HE'S BUSTIN' HIS ASS FOR YOU  4:50 pm June 2, 2009

Congressman Pete King Not Even Trying

by Ken Layne


Peter King, one of exactly two Republican congressmen from the state of New York remaining after Obama stole GOP Rep. John McHugh for army secretary, must defend his Long Island seat — not just from whatever contender in 2010, and the big increase in Democratic voters, and the dying-off Republican voters, but from the Dems’ crafty plans to screw him with redistricting in 2012.

So, he was forced to make this terrible half-ass so-not-into-it YouTube spot (total budget: whatever a draft costs at happy hour) inviting his supporters to a $50-per-head fundraiser at this bar. Hey there’s gonna to be some buffet stuff, you can have some chicken wings or potato skins or whatever to soak up the beer. Help out, right, ’cause Newsday, christ, they’re trying to fuck Pete King and Pete King fights for YOU, right? Fuckin’ Newsday.

Asked if he’s really worried about redistricting, the 65-year-old King said, “It’s three years from now. I don’t know if I’ll even be alive.”

That’s the spirit. [The Awl]

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 39 comments }

The Sea Farmer June 2, 2009 at 4:57 pm

he does the eyelan prowd

Jukesgrrl June 2, 2009 at 5:00 pm

He doesn’t know if HE’LL be here? If climate change gets any worse, in three years King’s district could be in the Atlantic Ocean. (BTW, are Polar Bears Republicans or Democrats?)

ForTheTurnstiles June 2, 2009 at 5:01 pm

Why do these people call it Long Guyland?

for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com

Texan Bulldoggette June 2, 2009 at 5:01 pm

Hmmm….could have used a teleprompter.

Jukesgrrl June 2, 2009 at 5:05 pm

[re=330165]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: They’re related to the people who call the biggest city in Western Pennsylvania Picksburgh.

SayItWithWookies June 2, 2009 at 5:05 pm

Spoken like a man who knows where his next $250,000 is coming from — and it’s not the beer get-together at Mulcahy’s.

GDuvall June 2, 2009 at 5:06 pm

He can’t count on Newsday? What, have they been funding his campaigns in the past?

bfstevie June 2, 2009 at 5:07 pm

[re=330165]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: We call it Lawn Guyland.

zenferret June 2, 2009 at 5:07 pm

[re=330164]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Must be Democrats by how fast the Republicans are killing them.

The Sea Farmer June 2, 2009 at 5:11 pm

[re=330165]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: caws wee dohn’t needa annunshiate like youzguys on the mainland

off to the mawl!

/thank gawd i got out

mollymcguire June 2, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Why did the “friendsofpeteking” post a dozen Taylor Swift videos on YouTube? Don’t they know that R’s have no interest in hawt 18-year-old girls? Republican interests generally run toward 12-year-old boys, and any older gentleman with a wide stance.

DoctorCulturae June 2, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Now excuse while I get sloshed, bah-da-bing!

smitallica June 2, 2009 at 5:14 pm

What’s with the sound? Could the esteemed representative not find an Islip runway or sawmill in which to film his sad, sad promo?

NewSpence June 2, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Yeah, you have to work real hard to be too asshole-y for Long Island. Bravo, Pete!

Jukesgrrl June 2, 2009 at 5:18 pm

[re=330182]NewSpence[/re]: FTW.

user-of-owls June 2, 2009 at 5:25 pm

[re=330164]Jukesgrrl[/re]: are Polar Bears Republicans or Democrats?

Depends if their name is Butterstick (D-Flaming Queen) or Knut (R-Jackbooted Brownshirt).

Godot June 2, 2009 at 5:28 pm

Can’t even hear a word he’s saying.

forgracie June 2, 2009 at 5:35 pm

Three dollars a head? I think I smell a new fund-raising paradigm.

wheelie June 2, 2009 at 5:40 pm

You are looking well, Danny Aiello.

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 2, 2009 at 5:45 pm

If a politician is not willing to spend $5 for a beer, will he be willing to spend $5,000 on a prostitute?

Just sayin’.

Origami June 2, 2009 at 5:49 pm

NEWSDAY is the liberal media that is “the enemy?” Jesus Christ. This guy’s idea of good conservative news must be email forwards he gets from his 58-year-old secretary.

