A Children’s Treasury Of Comically Predictable Wacky Joe Biden Campaign Stories From Some New Book

by Jim Newell

Too longSprightly silver-painted ex-Newsweek hobbit Richard Wolffe, who is also on the teevee sometimes, talking about politics, has released a new book titled Renegade: The Making of a President. It is supposedly a well-reported account of Life with Obama during the 2008 election, and it’s in bookstores today, so be sure to… not buy it and just spend a few minutes googling around for the key “cocktail party conversation” excerpts! Here’s one: Obama called Bill Clinton a liar! More: Barack and Michelle Obama basically hated each other until recently! MORE: Obama had wanted Hillary for Secretary of State for like 500 years! Thank you for the edifying pornography, Richard Wolffe! Meh. BUT WAIT… What hilarious things did Joe Biden do all the time?

He would run around banging on John McCain’s door. He would literally bang on the door and shout, “JOHN MCCAIN.”

But a new book by writer Richard Wolffe describes a scene in which Biden tried to confront McCain about a story involving Biden’s daughter.

“Biden was offended about a story pushed by conservative operatives about his daughter getting into trouble with the police,” Wolffe writes in the book, “Renegade.”

Wolffe, who covered the presidential campaign for Newsweek and now works as a political analyst for MSNBC, doesn’t explain what the “trouble” was. But Ashley Biden was charged in 2002 with obstructing an officer during an incident outside a Chicago nightclub. The charge was dropped after she apologized.

Biden brushed aside his staff’s suggestion that he release a statement, according to Wolffe.

Instead, Biden said, “Hell, no. I’m going to call John myself,” Wolffe wrote in the book, which will be released today.

When McCain refused to take his call, Biden was even more annoyed. He tried again when the candidates were in New York on the anniversary of 9/11, preparing for a forum on public service.

“McCain’s aides said he could not be disturbed, but that did not inhibit Joe Biden,” Wolffe wrote. “He walked up to McCain’s door and thumped on it. ‘John McCain,’ he shouted. ‘It’s Joe Biden. The next time I phone you, take the damn call.’ ”

Ha ha, fuck you WALNUTS!

Now what’s going on here:

Wolffe described Obama as “distracted” by Biden’s “indiscipline” during the transition. He quotes a senior Obama aide saying, “He can’t keep his mouth shut.”

Wolffe also describes an instance during the transition in which Biden tried to compliment Valerie Jarrett, a senior presidential adviser, by saying she should be in the Senate. The idea apparently once interested Jarrett, but Obama wanted her in the White House.

“It’s not funny,” Obama told Biden later, according to the book.

…So Obama cockblocked Joe Biden?

New book reveals Biden’s behind-the-scenes campaign moments [Delaware Online]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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paintitblack June 2, 2009 at 6:27 pm

Walnuts! was probably sound asleep when Gaffey Joe was cold-callin’ & cold-knockin’ on his door and all. Also. You betcha, wink.

SayItWithWookies June 2, 2009 at 6:27 pm

So Wolffe nailed down the title before the election, huh?

OReillysVibrator June 2, 2009 at 6:27 pm

It’s funny how when Obama weight the pros and cons of Biden as VP, the pros as a smart experienced Washington insider probably just barely outweighed the con of him being an uncontrollably loudmouthed pain in the ass.

OzoneTom June 2, 2009 at 6:28 pm

“It’s Joe Biden. The next time I phone you, take the damn call” I love it, go get ‘em Lunchbox Joe!

Tommmcatt June 2, 2009 at 6:29 pm

What, no drunk-dialing Alan Keyes and calling him a pussy? I’m a bit let down…

hockeymom June 2, 2009 at 6:30 pm

All of a sudden I have a vision of Biden in his jammies, ding dong ditching McCain on his dorm room floor….with a frustrated Obama in the role of the grumpy RA.

OzoneTom June 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm

[re=330233]SayItWithWookies[/re]: He wanted something that was more maverick-y than “Maverick”…

hobospacejunkie June 2, 2009 at 6:40 pm

[re=330235]OzoneTom[/re]: Hells yeah! Scappy Joe’s from Scranton where when a senator calls, especially about smears on his daughter, YOU TAKE THE GODDAMN CALL. I love Joe even more now. And Hopey? Pull the stick outta yer ass. Joe humanizes you, ya fuckin’ robot.

Fox n Fiends June 2, 2009 at 6:40 pm

what a blossom of turd this will be

hockeymom June 2, 2009 at 6:42 pm

[re=330245]hobospacejunkie[/re]: nobody cockblocks The Biden.

danadevin85 June 2, 2009 at 6:46 pm

yeah and about 50 percent of the book is made up

chascates June 2, 2009 at 6:50 pm

Joe should have punched POW Boy in his face goiter. Hell, Harry Truman threatened to punch the nose of the critic who dissed his daughter’s piano playing.

