol PurSuit Drive because they all look great on her and it doesn’t matter if poor people wear Armani, they’re still poor so what’s the point? Instead, Pelosi showed up to the Tuesday event and lectured everyone on the power of giving ….
MATTHEW YGLESIAS’ father writes 1 (one) book every decade — making him the Daniel Day-Lewis of literature — and he just came out with a brand new novel so: Great Scott! Yglesias The Elder’s new paperback is called A Happy Marriage, and it got rave reviews from everyone you know, including the Wall Street Journal, which called the novel “simply beguiling.” Be proud of your dad, Matt! We sure are.
Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com
Eating a tarantula? Possibly it reminded her of Blago’s hair.
Rashida is so hot.
Wagg the Bog? Not while someone’s in it, I hope.
american mutt: And it goes without saying, but needs to be said anyways: I’d hit it.
Wag the Blog…
Hmmmmm…add some John Lennon specs & Riley would look just like John Oliver (The Daily Show). Wonder if he has that natty little accent?
Mmmmm. Virginia Foxx is one sexy mamacita!
I thought in Washington, tarantulas are given small offices in the Capitol Building.
Texan Bulldoggette: I was thinking Screech.
Texan Bulldoggette: Considering his earlier use of “maths”, that may be likely.
Or a junior WC Fields…
A fellow North Carolinian said to me that Virginia Foxx is like “your redneck granny you were scared of when you were little.”
I kind of like the casual, unselfconscious use of the term “bangable.”
Texan Bulldoggette: Or give him a monocle and, presto!, the Monopoly plutocrat as a young man.
Still, we ought to give the wee piker a sporting chance. Wagg on, son.
Rashida Jones!? Oh, the humanity! What will Hillary’s cut-out do now?
Texan Bulldoggette: He does not, but he does wear a Dangerous Liaisons wig.
(Please don’t banhammer me!)
Colander: Now, see, that’s the difference between you and me. That made me cringe, and I read Wonkette.
Whoever came up with that title deserves the Medal of Freedom.
Oh, and Patti Blagojevich has nice legs. There, I said it.
It was worth watching an episode of that show just to see Heidi and Spencer, since I’ve never seen The Hills. All I can say is it’s a good thing they’re both rich, because functionally retarded people without money don’t tend to do well in society.
Not being as hip as you kids, I had to look up Rashida Jones on the Googles. Without a doubt she should be offered the role as Bristol Palin when “Grifters II: The Alaskan Years” gets made.
ALIVE!: I’m assuming he (she? it?) is being post-post ironic, so I might be wrong.
Wonketeer Dictionary:
bangable.
Definition:Rumored to have lady parts
The continued evisceration of Mullins is hysterical/pitiable. Anybody else read the 6 comments, none of which pertain to the actual post? Not even mention from the bogwagger?
A bit of trivia re: “Crazy Granny” Foxx from an unwilling constituent in Winston Salem. You know who she had to beat in a primary runoff before the general? Vernon Robinson. Sound familiar? He’s this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaSQ-LNp9Nk And black. Also.
Weiner? Waggaman?
Next you tell me Wonkette will be changing its name to Wonkenstein.
Vernon Robinson once called Foxx a “radical feminist” on a local radio spot during the primary. Likened her to Hillary. This guy runs so far to the right, it’s actually considered clockwise.
SayItWithWookies: I’m with you on Patti’s legs, though I pant for the whole package, myself. Slutty look, potty-mouthed, rockin’ bod; what’s not to like?
The hat still creeps me out, Waggaman, but the quality of your slowly-growing body of work cannot be argued with, so I’ll leave my prejudices out of it. For now.
Vernon Robinson is so rich with irony; he’s the gift that keeps on giving. He longs for the fifties and (early) sixties, when his people had to drink at different fountains, eat at different counters, and got minimal speaking parts on Mad Men.
dijetlo: Since I don’t want to suffer the hammer, someone please advise me of the appropriate three letter term for “I enjoyed your comment, and found it quite amusing.”