Mr Blifil June 2, 2009 at 5:56 pm

The 2 for 1 Beer Nights also appear to be Peter King’s enemy…

S.Luggo June 2, 2009 at 6:02 pm
WadISay June 2, 2009 at 6:04 pm

Missing last 10 seconds of this: “Oh, you’re busy? Yeah, sure, no prawblem, we’ll do it another time. Going out back now and off myself…” fades to black.

S.Luggo June 2, 2009 at 6:12 pm

I liked him better in McHale’s Navy.

Cicada June 2, 2009 at 6:14 pm

[re=330192]Godot[/re]: I believe that was:
“Grackle shhhzzz mumble Librul media bzzzzt Obama shhhrzzztgrickle shsssssst yarble gimme moneys puhleeze gurrkly merblezzzz hey yous zzzzt”

x111e7thst June 2, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Hey King. Do us all a favor and just go away. You are not amusing any more.

Dave J. June 2, 2009 at 6:20 pm

Uh, Rep. King? You are going to get JACK SQUAT from Republicans if you pose under a sign reading “Good Clean Fun.”

GaySailor June 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm

Memories… light the corners of my mind… misty water colored memories of the way we were:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dV67u370Pg

cafeconleche June 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm

King is from my home district, and Mulcahy’s is a couple towns over from where I grew up. When one of my best friends wanted to have her 21st birthday party there, my first thought was “dammit, I’m too old for that place, having already turned 21 myself four months earlier. It’s the kind of place with a sign that says “you must be THIS guido to get in” and there’s a picture of the Gotti brothers. It’s an Irish bar that doesn’t serve Guinness. I would rather hang out with my mother-in-law’s friends than hang out there.

hobospacejunkie June 2, 2009 at 6:49 pm

[re=330241]cafeconleche[/re]: I take it your mother-in-law doesn’t have any hot friends.

One Yield Regular June 2, 2009 at 7:01 pm

I’ve already seen this episode. When Gordon Ramsay comes in, he tries to get Peter King to rescue the family business by getting rid of the tacky sports pennants and fried mozzarella sticks, but like all episodes of this show, the guy’s a stubborn jerk absolutely convinced he’s running his business the right way and who’s some fancy British chef to tell him otherwise, and out of stubborn pride he’ll just keep running the place into the ground. In the end, even his waitress/mistress won’t even talk to him.

Scarab June 2, 2009 at 7:35 pm

This well-conceived fundraiser will solve all his financial problems.

serj! June 2, 2009 at 8:39 pm

[re=330170]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Girl please that’s borderline racialist cause only burgh AA’s say picksburgh, oh like me BTW, but it’s a linguistic thing, like buck naked instead of butt naked, or like dickhead instead of dittohead, oh wait that’s a rightwing asshole thing.

AKAM80TheWolf June 2, 2009 at 9:49 pm

[re=330203]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]:

No worries for Republicans though, teenage boys can’t count that high.

kdaddy June 3, 2009 at 1:08 am

Pete…maybe pick up a job application while you’re there.

Serolf Divad June 3, 2009 at 5:53 am

[re=330229]Dave J.[/re]:
Uh, Rep. King? You are going to get JACK SQUAT from Republicans if you pose under a sign reading “Good Clean Fun.”

Actually “Good Clean Fun” is a GOP code-word for “meet me in the restroom in 15 minutes.”

TGY June 3, 2009 at 10:06 am

Good camera work there by the drunken wino he picked up from the nearby gutter. “Here, hold this,” he said.

johnandrewwalsh June 3, 2009 at 12:09 pm

I sent this link to a friend of mine, who grew up in King’s district on Long Island. He was kind enough to share this treasured memory of the Congressman:

oy. my neighbors the [REDACTED] were active with the republican party so when i was a kid during some fair in seaford we were asked to help hand out flyers for this douche. we got the idea to stick them on the windshields of all the cars in the town’s big parking lot and were proud we had figured out a way to get rid of a ton of them really quickly. proud, that is, until the dickhead pete king himself realized what we had done and started lecturing us that we shouldn’t have done that. may he rot in hell.

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