If these politicians want to prove how pro-2nd Amendment they are let them carry sidearms in Congress. It may not settle anything but it’ll sure make for self-regulated term limits.

One Yield Regular June 2, 2009 at 6:50 pm

“It’s Joe Biden. The next time I phone you, take the damn call.”

I’m going to start using this line in all my business communications.

NoWireHangers June 2, 2009 at 6:53 pm

This book sounds as juicy as Ann Coulter’s vagina. Joe Biden banged on a door? Was he shouting obscenities? Then WHO GIVES A FUCK?

slappypaddy June 2, 2009 at 6:56 pm

So I guess it’s no news that pissy gossipy bitches of all sexes are what passes in our decadence for insightful chroniclers. Yes, I’m a pot and that’s a kettle. Buttseks also.

cranky June 2, 2009 at 6:57 pm

[re=330248]danadevin85[/re]: he’s one of those who see machinations behind every cheese sandwich, but he’s not the sort to call it a pizza. so i guess the fact half is right, and the analysis half is a soap opera.

[yeah and about 50 percent of the book is made up]

doxastic June 2, 2009 at 6:58 pm

This reminds me of my favorite LBJ story. Johnson was a notorious arm-twister, and when the person on the other end of the phone would decline to do whatever was being asked, LBJ would fly into a rage, along the lines of: “This is not your neighbor asking for a goddamn cup of sugar, this is the goddamn president of the United States of America! When I ask you to do something, you do it for the goddamn country!” I like a little righteous indignation now and then.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 6:58 pm

Mother fucker. So now a guy who runs for the highest office in these here United States of America is a son-of-a-bitchin RENEGADE?? How is that one is labeled a renegade when one has artfully done everything within their power to win the hearts and minds of millions of ovines in order to hold a position of power? A renegade is fucking OUTLAW, Mr. Wolffe. Obama is not a renegade in any sense of the word. You, however, are a dick in every sense of the word.
Excuse me but it’s a thousand fucking degrees outside and my tits are dripping sweat.

Mahousu June 2, 2009 at 7:00 pm

I can totally see Biden telling Valerie Jarrett to run for the Senate and then mentioning, in an offhand way, “You know, baby, I’m the President of the Senate. And the Presidency has certain … perogatives …

On another note, yes, it’s true Barack and Michelle had problems a few years back, but funny thing – turns out she was just menstruating. True story.

Tommmcatt June 2, 2009 at 7:04 pm


How’s the hangover?

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 7:05 pm

[re=330247]hockeymom[/re]: Nobody pulls the plug on him either.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 7:06 pm

[re=330261]Tommmcatt[/re]: I haven’t had a hangover since I was 11 years old. Luckily, my 6th grade teacher just thought it was the flu.

x111e7thst June 2, 2009 at 7:07 pm

[re=330257]Custerwolf[/re]: You are back. And still bringing the incidental porn. Vetcetc would be so happy.

Dave J. June 2, 2009 at 7:11 pm

[re=330255]doxastic[/re]: My favorite LBJ story is how he’d make Senators and other VIPs come into the Oval Office bathroom while he was taking a shit, and he’d yell at them, and they’d get so flustered and panicky that they’d say anything to get out of there, and they’d end up agreeing to whatever he wanted. I haven’t tried that particular tactic, but I bet it would work the first few times. Talk about unconventional. I’m about to fuck this shit up, LBJ style…

chascates June 2, 2009 at 7:12 pm

[re=330263]Custerwolf[/re]: I hope this guy isn’t a neighbor of yours:

imissopus June 2, 2009 at 7:13 pm

How long before our editors have Walnuts! knocking on their doors, yelling something like “The next time I call you about your smears of my big-boned spoiled self-absorbed daughter, you goddamn well better answer, you stupid hippies, HENNNGGGGGH!” I’d invest in caller ID and maybe a couple of large Dobermans if I were you guys.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 7:13 pm

[re=330264]x111e7thst[/re]: Unfortunately, I have to run right back out again. The goddamned freezer up at work went tits up yesterday (in 90 degree weather) so I’ve been trying to snag as much of the chow as I can for my critters – TONS of food, I’m sticking it in neighbor’s freezers and I’m running out of storage – that’s after taking a huge haul to the food bank. Well – breaks over catch you later.

DoctorCulturae June 2, 2009 at 7:17 pm

Wolffe et al missed the interpretation of Biden. When he yelled John McCain he was suggesting he use the bathroom instead of Depends: i.e. john, McCain!

Sorry. My Conan homage for the evening. Guess I should flip my hair and giggle like Beavis now.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 7:19 pm

[re=330268]chascates[/re]: Jeezus. Sounds like he’s out of Monroe, right? That’s just down the road a piece. I’ll have to read the whole article when I get back. I’m telling you, those fuckers are out here all over in the backwoods, crapping you negative – they are EVERYWHERE – and they are stupider than last year’s batch of squirrel shit.