There’s something wrong with that top hat dude’s face. If this is going to be a daily thing, can we have a picture of Rashida Jones instead?
Now this is good shite! What’s the dirt on Reggie Love, Riley?
queeraselvis v 2.0: Damn - a little warning is in order here! I may need laser surgery to reshape my peepers after that!
Waggaman has shades of teh facebook boy wonder.
Cinderella Boy: Yes, and I had to go and find the piece that caused the controversy, which has since been edited. It was a link to a Playboy “Ten women we love to hate” article, which I’m guessing by the comments had a misogynistic tone to it. Anyway, I’ll check it out further when I get home.
hobospacejunkie: I can’t get past the married-to-Rod thing, first of all. And being on that show. And being mildly pathetic. Still nice to look at — just obviously trouble.
Virginia Foxx represents those Blackwater Mercenaries aka “Xe!” in Nawth Carol-iiiii-na. She had a lot of campaign cash to lose when the Republicans lost the White House, so she probably urged her staffers to just get their drink on and have fun before she looses her congressional seat, and her ass.
Man, someone needs to castrate that beyotch so she can walk without chaffing her girl parts…
looses = loses
damn typos!
catsquatch: She’s pretty hot, but Riley’s EPIC FAIL on a link to her photo-graphs suggests that his probationary period at our Wonkette should last a bit longer. Another week of making coffee and copies should fix this.
Blackwater is in eastern NC; Foxx’s district is northwest. But swap in “RJ Reynolds” and the mercenary thing still applies. Also.
SayItWithWookies: Yeah, the pitchforks are out! Did you see all those comments on the original post now removed? Wow. I’m sorry I missed the piece.
Am I the only one who didn’t know “hate f***ing” automatically equaled “rape”? I honestly have no complaint when my girlfriend does it to me.
GaySailor: I read it as “loosens”. Either way works.
Cinderella Boy: when a guy does it, it’s rape. When a girl does it, it’s empowering. This is true of everything; cf: jezebel.com
Can anybody spare me the google search and give me the code to make everybody’s handle all nifty and linky? Me html leotarded.
The republican party really needs to consider starting an awards show. “And the nominees for the Michele Bachman batshit crazy comment of the year are”….”The nominees for the Glenn Beck paranoid crazy comment of the year are”…Are you listening MC Steele? Cause I’m smelling ratings gold.
american mutt: I didn’t know who she was. I was irrationally hoping that with a name like Rashida, our boy had jungle fever.
Cinderella Boy: On the line with your avatar, handle and the timestamp there should be a thing that says “Reply.” Click on that to do the reply thing.
I haven’t even looked up the Playboy piece yet. Hatefucking = rape? I’m sorry, but I thought it had nothing to do with rape — rather mutual attraction plus mutual despisement in some other way. Like how I now feel about checking out this Playboy article.
SayItWithWookies: Oh — and when I said “click on the reply thing” — I meant of the post you want to reply to. Just realized that was sorta critical missing information.
Cinderella Boy: The Mullins comment mystified old, tired me but the right/clockwise comment was good. Probably stolen from someone else, but we’re even because I’m going to steal from you.
Cinderella Boy: You new around here? Because you’re pretty brazen about commenting more than once or twice. Warning, watch the hammer o’ban. I narrowly missed it. Sounds like you’re a native to NC and a specialist on hillbilly crazy, the way I’m in the know about redneck crazy. And if you are in NC, then fuck you for having a state where elitists are taking over so you guys can elect Webb, Warner and O’Bama, while I’m stuck with Inhofe, Coburn and the only state so totally banana-up-their-ass crazy that here–and only here- did every single fucking stupid redneck county vote for Walnuts.
And if Cinderella Boy is a newbie, how come no one’s said, “You fucking c***” to him like they did to me the first time I said something–about the Palins, yet. Have we dispensed with the wonkette newbie hazing in young Riley’s interest?