Crow T. Robot June 2, 2009 at 7:22 pm

…so, what yer saying is “tl dnr”?

wallythepug June 2, 2009 at 7:24 pm

It’s called Renegade because that was (and is) Hopey’s Secret Service name. Also.

JMP June 2, 2009 at 7:38 pm

[re=330257]Custerwolf[/re]: Nah, it’s called Renegade because Wolffe thinks Obama is dreamy, like that Lorenzo Lamas.

19kevin8 June 2, 2009 at 7:39 pm

[re=330257]Custerwolf[/re]: mmmm tit sweat… yummy.

Mahousu June 2, 2009 at 7:41 pm

[re=330258]Mahousu[/re]: Uh, yeah, it was Biden with the misprint on “prerogatives,” not me.

user-of-owls June 2, 2009 at 7:45 pm

Aww, shit. I spent the day in a nice little happy state thinking that “The-Wolf-Who-Should-Get-Her-Own-Fucking-Blog-Already-And-Stop-Tormenting-Us-With-Her-Insufferable-Introspection” had been banned. Anyone? Please? Been here since even before the yellow guy took over for a stint, have never (even in Tony the Tiger’s stint) been so tired of a miserable self-absorbed bloviator. Anyone in else in that column?

Texan Bulldoggette June 2, 2009 at 7:46 pm

Married couple sometimes hate each other. Yeah, & water is wet & the pope is Catholic. Add 2 kids to the mix & this country is lucky there aren’t a LOT more murder/suicides.

hockeymom June 2, 2009 at 7:49 pm

[re=330283]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I hear you sister. I often thank the baby jeebus there aren’t firearms laying about our hovel.

Texan Bulldoggette June 2, 2009 at 7:55 pm

[re=330282]user-of-owls[/re]: She does yap incessantly about her sex life/who she’d like to sleep with/who she used to sleep with/who she has yet to sleep with. (The theme gets a little tiresome when the original topic was Newt Gingrich).

She’s amusing enough. But she kind of jumped the shark with me when she showed everyone her boobs. Not sure what the point of that was…but, hey, all the Wonkette men seemed to like it so whatever.

cranky June 2, 2009 at 7:56 pm

[re=330282]user-of-owls[/re]: oh yay. now there will mountains of stupid, hateful shit to read/not-read.

is everyone having some kind of heat-induced crybaby fest? it’s been a couple of days of longing for yesteryear when wonkette was fun and great and banned people all the time and comments on a blog were never annoying.

everyone needs a fan and mint julep.

Texan Bulldoggette June 2, 2009 at 7:56 pm

[re=330284]hockeymom[/re]: Now we can go to the state park & just borrow one from a happy camper!

cranky June 2, 2009 at 7:57 pm

[re=330286]cranky[/re]: and you need a another “a” in there, missy.

Jukesgrrl June 2, 2009 at 8:02 pm

[re=330286]cranky[/re]: “everyone needs a fan and mint julep” And some of that-there DRY heat.

dementor June 2, 2009 at 8:06 pm

[re=330285]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I proposed to the Wonkette tips that a private booth be set up for those so inclined, which I’m not. Don’t want to spoil anyone’s fun, my own included.

19kevin8 June 2, 2009 at 8:08 pm

[re=330286]cranky[/re]: and tit sweat, everyone needs to take a tit sweat bath. ICED tit sweat.

cranky June 2, 2009 at 8:10 pm

[re=330290]Jukesgrrl[/re]: i hate to confess it, but that is what i have. it is 83 degrees, sunny, and about 30% humidity.

CivicHoliday June 2, 2009 at 8:11 pm

New Gallop Poll: most Americans agree that marriage + job (particularly political) aspirations = hardship

(I know you’re all stunned. Almost as stunned as when they told us black people don’t seem to care much for that Michael Steel fellow for some reason)

cranky June 2, 2009 at 8:13 pm

[re=330293]19kevin8[/re]: (holy shit, this is the hardest laffed all day)

tit sweat, i’m soaking in it!

Texan Bulldoggette June 2, 2009 at 8:13 pm

[re=330292]dementor[/re]: Exactly. I don’t care either way. I just don’t visit as often as I used to. If you don’t like what’s on teevee, change the damn channel, right?

WIDTAP June 2, 2009 at 8:24 pm

Well Barry and Michelle did admit during the campaign that there was a period earlier in their married life, when the kids first arrived, that Barry wasn’t pulling his fair share of the home responsibilities. Michelle, with her own career, was none to happy to be that close to being a single mom.

But they worked it out.