Skwerl Nutz: Add some checkered Vans, Panama Jack, and little zinc oxide…Jeff Spicoli.
People on ‘ludes should not blog!
This is certainly more exciting than many of the things they have interns do. Keep up the good effort fancy lad!
problemwithcaring: She’s a half-breed Muslin like Obama (her father is the Quincy Jones), and I totally would have picked her over Pam (no offense to Pam).
DustBowlBlues: Webb and Warner represent Virginia. North Carolina just elected a new Democratic US Senator, Kay Hagan (who hates god) and governor, Bev Perdue. So not only is North Carolina no longer part of Real America, but they elected two women, which makes them gay.
Don’t be hating on the Foxx! Naughty congresswomen need love too -
problemwithcaring: He may. Rashida, who played Karen, Jim’s alternate love interest on “The Office”, is the mixed-race bloody damn gorgeous daughter of famous trumpeter and composer Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton (yeah, the hot blonde girl from the Mod Squad).
Wow. I just reread this. Somebody watches way too much TV.
Well it’s ABOUT TIME we started in on Patty Blaggy! And it took an intern to do it. Wonkette has been very sexist and racist by not focusing on her antics in favor of her hirsute husaband. Sad that she had to appear on a reality show to get your attention.
mollymcguire: Heh!
Brendan M.: “So not only is North Carolina no longer part of Real America, but they elected two women, which makes them gay.”
Sorry about the mistake on states, but I majored in English history not American, so my understanding of the deep south is limited for the most part to what I read on wonkette. The Okla. City public school system caused me a fail, once again.
And fuck NC for having Kay Hagen. I saw her “false witness” response to Libby Dole’s ad and thought, “if a bunch of crackers have the brains to elect the commie lesbian over that fat fuck, I’m going to be so pissed.”
And BAM! Before you know it, here I am, still stuck with Inhofe and Dr. Strangelove and even NC did the rational thing in an election. Thank goodness there is the absofuckinglutely crazy lady in the young Riley’s piece to prove NC isn’t totally better than we are. If she were in Oklahoma, Chesapeake energy would be financing ads for the teevees and radios with her tar baby quote. Ditto the one about Matthew Shepherd. ‘Cept they wouldn’t know who he was so he’d be identified as a homo who came on to a couple of red blooded American youth in a bar.
And the beer drinking announcement? Meh. As soon as that staffer finds Jesus, they’ll be cool with it. Just don’t try that shit if you’re a Democrat from the south. The end.
SayItWithWookies: Thanks Wookie. The “reply” function didn’t show up here at work (because I wasn’t logged in at first) so I had no clue what you were talking about. Now I am 10% smarter, and grateful.
Do not wish to run afoul of the WonkLaw and get banned - more than 2 comments will get that done? Or is it just the rapid fire succession? (I’m trying to at least say something interesting each time.) I can make one big long one if that’s preferred.
DustBowlBlues: Thanks for the right/clockwise love. I’m claiming it as original simply because my stone-addled brain can’t recall where to give attribution. But everybody steals everything, so by all means help yourself. I kinda liked it too. (until the bottom of the hour, when I guess the hands start running left again. So I guess the comparison is limited.)
DustBowlBlues: Somebody did call me a “trollop” recently; does that count?
Born and raised in Augusta GA; moved to Winston Salem NC as an adult. My Redneck Crazy bona fides are simply unassailable.
The only thing I know about Oklahoma is that my relatives in Dallas all talk mad smack about the entire state. (kind of like Southerners do for SC, AL and MS)
Cinderella Boy: I think you get unlimited strikes if you consistently bring the funny up to bat. (Hint: talking about your rescue horses/dogs/goats/sheep: Not funny. Buttsecks: funny)
And to mollify Dusty up there: STFU YOU STUPID C*NT! There, you’ve survived the hazing; that makes you one of us now.
Will his next installment be called Fan the Fen? Had I realized this was turning into a wetlands blog I would have worn my galoshes