Still, I enjoyed the bit about Biden getting tired of being ignored when he had an issue to discuss wioth Walnuts. Give em hell, Joe.

mollymcguire June 2, 2009 at 8:32 pm

[re=330234]OReillysVibrator[/re]: Having spent a big part of my life in Scranton, I can tell you that “him being an uncontrollably loudmouthed pain in the ass” is a pro, not a con.

wheelie June 2, 2009 at 8:33 pm

[re=330282]user-of-owls[/re]: Yes, I too was in a good mood today because I thought Clusterfuck chatroom was in abeyance. Oh well.

x111e7thst June 2, 2009 at 8:35 pm

[re=330282]user-of-owls[/re]: It’s so easy not to read posts by posters you don’t like. Just avert your eyes while scrolling down.

19kevin8 June 2, 2009 at 8:36 pm

[re=330307]wheelie[/re]: [re=330282]user-of-owls[/re]: who the fuck ARE you clowns? go back to redstate!

DustBowlBlues June 2, 2009 at 8:37 pm

[re=330255]doxastic[/re]: ” I like a little righteous indignation now and then.”

If the Democrats in congress showed more of it once in a while, not to mention the WH, maybe we wouldn’t be backing up on everything.

Tired, tired, tired of wimps. I want more of Joe being Joe. Lighten up, Hopey. Learn from your elders, just once in a while.

DustBowlBlues June 2, 2009 at 8:41 pm

[re=330270]Custerwolf[/re]: Where do you work? Food Giant?

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 8:43 pm


THIS EVENING’S VOTE. Should this violent Custerwolf person be banned? Cast your votes, right here!

Some people on this board are right. We’re in need of a purge.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 8:43 pm

[re=330310]19kevin8[/re]: Marry me.
[re=330309]x111e7thst[/re]: Love you.
[re=330307]wheelie[/re]: Find someone to fuck, it’ll cheer you up. You’re looking for something to satisfy you here – I’m not providing it, or I’m getting in its way, so that makes you unhappy.[re=330298]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Promise I won’t show my tits again.
[re=330297]cranky[/re]: Love you.
[re=330282]user-of-owls[/re]: I’ll try to talk more about you.
And to all – I shall talk more to my dogs, so I don’t have to share every flicker that hits the brain screen.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 8:45 pm

[re=330313]DustBowlBlues[/re]: !! No. I work at a church camp, believe or not. I took a truckload of food to the food bank, the rest is only good for critters (TONS of thawed meat, it’s a crying shame). Loved your abortion story by the way. You are one of the greats.

K. Signal Eingang June 2, 2009 at 8:45 pm

Well, I just showed up, so yeah, Wonkette is over. Sorry everybody.

donner_froh June 2, 2009 at 8:46 pm

[re=330250]chascates[/re]: I thought Truman threatened to kick him in the nuts.

Truman was livid and fired off a letter, branding Hume “an eight ulcer man on four ulcer pay”. Then he added: “Some day I hope to meet you. When that happens, you’ll need a new nose, a lot of beefsteak for black eyes, and perhaps a supporter below!”

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 8:46 pm

[re=330316]Custerwolf[/re]: You’re in big trouble.

cranky June 2, 2009 at 8:48 pm

[re=330319]K. Signal Eingang[/re]: thread killing bastard!

Jukesgrrl June 2, 2009 at 8:49 pm

[re=330282]user-of-owls[/re]: [re=330285]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: and [re=330307]wheelie[/re]: There are days when I think there should be a three or four posts-per-topic limit. Because of the format used here (no indents for replies), I have a hard time following some of these inbred conversations.

Tommmcatt June 2, 2009 at 8:50 pm

[re=330315]Jim Newell[/re]:

…and now everyone cowers in the shadows, afraid to speak out.


RabidHamster June 2, 2009 at 8:50 pm

[re=330315]Jim Newell[/re]: Which vote is more likely to get me laid?

x111e7thst June 2, 2009 at 8:51 pm

[re=330311]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Returning (if I may) to what you posted about Somali pirates.

In addition to the hapless kids who do the actual piracy and the financiers who put up the money the “industry” employs a bunch of other people. Dealers in foodstuffs, Zodiacs, outboard motors, guns and ammo of course, fuel, GPS systems and telecom. These people all spend some of the money they make on the necessities of life, and invest the rest often in traditional Somali ways (camels cows,goats). Which require people to tend them – thus generating additional economic activity.

Of course since Somalia has no government anyone with money has to spend a good deal of it on bribes to the local powers in the hope of being permitted to keep the rest. My overall point – insofar as I have one – is that piracy seems to underpin much of what economic activity exists in parts of Somalia. Without it the horrible situation that currently exists would be much worse.

Not that this makes it right of course

x111e7thst June 2, 2009 at 8:53 pm

[re=330321]Jim Newell[/re]: Why?

cranky June 2, 2009 at 8:54 pm

[re=330310]19kevin8[/re]: calm down sir, you are starting to sound like them that shall not be names.

those to whom you refer are often funny, today is not their day. let’s just carry on and hope that they remember themselves tomorrow.

[wheelie: user-of-owls: who the fuck ARE you clowns? go back to redstate!]

cranky June 2, 2009 at 8:57 pm

[re=330327]x111e7thst[/re]: i believe jim is being what my mother would call, “a little shit”, as a way to get people to grow the fuck up. that is, our friend is being facetious.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 8:59 pm

No vote is necessary. I’ll take a high ate us.

WIDTAP June 2, 2009 at 9:03 pm

Having used my one Mulligan for the rant I pulled on Jim, I probably should keep my mouth shut, but we all go crazy now any then with too much booze, too little sleep and the terrors caused by Paultard Blimps. I say second chances. They’ll all be funnier in the morning.

Tommmcatt June 2, 2009 at 9:04 pm


People may, just possibly, be taking this all a bit too seriously….

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 9:04 pm

[re=330319]K. Signal Eingang[/re]: Thanks for volunteering to go first! Try commenting. No, seriously, try commenting. Does it work? Can you post a comment?

19kevin8 June 2, 2009 at 9:05 pm

[re=330328]cranky[/re]: good point. Wheelie, user-of-owls: I apologize, from the underside of my itchy balls. Please forgive. I meant nothing more than to exhort laughter from someone. anyone? also?

Cicada June 2, 2009 at 9:05 pm

[re=330325]RabidHamster[/re]: Neither.

windupbird June 2, 2009 at 9:05 pm

I wish Joe Biden was my dad. He’d be great entertainment at family gatherings. No filter mechanism there.

dementor June 2, 2009 at 9:06 pm

[re=330315]Jim Newell[/re]: Wonkette is the New Yorker of scabrous, cheap political-themed humor, not the Juggs. Come on, guys and wolf. Get a room. [re=330309]x111e7thst[/re]: It’s not easy at all. For the dickless, as I am, it’s tedious to scroll through hundreds of flirtatious posts in search of a gem or two. Mostly, I’ve given up and moved to the next article.

x111e7thst June 2, 2009 at 9:07 pm

[re=330332]Custerwolf[/re]: So sad. Don’t go. I was going to start cataloging my pix from a trip to the Karen insurgent (KNU) held parts of Myanmar next. Whom will I show this stuff to?

the lady MS.Sheila Dixon June 2, 2009 at 9:07 pm

[re=330282]user-of-owls[/re]: I am with you.

shortsshortsshorts June 2, 2009 at 9:07 pm

[re=330315]Jim Newell[/re]: BAN HER. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE. She tried to cyber with some person on Sunday or whatever… she actually went after long-time commenter “Gopherit” AND she is neither funny, nor ironic in anyway. I swear to God if I have to hear about any of your navels (like hers) I will go bat-shit crazy on this place (and I’m even too sick to be commenting about this. That is how important this issue is).


The end.

DustBowlBlues June 2, 2009 at 9:08 pm

[re=330318]Custerwolf[/re]: Hey– Are you at Indianola? I’ve been there. And when they ban Custerwolf, I go with her, Jim, and take all my abortion stories with me. What are you going to do then, huh, punk umbrella boy?

And marriage sucks. I was just looking out at the old man, thinking I’d trade him to get my cat back. Plus, he has more life insurance. But I got even. While I was sad I watched that utube video in that bus depot over and over and slowed down the computer massively. Watch him try to get to the porn now. So, good for the Obamas for making it work in spite of a presidential campaign.

Watching the Brian Williams special. Sorry, I can’t help myself.

shortsshortsshorts June 2, 2009 at 9:12 pm


The time has come. She must be put out to pasture.

windupbird June 2, 2009 at 9:12 pm

You know, regarding the personal posts – skipping a few doesn’t bother me at all, if it’s not relevint to mah intrusts, I just move along. But if there are alot OT/extraneous chit-chat posts, it’s very tedious to read through. Suggestions – email each other for long conversations, or go to a chat room.

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 9:13 pm

[re=330344]DustBowlBlues[/re]: My my. Why do you hate me? I like your comments, especially the abortion stories.

[re=330343]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Thank you.

RabidHamster June 2, 2009 at 9:16 pm

[re=330337]Cicada[/re]: Fine. Let’s ban the bomb instead. Yes, I AM that old.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 9:16 pm

[re=330343]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: This from the unfunniest fuck on the planet. Seriously.
[re=330341]x111e7thst[/re]: I won’t go – it’s just a commenting hiatus.
[re=330344]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Keep posting. I love you and I know your kitty didn’t suffer.
[re=330342]the lady MS.Sheila Dixon[/re]: Too bad you weren’t – he’d be happier and so might you.
[re=330340]dementor[/re]: Honestly. Did you see – it was one fucking post of Ken’s? How many goddmaned comments was it going to generate and what the fuck did you keep coming back for. I gave Ken the weekend off. I’m not into doing you any favors.

Custerwolf June 2, 2009 at 9:18 pm

[re=330347]Jim Newell[/re]: You could have just asked.

Texan Bulldoggette June 2, 2009 at 9:18 pm

[re=330346]windupbird[/re]: Yes, on the weekends when there are 300 to 400 comments on one story, I don’t even bother to read the story. I know most of it doesn’t pertain to the original topic (how could it); it’s just been turned into a personal chat room.

OT but I miss AngryBlakGuy–would love to hear from him again!

jagorev June 2, 2009 at 9:19 pm

As long as they don’t ban me, I’m cool with the purge.

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 9:20 pm

[re=330352]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: It has been our plan to have more open threads at night and weekend… but for some reason there has been a slow launch for this.

DustBowlBlues June 2, 2009 at 9:21 pm

[re=330326]x111e7thst[/re]: “Returning (if I may) to what you posted about Somali pirates.”

Wow! I didn’t see that one coming. You chased me here all the way from the boy pirate thread? Flattered. I had to go to the john again and finished the story, so it’s a good thing you did. I know it all now. Actually, the poignant part of it, beside the dire condition of the people in Somalia, is how hard the three “ships” of the Somaliland “coast guard” are working to arrest pirates and establish themselves as a, in Scott Baldauf of the Monitor’s term, “legitimate nation state.” Rather than invest in ray guns, maybe we should give those guys some used tugboats and a couple of attaboys.

Life without government. What kind of dickhead thinks that’s a good idea?

RabidHamster June 2, 2009 at 9:25 pm

[re=330356]DustBowlBlues[/re]: “Life without government. What kind of dickhead thinks that’s a good idea?” Libertarians. And most of my fucking neighbors. I’m pretty sure wonkette had the link to one of the dumb-ass “Somalia: Libertarian Paradise” articles a few weeks back, but I’m too lazy to look.

tunamelt June 2, 2009 at 9:26 pm

[re=330353]jagorev[/re]: You have to stay. You get hard for trains and that’s special.

DustBowlBlues June 2, 2009 at 9:26 pm

[re=330347]Jim Newell[/re]: I don’t hate you. I just think you’re such a cutie, standing under that umbrella and looking like a 12 year old who just got away with something naughty, that it doesn’t become you to threaten custer with a ban cause some people got grumpy. Hell, Jim, if you were my kid, I wouldn’t even abort you. How’s that for bringing the love?

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 9:26 pm

[re=330351]Custerwolf[/re]: Well, self-imposed exile or not, you have been banned forever, after a fairly unanimous consultation. This would not have even been a question in the days when we used to publically shame commenters in purge posts. Surely you understand.

There, now everyone stop being such complainers. Let me know if there are ideas you have to spice things up during these boring summer months, too.

Cicada June 2, 2009 at 9:27 pm

[re=330349]RabidHamster[/re]: Oh shit, is that you, dad?

[re=330352]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Oooh yes, ABG is missed. Whatever happened to him?

tunamelt June 2, 2009 at 9:27 pm

[re=330352]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: There should be more cross promotion of the “chatroom.

DustBowlBlues June 2, 2009 at 9:28 pm

[re=330345]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Oh, shorts, you can pull that shit on those who don’t know you. Know and love you!!

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 9:28 pm

[re=330360]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Oh tonight is not the first time Custerwolf’s fate has come up. Hope to see you stick around.

Texan Bulldoggette June 2, 2009 at 9:30 pm

[re=330354]Jim Newell[/re]: It’s okay–you guys need down time, too. (& yes, I’m sucking up so I don’t get purged!).

But, I think it’s mostly the format–it’s hard to follow when people are answering other people’s questions if they’ve posted more than once. And again, it’s annoying, when the comments veer too far off the original topic. That’s when these folks need to leave & go to Facebook or exchange #s or personal email addresses.

tunamelt June 2, 2009 at 9:32 pm

[re=330361]Jim Newell[/re]: moar bullet trains.

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 9:33 pm

[re=330366]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Oh do not SUCK UP. I am not going to ban you or jagorev.

Tommmcatt June 2, 2009 at 9:34 pm

Ah, memories!

Jim Newell June 2, 2009 at 9:36 pm

[re=330369]Tommmcatt[/re]: Ha ha remember when you BOYCOTTED for a fucking year? GOOD TIMES. It was so nice to have you back.

user-of-owls June 2, 2009 at 9:36 pm

[re=330354]Jim Newell[/re]: [re=330345]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Look, seriously, at some of her more obsessive-compulsive posts and do some simple math. What percentage of one of said posts is made up of her dog-sex-faux spirituality-abuse of anyone who dares call her the blowhard she is? I’ve done it. When one commenter accounts for between 60-80% of a post, or many posts, should we not just call it Custer-ego-ette? How many old timers do you think have just drifted away rather than bother with this hullabaloo that I’m raising? I say it again, if you have to bloviate so much that all the snark-oxygen gets sucked out of the room, get your own goddamned blog. Butterstick, endless cummer, wide stance, also.

DustBowlBlues June 2, 2009 at 9:38 pm

[re=330363]tunamelt[/re]: I didn’t know there was a chatroom? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Discrimination? Because i’m old? Ooh I’m taking back anything nice I said. And I still wonder if she worked at Indianola. It’s United Methdist, like me.

I’m going to go see if I understand this chatroom of which you kids speak.

Honestly, I have no idea what just happened but, hey, ask me about pirates.

Tommmcatt June 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm

[re=330371]Jim Newell[/re]:

It was only 6 months! Not the banhammer! Noooooo….

user-of-owls June 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm

Oh, hell. In the time it took to compose my last angry rant, the gods spoke. So, um, thanks?

hockeymom June 2, 2009 at 9:42 pm

[re=330352]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I miss him, too. Also, Lawyergay…or was that on Gawker? When people disappear, I just assume they became gainfully employed.

shortsshortsshorts June 2, 2009 at 9:43 pm

[re=330372]user-of-owls[/re]: Amen, user-of-owls. Most of the time I tried to ignore her, but it came to the point yesterday where war was necessary. Luckily there are enough good White, Christian Men still on Wonkette.

Cranky Old Batt June 2, 2009 at 9:50 pm

You know what would be the kewlest? A Biden/Cheney Death Match.
That would rule.

and wtf happened here? bring back the funneh commenters, please. also.

shortsshortsshorts June 2, 2009 at 9:56 pm

[re=330379]Cranky Old Batt[/re]: Who are teh funny commenters? Maybe if you tried to be one, it would be an example to all of us.

tunamelt June 2, 2009 at 10:03 pm

[re=330380]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: [re=330379]Cranky Old Batt[/re]: Be a shining city upon a hill.

user-of-owls June 2, 2009 at 10:04 pm

[re=330377]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Ding, dong the….oh, you get the message. And Cranky? Even John Stewart’s toilets need to be cleaned once in a while.

the lady MS.Sheila Dixon June 2, 2009 at 10:36 pm

anyone see Richard Wolffe on Tweety tonight? I’ve never seen him quite so giggly.

dougbob June 2, 2009 at 10:39 pm

let me get this straight…. obama is now a renegade socialist. and that has caused commenters to lose their sense of humor at wonkette. and newell is cranky about it, too. maybe we should invite michael steele over; that’ll get the laughs going again…

the lady MS.Sheila Dixon June 2, 2009 at 10:48 pm

effusive, tickled, chirpy, flamboyant… oh fuck it! GAY!11!! that’s right i said it He looked like a fucking queen!! It was like Fabio was under the table sucking his schlong, he was so thrilled. Still gonna read the book tho.

lawchic June 2, 2009 at 11:05 pm

I know this dude wants this book to sell like hotcakes, and thus must give the appearance of exclusive “insider” information, but these tidbits leave much to be desired. The Obamas struggled in their marriage a couple of years ago….um, yeah, kind of knew that already, since Obama himself wrote about it in his book, and both Obamas discussed the struggles in their marriage throughout the campaign. Joe Biden was doing hilarious Joe Biden type things that may or may not be true…shocking? …Um, no. This stuff is wea to say the least.

GinnyRED57 June 2, 2009 at 11:19 pm

There is no try to be funny. There is only do be funny, and no matter what Biden says, he do be pretty funny. Although sometimes I cringe when he gets near a microphone, he’s always interesting. Also, fairly awesome now and then. Imagine having “take the damn call!” as a ringtone.

SayItWithWookies June 3, 2009 at 12:11 am

[re=330407]lawchic[/re]: Damn — you know it’s weak when it doesn’t even merit the final k. But I agree — it’s “Entertainment Tonight” level sizzling gossip.

peorgietirebiter June 3, 2009 at 12:11 am

Biden and Rahm take off just the right amount of muslim/corporate sheen from team hopey. I’d hate to be hearing about cheese-dick Evanrude Bayh for the next seven years.

NoWireHangers June 3, 2009 at 12:20 am

[re=330343]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: [re=330285]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Are these things you say true? Explain. When did this happen? It’s like 9th Grade free period up in hurr.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello June 3, 2009 at 12:38 am

Biden has no imagination.

Bang on WALNUTS! door with a bamboo cane while screaming in Vietnamese… there’s a story worth telling.

trondant June 3, 2009 at 1:10 am

[re=330361]Jim Newell[/re]: Let me know if there are ideas you have to spice things up during these boring summer months, too.

Weekly Layne vs. Newell swordfights. With construction paper, sharpies, glue, googly eyes and yarn, you can costume your penises as different historical figures and re-enact classic battles every week. SKS has to be the ref, and bring back Liz to do the video, plz.

trondant June 3, 2009 at 1:41 am

I’ll even get you started:

Week One: Attila the Hung vs. Peengis Khan.

4tehlulz June 3, 2009 at 8:43 am

>>Weekly Layne vs. Newell swordfights.

It’s a good thing you clarified this; otherwise you were giving the impression that they should have gay sex for our amusement.

Why do I have to urge to write a NewellxLayne slashfic?

Terry June 3, 2009 at 8:45 am

[re=330379]Cranky Old Batt[/re]:

Cheney would need someone to do his dirty work for him. Joe would take care of business himself. My money is on Joe.

TGY June 3, 2009 at 9:41 am

JOE BIDEN 2012! I’m at a loss to think of a running mate for him. Wait, there’s Jill Biden! For a BIDEN/BIDEN ticket. Na-na-na-nah, Na-na-na-nah, hey hey hey BIDEN-BIDEN. Or whatever.

agitpropster June 3, 2009 at 10:54 am

Gawd-DAMN I can’t stand Teabags holding forth on American politics. WTF do they know? They don’t even have a Constitution over there.
Just some kinda “gentlemen’s agreement” that King John made back in teh day. They’re not even citizens – they’re “subjects,” as in “to Her Majesty’s pleasure.” It’s just one of the more annoying aspects of Perfidious know, like cricket. Me and my girl have a contest – whenever that wanker Wolffie says the word “look” after Olbermann asks him a question (like he’s lecturing us) she has to mix me a vodka-and vicodin. I’m up to at least three a week. : )

The Unfairman June 3, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Hey [re=330361]Jim Newell[/re]: ban me too!

Wait. Wait. I mean DON’T ban me. Don’t. I’m so bad at this.

On a side note (or maybe back on topic?)that picture of Our Hopeness looks like he just threw a perfect spiral touchdown pass. Look at that form! A perfect spiral named Gitmo.

thefrontpage June 3, 2009 at 12:34 pm

From “Renegade:”

One slow night during the campaign, Biden, Emanuel, Axelrod and Gibbs were sitting around the campaign headquarters in D.C., eating a late dinner of cheeseburgers, fries and Diet Cokes. It had been a long day, but a slow day, and the grease, fat, protein, salt and sugar from their dinner was giving the campaigners a third wind.

“Let’s go to Camelot,” Biden said, abruptly and excitedly.

“Joe, you always want to go to Camelot,” Emanuel said, sounding a bit irritated. “So let’s go to Good Guys instead. Plus, there’s another place across from Good Guys we can hit, too.”

So after their fast-food dinner, the campaigners locked up the office and headed out to Good Guys.

Strangely, no one at the club noticed the politicians, no one approached them, and no one even talked to them all night. They were generous with their one-dollar bills, and Biden seemed to have most of the bills in hand most of the night. He even gave some to Gibbs. The campaigners stayed until closing, and then headed to an after-hours party at Stephanopoulos’ house, where they drank whiskey and sang old ’80s metal songs all night. Everyone loved Axelrod’s spirited version of Warrant’s “Cherry Pie.”

kthxbai...also June 3, 2009 at 1:23 pm

[re=330361]Jim Newell[/re]: A daily purge of some commenter?

frumious_bandersnatch June 3, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=330480]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: I have soiled myself. Well done, Sir.

RabidHamster June 3, 2009 at 1:36 pm

[re=330924]kthxbai…also[/re]: Yeah!!1! Ban the last commenter on each thread! Oh, wait . . .

Mustang June 3, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=330361]Jim Newell[/re]: Could we do a Slip ‘n’ Slide on the Mall? I’ve always wanted to, and now that we have a group…

Jamie Sommers June 3, 2009 at 2:29 pm

[re=330361]Jim Newell[/re]: Oh Jimmy darling, if you keep this up, I might come back for realz.

[re=330343]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I love it when you instigate! Why don’t you visit our little home-away-from-crazy more often?

freerangemink June 3, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=330315]Jim Newell[/re]: But her first post was good, and pre-belabored.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey June 3, 2009 at 3:44 pm

[re=330569]4tehlulz[/re]: I think it would look something like this I’m not sure who would play each part though…

Rev. Peter Lemonjello June 3, 2009 at 4:20 pm

[re=330361]Jim Newell[/re]: bi-weekly LARP fights between wonketteers and paultards. these will not exclude the use of furry costumes.

sezme June 3, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=330361]Jim Newell[/re]: It’s starting to smell fresher around here already. I took a peek at that 500-comment post last weekend, and … ewww!

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